Reassurance & Trust

This is really different from anything I've ever written, but I still like it. Besides, the idea's been nagging me ever since I started playing the game…

Besides, I've searched the site many times, and I couldn't find a single Basch/Vaan fic, so I think that's the first in here…but I doubt I'm the only one to have thought about it, so let me know!! Ah, and so of course, this is slash, malexmale, don't like don't read but you were warned.

This is Vaan's POV. It's funny, 'cause I never really like him but sometimes he surprised me. I guess I wanted to make him a bit…deeper and darker, yeah something like that. I hope you'll like it!

Of course Final Fantasy XII and its characters do not belong to me in any way.

It would be great. It would have to be.

When, as a curious little boy, he had asked his parents what love was, his father had looked at his mother slightly perplexed, not knowing how to reply to such a question, and she had smiled, kneeling down to be able to look him in the eyes.

"It's what drives us forward, Vaan. It's what makes us do incredible things." She had explained softly as her hand gently pushed his hair back behind his ear.

At the time, he had nodded. He hadn't really understood, but he had nodded and walked off satisfied. And by 'incredible things', he had naturally assumed she had meant 'amazing things', such as risking your life to protect your loved ones. Yes, surely, she had meant that as well.

Now though, he thought he understood what she had surely really meant. She had said 'incredible things' because there's no logic in your actions, and no way to really understand or explain them. Risking your life for your loved ones always sounded really heroic and chivalrous a thing to do, but when it really came down to it, it wasn't. It was stupid. It was senseless.

It was incredible.

Reks had wanted to protect his beloved Land, his beloved little brother. That love had only brought him to his grave.

Vaan frowned at this. That love had left nothing but a feeling of bitterness in him.

Love was amazing, he'd assumed. And then, naturally, being in love would have to be great. But was loving someone because they were connected to a part of your life really love?

He sighed quietly as he shifted his body to lie on his side and rested his head on his folded arm. His eyes squinted slightly to be able to discern the other's body in the semi-darkness, and they settled on his chest, rising up and then back down as he was sleeping seemingly peacefully. The young man's eyes then looked back up to the other's face and settled on the scar that disturbed the peace of it, his free hand reaching out to softly trail his fingers on it, acting as if it had a mind of its own.

Basch's body tensed slightly and his eyes fluttered open just a little, until he saw where he was, and who was touching him. His eyes then closed again and he once more fell asleep, his breathing even, as though he'd never woken up in the first place.

As contemplative as he was, Vaan could not hold back a small smile – his pride. Because Basch so obviously trusted him. Of course, their group was small and held trust, but he knew that the bond that he and the man shared was different – obviously. And so was the trust that united them.

His hand trailed down the man's face and rested on his chest over his heart, and he closed his eyes as he listened to that strong heartbeat.

How had it come to this? He often wondered.

...Why had it come to this?

…

…It had happened…because they had realized that they weren't so different in the end, he supposed. Of course, Basch's brother had killed Vaan's; that didn't facilitate things between them. It was what had created a deep bond of – however one-sided – hatred between them at first, when there were no explanations that could be given.

Ironically so, maybe that was the very thing that had brought them closer together.

Because Basch had fallen so far, for so long…he shouldn't have cared what people thought of him anymore. They had a witness – they had Reks. They had a dead King, a grieving country and a despaired Princess. It was easier and even understandable to blame it all on one treacherous Captain. So much easier, and Vaan too had let himself come to blame it all on him, although maybe his reasons might have been more personal than anyone else's – except maybe Ashe's, but then they had both been deceived by Gabranth's trick.

Vaan was bitter about his brother's death, and the fact that nothing could have been done to prevent it. Basch should have been bitter about everything that had happened. That's how he felt inside, at first. It made things easier to portray the traitor as cunning yet human, so that the remorse he felt would be the worst.

But Basch cared. Even when he was confined to a cage – even one with no bars, as Vossler had said – he cared about what people thought and how they felt. He cared about his honor. He cared about what Vaan thought and how he felt. He defended himself, explained everything so that at least the look in his eyes would bear no more hatred.

He cared about how Vaan felt about him. Because he had failed to protect Reks, so he would guard his brother's life, and his peace, with his own.

And Basch…Vaan realized afterwards, when he had allowed himself to let go of his anger, when he'd somewhat forgiven the other…had nothing to really be forgiven for. If anything, he himself should have apologized for trying to kill him as soon as he'd stepped out of his cage. Basch was also a victim of this war, more so than any of them in a way, even if the proud man himself would never admit it so easily. The fact that he had been powerless to stop the Empire's scheme when he was standing right there next to the King, next to Reks…that was his greatest shame, the nightmare that still haunted him night and day.

