Chapter 1: Gilderoy Lockhart, Fraud!

Gilderoy Lockhart was enjoying his ice castle at the Dragon Den, an upscale restaurant in Diagon Alley. The elaborate desert was frozen into the shape of Hogwarts, and miniature marzipan people waved up at him. Just the thing to celebrate his position as Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher. He was already experiencing an uptick in sales, having assigned his book series as the textbook for all years.

A fan approached, a witch with hag blood somewhere in her ancestry. He pasted on his Smile No.3 and brought out the parchment and quill he carried on him constantly. She assured him she was waiting with anticipation for the upcoming release of his autobiography, Magical Me. Always happy to indulge a fan, Gilderoy spent a few minutes chatting with her, skilfully ignoring her flirting and trying to avoid looking at the wart on her nose. It drew attention like a beacon. It was offensive to beauty everywhere. Gilderoy smoothed back his perfectly coiffed hair.

Now the witch sitting on the table next to him had a fine pair of tits. She was accompanied by an older couple, presumably her parents. He listened into their conversation. It seemed to be a banal catch-up session. The older witch had a German accent, and Gilderoy was reminded of his visit there a few years ago to find material for Travels with Trolls. That wizard who defeated three trolls at once only spoke German, so Gilderoy was forced to pay a large amount of money to acquire the language magically. Caught up in reminiscing, Gilderoy was startled when the older witch finally said something interesting.

"How did you end up defeating that hydra in Africa you mentioned in your letter, Camelia?"

"It was rather difficult. It was a solo kill, for starters, as the villagers only had enough money to hire one mercenary. With skilled use of the cutting curse and then quickly cauterising the stumps with fire spells I stopped the heads regrowing, although I wasn't quick enough on the fire a few times and had to contend with a couple more heads," the young witch explained. "When it was decapitated it lost its invulnerability and I got it with a cutting curse to the heart."

Excellent! This sounded like a perfect story for his next book, and Gilderoy didn't even have to leave the country. Some African villagers were hardly likely to read his book. It sounded as if Camelia was a skilled fighter, unlikely to be taken by a surprise with an Oblivate as some of his other victims. No matter; she was attractive enough, it would be no hardship to seduce the full story out of her and do a memory charm while she slept. The mother looked much less fierce, and unless Gilderoy missed his guess the father was a muggle. He was wearing muggle clothes, and Gilderoy couldn't see a wand. The parents should be easy enough to obliviate.

With that in mind Gilderoy ordered a glass of expensive firewhiskey for Camelia. She seemed surprised when the waiter brought it to her, and when she glanced his way he raised his own glass in salute. She smiled in thanks, but cast numerous detection spells on the firewhiskey before drinking it. Paranoid witch. Afterwards, she approached his table.

"Top notch firewhisky. I'm Camelia Castor," she said, extending her hand. He kissed it. She raised an eyebrow at the old-fashioned gesture.

"Gilderoy Lockhart, it was the least I could do for a beautiful witch like you," he said, making sure to display his award-winning Smile No.1.

"The celebrity adventurer? What a fortuitous meeting. I myself am a mercenary. It would be interesting to swap stories sometime," Camelia replied.

"A fortuitous meeting indeed, Camelia, may a call you Camelia?" Without stopping for agreement, he continued, "I would love to share my travels with you. Say here, tomorrow night?" Gilderoy gave his best enticing look.

"Alright," Camelia agreed, "seven o'clock?"

And so, her fate was set.

As he expected, after a lengthy dinner during which Gilderoy recounted the long since memorised tales in his books, she was more than willing to enjoy a night in the sheets. Enthusiastic shagging ensued.

Gilderoy watched as Camelia's dark hair spilled over the pillow. Her breathing was even. Careful not to make a sound, he reached for his wand. He would need to remove the 10th of June to the 27th, as well as the last two nights where she told the tale to her parents and spent the night with him. He concentrated, "Obliviate."

Camelia started awake at the sound and rolled over, the spell missing her by an inch. In an instant, she was holding her own wand, and cast a silent disarming spell followed by an Incarcerous. Gilderoy's wand flew out of his hand, and thick ropes sprung out of nowhere and bound him.

"What were you trying to do, Gilderoy," she demanded, levelling her wand at him. He stayed silent. She lowered her wand to his private bits.

"Alright, I'll talk," he said in sudden fright, "just point your wand somewhere else." She lowered it to her side. Gilderoy explained fans often gossiped about nights in his bed, so he made a practise of Obliviating them. Camelia called bullshit, and cast a tickling hex. Perfectly legal, it was extremely painful if left on for too long. Finally, Gilderoy explained his proclivity for illegal Obliviation.

Camelia pulled on her clothes and left to floo call the Aurors from Gilderoy's fireplace. She was disgusted. She had thought him attractive enough, if a bit full of himself. Not only was he pompous ass, it appeared Gilderoy was a lying ass lacking any morals. She never expected him to attack her. Hired to deal with witches and wizards causing trouble on a regular basis, she woke up as soon as she heard the Obliviate and automatically moved. Compared them, Gilderoy was small potatoes.

