(AU; takes place after time skip)
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Warnings: Adult situations, drug use
A/N: I don't know how this happened, I started writting and it kept getting increasingly bizarre. I watched Southland Tales yesterday, so I'm going to blame that. Anyway, this is a sort of love story... maybe. Oh, well, enjoy and have a happy easter.
XxXxXxXx
STAGGER
I drift in.
"How long has he been here?"
click.snap.tear
"I don't know, maybe a couple weeks."
"What's his chart say? "
clink.scrape.thunk
"Hmmm… massive head trauma, linear skull fracture, a couple broken bones."
"Makes you curious, doesn't it?"
"Probably fell off a building… or got into one hell of a bar fight."
snickering
"You think he'll ever wake up?"
"Maybe. I don't know, just hurry up with that IV, it's time for a smoke break.
"It's done."
A shadow moves across me; I can see it from beneath my eyelids, slow and dragging. My left eye drifts open, sluggish from the sleep that's gathered in the corner. All I can see is blinding white light. I blink, seeing purple shapes dance behind my eyelids. I try and bring my right arm up to shield my eyes, but it's heavy.
I squint, and see it's wrapped in white. I use my other arm to help me sit up and suddenly I feel like I'm going to puke. I lean over the edge of my bed, my head's spinning and the floor has light blue tiles. Where the hell am I?
There's a door on the other side of the room, maybe I can make it…
I swing a leg out from under the blankets and press it to the floor; the tile feels cold against my skin. My right leg's wrapped in white too, it takes more effort to move it to the floor. I step out cautiously… and I crumple so graciously…
My cheek smacks the floor and I let out a strangled noise. The IV's been ripped from my arm, I hold it to my chest.
The door opens and two girls in blue run in.
"Shit! Go get someone to help us put him in bed." One of them shouts and the other darts off.
"Hey, you're going to be okay. Do you remember anything? How about your name?" She carefully turns me on my back and checks my eyes.
Name?
…name…?
How can I not remember that?
"What happened?" A man comes running in the room, that other girl is right behind him.
"He fell, we were just in here and left and then we heard this noise and-"
"Whatever. Let's get him back on the bed."
They tuck me back in and reinsert that damn IV.
"How do you feel? Can you speak?"
"…yeah…" I grit out. It feels like the desert is in my mouth and my eyes burn in the back of my head.
XxXxXxXx
The next few days pass in a blur. Doctors come in and out. Two women come and visit me and say that we used to work together. Ino and Sakura, they both seem nice; too bad I don't remember them.
I pass in and out of consciousness. I wonder how long I've been here. There's no clock in this room. There is, however, a sliver of a window that looks out into a wood line. That's my only judge of time.
They gave me some crutches so I can hobble my way to the bathroom. It's small, but has a shower. I can barely use it though, because of my casts. I can't get them wet, or my head until the bandages come off.
For fun, I flip through my medical chart. There's some nice diagrams of my injuries. The top page has what I'm looking for.
Name: Inuzuka, Kiba
and apparently I weigh 160 pounds, have a 99 degree temperature and a pulse of 78 bpm.
…and no next of kin…
There's a knock at the door and I slip the chart back in its holder.
"Come in."
A nurse enters with a tray of food. The one with long blonde hair and blue eyes; Ino.
"You know, I'm capable of walking. I could just to the cafeteria myself and get some food."
"You aren't supposed to be walking that far yet, maybe in a few more days." She smiles helplessly and leaves the tray on the bedside table. As she goes to leave I grab her wrist.
"I've been meaning to ask you something."
She turns slowly.
"How well did you know me before… this?" I point at my head.
"We were both chuunin, sometimes we had missions together. Sometimes we were rivals." She smiles, but it's a joke I don't get.
"They tell me I got injured while protecting my village."
She nods, "We lost a lot that day, a lot of good people." Her eyes change for a moment, like when a cloud passes in front of the sun, "But our village is safe."
She touches my hand and leaves.
My skin crawls beneath my cast, if I could just get a pen or something to itch it…
XxXxXxXx
A few days later the doctors remove the bandages around my head. I asked for a mirror and they brought one. It's sitting on the table; I haven't looked in it yet. I kind of hope Ino'll come by today. She's really my only tie to who I was, besides that other girl, Sakura. But I haven't seen her since that one day. Maybe she works in a different wing or something.
