-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sat on a train some stupid little silver headed kid is making googly faces at me through the seats in front of me. Him and his sister sit there care free playing some stupid game. So happy, so free I yearn to be that age once again. The small child looks at his young mother who returns his beaming face with a warm smile.

For some strange reason the small boy is crying now and his mother looks very annoyed at a man who sits beside her. He lights up a cigarette very proudly; the lighter is beautiful and shinny I want it, how already I despises this man. I seem to recognize this man the woman and the child.

It's me.......... my long dead parents and my twin sister.

I'm at home it's late the lights are off. I'm sneaking around my sister's room; I pick up her prized possession and place it on my head sinisterly, like many nights before taking her stuff and relocating them to other places. It will make great viewing tomorrow when the morning comes. She stirs in her sleep.

'Huh?' Must run away before she wakes up.

Downstairs safe...looking in the mirror I adjust her gold headband that sits on my head.

How cool do I look? It looks better on me anyway. Makes me look more important like a Lord or even a Prince waiting to be King.

I delve in to my father's coat pocket that's hanging on the coat peg next to the mirror. I pull out his shinny lighter.

CLICK!

A flame emerges from the top, how pretty? Moving my hand towards the lighter, I want to touch the pretty thing. But I don't yet realise that touching pretty things like that only leads to being burnt. I didn't know what was going to happen but I wanted to play. But something is drawing me to it. The flickering, dancing flame I have to touch.

"OUCH!" I've dropped the lighter and my finger throbs. I suck it to stop the pain.

FIRE!

I stand out side my house alone tears are rolling down my cheeks. I hear my mother screaming and my sister crying. Flames have engulfed my house. Alone watching the flames dance once more but bigger and more beautiful. Dancing and taking my mother, father and sister by the hands and leading them away for ever from me in there illuminating dance of death.

I can hear some one call me. Starting off faint then it gets louder.

"Dilandau?…Dilandau?....Dilandau?…Dilandau? Can you hear me?"

A dream? …A dream, but still that night shall always haunt me even in my dreams it shall haunt me. I can never escape it.

I opened my puffy eyes. Why? Why do they hurt? The light seems to blind me scorching my slow reacting retina, my head feels empty, numb and my chest feels like a bulldozer has smacked in to it. I cough the taste of blood fills my mouth and the smell of dried blood in my nostrils turn my stomach.

"Why Dill? Why do you do this to yourself?" The pleading of my foster mother invaded my ear. That only meant one thing. I should have recognized I was there by the smell of antiseptic. What had I done to myself this time? Slashed my wrist? No that wasn't it I still had full control over my fingers. May be I tried to hang myself? Nope doubt that I would be able to feel the rope burn clinging to my neck.

"You know we're gonna have to pay a fine for your supidity ." I remembered.

Coke… I had over dosed.

Those few hours of consciousness which involved me staying in the hospital no one visited me or even when unconscious . Why should they I had no friends anyway… just enemies. My foster parents drove me home and I went straight to bed and didn't talk to them. I just slept, my body felt drained and weak. Junkies where always kicked out when conscious and able to function.

Wednesday had arrived my alarm blared in my ears. I can't help but feel dread as I had to return to school.

Glaring eyes stared at me as I walked along the corridor. I know they were looking at my black out lined eyes, the black jumper I always wore that started to fray around the sleeves and my baggy black jeans shredded here there and every where . You must be thinking I look like a right tramp? But hey if I had done the job properly they wouldn't be staring at me. Maybe they wouldn't even remember me if I had of done it properly. Once again those pricks had broken in to my locker. I didn't keep much in there for fear it may be stolen. I retrieved my books from my locker, some thing that school thugs wanted someone else home work. But some how they would always leave there mark.

'Coke sniffer, Butt stabber, shit face.' Written on my books. Instead of Dilandau they had so cleverly changed it to 'Dildo'. Wow a new name, the name I shall be called until I leave this urine stained hell hole.

"Hey Dildo!" I shuddered at being called something like that.

"Hey Dildo didn't you hear me! I'm talking to you!" My locker slammed shut. There stood an ebony mopped haired guy. He smirked evilly. "So Dildo, where ya been? We've missed you." His friends smirked just as evilly as he did.

"Um I've been ill" I so tried not to make eye contacted with them, lowering my head so I could see my black boots.

