Darkness shrouded his rank and filthy body from even his own view, but still he closed his eyes. The concrete beneath his feet was cold and he shivered silently and tried to take himself away from that foul place. The bars were no object to his imagination and he found himself travelling off to the woods once more.
It had been over a decade since he saw a real blue sky. Almost half his life had been seen through iron bars and wire fences; he calculated that he had only spent a rough average of twenty-eight weeks outdoors in the last thirteen years. Though, however long it had been he could still remember the open blue sky that day. Great redwoods towered above a mischievous ten year old, Denver Bayliss and he felt he was in some kind of dream world. The powder blue was highlighted with clouds so beautiful that they could have decorated one of Constable's paintings. He had actually been to the woods once in his whole life but a thousand or more times in his mind.
In his dreams he was no longer with his wayward mother and her current waster boyfriend, whose name Denver couldn't even recall. His ever tolerant sister Lil wandered merrily around the opening in the trees and collected wildflowers and made small posies. Denver climbed the trees. He'd been told many times that day that it was strictly prohibited, but things like that never worried the young blond haired, blue eyed monster.
At that age it would have been an exaggeration to call him a monster; unruly perhaps, but not a monster. His mother had lain down under a tree and what's his name was crawling all over her; as was his want. Denver no longer cared what they did. He had no real friends that they could embarrass him in front of, and sex was pretty common place to him… part of the background.
It was part of his background… whereas he was only ever a part of theirs. His Mom had only taken the kids out with them to show the new guy that she was a good person; as though collecting your kids from the harsh and uncaring foster parents you'd left them with, warranted merit. Once the picnic was eaten; the strained family time was over and Lillian and Denver were shooed away to play by themselves. While Mommy and…Gillis… that was his name. Hell, how could he have forgotten it was him? Denver had hated him more than most. He had a son called Frank, who was a fair bit older then Denver and liked to take on the elder brother role… the elder, meaner brother role most of the time.
Frank was a real nasty piece of work, which the young Denver both admired and detested at the same time. His admiration was born of the 'cool' new tricks the boy taught him. Such as stealing toys and sweets from the local store and how to fight…Okay that skill was worth having. It saved him from a lot of trouble in his various foster homes. There had been four by that point and since Frank lived very close to the Abbot family he and Denver used to spend a lot of time together.
Denver's admiration for Frank was lost the evening of Lil's birthday. Lil turned fourteen and the Abbots found they didn't have the room to give her a bigger living space, required for the older girls in care. So she moved away without Denver, for the first time in their lives. Denver was lonely without her, even though he never thought them close; he missed having her around trying to guide him. Hell, she was so damned moral, even back then, but that made him feel safe, wanted and cared for… no one had ever loved Denver Bayliss; he didn't know what love was. But Lil cared for him and maybe that was close enough.
Well things changed when Denver was alone. He saw his sister less and less; it put distance between them emotionally as well as physically, and Denver tried to compensate by hanging out with Frank more and more. They took to stealing from the local store more often. Frank stole cigarettes now and alcohol, Denver was twelve years old and the taste of liquor made him sick; but he drank it to impress Frank all the same. He did a lot to impress Frank before he realised it was the wrong thing.
One night his dark haired brother got wasted on stolen booze and told Denver he'd take him to see Lil, since he knew how lonely he was with the Abbots.
"Hey Denny, how's about we go pay Sis a visit?" Frank slurred over a bottle of J&B. Denver tried to mask his enthusiasm a little, but Frank knew what Lil meant to him, that was part of the plan.
Frank Gillis was out to take revenge for his Dad. Connie Bayliss had recently dumped Gillis senior for an attractive bartender at the Royale in town; young Frank thought this was decidedly out of line. However the fact that his father had beaten the living daylights out of Connie didn't seem to feature in his morality. Frank must have had a rosy view of the Bayliss family, because hurting Denver would have little effect on his mother and the revenge from that sense would be fruitless.
They drove over to the other side of town in Gillis's car and Frank told Denver how they were going to have a party for Lil's birthday. Denver was too young, or perhaps too naïve to understand the kind of partying Frank was referring to. The comments along the lines of 'well Lil is practically a woman now!' went over Denver's head and he wasn't to know that Frank had any reason to bear a grudge against him. He hadn't seen or heard from his mother for months.
While Denver was busy stealing to Frank's orders in the local store, the young Gillis was busying himself with the not too subtle seduction of the boy's sister.
Lil was a sweet girl and at the age of eight had found a lot of comfort in her faith. When her family let her down she found hope in God, Denver followed her lead for a while and attended Church with her and the two younger Abbot girls when he was nine or so. But God's promises, or rather the stories Lil told him, didn't ring true for Denver. He was more materialistic and attention seeking than his sister and found it hard to set aside his desires for a more spiritual way of life.
