Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda.

Author's Note: So, it was brought to me that I should try comedy.
So I am.
My thing is drama, angst, tragedy, and no one really walking away happy.
But hell.
Let me give this a helluva shot.
Check it:
Link, a bored college student who sits away in his room, not even wishing for a new life. Wasted Saturdays writing his biography and uneventful plans. Catastrophic with women, except his friend Reiha. Sounds oh so familiar.
She's a fun, outgoing girl same college and has been friends with Link since middle school. And no, she is not based off of me. (Seriously)
Reiha is sick of his moping wears and sarcastic glasses, so she's out to make him happy.
What?
Unrequited love between them? Or will he fall for Zelda?
WHO KNOWS!
So without further pause.

I PRESENT.

Upgrade.

The best I could think for a title.

Purplelizard

"The pale light was invigorating. From the sea of warmth and understanding, I was thrust against my will into this cold blinding light. The chills ran over my body and brought forth an unsteady cry from my lungs. The salty tears escaping faster down my freezing cheeks, mixed with the impending mucus from my red nose. The light that was so inviting, was soon, my greatest enemy in a matter of seconds."

I hadn't written in so long. My fingers flew over the keys in blind excitement. It had been so damn long, since I wrote anything for myself and not for a class.
My writer's block is over, I thought smiling to myself.
It was when I had hit another paragraph of sheer genius when my door was bothered.
Knock, knock.

I didn't even stop typing. I kept at it, furiously hitting the keys, pouring my everything.
Knock, knock.
Harder this time.

I look at the door, my hands still going at the keyboard, practically slamming my fingers into every key.

Knock.

It was so final.

I sigh in relief and keeping going.

It came harder, angrier.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

"GO AWAY!" I yelled suddenly.

I paused for a second, waiting for the knock.

Nothing.

I huffed my content and went back to it.

"In a world so deep in deceit, I myself could only follow. This was a beginning of mistrust-"

BOOM, BOOM.

"Fuck it." I leapt from my chair and rushed to open the door. Tripping over a book on the floor, I cursed out loud and set in a march to the door.

"Okay, what the fuck…" I stopped right in my sentence to see a puffy faced girl on my door step.

I should have known on 11 p.m. on a Friday night it could only be Reiha, best friend and local pain in my ass. She was bundled up, with her scarf covering her neck, hat slumped and practically falling off her head. Her long gray coat was buttoned up messy. Her heaping gasps and panting sobs were already annoying the hell outta me.

"Shit, what happened?" I asked.

She make little sounds and squeaks, trying to control her tears. She moved her scarf from her mouth. Her tears were building up.

"You had a fight with Ethan?"

She nodded, her black curls bouncing.

"Okay, so you need a ride to his place?" I leaned against the door, adjusting my glasses.

She shook her head.

A simple realization came to me. So damn simple, I'm surprised that wasn't my first conclusion.

"Fuck, he broke up with you?"

She let out a loud squeak, followed by a fresh gush of tears.

"Uh, you broke up with him…" Reiha nodded. I continued. "Because everyone knew he was a fucking bastard who cheated every time he got a chance and though you had an idea you finally walked in on him and what's her name, Stacey?"

Reiha stopped crying and looked at me. I raised a brow.

She lifted a hand and slapped my head.

"Asshole! You have to be so damn blunt!"

She pushed me aside and marched into my house, crying louder.

I stood holding the door.

"Tears or writing, Reiha or making my millions, repeating tragedy or selfish gain." I thought out loud.

"Don't you have any fucking ice cream! What kind of shithole is this!"

I groaned. "Reiha it is."

When I walked back into my room, she was already on my computer, eating my apple pie, and wiping tears away. It never takes her long to get over shit like this.

"Fuck is this? Are you writing about being born?" She asked, crumbs spewing from her mouth.

"You barged in while I was busy." I sat on my bed, scratching my head.

"I thought you were in a block or something."

"I was out of it for about ten minutes."

"You should really spend Fridays out."

"Why do that when you can come crying to my place having a fit, spitting apple everywhere?"

Reiha looked at the computer screen and wiped it. She sighed.

"He really was a jerk huh?" Her grey eyes looked down to her feet.

"He didn't take you out on you birthday because he was a semi final in a hot dog eating contest."

