Losing My Control For You
Author: The Passionate Admiral
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park; that's the work of the masterminds Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Plot: There's a little conspiracy going around. Someone is trying to make the show's favorite couple get extremely close to each other in their relationship; even closer than they already are. How will this all turn out? Will two fourth-graders lose their innocence to each other? Or will they come to their senses before things get out of hand? I hope you like this; it's my first South Park fanfic!
ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS SHOW-EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE-ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED…POORLY. THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE
(Cue opening song)
Les Claypool: I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time.
Stan and Kyle: Friendly faces everywhere, humble folk without temptation!
Les: Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind.
Cartman: Ample parking day or night, people shouting "Howdy neighbor!"
Les: Heading down to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind.
Kenny (muffled): I like fucking silly bitches, cause I know my penis likes it!
Les: So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine!
(Cut to: South Park Elementary Exterior. As the bell rings, the Schoolyard is nice and peaceful, as per usual.)
(Cut to: South Park Elementary, 4th Grade Classroom. The students are talking amongst themselves, being somewhat loud and noisy, also per usual. Kyle is sitting at his desk, looking over his homework. Cartman is also sitting at his desk, look over his own homework. However, he is notably nervous about something.)
Cartman (whispering): Hey, Kyle, you have a moment?
Kyle (not particularly interested): What, Cartman?
Cartman (still whispering): Let's compare our answers for the homework; see if we both got the same results.
Kyle (uncertain): Ummm… okay, sure.
Cartman (focusing on his paper): What did you get for problem number one?
Kyle (Looking at his paper): I got… ninety-six.
Cartman (writes down something on his paper): Okay, good; that's what I got, too. Now, what did you get for number two?
Kyle: Thirty-seven.
Cartman (writes down something more on his paper): Alright, I got that same answer, too! What about number three?
(Kyle gazes at Cartman's paper out of the corner of his eye and notices that there is nothing written on it other than "96" and "37.")
Kyle (angrily): You didn't do your homework AGAIN?
(Cartman quickly covers his worksheet with his arm)
Cartman (trying to act casual): No, of course – I mean, yes, I freakin' did it! How dare you accuse me of trying to cheat!
Kyle (smirking): Alright, then; what did YOU get for number three?
Cartman (sweating): Ummm…
Kyle (continuing to smirk): I didn't think so.
Cartman (frustrated): GODDAMNIT, JEW!
(At that moment, Stan walks into the room, looking exhausted. Kyle looks up from his worksheet and notices his best friend's apparent apathy).
Stan (tired): Hey, dudes. (He takes his seat between Kyle and Token)
Kyle (concerned): Stan, are you feeling alright? You don't look too good.
Stan (tired): Don't worry about me, Kyle. I'm fine.
(Kenny is sitting behind Cartman at that time. He happens to notice Stan's lethargic state as well)
Kenny (muffled): What'd you do? Stay up all night watching the Terrance and Philip marathon?
Stan (lightly smiling, but still exhausted): Yeah, of course. Who wouldn't stay up for that?
Kyle: Good point. But we've all stayed up all night watching Terrance and Philip marathons, and we've always been wide awake for the following day!
(Bebe happens to listen in on the conversation)
Bebe (muttering to herself): I still can't believe you find that stuff funny. It's so dumb.
Cartman (angrily): EY! No one invited YOU into the conversation, skank!
Kyle (to Cartman): Who said you were a part of it, either?
(Cartman mutters something strongly anti-Semitic under his breath)
Stan (still tired): Perhaps I should rephrase what I just said. I tried to watch the Terrance and Phillip marathon, but every three minutes, Wendy kept texting me on my cellphone. I had to keep leaving the room in order to answer her texts. By the time the marathon was over, she still kept them coming. I barely got a wink of sleep last night.
Kyle (surprised): Dude, why didn't you just tell her you were watching Terrance and Phillip? Maybe she would have left you alone!
Stan (waking up a little more): Oh, yeah, right! How would that look? "Sorry, Wendy, I'd love to chat, but Terrance and Phillip is much more interesting than your text messages!" Don't tell me she'd take well to that!
Kenny (muffled): But you always tell us that you think Terrance and Phillip is more interesting.
Stan: You think I'd actually tell her something like that?
Cartman (sighs and leans back in his chair): Oh, boy; here we go!
Kyle (looking over at him): What does that mean?
Cartman: It's never a good sign in a relationship when the chick is calling the shots!
Stan (angrily): Wendy's not "calling the shots," fat-ass! She's just taking up too much of my free time. If YOU ever had a girlfriend, you would know.
Cartman (under his breath): Don't… fuckin'… call… me… fat!