But he had soon realized…and even admitted that having Vaan believing him, trusting him, meant more than living by his regrets. Besides, Ashe had given him a new role, a chance to clean his name of the traitor stamp that plagued it and his reputation.

Vaan let out another breath as he thought of the Princess. She was brave, and determined, he wouldn't deny that. But even he knew that such attitude came naturally when you had nothing left to loose but your life anyway. And that was Ashe's case. But he knew that he wasn't that much better after all: he was only in it for the sake of avenging his brother; saving his country was too big an ambition for him, he would leave that to the Princess and her Captain. It had already grown to big enough proportions for him.

Avenging his brother…was a good goal to him. Once, he'd even asked Basch if it really made any sense, to kill Gabranth. As Captain of the Dalmascan army, war and death were no strangers to him after all.

"He took your brother from you to use him for the Empire's schemes. And even if we were in a time of war, for what he did to Dalmasca, death would not be too cruel a sentence." The man had replied.

"I know…but wouldn't you then think of revenge yourself?" He had then asked. "He killed my brother, but we've all killed soldiers before. They were people's brothers, sons, husbands…revenge is a never-ending circle and I know it, but at least if it's a Judge, then it can make more sense, and to more people – or at least that's what I'd like to believe." He had told him before looking down. "But he's your brother all the same."

Basch had surveyed him with a slight frown, as if surprised to hear him ask such a thing, or make such comments. "Killing someone never makes sense, Vaan." He had said quietly. "But I would never hurt you." He had added before looking away. "Just like I cannot forget that the last thing that Reks saw…was my face." Vaan had been about to protest and the man had raised a hand to stop it. "The result was the same. Sometimes I wonder…if that thought is not disturbing to you…when you see me everyday…"

This time it had been Vaan's turn to be perplexed, and he shook his head as he turned to gaze at the distance and crossed his arms behind his head. "Sometimes I think about it too but…that's…something I actually envy him for." He admitted in a quiet voice.

Basch had stepped closer, intrigued by his words, and he had turned to look him in the eyes.

"You are a reassuring person after all. If I were to die on this journey—"

"Don't. Don't say such words. You shouldn't even think them." The Captain had quickly interrupted him with a scowl as he grabbed his shoulders, his eyes showing his fear at the simple idea the boy had evoked.

"–I'd like your face to be the last thing I see." He had finished anyway.

Or maybe, Gabranth's, after I'd have made sure he'd follow me.

He thought it, but never voiced it. Instead, he had held the other's gaze and shrugged slightly in front of the confusion he could read there. "You're reassuring." He repeated with a small smile as he let his forehead rest on his unguarded shoulder, the Captain's strong hands warm on his own bare shoulders. "This is reassuring." He had whispered one last time, closing his eyes as the other's hold had tightened.

Basch had held him tight and close against him because his words had awakened a fear in him. The fear of once again not being able to protect someone who had faith in him, someone who trusted him.

He couldn't remember if things then had gone too fast or not. All he remembered was that as they spent the night together for the first time, Basch had held onto him as if he were his anchor to the world, his hold on him both strong and gentle as their lips barely ever pulled apart and their bodies joined together. They hadn't really talked about it in the morning. There was no need to, they understood each other. They trusted each other. The days saw them comrades battling for a just cause back to back, but the nights saw them lost in each other, again and again, words ever so rarely exchanged between them. But they were both alright with it. It wasn't about love, although neither would deny that there definitely was something – no, it was more about reassurance and trust. About the need to feel that their goals meant something.

Vaan wanted a reassuring presence near him at all times, a strong person to be there, until the end; to look at his Captain's face and be rid of all fears. And Basch wanted someone to protect, to atone for his past failures, to feel at peace with himself and mostly to stop feeling guilty every time he would look at his thief. So their wants coincided. And they were both content with it, for however long this 'coincidence' would last.

Vaan turned slightly to look out the round cabin window. The Strahl was motionless but the wind was slightly making it balance slightly, like the waves at sea, the movement lulling him, lulling them all.

Stifling back a yawn, he moved slightly to rest his head where his hand had rested a few moments before, and closed his eyes contentedly as he allowed the man's heartbeat under his ears to ease his mind. "Reassuring…" He mumbled as Basch subconsciously moved his arms to hold the other close, always closer, strongly yet gently.

And then one day when their goals would be attained, the incredible would maybe become amazing instead of senseless. And just to see if that would really happen, and what it would entail, they were both alright with staying close and getting closer.

Closer to each other, and at the same time, closer to their goals.

Vaan's unintentional fond smile was back as he felt Basch's body pressing against his and the man's hand in his hair.

Yeah, it will be great. It will have to be.

END

Phew…that was different. I hope my mind didn't stumble and fumble too much, I'm sorry if it did, let me know and I'll do what I can to fix it!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Please do let me know your opinion!

Renn