Disclaimer- I did not create ANYTHING in this story my friend Kelsey wrote
ALL of this. There will be no more chapters after this, unless she want to
add more. Her mom wont let her post stuff on the net soooo I'm letting her
use my s/n for this story! I think its good and hilarious. Please review
though, ill forward all your reviews to her, she realli wants to know
whatcha all think of it =) Thanx alot! She (or me for that matter) doesnt
own any of this except for the plot! J.K. Rowling does ;D Check out my
stories though hehe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were on the Hogwarts Express when suddenly Hermione pulled out a stuffed donkey out of her trunk.
"What is that," asked Ron.
"It's Eeyore you butt chicken!" screamed Harry.
"CORRECT! DING DING DING! YOU'VE ONE A TRIP TO JAMAICA!" screeched Hedwig.
Ron was extremely astonished "You can talk!"
"That's right fool! Now I'm a flying talkin' owl. You mighta seen a horsefly maybe even a super fly but I bet you ain't ever seen an owl fly!" proclaimed Hedwig.
"SHUT UP!!!" screamed Harry who was very irritated. "Sorry about that guys. She really likes to talk. She says some pretty dumb things sometimes. Mostly she like to repeat stuff from her favorite movie.She watched 'Shrek' this summer and now she likes to say lines from the movie."
"That's ok, old chap. Anyway my good fellows, I purchased this Eeyore at my excursion to a fabulous place called Disney World," Hermione told the boys.
"What is this 'Disney World' in which you speak of?" asked Ron curiosly.
"Never mind it will take to long to explain," said Hermione.
Before the gang knew it, they had arrived at Hogwarts castle. Why do we need a castle to hold just one thousand students? Harry asked himself mentally. Harry would be starting his 5th year and this problem had been bugging him since his 1st year. He asked this to Hermione. She said, " It says why in Hogwarts, A History."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall between Seamus and Neville.
At the Head Table Dumbledore stood up. "This Welcoming Feast will be a little different. The Sorting Ceremony will have some slight alterations. The feast will consist of foods and beverages from a different culture and also during the feast some shows will be put on for the enjoyment of you students. Now, does anyone have any questions?"
Harry quickly raised his hand. "Mr. Dumbledore sir, if there are only one thousand students in this school, why do we need a castle? I've heard of schools in Northern West Virginia with that many students and they don't need a castle."
"Because we more specialler than them dang hillbillies!" screeched the Headmaster.
"Why?" Harry asked.
" I don't know"
"Why"
"BECAUSETHAT'S WHY!" yelled the odd professor.
Harry was totally frightened. "Ok" he said timidly.
"On with the Sorting" said Dumbledore.
The first year students marched into the Great Hall but instead of being led by professor McGonnagal, they were led my a huge lobster. The lobster carried the stool and the Sorting Hat. After all of he new students were sorted into there houses, the lobster took the hat and stool and started to walk out of the hall when it suddenly tripped over its own big feet. The gigantic crustacean fell really hard. "My Leg!" it shouted. Then Hagrid and Madame Maxime ran into the hall, grabbed the sea creature, and yelled, "YUM! DINNER!" and ran back outside.
Dumbledore got to his feet once more and announced "Now time for the feast."
Immediately Big Macs, Whoppers, Chicken Whoppers (a/n: That's so sick! They had that whole "Save the Chickens Eat a Whopper thing then they made the Chicken Whopper. That's just plain mean!), French fries, curly fries, Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza, P'zones, and McNuggets appeared along with 20oz bottles of Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Diet Coke with Lemon, Sprite, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Pepsi Blue, Pepsi Twist, Diet Pepsi Twist, Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Dr. Pepper Red Fusion. (a/n: I can actually think of more pop but that's not what this story is all about.)
"This is some good chow. I love this American grub," said Neville in the best American accent he could muster.
"Um, whatever," said Seamus.
" For you're viewing entertainment and pleasure, please put you're hands together for the Perky Professor!" Dumbledore said.