I pick up the mirror; I might as well get it over with.
Hello, self.
They shaved all my hair off for the surgery, but it's started to grow back. There's a twisting scar along the right side of my head with black little stitches keeping it closed. Two matching red stripes line each side of my face, and the whites of my eyes have blood spots on them.
I trace the curve of my jaw with a finger, it's so strange…
…I guess I thought I'd recognize my face when I saw it…
…but I don't. My skin feels weird again, but not just the part that's covered by my casts. All of it feels stretched, like my skeleton is too big for it or something.
XxXxXxXx
It was raining when I woke up today. I watched from my bed as tiny rivers ran their way down the window, merging and parting until they disappeared from sight.
"I see they removed your bandages. What do you think?" Ino pokes her head into my room.
"I don't know, depends, how handsome was I before?"
"Not very."
"This might be an improvement then." I toss her a grin; she tosses it right back. "Have you eaten lunch?"
She shakes her head.
"Good. I was just about to go get some." I stand and grab my crutches.
"What? No, wait here and I'll bring you some." She puts an arm up as if to push me back into bed.
"Too late. Already up. Now you can escort me and make sure I don't hurt myself." I flash her a smile, but I'm missing my first premolar so it doesn't turn out as charming as I hoped.
"All right." She sighes.
…or does it?
XxXxXxXx
"So I was thinking," I say in-between spoonfuls of cherry jello, "If someone loses their memory, like me, and has no particularly ties with anyone, no close friends, no family… did I have family?"
"Yes, but they passed away." She looks down at her plate.
"Oh… well, what I'm saying is if someone lost everything about their former self, then they could just be anyone, right? They have just as much of a chance of being like their old self as being the complete opposite."
"…I guess that's true." She looks at me with those empty blue eyes, searching my face.
"I don't know if I can be the same person I was, I don't know if I'll ever remember you or anything else in my past. But, I'd rather start over and be who I am now."
I stick my hand out across the table, "Hi, I'm Kiba."
She looks confused but shakes my hand anyway, "I'm Ino."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ino. You come here often?"
She laughs, bright white teeth and all blonde hair.
XxXxXxXx
I haven't been sleeping well recently, maybe it's all the rain. It makes the air thick and my head aches. At night sometimes my muscles will spasm and I'll awake to a killer charlie horse. I ask Ino for some more morphine, the next day she brought me Avinza and said only to use one pill a day, only when I really needed it.
90mg capsules? That doesn't seem like much. I eat one and wait.
And wait.
And wait some more.
I chew another and hide the rest under my pillow.
XxXxXxXx
I'm standing parallel to the floor. I know this because I can't feel the ground touching me, but I can see the sky so crystal and clean. Clouds trace lazy circus shapes around me. I reach into one and pull out the color; it sparkles in my hand and sinks into my skin, beneath my cast, making it glow.
Suddenly, I'm aware of a shadow covering me. I lower my hand and stare at the person standing over me. I feel very cold, like I had just jumped into the shower before the water heats up. It's all over me, this shadow-feeling as I'm looking at him. He calls me something, but I don't catch it. I don't want to look at him or hear him. He looks familiar and all the stranger.
I come out of it in a cold sweat. Wiping my face, I sit up. Why did I know him? That face… I can barely think of it now. The picture in my mind is shifting and frayed around the edges.
Someone…
Someone with black hair and black eyes…
…or were they red?
XxXxXxXx
I kind of want to ask Ino about the person I remember, but I don't know if it's a true memory or not. I could have fabricated that face, especially in the state I was…
I probably made it up, everything else was nonsense.
Damnit, I wish I caught what he said. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and follow the red stripes down my face with my fingers.
XxXxXxXx
"What's this?"
"A surprise." Ino sets a large board with lines on the table and pulls up a chair. She begins putting boat-shaped pieces at each end of the board. "You seemed bored lately, so I brought a game."
"I don't know how to play."
"I'll teach you."
XxXxXxXx
The rain's finally stopped but I haven't even spared so much as a glance at the window. Ino sits before me, hunched over the board, index finger pressing against her pink lip. Her eyebrows are slightly quirked and she's squinting at her pieces with her blue eyes. Eyes you could drown in.
