Insatiable
He never meant to love her, not when she belonged to someone else. He craved her gazes, love, and caresses…but they were never meant for him. He loved her from afar, admiring the way the breeze tossed her strawberry-blonde hair, the golden glow of her white-blue balls of energy that gathered between her fingertips whenever she cast a spell. He watched her love another, all the while wishing that he was the one she craved. He forced himself to remain at a distance, comforting himself with glimpses of her life, admiring her, yet it wasn't enough. Insatiable.
Kain didn't expect the same lightning bolt to strike him twice upon where he stood. Perhaps it had begun to tingle within him when he had first betrayed his friends against his own will. Her shocked, infuriated eyes boring into him, emerald curls wreathing her soft, gentle face. The face of an innocent child. The force of her gaze had caused him to stop, not only because of Rosa's voice. He felt a deep quaking within, yet he was unable to stop himself as Golbez took over once again. Or perhaps it had started when he had first awoken from death during the fight against Golbez, phoenix down still clinging to his lashes. She had been there, the rescuer, a woman now instead of the child that he had so clearly remembered, defiant and headstrong. Balls of crackling emerald energy gathered between her slender fingertips, ready to be released. Her face was stronger, wiser, angular, and fiercer. Yet her eyes remained the same; they still contained that fierce, wild light, yet somehow still sweet and gentle.
After they had defeated Golbez, he had to make sure: was this powerful woman really the same girl whose mother he and Cecil had inadvertently killed in the village of Mist? She was, and his heart lifted to see that she was safe, hoping for forgiveness. Yet when he turned to her, Kain saw nothing but mistrust in her eyes.
He didn't push it, but all the same, he kept a close eye on her during the long walk to the tower of Babil, always ready to steady her if she stumbled on the chunky, uneven volcanic rock, lest she tumble to a fiery death into the churning magma. Kain forced himself to ignore, the wary, almost flustered looks Rydia always gave him as she murmured her thanks after such incidents. Fighting battles against powerful, horrifying monsters built their friendship. They were able to walk together and talk with ease, but it was nothing like the joking camaraderie he shared with Cecil. Sometimes when Rydia looked at him, Kain could see sorrow in her eyes, but he would still remain at her side, if only to hear her embarrassed mumbled thanks and to see her glowing with power and happiness.
o.O.o.O.o
When he came, Kain's outer façade very nearly slipped. Edge, the ninja prince of Eblan so very clearly was also in love was Rydia. He was everything Kain wasn't: outgoing, powerful, full of light, a raging temper-head, hilarious, lighthearted…and a womanizer. Kain could see that Rydia was as drawn to Edge as he himself had been drawn to her. And he knew that he couldn't win her, the cure to all his troubles…not while she remained at Edge's side, laughing at his jokes and teasing him. Kain's burning love for her became his curse, just as his fiery love for Rosa had been his own curse.
He never meant to love her, not when she belonged to someone else. He craved her love, laughs, and jokes…but they were never meant for him. He loved her from afar, loving her snarl during battles, the unearthly, misty emerald glow that encased her whenever she cast a spell. He loved the fierce, wild light in her eyes, somehow still sweet and gentle after all the trouble and despair she had seen. He watched from a distance, comforting himself by watching her laugh with another, all the while wishing that he was the one she loved. Insatiable.
When Golbez called to him again in the Sealed Cave, he made no effort to stop him from taking over his mind. In Kain's heart, he knew that he could never win her, and he would only torture himself by watching her. He went with Golbez, all the while sobbing silently in the dark confines of his mind, where his consciousness stood, chained again.
They came to fight, came to destroy the Giant of Babil. He felt it when Golbez broke the mind control. He felt the Giant of Babil begin to quake and knew that it was collapsing. He ran from his station and called his friends to safety. His heart soared to see the familiar green-clad figure, yet feared her mistrust and hate, yet when she looked at him, Kain could see sorrow and forgiveness in her eyes. And he didn't care that Edge was shooting him murderous looks. He didn't care that Cecil was mute and silent, nor that Rosa was defending him. For that moment, Rydia's forgiveness was enough, and he thought that he just not might be insatiable after all.