Title: Twisted
Author: Lifelessmidget
Rating: T
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Spoilers: Not much reference to the books
Summary: Harry wonders sometimes if the reality of it all was worth it. Short Ficlet.
A/N: This fic could be ambiguous in its pairings for Harry but i like to think that it is Draco he is thinking about.
You wonder when the civil conversations you used to have went mute, who was the first to stop talking? It's been long enough for you to know that there's no point in dwelling in the past really.
People never really saw him as your enemy to begin with, it was always Voldemort and the Death Eaters who were your opposing side, yet they were never much of a concern to you, you knew that eliminating them was a priority to others but it wasn't about to be the one thing that overtook your mind.
Then again, you are no different than them and that horrifies you more than you can imagine. You can't help what you have become you can only try to change your outlook. It is not without sacrifice, and those sacrifices are too hard to give up so you latch onto them like a mollusk hoping that the waves that crash upon you don't dislodge you into the sea of broken promises and dreams.
You need stability in life, truth instead of the lies that you manage to conjure up. Someone who you may have put all your trust in the beginning can have the ability to just snatch it away not realizing that they have hurt you. Even the simplest things can cause a different sway in energy. A dark matter that surely cannot be described just by words manages to detach your mind from your body, making you unsure as to whether you should act upon impulse.
The doors of paths people have taken are all unique, some easier to unlock and when you journey down them, there is a way to turn back if any, but some remain locked because no matter which key you use, it is not the right one. Some doors are entered wide with a berth that allows two people to walk through, and whether you manage to survive in one piece you can keep going, happy or not. Then there are the ones you turn back from, hurt beyond imaginable belief only to realize that door has gotten smaller, you cannot possibly crawl your way back in, that is the hole in your heart caused not just by you but someone else as well.
You saw his face through the looking glass of dreams, or was nightmares, almost wishing it wasn't real so you could erase time and take back those words of hatred. When these feelings changed you had no clue, your mind conjures up images free from deceit, betrayal and most of all hatred.
You didn't cross the boundaries and you sure as hell hope things don't change.
Because you can't lose him.
Because no one else can replace him.
Because he is the only one you loved so much that it kept coming back in waves.
Because you can't have him.
And so far, this is the first time you have ever experienced this feeling. You realize all the other feelings you had could never compare to this one particular moment.
Because you have never waited so long for a momentary touch of electricity.
But as life has it, nothing ever really changes to that extent, and yet it does as well. A rather contradictory and hypocritical sense when faced with reality. You complete what you thought would end your life on this wretched planet, finally fulfilling the prophecy and you are left in the aftermath alone. Your friends have gone on with their lives, your enemies no longer survive in your war path, and you have become bitter thinking about the past of what could have been, what should have been.
A lingering kiss as you touch your stone cold lips, the only one ever shared. Your body screams for embrace and acknowledgement, knowing full well that it will receive neither.
So what has become of you?
You want to scream out to the skies without anyone watching, to the somewhat eerie silence of future that remain clouded in mystery. You want to be drained forever of tears just so they don't once again steal this mask from your face. You want to bleed sorrow, pain, redemption from the past, present and future without tarnishing scars.
You want to live with the dead.
Because the dead can't hurt you as much as the living