(Token places his arm on Stan's back, as if to comfort him)
Token: You shouldn't be afraid of being frank with your girlfriend, Stan. If she's getting on your nerves or forcing you into something you really don't want to do, just be direct and tell her straight out.
(At that moment, Nichole enters the room and sits down on the other side of Token)
Nichole: Hi, Token!
(Token quickly refocuses his attention to his girlfriend)
Token (brightly): Hey, Nichole. Wow, you look great today.
Nichole: Thanks. My parents are taking me to a miniature golf course this weekend. Maybe you and your parents would like to come along?
Token (nodding his head vigorously): Alright, I'm sure my parents would love that!
(Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny watch as the two African American students talk together.)
Kenny (muffled): Guys, what the hell's going on? Token hates miniature golf.
Stan (whispering): I guess he knows what I'm going through.
Cartman (holding his hands together and looking over at Token and Nichole with a look of adoration in his eyes): Yeah, but that's different. Token and Nichole were always meant to be.
Kyle (annoyed): No, they weren't. You just involuntarily involved them in your little game of matchmaker.
Cartman (sighing in bliss): You'll never understand, Kyle. Someday, you'll meet a sweet little Jewish girl. And when that day comes, you and she should totally meet each other in the school gym!
Kyle (suspicious): Why the school gym?
Cartman (acting casual): No reason. I just thought it'd be a good idea.
(Wendy walks into the classroom at that moment. Stan notices this and quickly straightens up as his girlfriend passes his desk.)
Wendy (calmly): Hi Stan!
Stan (nonchalantly): Morning… sweetie.
(Kenny, Cartman, and Butters snicker until Kyle gives them a death glare. Wendy sits next to Butters behind Stan.)
Wendy: Stan, did you get my text last night?
Stan: Which one?
Wendy: The one where I talked about what we could do over the weekend. That was text number 51.
Stan (in disbelief): You actually kept count of them?
Wendy: Yes, of course! It's easier to establish a point of reference when you refer to an earlier conversation.
Cartman (under his breath): Geek.
Stan (immediately outraged): "DON'T YOU CALL MY GIRLFRIEND A GEEK, CARTMAN!"
Cartman (calmly): Oh, I won't… if you tell her what you told us.
Wendy (turning from Cartman to Stan): What does he mean, Stan?
Cartman: Apparently, your boyfriend here finds immature shows more enjoyable than your company.
Kyle: "Immature shows?" You like Terrance and Phillip, too, retard!
Cartman: Yes, but it's okay for me to like them; I'm single.
Wendy: Stan, what does Cartman mean?
Stan (starting to sweat nervously): Well, uh… well…
(The second bell rings, meaning the school day has begun. Mr. Garrison enters the classroom with a stack of papers. After placing them on his desk, he turns to face his students)
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, take your seats. (Anyone who isn't already seated sits in their chairs. Everyone is accounted for, but there are two empty desks in the room. One is behind Nichole; the other is behind Token.) Today, we have two new students joining the class. (Two fourth-grade students enter from the right. One of them is a boy with short brown hair, a black shirt, red shorts, and brown shoes. The other is a slightly-shorter girl with brown hair tied in a ponytail, an orange blouse, a tan skirt, and black shoes. Both of them are wearing white coats that oddly resemble the stereotypical lab coats scientists are associated with.) This is Quincy and Juliana Morales. They just transferred here from California.
(The two new students appear to be observing the class, as if they are studying the others.)
Quincy (speaking to Juliana): They seem relatively indifferent to our arrival.
Juliana (speaking to Quincy): This must be a small yet eventful town.
Quincy: That could be; none of them seem displeased with the change of routine.
Juliana: My thoughts exactly.
Cartman (whispering to Kenny): Oh, boy, nerd alert! (Kenny scoffs under his hood. Garrison pretends to ignore them.)
Mr. Garrison: Quincy, Juliana, why don't you take those empty seats in the second row?
(Quincy and Juliana both nod. The two of them move to the desks. Quincy sits in front of Tweek, to the right of Wendy, and behind Token. Juliana sits in front of Lola, to the left of Heidi, and behind Nichole.)
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children; today we'll be discussing the primal instincts of animals and men. We have a special guest here to discuss the subject. (He holds out his arm to the door) Please welcome… (He pauses, as if waiting for someone to come through. He looks at the door out of the corner of his eye. No one is there.)
Cartman (sarcastically): Well, hello, Mr. … It is a pleasure to have you here, Mr. … Have you ever been to South Park before, Mr. …?
(Several of the other students chuckle)
Garrison (annoyed): Thank you for that warm greeting, Eric. (He turns to the door) It would appear as though our guest speaker is still in the lobby. Please stay in your seats while I go fetch him. (He walks to the door, opens it, and steps outside. The moment the door closes, most of the students burst into conversation with each other.)