She snatches her hisha piece and moves it forward to threaten my keima piece.
I smile at her, "Why are you always attacking me, you never let up."
She shrugs, "A friend of mine taught me to play aggressively, always keep your opponent on the defensive."
"So, how long does this game usually run?"
"It could be a short game or it could last for hours; it depends on how smart your opponent is."
"Oh. Well, I should have this done in no time." I smirk.
"Shikamaru, that's so rude!" She glares at me from across the board.
I inhale sharply.
"What?"
"I said that's so rude."
"No, before that… what did you call me?" I look her dead in the eye.
"Kiba." She looks evenly back at me.
The rest of the game we play in silence.
XxXxXxXx
My cast is itching again, I try jamming a fork into it.
It's been a few days since I've seen Ino.
scratch.scratch.scratch
She's not telling me the truth…
…but maybe I can find it out anyway.
I swallow one of my pills. I'm running out.
XxXxXxXx
It wasn't as difficult as I thought to find her. She works in Neurodiagnostics. I knock on the door to her office, after a moment she answers.
"Kiba?" She blinks in surprise.
"Are you busy right now?"
"Not really, come inside."
"Thanks."
Her office is immaculate, that's the first thing I notice. Each and every paper in its rightful place. No books out on her desk, no random toys to alleviate boredom. Only a single plastic cup of coffee stands out, setting neatly on a round coaster.
"Is something wrong?" She takes a seat in her black office chair, "I mean, besides the obvious."
"Uhhh, no, I just wondered if maybe you could tell me about when we were all genin and all the different teams. I'm hoping maybe I'll start to remember something-"
She leans forward, and locks her eyes on mine. They're a subtle green, not like emerald, almost pastel and fading. Colder too somehow, not like Ino's at all…
"Kiba, I'm sorry, but with your injuries, it's unlikely you'll recover any memories, but if you like I'll go to records and retrieve what files I can on our gennin teams."
"Thank you, Sakura, it means a lot to me."
"You're welcome." She walks towards the door.
"Oh, and one other thing…" I hold out my empty Avinza bottle, "could I get a refill?"
She takes the bottle and leaves.
XxXxXxXx
After a few minutes I get curious. Her office is too pristine, no personal items out at all; it looks like an ad in a magazine. I move to the other side of her desk. Not that I'm snooping or anything…well, maybe I am. But I came all the way down here hoping she'd be more talkative than Ino, what a waste.
I open the top drawer: Paper clips, neon-yellow sticky notes, black and blue ball point pens, a worn out eraser. The second drawer: College ruled white notebook paper and green folders. I casually flip through them; empty… except for the last one. Tucked inside the wing of the folder is a profile picture of a man. He has long jagged, black hair and deathly pale skin with black eyes and that off into nothing. I quickly shut the folder and put it back in the desk.
I take my seat and grip the arms of the chair. I know that face…
"Sorry that took so long." Sakura breezes in and places a portfolio in my hands, "Here's all of us when we were rookie genin."
I look through pages of medical records for twelve year-olds. I find Ino's file, and Sakura's. I find my file and I read it. Nothing clicks, nothing is recognizable. I keep looking; there's no file for the black-haired man. But there is a file for a boy called Shikamaru. He has long brown hair pulled back and thin eyes with barely-veiled antipathy.
"So, you weren't on Ino's team?"
"No." She answers as she scribbles on a tablet of paper.
"But this guy was?" I hold up Shikamaru Nara's file.
She looks at it with an unreadable expression, "Yes."
"Were they close?"
"Yes." She continues with her mono-syllabic answers.
"Ino mentioned him once when we were playing Shogi, that's why I asked."
"She visits you often?" Sakura's face is a blank slate, I'm beginning to wonder if I can believe her anymore than Ino.
"Yeah, every now and then."
"Hmmm, I didn't remember you being that close."
"Neither do I." I grin and hand the portfolio back to her, "Were those all of the rookie genin?"
"Yes." She takes it back, face smooth as stillwater.
"Well, thanks again." I grab my crutches off the ground.
"Wait." She tosses me my Avinza bottle, completely filled, "Be careful with that."
"I will." I close the door behind me, pills rattle together in my pocket, making their own beat as I make the long trek back to room 139.