"And he didn't even win."

"Nope not even third place."

She was quiet. "I am so stupid."

"Sometimes, opposites attract." I said.

Reiha sighed and pushed pieces of my pie around. She whimpered softly and bit her lip.

I can feel it coming.

"Link, I am pretty dumb right?"

Never fails.

I sighed loudly. "No you're not stupid, yes you are prettier, who would want a slut like that, sure we can get something to eat and yea I'll pay for it because you threw your wallet at him."

"Oh fuck you, like you have any idea what love is." Reiha stood and headed to the bathroom. "Let me get my face on."

I went to my closet and shrugged into a coat. When I was slipping my sneakers on, Reiha came out and searched her bag.

"Fuck, I just got paid too."

I wrapped my scarf around my neck. "That'll teach you."

Turning around and facing her, she looked much better. She was average height and had black curling hair. Her grey eyes were still a little red and puffy, and her nose was red, but she looked better then the squealing whimpering mess at my door awhile ago.

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled.

Grabbing my keys and flicking lights off, I looked at my computer, the angry bright light beckoning me.

"Link…" It was saying. "Forget that bitch and come back…"

I shut the door and push my glasses up.

Tonight was already too damn long.

"I mean let's face it, I was the best thing that ever happened to him." Reiha said looking at the menu.

I stared hard at the menu, my coat and scarf still on in case I needed to make a break for my computer. A milkshake that was all I had agreed to, but she was already wondering aloud about appetizers. This could have been a good night.

I mean, writing. Everyone knows how fickle writing can be, a lot of days where your just staring at your computer. Or you write sentences and decide against it. Or you can pull a novel out of your ass, sell millions, and maybe, win a Nobel Peace Prize. I smiled into the menu.

"Pigs in a blanket or…what you smiling about?" Reiha raised a brow.

"Nothing. Milkshakes."

"Hm, with pigs in a blanket?"

A milkshake and then, my writing.

"Reiha, I had good ideas and…" I looked up. Her face contorted and she looked like she was going to sneeze. Those big ones that leave snot everywhere. But instead, she let big wet tears come down her face.

"You are so mean!" She screamed and slammed her head down, coughing and sobbing.

Everyone in the diner turned to look at us. All those eyes on me had a ways of telling me, I was the asshole boyfriend, who made this weepy mess, cry. A woman even glared my way and shook her head. Guys gave me that sympathetic look. Oh God.

Not here.

"I was…so sssad…and…and.. I thought…we…talk…but…your so …MEAN!"

I dropped my menu and rubbed my temples.

"Hey man, you gotta do this kinda stuff at home. Break up and leave ya kno'." The man was in the booth behind us. "Hey sweetie, your hot. Any man would want you."

Reiha looked up. Her face was puffed and red. She looked like a sad blowfish. Uh huh. Real sexy.

"Oh she's not my…we're friends." I sighed. "Reiha, they have waffle sundaes."

She sniffed. "I don't want…it…woe is…ME!"

Okay, this is getting serious.

"And you can have a Texas burger. I'm paying and I swear I won't say your fat. Even if you have pie with it."

She cried hard.

The waitress stood beside me then. "What can I get you and the weeping willow?"

Funny.

"Reiha. I'll let you borrow my car for the week."

And just like that her head jumped up, tears dried up and she wiped her face. She looked up at the waitress.

"I'll start with pigs in a blanket, then a Texas burger with everything well done, extra cheese fries, a piece of choco cream pie and a milkshake. Strawberry." Handing her menu to the waitress she asks where the car is parked.

I dig in my pocket and fish the key out to my black Navigator.

"And you hon'?" The waitress asks after taking Reiha's order.

"A coffee please. Black and a large order of curly fries." I closed my menu. So much for the milkshake.

Reiha grabbed my keys out my hand and jiggled them. Her eyes were back to the dark gray and she was bouncing happily. All it takes is a little material therapy. A cup of coffee slides next to me. Reiha's pie is in front of her and half of it vanishes. She's fuckin' quick.

"I don't even have to mention how to take care of her and that you have to leave your car for me in the morning. Not that I'm excited to be in a PT Cruiser." I sip my coffee.

Reiha mumbles and talks while chewing.

She swallows and grabs my coffee. After a long sip she repeats herself.

"Yea whatever. But! Thank you Link!" She reaches over and hugs me. I pat her briefly and break away looking around.

I saw the blonde tresses flowing before her face. Her coat was bright red, black jeans tucked into red spiked boots. Lips outlined in red, blues eyes sparkling.

Zelda West.

Popular. Beautiful. Untouchable.

Just what I need. She sits in front of me in my Physics class and has yet to ask me something other then the homework and what the professor just said. She was breathtaking and always had a fan club swooning over her.

I don't know if I like her, but I get this really funny feeling.

"Zelda huh?"

I snap back to Reiha.

She was sipping my coffee and eyeing her boots. "I have those. You like her? Try it. She's real nice and pretty."

"Like I have time for PMS and Valentine's Day."

"Oh come on! When was the last time you had a girlfriend?"

Hm. Cynthia?

"Cynthia was a fucking boring nightmare."

Not that boring. Just…into science.

"All that shit about global warming and PETA."

Yea. She was psycho about that stuff.

"That damn twitch."

"She wasn't that bad. I don't have time for that shit." I said.

Zelda, now was sitting in a booth alone. She took off her coat to show a red stretch turtle neck with a black sweater buttoned over it. She looked classic and smiled when the waitress brought her coffee.

"Bag it. She's single I hear." Reiha bit into her burger.

"When the food come?" I asked.

"I was hoping you still be distracted. Those curly fries look good." She said reaching over and plucking one.

"Yea well, I don't want to deal with all that love and stuff." Dumping ketchup, I continued. "Remembering birthdays and anniversaries and all."

"You gotta make it there first stupid." Reiha said.

"Like you ever did."

"I did!"

"Who?"

"John…and… oh yea! Doug."

I laughed. "Doug? The pizza guy?"

"Hey he was cool! And sweet and cute! He was really cute, everyone wanted him."

"Sex and pizza, who can pass that up?"

"He was really nice and cute."

"And he had all the hookups. Pizza Hut, Domino's."

Reiha was silent. "Your so cynical. This why I'm the only woman in your life."

"Oh? Let's compare leg hair."

"Asshole."

"That too."

I let her glare at me until I swooped in for the last bite of her pie.

"Let's go see a movie tomorrow. My treat." Reiha asked happily driving back to the dorms.

"With what money? You wallet's hostage at Ethan's." I say looking out the window, hand propped up holding my chin.

"Oh yeah. Shit, can you get it?" She made a left and pulled into the parking lot.

"Hell no." I unbuckled the seat belt and got out.

"Link please! I can't face him!"

"So the hell what? You clock in and out." I said wrapping my coat tighter. Jesus it was fucking cold.

Reiha beeped the car twice and the it locked. She tried catching up to me, but I walked faster so she wouldn't-

Throw herself on my back and start crying.

She hugged me from behind and cried into my back. Wiping her nose back and forth into my wool coat. I stood rigid, more tired then anything, and really getting bored with her antics.

But even as kids, her doing this, I always fall back and give in to her. She's like that spoiled little sister who isn't even cute. She's just annoying.

"Linky…please…I can't." Reiha gripped me harder.

"Can we do this inside it's cold."

"She might be there…wahhhh." Reiha was getting more desperate.

I pushed her off me and turned. She was pathetic, hair matted against her face and eyes all red, tears still falling. She wasn't looking at me anymore, she was crying her head down hands balled at her sides. The way she shook…she was sorta…

"FINE FINE FINE!" I belt out.

Reiha looked up and smiled. "You're my bestest friend!"

Embracing me hard, my glasses shifted up my face and her little arms snaked around my neck. She looked up at me and smiled more.

"The best. Really."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's go inside. I'm freezing my ass off."

Reiha stayed the night like she does many a time, bugging the hell outta me and asking me stupid question about Zelda. But I can't help but notice that when I was going to bed that night, my thoughts were only of her. The red coat, her eyes. And a funny feeling was in my stomach.

"Must be gas." I said out loud before shutting the light off in my room.

Gahh this was my attempt at Comedy!

I hope it went well. I wanted the first chapter to focus on the relationshop between Link and my OC character Reiha.
Everyone else will come to play in the next chapters and have roles in this fic.
So!

Read and review please.