Kenny (muffled): I'll bet Garrison would like to fetch him, whoever he is.
(Butters and Kyle giggle)
(Quincy and Juliana study their own desks. Juliana notices a sliver of wood is loose near the edge of the top platform)
Juliana (rubbing her chin): Peculiar (She opens up her coat partially. Inside are an assortment of utensils and tools. She removes a pair of tweezers and a small magnifying glass. She uses the tweezers to carefully remove the sliver of wood. She then holds it up to her face and focuses on it a little more closely using the magnifying glass.) Pine and oak wood. Minimum age, approximately six years. Sprayed with essence of cashews; obviously a standard termite repellant. Rather sturdy.
(Quincy, meanwhile, is examining the underside of his desk)
Quincy: No signs of any gum wads. That implies either excellent performance by the janitors or at least simple acts of courtesy by those who sit here. (He taps on the metal underside of the desk) Interesting; a reinforced iron alloy. Must make the desk very durable. (He opens his coat and removes a small brush. He rubs it up against the underside of the desk. Then he pinches the bristles with his thumb and index finger and holds his hand closer to his face) A notable lack of dust. This would seem to confirm my theory of the janitor's services.
(Red is sitting behind Heidi. She taps her friend on the shoulder. Soon, Heidi turns around.)
Red (whispering): Why is it we always end up sitting with the dorks?
Heidi (shrugging): I don't know. We just have crappy luck.
(Despite the whispering, Juliana overhears them)
Juliana (without looking up): Luck has nothing to do with it. We are all merely victims of circumstance.
Heidi (rolling her eyes): Sure, whatever.
(Juliana puts away her tools and turns to Heidi)
Juliana: You shouldn't always judge someone by first glance.
Heidi: Maybe you don't, but the rest of us do.
Juliana (looks Heidi over): I must compliment you for your taste in clothing.
Heidi (raises and eyebrow in interest): What do you mean?
Juliana: That jacket goes very well with those trousers. I never thought a person could wear two different shades of green and produce such an appealing image. You proved me wrong. Very wrong indeed.
Heidi (cracking a little smile): Well… thank you.
Juliana: Is green your favorite color?
Heidi: Yes, it is. That's why I like to wear so much of it.
Juliana: (She then turns to Red) Is your hair naturally red?
Red (slightly irritated): Yes. Why? Does it look dyed to you?
Juliana: No, not at all. I actually think your hair goes very well with your clothes. Red and navy blue are very intriguing combination. In your case, I believe that such a combination would maximize your appearance.
(Red and Lola look at each other, slightly confused)
Lola: Don't take this the wrong way, but… you don't bat for the same team, do you?
Juliana (scoffs): No, I'm not a lesbian. I'm sorry if that disappoints you.
(Red, Heidi, and Lola laugh simultaneously)
Heidi: You know what? I guess you're right; we did misjudge you. (Holds her hand out to Juliana) My name is Heidi Turner. (As she shakes hands with Juliana, she gestures to the two girls behind them) These are my friends Lola and Red. (The two of them smile at Juliana)
Juliana (smirking): I'll bet you all thought I was a total geek. Apparently, there aren't that many people who know that geeks can have a sense of fashion as well.
Red (shrugging): I guess so.
(Cartman and Kenny have been watching the four girls talk. Cartman leans over and rests his arm on his BFF's desk.)
Cartman: I don't know what to make of these two new kids. The guy seems kinda lame, but that chick might actually be cool.
Kenny (muffled): One thing I will admit; that new girl has got a sweet ass. (He and Cartman laugh)
(Quincy happens to overhear Kenny. He angrily looks over at him and gives him the finger. Then he turns to Butters, who is sitting between him and Wendy)
Quincy (speaking to Butters in an angry tone of voice): Tell that pervert in the orange parka that if he makes another provocative comment about my sister, I'll rip his testicles clean out of his scrotum!
Butters (slightly startled): Uh… alright. Alright then. (He turns to Kenny) Kenny, that new boy says…
Kenny (muffled): I know, I know, I heard him! (He looks over at Quincy) Dude, sorry; I was just joking. I didn't mean to offend you.
Quincy (calming down): If you meant no harm, I forgive you. I'm just very protective of my sister.
Kenny (muffled): I can understand that; I'd do the same thing for my sister Karen.
Cartman (scratching the side of his head in interest. Then he turns to Stan and Kyle): I take back what I said. Only cool people can make such awesome threats like that. As of right now, they're both on the path to being cool.
Review please! I'd like to know: do you think I succeed in keeping everyone in-character? Or do I need to work a little more on that? What do you think of these two OCs I've got? If this chapter seemed a little dull, I can assure you, the next chapter will be more eventful.