"Van! There you are!" A honey-brown haired girl flung her arms around my tormenter. She looked at me frowned and pointed. "Why you hanging around him for?" She scowled at me. For a pretty thing she sure was a bitch!

The bell rang for first period, which thankfully saved me from them. First period science one of the many subjects I hated. Swinging my bag onto my shoulder I walk to my class alone. I sat in my chair at the back of the room as normal.

"Right class I'm going to section you off into you're new pairs. You'll be with them for the rest of the year." My turquoise haired teacher explained. He pushed the small round glasses up his nose as he read the pairs out, one by one. I prayed that I wouldn't be paired with Van Fanel or one of his cronies. "Hitomi Kanzaki I want you to go with Dilandau Albatou."

"Huh? But sir I always go with Van?" She protested.

The teacher looked at Van. "Yes I know that's why I'm separating you from my younger sibling." Yep my science teacher was indeed Van Fanel's older brother, Folken Fanel. I could see Van crossing his arms and going slightly red at the idea. It must have been awkward having your older brother as a teacher, plus the fact that he got more girls fancying him as well. "Hitomi move over to Dilandau's table please?" She scrunched her face up in discussed. She picked up her stuff and flung them on my desk. Sitting down she edged away from me as though I had some horrible disease.

Sir started to explain our next assignment. But to me when he opened his mouth all that came out was. "BLAR…BLAR...BLAR! BLAR! BLAR! BLAR!" I had no clue what he was going on about. So from frustration I chewed the end of my pen, then started to tap it against the table because I got bored of trying to chew the end of it to pieces. Plus the taste of plastic and ink wasn't that appetising.

"Dilandau, will you stop doing that I can't concentrate?" Hitomi whispered.

"You can understand this?"

Hitomi giggled at my remark. "You really are weird! I'll explain later…" She paused she must of realized she was being nice. "…I don't want to fail...ok?" I just nodded.

Lunch had arrived and Hitomi had promised to explain the assignment if I bought her lunch, which indeed she took advantage of and bought as much as I could afford. Well at least she acted as a deterrent towards those bastards just for this lunchtime though. The rest of the day had seemed to go smoothly, apart from the occasional glares and weirdo comments but words never hurt.

Returning home I had one of my many lectures from my foster mother, she had raided my room.

"Where is it Dilandau?" She grabbed my bag and started rummaging through it then threw it on the floor

"Where are you hiding them? HUH?" Did she think I would be so stupid as to hide them in my room or in my bag?

"Dilandau where is it? Don't make me strip search you?"

I delved deep into my inside coat pocket and pulled out a small clear bag half full of white powder. Grabbing it off me she then poured it down the sink. Sadly though that was only a few tea spoons of flour the silly mare didn't know the difference. The small bag a kept hidden away had in fact cost me my bass at the nearest porn shop. Ow well never used it any way plus it brought up to many memories.

"Dilandau you know we love you?" My head lowered and again I stared at my holey black and white holy socks. She tried to give me the guilt trip. "We don't want you to become ill again?"

I looked up to catch a smile cross her face. "Why don't you wear something a little bit more colourful then black? It's so depressing. You look like your going to a funeral."

All I could do was look at her and then I walked to my room. I had been called for dinner several times I just ignored them. I never felt hungry that may have been why I was so skinny.

The rest of the week was usual, got beaten up, got depressed, snorted coke and once again tried to end my miserable life. The usual; depressing really?

The next week came and it started like it normally did. BAD!

I always walked to school early for being albino I can't go in the sun for very long unless I want to be a nice tomato colour. My wonderful pink lenses glasses had been smashed so when outside in the sun I would just squint. I hated these glasses anyway. They were pink! I was already cursed with pink cornea's so why damn me more.

Van and his cronies had greeted me at the gates as usual. "Hey there Butt Smear!"

"HUH?" I looked up but I didn't quite catch what they had said because I had my walk man on.

"I'm talking to you dick face!" Van grabbed my headphones and ripped them out of my ears.

"What ya listening to?" His older friend picked up my headphones and placed one in an ear.

This guy was a few years older than me and went by the name of Allen Schezar. "Oh weird shit..." He laughed. "I can't understand a word this guy's saying. You really listen to some crap!" He then threw my headphones back at me.

"Hey!" I had to yell at him. My music was the only thing that kept me sane.

"What did you say?" Allen threatened as he pushed me up against the gates.

I could only swallow hard as I knew what was coming.