Lil didn't need much to survive, the only things in the world that were of value to her, were her family, her faith and her dignity. In one foul blow all but one would be ripped from her and even that would be tested beyond reason.
Denver opened his eyes as blinding light shone into the cell. It was like fire in his eyes and he staggered backwards against the wall, smashing his hip quite hard against the cold stone.
"Can you see me?" said a voice from his left. He hunched over and tried to see who it was. This was an all important moment. If it was Lionel McMannis he'd be in for trouble. Lionel had never liked him. As far as anyone could tell Lionel didn't like much at all. If truth be told, no one really liked Denver either. Maybe a few of the other clients on the row… but no one… no one but Lil cared for him.
"Get up and move towards the sound of my voice." The guard wasn't anyone Denver recognised. He was softly spoken and there wasn't such an authoritative tone to his voice… perhaps he was new. Denver was busy pondering the questions, a simple tone of voice had brought up; when suddenly he was blasted with gallons of freezing cold water.
He slipped over and tried to get up, tried to gain purchase against the stone wall but he had no strength in his hands to grip and no voice of his own to call out with so he recoiled from the jets of water and did all he could to hold onto what dignity he had left. Everything was slimy and wet and the fresh air that blasted into the room had made him once again aware of the foul stench that he was surrounded by and indeed a part of. He called this 'being born'… coming back into the world after having it taken away from him. His mother had said many things about him being a terrible baby and what a painful labour she'd had because of him… somewhere inside him; he wondered if it really could feel this bad.
When the water stopped he was crouched and hunched over against the back wall; the filthy cinder blocks rubbed across his skin and he felt it begin to burn with small grazes.
"Get up and go to the shower." He followed the instructions without pause for thought or question; all the time waiting to be kicked and beaten. When he stepped out naked, into the brightly lit hall he cowered against the wall and waited; flinching when finally he felt… what was that? The guy had actually touched him. Usually the only contact made, was through the safety of a cold leather steel toe capped boot. This guy had actually put his hands on him; he'd actually touched his skin… twice, as he ushered him away towards the shower block. Somehow that hurt more than the beating would have done.
Sometimes when you have everything removed from you, you begin to lose sight of who you are, where you are and what is going on around you. But no matter how hard you try, you can't stop feeling.
The woods kept him going for five weeks… the thoughts of going back there one day; free and happy… maybe even with a girl. That was what kept Denver going, where he went to find some kind of peace. A peace he knew he could never deserve… dreams he knew would never be real and with them the faint fear that he wouldn't have a clue what to do if they did.
Hope was pointless, but what else did he have left?
It had been over a decade since he saw a real blue sky. Almost half his life had been seen through iron bars and wire fences; he calculated that he had only spent a rough average of twenty-eight weeks outdoors in the last thirteen years. Though, however long it had been he could still remember the open blue sky that day. Great redwoods towered above a mischievous ten year old, Denver Bayliss and he felt he was in some kind of dream world. The powder blue was highlighted with clouds so beautiful that they could have decorated one of Constable's paintings. He had actually been to the woods once in his whole life but a thousand or more times in his mind.
In his dreams he was no longer with his wayward mother and her current waster boyfriend, whose name Denver couldn't even recall. His ever tolerant sister Lil wandered merrily around the opening in the trees and collected wildflowers and made small posies. Denver climbed the trees. He'd been told many times that day that it was strictly prohibited, but things like that never worried the young blond haired, blue eyed monster.
At that age it would have been an exaggeration to call him a monster; unruly perhaps, but not a monster. His mother had lain down under a tree and what's his name was crawling all over her; as was his want. Denver no longer cared what they did. He had no real friends that they could embarrass him in front of, and sex was pretty common place to him… part of the background.
It was part of his background… whereas he was only ever a part of theirs. His Mom had only taken the kids out with them to show the new guy that she was a good person; as though collecting your kids from the harsh and uncaring foster parents you'd left them with, warranted merit. Once the picnic was eaten; the strained family time was over and Lillian and Denver were shooed away to play by themselves. While Mommy and…Gillis… that was his name. Hell, how could he have forgotten it was him? Denver had hated him more than most. He had a son called Frank, who was a fair bit older then Denver and liked to take on the elder brother role… the elder, meaner brother role most of the time.
Frank was a real nasty piece of work, which the young Denver both admired and detested at the same time. His admiration was born of the 'cool' new tricks the boy taught him. Such as stealing toys and sweets from the local store and how to fight…Okay that skill was worth having. It saved him from a lot of trouble in his various foster homes. There had been four by that point and since Frank lived very close to the Abbot family he and Denver used to spend a lot of time together.