Sakura was being just as obstinate as Ino. She didn't know that Ino told me there were nine rookie genin. She only had files for eight.
XxXxXxXx
I wait around for an hour in the cafeteria until she finally takes her lunch break. I spy her sitting alone in the corner with tray of salad. I make my move, as quickly as I can on crutches.
"Hey." I slide into the booth across from her, "I've got a question and I'd really like it if you answered truthfully."
She pauses, fork in midair with a carrot stuck on the end.
"I talked with Sakura earlier about the genin teams, did you know she only showed records for eight of them. Eight, that's one missing."
"Records go missing all the time, Kiba, we aren't perfect."
"Yeah, but there's no reason to lie to me about it."
Ino puts her fork down, "I don't want to talk about it here." Her eyes dart around, "Come on." She gets up and takes her tray with her.
XxXxXxXx
"I found a picture in her desk too." I inform her once we get back to my room.
"You went through her desk?"
"That's not the point I'm making here. Yes, I happened to glance at some items out on display and one of them was a folder that had a picture of a pale, black haired man in it. Who is he? I… I think I remember him somehow."
"You remember him?" Ino looks at me as if I just said something cruel.
"Kind of…"
She tucks her bangs behind her ear, "He used to be a nin for the Leaf Village. But, he… he left the village."
"What's his name?"
"Sasuke Uchiha, but please, don't ever ask about him, especially not Sakura."
"I won't." I feel like I'm walking on paper-thin ice, as if I'm about to fall through something. I want to press on, I'm close to something. Like when somebody passes you in the dark and you can feel the space of another person. I've been feeling that lately… maybe it's the pills, but maybe…
"Ino, earlier, when we were playing that game, why did you call me Shikamaru?"
I see the shock register in her eyes before she can hide it, "You remind me of him."
"We look nothing alike. We weren't even on the same team."
"It's not like you remember." She says it like it's my fault, "You aren't yourself self anymore so you could be anybody, right?"
She leaves before I can say anything.
XxXxXxXx
I chew another pill slowly, letting the sourness fill my mouth and stick to my teeth. Is it my fault that I'm not myself anymore? Am I really disappointing anyone?
I drift out.
My skin seeps down, down, down.
Down into the fibers of my cotton sheets.
I fall into a gap between the threads and land in that no-place-space. I see a spindly tree shooting up from the ground. Tiny branches and tiny leaves, but it bears fruit. Walking forward, I notice my leg cast looks like copper. Under the tree stands the black haired man.
"Sasuke." I say his name and he smiles, plucking a piece of fruit from the tree.
"Yes, you know me, but what about yourself, Nara?"
He takes a knife from the folds of his robe and slices the fruit in two. It bleeds crimson on the ground.
"Eat of this and your eyes will be opened, and never again will they close." He places the fruit in my hand and takes a bite of his. The blood of the fruit dribbles down his chin onto his chest.
I bring the fruit to my lips, it smells sickly sweet. I pause, and the fruit whispers to me, "Goodknowledgeevileatofmesleepanddreamknowingforeverunknowingawake."
Sasuke laughs and I drift back in.
I'm lying on my hospital bed, gripping the bottle tightly in my hand. I have to find Ino.
XxXxXxXx
She's in the nurses' break room putting sugar in her coffee. She sees me and tries to leave, but my arm shoots out to the wall and blocks her.
"Listen, I really don't want to talk about this anymore-"
"I don't care, Ino." I growl and lean in, "Ever since I woke up here something's felt wrong about me. I feel fucked up all the damn time and I don't know why. And I think you know. I think you know and for some reason you won't tell me."
She looks terrified, eyes wide and curved; I back up and give her some space. "I'm not Kiba Inuzuka… am I?"
Ino brings a hand up to her face, it trembles. Just at that moment, some nurses enter the break room chatting about their weekend. I take her arm and lead her out; we pass by Sakura as we leave.
XxXxXxXx
"I didn't mean for it to be like this." She tells me, sitting on the edge of the bed, feet dangling. "I mean, I didn't even think it would work… I panicked…"
"What happened?"