The Aurors cracked a few jokes when they found Gilderoy naked and bound in ropes, but they carted him off willingly enough. Only the Aurors, primarily the sub-department the Obliviators, could perform Obliviations. There was also the fraud charge, so he was looking at a few years in Azkaban. Camelia can already picture the book title: Date with a Dementor.

The trial was watched by two extremes. Tearful fans of the adventurer called out they still loved him, shooting Camelia dirty looks. Angry fans shouted insults, and congratulated her. Cameila recited her witness statement, and the Wizenmagot conferred.

Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore had a problem. The Daily Prophet proclaimed GILDEROY LOCKHART, FRAUD accompanied by a picture of a that famous smile trapped behind bars. It was the 10th of August and he was now lacking a Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor for the upcoming school year. Gilderoy had been the only applicant, so although Dumbledore had become suspicious of his claims when he asked a few questions to test the man's knowledge, there had been no other option but to hire him.

Dumbledore sucked on a lemon drop as he pondered. Perhaps that witch who uncovered Lockhart's crimes would be willing to teach? According to the Daily Prophet, Amelia Cartor was a skilled mercenary who employed her expertise in sex magic to take Lockhart down. He wondered if she was descended from a Veela. A bit of investigative work revealed her name was in fact Camelia Castor and she had graduated from Durmstrang twelve years ago. While Durmstrang taught Dark Arts, she herself had a clean reputation as a skilled mercenary who took down Dark witches and wizards as well as dangerous creatures. Alastor Moody reported she had no Veela blood as far as he knew, and had defeated Gilderoy with an Expelliarmus and an Incarcerous. Promising. Albus Dumbledore quickly penned a letter and sent it off with Fawkes. A phoenix usually got people's attention.

Camelia was enjoying a leisurely lunch at her flat. It was empty most of the year, and she thought she should come home to Britain more often. Her parents were astonished when she stuck around after the trial, but she felt the need for a break from adventuring. This Lockhart stuff had dimmed her enthusiasm for the profession.

When flame roared on her kitchen table, her wand was drawn immediately. If a phoenix could look surprised, she would say this one did. She had never seen a phoenix before, but it was easy enough to recognise. Shining red and gold plumage and appearing in fire. It didn't appear to be hostile, perching calmly on her table. Camelia noticed a letter on its leg. A phoenix reduced to a messenger bird? After checking for any nasty surprises, she removed it.

Dear Ms Castor

May I congratulate you on the skillful unmasking of Lockhart's illegal activities. You prevented me from making a grave mistake, as he was to commence teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts this year. I would like to offer you the now vacant position, having heard tales of your expertise in duelling. As the school term begins very soon, please attach your reply to Fawkes, the phoenix who brought this letter, within the next five hours.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts

A teacher? She didn't know the first thing about how to teach kids. Wasn't there some rumour about the Defence position at Hogwarts? Yes, that's right, it was said there was a jinx on the position as no Defence teacher had lasted more than a year for the last thirty years or so. It appeared to have struck very early this year.

Sounded kind of interesting. And she was sure she would be an improvement over Lockhart at the very least. Hadn't she just been thinking she wanted a break from being a mercenary? Camelia was slowly convincing herself.

"May as well meet with him and talk about," she muttered, levitating paper and quill towards her. Fawkes disappeared in a ball of flame.

Phoenix communication was nearly as instant as the telephone, so they soon agreed to meet at the Leaky Cauldron that night to discuss it further. Dumbledore was satisfied. He was sure he could persuade her.

Over a roast dinner Ms Castor asked many intelligent questions, and he knew he had made the right choice. He explained there was no set curriculum, she was simply required to teach material appearing on the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. In what order and how she did so was up to her. Currently, students are buying the full set of Lockhart's books as their textbooks. It was too late to change the booklist. Over the years he had made many attempts to discover the cause of the curse, but alas they were all in vain. She could not teach any spells forbidden by the Ministry of Magic, or any spells classified as Dark Arts.

At the end of their discussion, by which time his mouth was quite dry, Camelia gave her answer. "I'll do it one condition. You change the name of the subject to Defence. No Against the Dark Arts. If a jinx is attached to the position, that may prevent it from striking. Also, I plan on teaching defence to more than just the Dark Arts."

Dumbledore employed Occlumency to keep his face from showing any surprise. What an elegant solution. If it worked, he could finally keep a Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts for more than a year.

"Agreed," he replied, and they shook hands. She would move into the castle in three weeks time to be filled in on all the details and for the staff meeting before term began. He had a feeling he might have finally hired a competent Defence teacher.

Lucius Malfoy almost dropped the letter he was holding into his tea. Catching it just in time, he ignored Narcissa's disapproving glance and Draco's gaping stare.

Dumbledore wanted to change the name of Defence Against the Dark Arts to Defence. He had hired a Professor who graduated from Durmstrang. It seemed Dumbledore was reducing animosity towards the Dark Arts for him. He quickly sent of an approving reply. Lucius pondered whether to send letters to the other school governors, hinting at reward or blackmail. However, they were all likely to support the change in the hope of removing the remove the curse. This new Defence Professor promised to be very interesting if they'd already done so much before the term even began. Hopefully, Draco might actually learn something.