Marissa doesn't really understand love. Doesn't think she's ever really been in love before, although she was never alone. For most of her adolesent life was was with Luke and they made out, but nothing was really expected of her, it was just easy. It was never like ithis/i. It was never this hard, or this igood/i.p
And losing it all, letting go of Ryan ihurts/i, it hurts so much that her fingers shake and her skin aches as she searches for the right words. The words that will make him stay. But it's in that moment, saying goodbye, that Marissa realises there iare/i no words to overwrite Ryan's sense of obligation. And that's when it hurts the most,he is her world, but she's not his, he has another world waiting just outside the gates of Newport. The gates that will keep them apart from now on, because she knows he won't visit.p
Marissa doesn't want to cry. She's grown up a lot since meeting Ryan, only one of the ways that he's helped her, and she knows that him leaving is not all about her. And she itries/i, but she can't stop the tears in her voice as she tells him she understands, the quiet desperation as she says 'I love you'. Marissa knows that she's lying, she doesn't really understand. She doesn't understand why sometimes love isn't enough, but she knows well enough he'll never be able to explain to her why.p
Underneath she's a little scared. Scared that maybe Ryan doesn't love her at all, she knows that it's irrational, but she can't help it. Her in-build self-doubt eats at her, and she iknows/i that when he lets go of her she'll reach for a bottle of vodka, and she'll pass out in her new home around three. Deep down she thinks Ryan knows that too.p
But for once in a long time Marissa's not worried about herself, about what she'll become when he leaves her, she's just angry at the waste. After everything, the waste of Ryan going back, leaving his family, his chances at Harbor, his ibrother/i, his best friend and her. And all on someone else's word.p
Marissa doesn't understand love, any kind of love, and she wonders what kind of love Ryan has for Theresa. She's not bitter, she just wants to understand what kind of love is required to give up your whole life on someone else's whim. She's only sixteen, and she wants to understand why her boyfriend is going away.
And losing it all, letting go of Ryan ihurts/i, it hurts so much that her fingers shake and her skin aches as she searches for the right words. The words that will make him stay. But it's in that moment, saying goodbye, that Marissa realises there iare/i no words to overwrite Ryan's sense of obligation. And that's when it hurts the most,he is her world, but she's not his, he has another world waiting just outside the gates of Newport. The gates that will keep them apart from now on, because she knows he won't visit.p
Marissa doesn't want to cry. She's grown up a lot since meeting Ryan, only one of the ways that he's helped her, and she knows that him leaving is not all about her. And she itries/i, but she can't stop the tears in her voice as she tells him she understands, the quiet desperation as she says 'I love you'. Marissa knows that she's lying, she doesn't really understand. She doesn't understand why sometimes love isn't enough, but she knows well enough he'll never be able to explain to her why.p
Underneath she's a little scared. Scared that maybe Ryan doesn't love her at all, she knows that it's irrational, but she can't help it. Her in-build self-doubt eats at her, and she iknows/i that when he lets go of her she'll reach for a bottle of vodka, and she'll pass out in her new home around three. Deep down she thinks Ryan knows that too.p
But for once in a long time Marissa's not worried about herself, about what she'll become when he leaves her, she's just angry at the waste. After everything, the waste of Ryan going back, leaving his family, his chances at Harbor, his ibrother/i, his best friend and her. And all on someone else's word.p
Marissa doesn't understand love, any kind of love, and she wonders what kind of love Ryan has for Theresa. She's not bitter, she just wants to understand what kind of love is required to give up your whole life on someone else's whim. She's only sixteen, and she wants to understand why her boyfriend is going away.