"Our village was under attack by a nin called Orochimaru and his followers. Years before he had killed our Hokage and now he had staged one final attack to destroy the village, and he almost did. I honestly thought we were going to lose… we exhausted all our resources; we threw everything we had at him. And during that fight Kiba lost his life, along with many other nin I knew."
She threw her head back and looked at the ceiling, I think it's to keep her from crying.
"Are you sure you don't remember any of that?"
I shake my head, "All I can remember is that Sasuke, and even he's barely a memory."
"How can you remember him and not me?" Her forehead wrinkles and her eyes glare accusingly. I'm taken back by the venom in her voice, but I can see how much it hurts her. I pull her close to me.
"Ino, I wish so hard I could. I do… don't hold it against me." I say it into her ear. "Tell me what I forgot; tell me how I got here."
She sits up straight and plays idly with a chain around her neck. "Sasuke was the one who betrayed our village. He left us years before to train under Orochimaru in hopes of defeating his older brother. In the end he did, but it cost him everything he was. He slaughtered villages and bought that power with blood. For a while we heard nothing about Sasuke, then little by little rumors began to surface and our Hokage asked our best nin to track him down and kill him. Naruto was the first choice, but he couldn't do it, he didn't have it in him. She sent out the only other option, a nin who wasn't as strong, but might be able to pull it off by outsmarting him, Shikamaru Nara.
He left and hunted down Sasuke and killed him, but was gravely injured. He traveled back to Leaf Village and when he arrived we were already under attack. There was so much chaos going on, I didn't have the time…"
She looks at me, no longer holding back her tears, "You were bleeding everywhere and your body had so much poison in it. I couldn't save you as you were, it was too late, you were dying. And Kiba's body was already here at the hospital, he was already gone…so, I did what I had to; I didn't think, I didn't have the time. I used a forbidden jutsu to transfer your consciousness into Kiba's body."
"You… you put my soul in another body?"
"Kiba's injuries could be recovered from, yours couldn't. It was the only thing I could do… and it didn't even matter… I lost you anyway."
I cover my mouth with a hand. I don't even know what to say to her. Her and her unbound blue eyes and twin rivers running down her face.
"You didn't lose me, you saved me, you did." I reach out and wipe some of her tears away with my thumb, "I got to meet you again, and I'm grateful for that."
Ino smiles a little and I push the bangs out of her eyes. She looks like a porcelain doll, I wonder if she'd taste like glass…
"I- I have to go." She stammers and stands up.
"Wait." I reach out for her, but she slips through my fingers.
XxXxXxXx
It's sometime after two a.m., I can tell by the rise of the moon. I could pop another pill, but that's not what I want right now. I decided I'm okay with being a body snatcher.
The moon looks enormous tonight, a giant golden saucer pressed flat in the sky. The stars don't look bad either, but the moon's outshining them tonight. I try finding a pattern of constellations; I find the little dipper and that's it.
There's a tapping at the door, barely audible.
"Yeah?"
The door opens, slowly enough that it doesn't creek. And she's standing there, glinting blonde hair and completely unsure. Closing the door behind her she gradually walks forward, eyes muddled, hands clasped behind her back.
I move over and make room for her to sit, "Couldn't sleep?"
It's too dark to tell if her smile's real. "No… I got up and I really felt like I should talk to you, but now that I'm here I don't know what to say."
"It's all right, I was hoping I'd see you again soon." My hand searches for hers, "Ino, I don't have much right now, but the best days I have are the ones where I see you. And I've felt this- I don't know, this intoxicating bliss every time you smile. I've felt this way since that first day you let me go with you to the cafeteria. I know I'm not who I was, but this is me now and this is how I feel."
There's silence and I get a sinking feeling that I've said too much.
A pair of lips presses against mine and I grin and run my fingers through her hair.
"I feel the same." There's a break, and then she kisses me again, moving closer and opening her mouth. I accept her invitation.
There's no hesitation. I feel her crash into me like water bursting from a damn, too long restrained. She tastes so sweet and soft, nothing like I pictured. She arches her back as I chase the devil down her spine.
I moan into her mouth and her hands are busy trying to remove my complimentary hospital shirt. We part long enough to get the shirt off my head. Fingers trail down my chest, stomach, down, down, down. My hands outline her body and slip under her shirt, across her nipples; she shivers so delightfully.
