This is slash. Don't like? Don't read. Warnings for a passing reference to
twincest as well as Fourteenyearoldslut!Seamus. Absolutely nothing graphic,
though. See the PG rating?
I don't claim to own anyone/anything from Harry Potter. Common sense.
Timeline: Fourth year, before the Yule Ball but not much before.
Lee Jordan's POV
In Pursuit of Essay #3
Seamus Finnigan and I were born of the same mold: Gorgeous, Gryffindor boys of our respective years at Hogwarts. It was only natural that when Dean was studying or when the twins offered me an apologetic "Three's company", Seamus and I would bask in each other's presence. More than that, he became my student in the art of seduction, learner of all I know. He looked up to me with the kind of respect that a Kendo student has towards his master, respect like a child to his older brother, respect like a baby bird has to his parent. He regarded me as a sort of keeper of knowledge -- despite the fact that I'd nearly failed Herbology last year. Seamus' best friend may have been Dean, but I don't think anyone was closer to Seamus than me.
"Lee, help me with this Transfiguration essay?" Seamus pleaded.
I had to laugh. "You expect me to remember anything about Transfiguration from two years ago?"
"Yes," Seamus answered petulantly with the pout that I taught him to do to get his way. Why did my little protégé have to be so quick on the uptake? "McGonagall told us that we would build on these key concepts for the remainder of our years at Hogwarts. You should know this stuff."
Seamus was too cute for my own good. I looked down at his assignment. "Sorry, the professor was obviously lying. I don't recognize any of this. Don't you have a lot of conveniently smart people in your year?"
Seamus rolled his eyes at my apparent ignorance, the pretentious little imp. "Parvati, Neville and Ron are out of the question because they won't know the essay topic any better than me. I'm avoiding Lavvie because she's trying to rope me into going into the Yule Ball with her. Harry's still moping about the Triwizard Tournament, I think. Hard to tell with him. Lastly, Hermione's too scary about anything school related to be approachable."
"And Dean?" I pressed. Dean was who he always went to for homework help, so why was his name conspicuously absent from that list?
Seamus shrugged in a nonchalant way that only made him seem more overdramatic than usual. "We're in a fight."
I couldn't help but be shocked, appalled and horrified. "Seamus, my darling student, what is the most important thing I've taught you?"
"How to seduce someone in less than an hour?" he asked hopefully.
"Besides the blaringly obvious."
Seamus winced guiltily. "Never get into a fight with your best friend."
"Right. What are you going to do now?"
"Apologize, I guess."
I thwapped him on the head. "No, you idiot! That never works. You know that. You'll try to apologize but it'll end up in an argument that evolves into a yelling, screaming mess that evolves into a fist fight that evolves into a Wizard's Duel that evolves into mass chaos with mayhem and death and all that great stuff."
He frowned, obviously puzzled. "I'm not following your logic there, Lee."
"Logic doesn't matter. The point is, apologizing won't work. Trust me."
"Then what will?"
"You are going to seduce him, then bribe him with a nice make-out session in exchange for the answers to your homework."
"Lee!" Seamus yelped, shoving me away. "I can't do that!"
I moaned and slammed my head onto the table. "Finnigan! Don't tell me you still have morals after all these years!"
Seamus tugged on one of my dreadlocks irritatedly. It's a bad habit of his that I've tried and failed to get him to break. "That's not why! It's just... Well..." He's struggling for an answer! Does this mean what I think it does? Does he have a crush on Dean? That's cute. "Dean's practically asexual, isn't he? It'd never work! He'd probably take offense and then we'd never be friends again and I still wouldn't have my homework done!"
"He's a teenage boy with hormones. You can seduce him."
"You don't know Dean. If anyone can be asexual, it's him. He still hasn't asked anyone to the Yule Ball!"
"Neither have you, Brilliant."
"Only because I -- ... He's definitely asexual." Nice slip there, Finnigan, I thought with smug satisfaction. You want to ask Dean to the Yule Ball, don't you? I knew it!
"I know for a fact that Dean Thomas is not asexual. More than that, I know that he's definitely bi or gay because there's no doubt that he likes boys."
Seamus' eyes widened to comical proportions. "You haven't had sex with him, have you?"
"He's my second cousin!" I protested. "Or something! We're related! Remember? I told you that I saw him at that family reunion, remember?"
"Like that would matter to you," Seamus laughed.
"True," I relented. "But don't worry. I have zero plans on seducing and/or having sex and/or kissing Dean. Happy?"
"I wasn't worried," Seamus said quickly. He paused. "Well, besides in a friendly sort of worrying for the sake of my best friend's virginity. He paused again. "Not that I think about Dean's virginity a lot, you know, just ---"
"You like him don't you?"
At this point, Seamus had worked himself into a near-hysteria, prompting him to yelp "No! I don't like Dean at all!" in the same tone a cat would use if you stepped on its tail.
There was a soft laugh from behind us. I recognized it immediately as Dean's. I felt a momentary rush of panic. I wondered desperately how much he'd heard, before realizing that he had to have heard Seamus' previous outburst. Had I screwed this up for Seamus? Teasing the poor boy was one thing, but to actually mess up Seamus' friendship and possible more than friendship with Dean definitely was not cool. Then, in a moment of clear revelation, I realized that Dean probably wouldn't have laughed like that if I'd messed something up, so I calmly regained my inner composure.
Seamus spun around to face Dean, the taller boy looking charcoal smudged and as beautiful as ever, torn between amusement and hurt as he tried to figure out what Seamus had meant by his "I don't like Dean!" cry. "So, does that mean an apology's out of the question?" Dean asked, opting for amused. "I came down to say I'm sorry for yelling at you, but if you don't like me at all, maybe I should bother."
"No! That's not what I meant at all!" Seamus exclaimed, still verging on hysteria.
Dean laughed again, more confident as Seamus furiously attempted to calm himself down. "It's okay, Seamus. I'm sure I just took that rather... er... loud... shrill... statement of yours completely out of context. I'm not going to hold it against you; I promise."
Seamus laughed, relieved. His eyes danced up to catch Dean's darker ones, both boys blushed and glanced away. It was just too sickening and I was sure that, if the cuteness of their not-relationship didn't stop soon, I'd implode and turn into a big puddle of guck that was once a sexy sixth year. Then the world would mourn horribly and under that sort of depression, economies would crumble and entire societies would crumble into dust. The world as we knew it would fall, decay into an empty husk until all that remained were broken memories and strange artifacts that the archeologists of the future would ponder over. I couldn't let that happen, of course.
I sighed gustily. "While it's admittedly cute to see you both struggle through what you perceive to be unrequited love, I've got to cut it short. To be blunt, Seamus, Dean likes you. Dean, Seamus likes you back. Now run along and be the sickeningly adorable couple that you'll inevitably be."
Seamus stared at Dean. Dean stared at Seamus. Seamus giggled, and Dean leaned in to kiss him. Then they both giggled and kissed again and ran upstairs to their dorms.
I looked down at the piece of parchment that Seamus had left behind. Essay #3 was still incomplete. More than that, the only words on the paper, excluding the question printed at the top, were "The wand should", written in Seamus' curly handwriting. With the way things were going, Seamus would forget all about bribing Dean to do his homework and skip straight to the making out. I, being the kind, sensitive soul that I am, figured that I might as well help Seamus out. It wasn't like I had anything better to do.
Besides, I knew a certain pair of gorgeous redheads who were brilliant at Transfiguration and easily bribed with sex.
I don't claim to own anyone/anything from Harry Potter. Common sense.
Timeline: Fourth year, before the Yule Ball but not much before.
Lee Jordan's POV
In Pursuit of Essay #3
Seamus Finnigan and I were born of the same mold: Gorgeous, Gryffindor boys of our respective years at Hogwarts. It was only natural that when Dean was studying or when the twins offered me an apologetic "Three's company", Seamus and I would bask in each other's presence. More than that, he became my student in the art of seduction, learner of all I know. He looked up to me with the kind of respect that a Kendo student has towards his master, respect like a child to his older brother, respect like a baby bird has to his parent. He regarded me as a sort of keeper of knowledge -- despite the fact that I'd nearly failed Herbology last year. Seamus' best friend may have been Dean, but I don't think anyone was closer to Seamus than me.
"Lee, help me with this Transfiguration essay?" Seamus pleaded.
I had to laugh. "You expect me to remember anything about Transfiguration from two years ago?"
"Yes," Seamus answered petulantly with the pout that I taught him to do to get his way. Why did my little protégé have to be so quick on the uptake? "McGonagall told us that we would build on these key concepts for the remainder of our years at Hogwarts. You should know this stuff."
Seamus was too cute for my own good. I looked down at his assignment. "Sorry, the professor was obviously lying. I don't recognize any of this. Don't you have a lot of conveniently smart people in your year?"
Seamus rolled his eyes at my apparent ignorance, the pretentious little imp. "Parvati, Neville and Ron are out of the question because they won't know the essay topic any better than me. I'm avoiding Lavvie because she's trying to rope me into going into the Yule Ball with her. Harry's still moping about the Triwizard Tournament, I think. Hard to tell with him. Lastly, Hermione's too scary about anything school related to be approachable."
"And Dean?" I pressed. Dean was who he always went to for homework help, so why was his name conspicuously absent from that list?
Seamus shrugged in a nonchalant way that only made him seem more overdramatic than usual. "We're in a fight."
I couldn't help but be shocked, appalled and horrified. "Seamus, my darling student, what is the most important thing I've taught you?"
"How to seduce someone in less than an hour?" he asked hopefully.
"Besides the blaringly obvious."
Seamus winced guiltily. "Never get into a fight with your best friend."
"Right. What are you going to do now?"
"Apologize, I guess."