That instant a stage appeared behind the Head Table. But the strange thing about this was that Professor Snape was on the stage wearing a purple cheerleading uniform with the Hogwarts crest on it. His hair was in a big greasy ponytail held a pink scrunchie and was holding pom poms.
Snape jumped up and did a toe-touch and then started cheering.
(a/n: Green is for Snape and Red is for the Students)
Hey Hey
Isn't this a wonderful day
Three cheers for Hogwarts
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray
Then Snape did a back tuck
.
When I say Hog you say
You say Warts
Hog
Warts
Hog
Warts
When I say Number
You say One
Number
One
Number
One
When I say Slytherin
You say Gryffindor
Slytherin
Gryffindor
Slytherin
Gryffindor
When I say Ravenclaw
You say HufflePuff
Ravenclaw
Hufflepuff
Ravenclaw
Hufflepuff
HOG
WARTS
NUMBER
ONE
Slytherin
Gryffindor
RAVENCLaW
HUFFLEPUFF
"YAY" Snape shouted then he ran off the stage we the entire student body clapping.
"That was positively splendid," said Fred.
"Gosh, I really think that was swell," said George.
Next, Draco Malfoy walked upon the stage. "Hey! I'm hot stuff!" he shouted then he did an amazing gynastic performance across the stage.
"Wow! Where did you learn that?" asked Colin Creevey.
"I've been doing this for a very long time. Ever since I was a wee lad. All of you people here - teachers as well as students - think I'm evil but really all I want to do is be a gymnast. I just make fun of people because if anyone found out about my talent they'd laugh at me. But now I'm breaking out of cocoon!" Draco did more gynastics.
"That's so cool!" said Colin in awe. "Forget you, Harry! I'm stalking Draco from now on!" He grabbed his camera, ran over to Draco, and clicked the camera furiously.
After that Professor Flitwick held out an enormous bucket of marshmallows and hollered, "Who wants some marshmallows?" Hannah Abbott rushed to the tiny professor. She ate the marshmallows and then she died. Then Lavender Brown walked up to the front of h hall. She ate the marshmallows. Then she died. Goyle wanted some. He ate the marshmallows and then he died.
The Charms Professor wanted to know what was wrong with his marshmallows so ate them. And then he died. I - the author - also wanted to know what the heck was going on so I sent my three good friends - Ambyre, Katie, and Leannda - to go to Hogwarts and eat the marshmallows. They did. Then they died. Everyone at Hogwarts mourned over Leannda'a death since she was such a great person but no one cared about Ambyre and Katie because they didn't have magical big toes.
Finally Ginny Weasley ate the marshmallows. She didn't die. Harry asked, "Why didn't you die." Ginny replied, "because I didn't feel like it."
Dessert was served in the Great Hall. The dessert was pineapple flavored Jell-O in the shape of lighthouse with optional peanut butter. Everyone it the school thought that it was delicious. Every that is - except Ginny because when she ate it she died.
"Put you're hands together one more time for the Perky Professor!" said Dumbledore.
Snape went on the stage once more and said a new cheer.
We Rule We Rock
We Always Wear Clean Socks
We Rock We Rule
Our Socks Are Really Cool
"And now for the best music band in the entire world. The TEACHERS!!!" announced Dumbledore.
The entire staff appeared on the stage - including Filch, Mrs. Norris, and the giant squid. All were wearing tie-dyed robes. Music started playing from nowhere. The staff started to sing and dance to "Celebration." Celebrate good times come on! Snape did a dance that looked like he was stirring a cauldron. McGonnagal looked as though she were chasing her tail. Dumbledore did some sort 60's Go go dance. Professor Binns did the Macarena. Flitwick tried to do the YMCA but he couldn't because he was dead. Trelawney did a belly dance. A dementor came onto the stage and waltzed with potatoes (a/n: Veggietales ROCK!), Lupin appeared on the stage and started to act like a wolf and said "Grrrrrrrrr Grr Gr Gr GRRRRRRRRR!!!" The students loved the singing and the dancing teachers, caretakers, cats, squids, dementors, and werewolves but what they loved most were the 5 dancing whales. The whales did a hip-hop dance to "Lady Marmalade." The students cheered and jeered for the Teachers and the dancing whales. Harry especially liked this. It reminded him of the short times that he had with his parents. For some reason, Harry felt like this exciting Welcoming Feast was an omen for wonderful things to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were on the Hogwarts Express when suddenly Hermione pulled out a stuffed donkey out of her trunk.