Denver's admiration for Frank was lost the evening of Lil's birthday. Lil turned fourteen and the Abbots found they didn't have the room to give her a bigger living space, required for the older girls in care. So she moved away without Denver, for the first time in their lives. Denver was lonely without her, even though he never thought them close; he missed having her around trying to guide him. Hell, she was so damned moral, even back then, but that made him feel safe, wanted and cared for… no one had ever loved Denver Bayliss; he didn't know what love was. But Lil cared for him and maybe that was close enough.
Well things changed when Denver was alone. He saw his sister less and less; it put distance between them emotionally as well as physically, and Denver tried to compensate by hanging out with Frank more and more. They took to stealing from the local store more often. Frank stole cigarettes now and alcohol, Denver was twelve years old and the taste of liquor made him sick; but he drank it to impress Frank all the same. He did a lot to impress Frank before he realised it was the wrong thing.
One night his dark haired brother got wasted on stolen booze and told Denver he'd take him to see Lil, since he knew how lonely he was with the Abbots.
"Hey Denny, how's about we go pay Sis a visit?" Frank slurred over a bottle of J&B. Denver tried to mask his enthusiasm a little, but Frank knew what Lil meant to him, that was part of the plan.
Frank Gillis was out to take revenge for his Dad. Connie Bayliss had recently dumped Gillis senior for an attractive bartender at the Royale in town; young Frank thought this was decidedly out of line. However the fact that his father had beaten the living daylights out of Connie didn't seem to feature in his morality. Frank must have had a rosy view of the Bayliss family, because hurting Denver would have little effect on his mother and the revenge from that sense would be fruitless.
They drove over to the other side of town in Gillis's car and Frank told Denver how they were going to have a party for Lil's birthday. Denver was too young, or perhaps too naïve to understand the kind of partying Frank was referring to. The comments along the lines of 'well Lil is practically a woman now!' went over Denver's head and he wasn't to know that Frank had any reason to bear a grudge against him. He hadn't seen or heard from his mother for months.
While Denver was busy stealing to Frank's orders in the local store, the young Gillis was busying himself with the not too subtle seduction of the boy's sister.
Lil was a sweet girl and at the age of eight had found a lot of comfort in her faith. When her family let her down she found hope in God, Denver followed her lead for a while and attended Church with her and the two younger Abbot girls when he was nine or so. But God's promises, or rather the stories Lil told him, didn't ring true for Denver. He was more materialistic and attention seeking than his sister and found it hard to set aside his desires for a more spiritual way of life.
Lil didn't need much to survive, the only things in the world that were of value to her, were her family, her faith and her dignity. In one foul blow all but one would be ripped from her and even that would be tested beyond reason.
Denver opened his eyes as blinding light shone into the cell. It was like fire in his eyes and he staggered backwards against the wall, smashing his hip quite hard against the cold stone.
"Can you see me?" said a voice from his left. He hunched over and tried to see who it was. This was an all important moment. If it was Lionel McMannis he'd be in for trouble. Lionel had never liked him. As far as anyone could tell Lionel didn't like much at all. If truth be told, no one really liked Denver either. Maybe a few of the other clients on the row… but no one… no one but Lil cared for him.
"Get up and move towards the sound of my voice." The guard wasn't anyone Denver recognised. He was softly spoken and there wasn't such an authoritative tone to his voice… perhaps he was new. Denver was busy pondering the questions, a simple tone of voice had brought up; when suddenly he was blasted with gallons of freezing cold water.
He slipped over and tried to get up, tried to gain purchase against the stone wall but he had no strength in his hands to grip and no voice of his own to call out with so he recoiled from the jets of water and did all he could to hold onto what dignity he had left. Everything was slimy and wet and the fresh air that blasted into the room had made him once again aware of the foul stench that he was surrounded by and indeed a part of. He called this 'being born'… coming back into the world after having it taken away from him. His mother had said many things about him being a terrible baby and what a painful labour she'd had because of him… somewhere inside him; he wondered if it really could feel this bad.
When the water stopped he was crouched and hunched over against the back wall; the filthy cinder blocks rubbed across his skin and he felt it begin to burn with small grazes.
"Get up and go to the shower." He followed the instructions without pause for thought or question; all the time waiting to be kicked and beaten. When he stepped out naked, into the brightly lit hall he cowered against the wall and waited; flinching when finally he felt… what was that? The guy had actually touched him. Usually the only contact made, was through the safety of a cold leather steel toe capped boot. This guy had actually put his hands on him; he'd actually touched his skin… twice, as he ushered him away towards the shower block. Somehow that hurt more than the beating would have done.
Sometimes when you have everything removed from you, you begin to lose sight of who you are, where you are and what is going on around you. But no matter how hard you try, you can't stop feeling.
The woods kept him going for five weeks… the thoughts of going back there one day; free and happy… maybe even with a girl. That was what kept Denver going, where he went to find some kind of peace. A peace he knew he could never deserve… dreams he knew would never be real and with them the faint fear that he wouldn't have a clue what to do if they did.
Hope was pointless, but what else did he have left?