A/N: Our dear Eddie's POV on leaving. Man, it seems like I can only write angsty junk...
On my christmas list is total world domination, unlimited money, and the publishing rights to Twilight.
I took a deep breath. I had been steeling myself for this all day. I had to do this, for her.
"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked as we approached the monster she called a truck.
"Of course not," she replied.
"Now?" I asked as I held open her door. If nervousness felt like butterflies in your stomach, then butterflies were vicious little things.
"Sure, I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."
"I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there," I said as I took it. I knew it was the photos for Renee in that envelope, and I couldn't let them get there. If I was erasing myself from her life, leaving pictures of me at her mother's house would not be a good idea.
"Okay," she smiled. My heart wrenched at the thought of not being able to see that beautiful smile ever again.
It's for the best, I reminded myself.
I did beat her home, but I didn't drop off the pictures. They sat under my seat in the car. I had parked in Charlie's spot, since I wasn't staying long.
She parked in the driveway and saw me waiting for her. I got out of my car to meet her, taking her book bag out of her hand and setting it back in the truck. I wasn't going inside.
"Come for a walk with me," I asked, fighting against the misery trying to seep into my voice. She didn't answer, nor did I wait for one. If I did, my resolve would slip.
It's for her safety, I scolded myself, not your gain.
I took her a few steps into the trees and stopped. I needed to get this done quickly so I didn't break down and spill why I was really leaving, or even worse, never want to leave. I leaned against a tree, still fighting my emotions.
"Okay, let's talk," she said, bravely. Her scent betrayed her, though, as fear crept into it.
I took a deep breath.
"Bella, we're leaving," I steeled myself for whatever she could ask.
"Why now? Another year-"
"Bella, it's time," I lied, "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." I knew this was all untrue, we really could stick around for one more year, but Bella didn't, and that's what my plan was based on, that Bella believed what I said.
She stared at me in confusion, trying to understand what I was saying. I managed to keep my face devoid of emotion, or at least I tried my hardest.
"When you say we-" she whispered, finally getting it.
"I mean my family and myself," I finished. Each word was detached as I kept my voice from displaying the sheer torture of lying to my angel, of hurting her.
It's the best in the long run, I chided myself.
She shook her head back and forth, as if to clear it. She remained silent for a while.
"Okay, I'll come with you," she said.
"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you," It was the only truth I was likely to speak to her again. Where ever I was was the wrong place for her. She didn't belong with soulless bloodsucking monsters.
"Where you are is the right place for me."
"I'm no good for you," another truth, although at this rate, I'd have to tell the biggest lie I've ever told to get her to go, and she'd believe the truths I'd told her to be lies and the lies truths.
"Don't be ridiculous," she begged, "You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not for you," I said, grimly. She was too pure and angelic to be with the likes of me.
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected." I was actually shocked it hadn't happened earlier.
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as it was best for you," I interrupted. Now that she was out of the danger I had put her in, I wasn't putting her in any more.
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted. She was half right, it was that and that she was in constant danger of dieing in my company. I couldn't do that to her. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"
I stared at the ground, angry with myself for what I was about to do. I was about to break her heart. It would heal for her, over time, but I was still hurting her.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke slowly so I wouldn't mess up. I had to get her to believe this. If she clung to the hope that I'd return, she'd never live a normal life.
"You… don't… want me?" she asked, as she finally understood the implied meaning of my words.
I want you so much! I love you! I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to take away all her insecurities, hug her, hold her, kiss her, but I forced myself not to, and instead, to break her heart with a simple word.
"No."
She looked into my eyes, as if searching for something she couldn't find.
"Well, that changes things," she said, her voice sounding numb.
I looked into the trees, forcing myself not to look into her eyes. The sadness there would surely break me.
"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human. I've let this go on for too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."
"You're not good for me, Bella," I played on her insecurities of not being good enough for me, hoping I could finish quickly. My resolve was crumbling, and if I didn't leave soon, I never would.
"If…that's what you want."
No! It's not! I want you! My heart screamed in agony. I didn't think I could say anything without revealing my true wants, so I just nodded.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if it's not too much to ask," I added after I found my voice. She looked so sad, so pitiful, that my true feelings broke though for a moment before I composed myself.
"Anything."
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked. I couldn't stand to think that she might do something that could take away her life.
She nodded, a helpless look to her.
"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him," I said, only telling a half truth. While it was true I was thinking of Charlie, and what would happen to him if she died, I was also thinking of myself, what I'd do.
"I will," she said as she nodded.
"And I'll promise this in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on and live your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed," I told her, trying to convince myself.
She started to shake, her heart going into over drive. I had to sooth her.
"Don't worry," I calmed, forcing myself to smile a little. "You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?" she asked, turning my own words against me.
"Well," I hesitated slightly, searching for an answer. "I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted." I forced myself to smile again, praying my words were true, else wise, I'd be living a nightmare after this.
I stepped back. "Well, that's everything. We won't bother you again."
"Alice isn't coming back?" she whispered. It was so faint that I mightn't have hear it if I was human.
"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye," I explained.
"Alice is gone?" she asked, her voice painted with disbelief.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you. Goodbye, Bella."
"Wait!" she choked out, reaching for me. I reached out to her and saw he hope grow in her eyes, only to die as I pinned her arms to her sides and kissed her forehead for a brief moment.
"Take care of yourself," I whispered as I got up. I ran away from her, away from my love, out of her life forever.