"What is that," asked Ron.
"It's Eeyore you butt chicken!" screamed Harry.
"CORRECT! DING DING DING! YOU'VE ONE A TRIP TO JAMAICA!" screeched Hedwig.
Ron was extremely astonished "You can talk!"
"That's right fool! Now I'm a flying talkin' owl. You mighta seen a horsefly maybe even a super fly but I bet you ain't ever seen an owl fly!" proclaimed Hedwig.
"SHUT UP!!!" screamed Harry who was very irritated. "Sorry about that guys. She really likes to talk. She says some pretty dumb things sometimes. Mostly she like to repeat stuff from her favorite movie.She watched 'Shrek' this summer and now she likes to say lines from the movie."
"That's ok, old chap. Anyway my good fellows, I purchased this Eeyore at my excursion to a fabulous place called Disney World," Hermione told the boys.
"What is this 'Disney World' in which you speak of?" asked Ron curiosly.
"Never mind it will take to long to explain," said Hermione.
Before the gang knew it, they had arrived at Hogwarts castle. Why do we need a castle to hold just one thousand students? Harry asked himself mentally. Harry would be starting his 5th year and this problem had been bugging him since his 1st year. He asked this to Hermione. She said, " It says why in Hogwarts, A History."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall between Seamus and Neville.
At the Head Table Dumbledore stood up. "This Welcoming Feast will be a little different. The Sorting Ceremony will have some slight alterations. The feast will consist of foods and beverages from a different culture and also during the feast some shows will be put on for the enjoyment of you students. Now, does anyone have any questions?"
Harry quickly raised his hand. "Mr. Dumbledore sir, if there are only one thousand students in this school, why do we need a castle? I've heard of schools in Northern West Virginia with that many students and they don't need a castle."
"Because we more specialler than them dang hillbillies!" screeched the Headmaster.
"Why?" Harry asked.
" I don't know"
"Why"
"BECAUSETHAT'S WHY!" yelled the odd professor.
Harry was totally frightened. "Ok" he said timidly.
"On with the Sorting" said Dumbledore.
The first year students marched into the Great Hall but instead of being led by professor McGonnagal, they were led my a huge lobster. The lobster carried the stool and the Sorting Hat. After all of he new students were sorted into there houses, the lobster took the hat and stool and started to walk out of the hall when it suddenly tripped over its own big feet. The gigantic crustacean fell really hard. "My Leg!" it shouted. Then Hagrid and Madame Maxime ran into the hall, grabbed the sea creature, and yelled, "YUM! DINNER!" and ran back outside.
Dumbledore got to his feet once more and announced "Now time for the feast."
Immediately Big Macs, Whoppers, Chicken Whoppers (a/n: That's so sick! They had that whole "Save the Chickens Eat a Whopper thing then they made the Chicken Whopper. That's just plain mean!), French fries, curly fries, Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza, P'zones, and McNuggets appeared along with 20oz bottles of Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Diet Coke with Lemon, Sprite, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Pepsi Blue, Pepsi Twist, Diet Pepsi Twist, Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Dr. Pepper Red Fusion. (a/n: I can actually think of more pop but that's not what this story is all about.)
"This is some good chow. I love this American grub," said Neville in the best American accent he could muster.
"Um, whatever," said Seamus.
" For you're viewing entertainment and pleasure, please put you're hands together for the Perky Professor!" Dumbledore said.
That instant a stage appeared behind the Head Table. But the strange thing about this was that Professor Snape was on the stage wearing a purple cheerleading uniform with the Hogwarts crest on it. His hair was in a big greasy ponytail held a pink scrunchie and was holding pom poms.
Snape jumped up and did a toe-touch and then started cheering.
