I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast how do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
There's greener pastures I'm thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away.
The scorched sun rays have ran gently through the partitioned blinds within the oversized kitchen; resting gently on the lonely occupant as she cups her hands around the warmth of the steaming mug. Loose strands of her hair resting contently across her face, she uses the protection as an excuse to muffle the sound of her sobs as she lets out the adamant tears. The clock can faintly be heard as the sound represents the endless ticking; with it being just a little past six, the nurse knows that she will soon be joined within the kitchen by her ever-growing family.
Almost allowing her head to rise from it's position upon the table, the stains of her tears can been seen as she squints with the intention of regaining some sort of perspective - her vision being restricted via the blurred vision induced by tears. Feeling the walls close in around her, she found it hard to breath as she raised herself from the table, aided with the help of her arms, as she failed to find the strength required for the simple action.
Being alone, added with the unusually quite atmosphere, gave the troubled nurse the time to think things through within her mind after all her mind forced herself to think. Not feeling able to talk to anyone in a world of six billion people alarmed her as she continued to conceal her troubles within her system - waiting and waiting until her decreasingly convincing façade eventually cracked. For months, maybe even years, she had wanted someone to notice. Whether it be her husband who failed to understand the concept of faithfulness, or her colleagues at work who seemed the only people to genuinely care - in particular, one.
The only reason and continued hold back for the nurse however, was the realisation of the devastation such a dramatic change in lifestyle for her children it would be. The numerous times she had needed to comfort her children from their hysterics, simply because they both remained petrified that everything negative about their parent's loveless marriage was their fault - she would never lay the blame on them, or even let them think the blame could be theirs.
Having been plagued with guilt for most of her life, she would never allow her children to feel the same. Being their mother, it was her job to protect them from all evil in the world; there would never be any doubts about that. Her life revolved around making other people happy, even if it meant her own happiness began slowly deteriorating as the days slowly turned into months; months into years.
Feeling trapped within the life she once wanted, her thoughts spiralled out of control - her mild headache the cause of the dramatic swoop in the series of excelling twists and turns on the rollercoaster she had boarded over a year ago. Love, lies, deceit, unfaithfulness all crammed into those few most happiest months of her life - the times when she could call herself Jessica. Not the simple housewife, or even mother… It was like time had revolved around her and she had returned back to her carefree days as a younger nurse. The doctor, with his subtle, yet extravagant ways of developing her other side was far from being forgotten.
He remained there each and every day. Her punishment of the heartbreak caused in the direction of her family being to watch him from a distance each day, hardly any words spoken as the three words wanted were forbidden on the lips, knowing that once; in another life she may have been granted her wish. Granted the soul mate she had searched for almost her entire life. After five years of washing and ironing the clothes, making sure their children were presentable to suit a surgeon, the walls had opened up around her; or at least a door, showing her the light where the doctor stood, silhouetted. The doctor: his cheerful smile, his turquoise scrubs top and his less than elegant posture as he had stood waiting for her to join him in their own perfect world; their own paradise.
But now, she was living her lie. A mistake, generating into further torture as she remained forced to look at him only as a friend; a colleague. The walls had closed back in around her; the door had closed and there was nobody left to save her. Her knight in shining armour had returned to his usual former self, leaving the nurse stranded and alone in a world where confusion remained at a maximum.
There may have been a further six billion people in the world; there had been two who had caught her eye; there had been one that had captured her heart.
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free tooWish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses,
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses.