It's been over a month since I've written a oneshot that wasn't a part of a series or collection. The last time I wrote a oneshot for The Big Bang Theory that wasn't a part of something larger, it was the beginning of May. So since it's been a while, I need a small break from updating my multi-chapter fics, and since I haven't written anything relating to Penny during Leonard's absence, I figured I'd tap something out real quick. And then I decided to make it harder on myself by writing in present tense for some unknown reason. But anyway, here it is, hope y'all like it, and remember, a writer loves reviews.
Oh, and I don't own anything. Not remotely.
She puts the locket on as soon as Leonard gets out of the car. He sees her do it, and smiles as he lifts his hand in farewell. She bites her lip and waves back, her heart heavy. On the drive to Raj's apartment, her hand more than once goes up to touch the little heart, unconsciously, she only realizes she is doing it when Sheldon barks at her to keep both hands on the wheel.
It's much harder, this time. When he went to the North Pole four years ago, he was following Sheldon to the top of the world to see if they could change how it was viewed. He hadn't known of her feelings for him when he left, she'd been conflicted, still confused, giving him gifts and long hugs in an attempt to show him how she felt but too afraid to use words. But she hadn't been sure of her feelings, either. This time, she loves him. This time, she knows what it's like to curl up on the couch with him. This time, she knows exactly how to place her head so it fits just right on his shoulder. This time, she's felt his arms curling around her, pulling her close, not hugging her back but initiating, drawing her body to his so they can sleep with as much nearness as possible. This time, thinking of him kissing her all over and holding her hands and making love to her is not a fantasy, but a memory.
And it is going to be four months before any of that can happen again.
She leaves Raj's an emotional mess – as if she hadn't been that already – and goes home, drops Sheldon off, and heads straight for her bedroom, where she pulls Leonard's pillow to her chest and holds it there. Then she rolls over, grabs the acrylic square that she'd kept at the side of her bed even when they were broken up, and spoons the pillow again, holding the snowflake in between her thumb and pointer finger, her other hand unconsciously touching the locket again, her hand curling around it as if it's somehow holding on to Leonard. She supposes, in a way, that's what she's doing. There is a picture of him inside it, after all. Just him. Not him and her. She likes it that way. There's already too much Penny and not enough Leonard in the apartment. No need to unbalance it any further.
Four months. She follows Leonard's advice and doesn't think of it as this many weeks, or this many days, or this many hours, or this many seconds. Four is a nice, small number. She can work with four.
It's too soon to call him. He's in the air, probably sleeping since they'd talked for much of the previous night, and she doesn't want to disturb his rest. There's not really anything to talk about either, since they talked long into the previous night. She assumes that Raj will want to tell Leonard about his breakthrough himself. Penny pulls out her phone. It's too soon to call, but an email won't disturb him; he probably won't even see it until hours after he lands. She'll keep it short. She rolls onto her back and puts the snowflake on her stomach so she can type.
Hey, Love. Hope you had a good flight. I'm thinking about you. I'm wearing your locket. I'm curled up with your pillow and the snowflake, and one of your inhalers is in my drawer.
For some reason, that last part always makes Leonard smile.