"I said WHAT DID YOU SAY?" He then punched my stomach; as I didn't respond. The taste of my own blood filled my mouth as I grasped my stomach and fell to my knees. Then soon after that there was a sharp blow to my back, which made me fall to the floor.

"Hey! Dildo you better stop talkin' to my girl...you little whore!" Then followed by my whole body being kicked; God knows how many times? To be honest I didn't really want to count. When they had finished with me they left me to clamber to my wobbly legs.

"See ya later Dildo!" Van laughed at me, his cronies joining in as they walked away.

Slowly and painfully I walked to the boys toilets. Pushing the door open I walked straight to the sink. Looking in the mirror I could see my right eye was starting to puff up and go blue. Blood was running out of my swollen nose and my face was scratched to fuck and there was now a nice rip in my favourite pants.

Turing the tap on leaving bloody fingerprints around it. I washed my face then wobbled to the cubical shutting the door behind me. Alone I slumped over the toilet and watched as droplets of blood fell in to the toilet water. I reached out for some toilet roll so I could scrunch it up my nose to stop the blood. I painfully propped myself up against the cubical wall. I took a deep breath through my mouth then rummaged through my bag. There in my hand was my real bag of coke, the one I kept safe from my step mom. I pulled the tissue out my nose and before I knew it I was snorting it off the toilet seat. How disgusting but I didn't care! My eyes flickered and then I felt normal again and there was no more pain. My nose had gone irritable and I kept messing with it, and that was it. Happy as Larry again world could do me no wrong.

The first period bell rang it sounded slow and slurred. Rolling my eyes I picked up my bag and went to science clutching the blooded tissue to my nose. Science was twice a week Monday and Wednesday. Hitomi tried to start random conversations with me about my weekend and stuff. She seemed to blabber a lot about nothing. I got the whole story no expenses spared about her and Merle's shopping trip, and then about some party she went to. I started to wish I hadn't been paired with her and maybe Van would have been a better choice or one of his stooges

"That's nice Hitomi sounds like you had ..........fun…" I couldn't help but sigh.

"Yeah well I bet you had fun with you Goth friends?"

There she goes like the others, stereotyping me. "Is that what you would class me as Hitomi?"
"Yeah well all you wear is black?...And the strange music Van says you listen to and the whole over the top eye make-up thing?"

It wasn't make-up. The lack of sleep and my coke addiction did that. I turned and looked at her I was puzzled by her.

"HOLY SHIT!" She yelled and clasped a hand to her mouth. I turned and looked at Mr. Fanel who was peering over his small round specks at Hitomi as were much of the class including her boyfriend. She was now bowing repeatedly and apologizing at the whole class. She sat back down then looked at me after wording stuff at Van probably to reassure him I wasn't abusing her.

"Shit Dil...Uh you don't mind if I call you Dil?...But you're face?" She reached out to try and touch it but I turned around so she couldn't see it. Why was she fussing over me Miss 'Eewww why you hanging around him?'

"God they beat you up bad today? That's the one thing I hate about Van! He's always acts so hard and he's so.... um…?" She sat there trying to think of the word to describe her bully of a boyfriend.

"Protective?" I suggested.

She glanced at me and smiled. "Well you could say that. I was gonna say he's a hot head."

That lunchtime I hid in the toilets again, I feared that Van would blame me for Hitomi's little incident in class. The only thing to keep me company was my walk man and again I snorted coke off the toilet seat. It was the only way to escape. I felt sanctuary in there but I had to leave it to go to my next lesson. But no worries I was as high as a kite.

Randomly on the way there I spied Hitomi walking to wards me in the crowded corridor "Um hey Dil I've had a word with Van not to do anything to you because we have to go to the library to get research. So if you're free after school may be we could go?" I just nodded.

"Well I'll meet you there. Because I gotta think of my rep. So I'll meet you in the library by the help desk... BYE!"

I didn't care much for reputation. Well after snorting coke of the toilet seat in the men's I think mine had gone to not having one to even worse.

After the minor beatings of the afternoon that only gave me another bloody nose I got to the library. As I walked in I could see that Hitomi was mad at me.

"You're late!" She looked at her watch then at me.

I clutched a bloody tissue to my nose "But you never said a time?"

She just smiled then laughed. "Oh yeah must of forgot." And she giggled to herself. I don't think she noticed my bloody nose but then she might have chosen to ignore it. Or was even informed of it.