(a/n: Green is for Snape and Red is for the Students)
Hey Hey
Isn't this a wonderful day
Three cheers for Hogwarts
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray
Then Snape did a back tuck
.
When I say Hog you say
You say Warts
Hog
Warts
Hog
Warts
When I say Number
You say One
Number
One
Number
One
When I say Slytherin
You say Gryffindor
Slytherin
Gryffindor
Slytherin
Gryffindor
When I say Ravenclaw
You say HufflePuff
Ravenclaw
Hufflepuff
Ravenclaw
Hufflepuff
HOG
WARTS
NUMBER
ONE
Slytherin
Gryffindor
RAVENCLaW
HUFFLEPUFF
"YAY" Snape shouted then he ran off the stage we the entire student body clapping.
"That was positively splendid," said Fred.
"Gosh, I really think that was swell," said George.
Next, Draco Malfoy walked upon the stage. "Hey! I'm hot stuff!" he shouted then he did an amazing gynastic performance across the stage.
"Wow! Where did you learn that?" asked Colin Creevey.
"I've been doing this for a very long time. Ever since I was a wee lad. All of you people here - teachers as well as students - think I'm evil but really all I want to do is be a gymnast. I just make fun of people because if anyone found out about my talent they'd laugh at me. But now I'm breaking out of cocoon!" Draco did more gynastics.
"That's so cool!" said Colin in awe. "Forget you, Harry! I'm stalking Draco from now on!" He grabbed his camera, ran over to Draco, and clicked the camera furiously.
After that Professor Flitwick held out an enormous bucket of marshmallows and hollered, "Who wants some marshmallows?" Hannah Abbott rushed to the tiny professor. She ate the marshmallows and then she died. Then Lavender Brown walked up to the front of h hall. She ate the marshmallows. Then she died. Goyle wanted some. He ate the marshmallows and then he died.
The Charms Professor wanted to know what was wrong with his marshmallows so ate them. And then he died. I - the author - also wanted to know what the heck was going on so I sent my three good friends - Ambyre, Katie, and Leannda - to go to Hogwarts and eat the marshmallows. They did. Then they died. Everyone at Hogwarts mourned over Leannda'a death since she was such a great person but no one cared about Ambyre and Katie because they didn't have magical big toes.
Finally Ginny Weasley ate the marshmallows. She didn't die. Harry asked, "Why didn't you die." Ginny replied, "because I didn't feel like it."
Dessert was served in the Great Hall. The dessert was pineapple flavored Jell-O in the shape of lighthouse with optional peanut butter. Everyone it the school thought that it was delicious. Every that is - except Ginny because when she ate it she died.
"Put you're hands together one more time for the Perky Professor!" said Dumbledore.
Snape went on the stage once more and said a new cheer.
We Rule We Rock
We Always Wear Clean Socks
We Rock We Rule
Our Socks Are Really Cool
"And now for the best music band in the entire world. The TEACHERS!!!" announced Dumbledore.
The entire staff appeared on the stage - including Filch, Mrs. Norris, and the giant squid. All were wearing tie-dyed robes. Music started playing from nowhere. The staff started to sing and dance to "Celebration." Celebrate good times come on! Snape did a dance that looked like he was stirring a cauldron. McGonnagal looked as though she were chasing her tail. Dumbledore did some sort 60's Go go dance. Professor Binns did the Macarena. Flitwick tried to do the YMCA but he couldn't because he was dead. Trelawney did a belly dance. A dementor came onto the stage and waltzed with potatoes (a/n: Veggietales ROCK!), Lupin appeared on the stage and started to act like a wolf and said "Grrrrrrrrr Grr Gr Gr GRRRRRRRRR!!!" The students loved the singing and the dancing teachers, caretakers, cats, squids, dementors, and werewolves but what they loved most were the 5 dancing whales. The whales did a hip-hop dance to "Lady Marmalade." The students cheered and jeered for the Teachers and the dancing whales. Harry especially liked this. It reminded him of the short times that he had with his parents. For some reason, Harry felt like this exciting Welcoming Feast was an omen for wonderful things to come.