XxXxXxXx
The sun's already well into lighting the day when I awake. Ino sleeps soundly on my chest, her hair spilling across me like golden threads. Lazily, I twine my fingers in it and touch her face. Blinking slowly, she looks at me; and suddenly, nothing else matters to me.
"You wanna get some breakfast?" Her nails outline shapes on my chest.
"Sure, I'll get it, you stay here." I kiss her nose.
"Breakfast in bed? That's a treat." She moves off of me and snuggles into the blanket.
"I figured you've brought it enough times, it's the least I can do."
I pull my shirt on easily, and pick up my crutches.
Ino giggles, "How are you going to bring a tray back?"
"Huhhh… I have pockets… so I guess we'll be eating something that will fit in them."
"Hurry back, Shikamaru."
"I will."
I close the door behind me and turn back around, nearly bumping into Sakura.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sakura."
She doesn't say anything, her eyes stare dead into mine and then she walks away.
XxXxXxXx
The next few days pass in a blur. Doctors come in and out. They say I'm making good progress and my casts should be off in a few months. I can leave soon too, if I want. They don't recommend it because I could have a memory lapse, but in all other aspects, I'm good to go.
I take some more morphine and close my eyes, preparing to float off into oblivion, when I hear the door open. It closes and she walks over to the side of my bed.
"How did it go today?"
…Ino doesn't answer. I crack an eye open and see piercing green eyes and pink hair.
"Sakura?"
She stabs me in the arm with a syringe, fast as a snake.
"Wha-?" I go to move away from her but my body suddenly feels numb. I keep moving, trying to shake it off, but it doesn't work. My skin goes clammy and I fall back against my pillow.
"What did you do to me?"
Sakura leans closer and watches me. "It really is you, isn't it? The brilliant Shikamaru Nara." She spits my name like it's a curse.
"I'm not- I don't remember what ever it is I did to piss you off. I'm sorry."
"No, that's not going to work."
She puts the syringe in her lab coat pocket and pulls out a silver trowel, pointed with a ring at the end that she holds onto.
"You say you forgot, but that's okay, I'll remind you. This is a kunai." She twirls the blade on her finger, "Just like the one you used to have. Just like the one you took with you when you went to kill Sasuke."
"Sakura, I swear-"
"Don't say you didn't do it, Shikamaru. You did, you fucking did! Even after I told you Sasuke would never hurt us. I knew him, he never would have hurt us. I begged you not to go. I.Begged.You." Her voice is low and fatal.
"But you did it anyway. You went and killed him and then came back the martyred hero. I wanted to kill you so bad, but it was too late. They had a great funeral for you I heard." She smirks a little, eyes gleaming.
"Sasuke was murderer, whether you want to admit it or not. He had to pay for what he did." The words roll around in my mouth like marbles.
"You're living in a glass house, Shikamaru." Her eyes narrow and she circles over to the other side of my bed, "Nothing you say is going to sway me. I look at you and I see a piece of shit that never cared about anything but himself his whole life and always took the easy way out. They recovered his body, Shikamaru. The autopsy said he was first stabbed fatally in the back and then received other minor injuries in the following fight, but that ultimately, he bled to death from his first wound. How much of a coward are you Shikamaru? Really now, in the back… like some damn dog…"
I struggle to sit up, but my body's frozen. She sees my alarm and laughs, "Don't bother, the paralysis lasts for hours, eventually it will eat away at your spinal cord, but you won't have to wait that long. I'm almost done. You know, Shikamaru, you should have been much more careful about searching my desk, that's what first tipped me off. Everything was out of place afterwards, very sloppy of you. Did you think I wouldn't figure it out? I couldn't trace some steps? Ino's the only person I know who has access to forbidden jutsu scrolls able to do this." She points at my body.
"Now, tomorrow, when they come to check on you, they'll find that sometime during the night, during your morphine-induced stupor you cut your own wrist and bled to death."
She turns my arm over, so it faces up and thrusts the kunai in. The blade sinks deep and severs my radial artery. Blood spurts out as she finishes the stroke, leaving me with a diagonal gash half the length of my forearm. Blood's already dripping off the side of the bed and making an ever-widening puddle on the floor.
"I'm sorry this couldn't hurt more." Sakura smiles at me as she walks out.
I drift out.
End