I thwapped him on the head. "No, you idiot! That never works. You know that. You'll try to apologize but it'll end up in an argument that evolves into a yelling, screaming mess that evolves into a fist fight that evolves into a Wizard's Duel that evolves into mass chaos with mayhem and death and all that great stuff."
He frowned, obviously puzzled. "I'm not following your logic there, Lee."
"Logic doesn't matter. The point is, apologizing won't work. Trust me."
"Then what will?"
"You are going to seduce him, then bribe him with a nice make-out session in exchange for the answers to your homework."
"Lee!" Seamus yelped, shoving me away. "I can't do that!"
I moaned and slammed my head onto the table. "Finnigan! Don't tell me you still have morals after all these years!"
Seamus tugged on one of my dreadlocks irritatedly. It's a bad habit of his that I've tried and failed to get him to break. "That's not why! It's just... Well..." He's struggling for an answer! Does this mean what I think it does? Does he have a crush on Dean? That's cute. "Dean's practically asexual, isn't he? It'd never work! He'd probably take offense and then we'd never be friends again and I still wouldn't have my homework done!"
"He's a teenage boy with hormones. You can seduce him."
"You don't know Dean. If anyone can be asexual, it's him. He still hasn't asked anyone to the Yule Ball!"
"Neither have you, Brilliant."
"Only because I -- ... He's definitely asexual." Nice slip there, Finnigan, I thought with smug satisfaction. You want to ask Dean to the Yule Ball, don't you? I knew it!
"I know for a fact that Dean Thomas is not asexual. More than that, I know that he's definitely bi or gay because there's no doubt that he likes boys."
Seamus' eyes widened to comical proportions. "You haven't had sex with him, have you?"
"He's my second cousin!" I protested. "Or something! We're related! Remember? I told you that I saw him at that family reunion, remember?"
"Like that would matter to you," Seamus laughed.
"True," I relented. "But don't worry. I have zero plans on seducing and/or having sex and/or kissing Dean. Happy?"
"I wasn't worried," Seamus said quickly. He paused. "Well, besides in a friendly sort of worrying for the sake of my best friend's virginity. He paused again. "Not that I think about Dean's virginity a lot, you know, just ---"
"You like him don't you?"
At this point, Seamus had worked himself into a near-hysteria, prompting him to yelp "No! I don't like Dean at all!" in the same tone a cat would use if you stepped on its tail.
There was a soft laugh from behind us. I recognized it immediately as Dean's. I felt a momentary rush of panic. I wondered desperately how much he'd heard, before realizing that he had to have heard Seamus' previous outburst. Had I screwed this up for Seamus? Teasing the poor boy was one thing, but to actually mess up Seamus' friendship and possible more than friendship with Dean definitely was not cool. Then, in a moment of clear revelation, I realized that Dean probably wouldn't have laughed like that if I'd messed something up, so I calmly regained my inner composure.
Seamus spun around to face Dean, the taller boy looking charcoal smudged and as beautiful as ever, torn between amusement and hurt as he tried to figure out what Seamus had meant by his "I don't like Dean!" cry. "So, does that mean an apology's out of the question?" Dean asked, opting for amused. "I came down to say I'm sorry for yelling at you, but if you don't like me at all, maybe I should bother."
"No! That's not what I meant at all!" Seamus exclaimed, still verging on hysteria.
Dean laughed again, more confident as Seamus furiously attempted to calm himself down. "It's okay, Seamus. I'm sure I just took that rather... er... loud... shrill... statement of yours completely out of context. I'm not going to hold it against you; I promise."
Seamus laughed, relieved. His eyes danced up to catch Dean's darker ones, both boys blushed and glanced away. It was just too sickening and I was sure that, if the cuteness of their not-relationship didn't stop soon, I'd implode and turn into a big puddle of guck that was once a sexy sixth year. Then the world would mourn horribly and under that sort of depression, economies would crumble and entire societies would crumble into dust. The world as we knew it would fall, decay into an empty husk until all that remained were broken memories and strange artifacts that the archeologists of the future would ponder over. I couldn't let that happen, of course.
I sighed gustily. "While it's admittedly cute to see you both struggle through what you perceive to be unrequited love, I've got to cut it short. To be blunt, Seamus, Dean likes you. Dean, Seamus likes you back. Now run along and be the sickeningly adorable couple that you'll inevitably be."
Seamus stared at Dean. Dean stared at Seamus. Seamus giggled, and Dean leaned in to kiss him. Then they both giggled and kissed again and ran upstairs to their dorms.
I looked down at the piece of parchment that Seamus had left behind. Essay #3 was still incomplete. More than that, the only words on the paper, excluding the question printed at the top, were "The wand should", written in Seamus' curly handwriting. With the way things were going, Seamus would forget all about bribing Dean to do his homework and skip straight to the making out. I, being the kind, sensitive soul that I am, figured that I might as well help Seamus out. It wasn't like I had anything better to do.
Besides, I knew a certain pair of gorgeous redheads who were brilliant at Transfiguration and easily bribed with sex.