EndG8
Part 6: Aaronversageddon
Chapter 1: A new kind of Normandy
Song to put on: Buckethead – Electric Sea
It doesn't really matter which of the over 40 different characters that were involved in a circus in an alternate Egypt, a university near monsters in an alternate Czech Republic or a whirlyball event in an alternate Brazil, constant reader old chum. For they all had the exact same beginning in this adventure:
They awoke to find themselves on a small island unto themselves. They were very disoriented, they were tired, they were cold, and their first visual of this place (upon opening their eyes) was a hole in the sky directly above them. And on some level, they knew that they had come through that hole to whatever place this was only a few minutes prior. They also inherently knew that the journey here (while risky at a quantum level), was nowhere near the risk that lay before them. Each individual took a walk along the beach of their island, trying to calm themselves down before their destiny played out for them.
Their was an eerie level of tranquillity on each of the islands. All that each individual heard was the ocean's waves around them, the trees blowing behind them, and their own bodies. Wherever this place was, there was no other noise whatsoever. No animals, not even any mosquitoes. The sand underneath each of their feet suggested that wherever this was, was more finite and infinite than where they had come from at the same time.
"Pity, no seashells to pick up and admire" each of them thought to themselves simultaneously.
After the better part of a half hour of walking, each of them encountered a large boat off in the distance. They appeared to be completely deserted, but each individual was nonetheless compelled to run towards them, reaching them after only 2 minutes of first seeing them. They appeared dilapidated, but still functional (not unlike how fishing boats are seen in the bayous of America's Cajun country). Upon each of them, was written, the following:
"No one is an Island unto themselves. Please, get in."
"Whoever wrote that, is a sincere individual." thought each individual as they hopped over the rear of the boat in order to board. There were no lower galleys or crew quarters to speak of, just a large, flat section of metal for each individual to stand on. "Thankfully, I'm wearing shoes." each individual thought to themselves. The boat then began moving, much to the bewilderment of each individual. "There is no skipper to speak of, how can this boat be moving?" each of them asked.
But that became the least important question in their minds as...others began appearing in the boat via the holes in the sky. Others that looked different and not so different from themselves. There was no dialogue between the passengers on each of the boats, as all of them focused on the near-future, ever quickly becoming the present.
"Thank you for coming. It won't be long now."
That was the voice and words inside the minds of everyone. It was great to hear any version of Aaron again, as he was dead on most of their worlds. It wasn't long before they began to see a larger island in the distance. They each calculated that this was the largest island on the entire planet (a few even figured out that it was approximately the size of the New York City that existed on their world).
"One way or another, it all ends today."
Over on the main island, were the 666 interdimensional beings that not only enjoyed the pending total destruction of the Aaronverse, but wanted the entire multiverse wiped away and re-used. They were all gathered together exactly 1/4 of a mile north of the south shore of the island. With the shore just out of visual range, even for their non-human eyes.
"For someone so determined to save his own verse, he is sure keeping us waiting" spoke one of them aloud, reflecting the views of most of them.
"He'll be here. If 10 more minutes of this...leftover world's time passes without his arrival, we begin taking down the multiverse anyway. He and his cousin are the only 2 of our kind that oppose us as Barash will be dead shortly."
All 666 of them nodded in unison, it would've been unsettling for any human to see that level of precision.
Aaron-prime, Robbie and his copies washed along the shore of the Island. They were all not exactly sure how long they had to swim to reach the main Island, but the human copies were all experiencing varying levels of exhaustion and anxiety...
...although not about the nearing war.
"Our clothes...are self-drying" stated Aaron-1989.
"I imagine that some of the laws of all of the sciences don't completely apply here." was all that Aaron-prime managed to say.
"Are you scared?" asked Robbie, making sure his eyes and the eyes of Aaron-prime met and stayed locked on each other.
"I'm more scared of what's behind me than what's in front of me, ladies and gentlemen." Aaron-prime replied, making sure to look at all of his copies.
All of them saw traces of boats along the horizon to the south of them, partially covered by fog.
"We better get going if we want to keep these interdimensional bastards surprised." offered Aaron-1326.
Aaron-prime nodded, and began walking inland. Robbie and Aaron's copies followed close behind.
"Here he comes. With an entourage 2/3 the size of Jesus Christ." spoke one of the 666.
"Wouldn't it be fitting if we crucified Aaron-Prime...before we make him watch his verse be erased from all of existence."
Song to put on: Green Day – Working Class Hero
It was only a minute or two before Aaron-prime, Robbie and Aaron's human copies were within speaking range of the 666.
"So Mister Collins, what is it to be?" asked all 666
Aaron-prime began laughing hysterically, all of the 666 became...unsettled.
"What's so funny?"
Aaron-prime obliged. "I let 23 billion people die, it will be held over me for eternity. I let the multiverse be erased, all of my creations were for nothing. And besides, I figured out that you're just going to wipe out the multiverse even if I just let 3 worlds be destroyed. You know, I keep thinking about just after I died and reached that tavern. 'Not-Colin' seemed so sure that you guys could hold something over me to force me into being an instrument of your bidding. I'm...not sorry, to inform you all, that you have failed. Not only in failing to force my conformity, but you failed to see a third option brought to me by 1 of the centillions of humans that you despise."
Aaron-1989 turned to you, constant reader old chum and asked "Now how often can one use the word representing 10 to the 303rd power in a proper sentence, much less in a book?"
"And what is this third option?" asked 1 of the 666.
Suddenly, a bunch of HDTV screens appeared around the 666, Aaron-prime, Robbie and Aaron's human copies.
"You're...going to force us to watch Doctor Who to death?" asked another of the 666.
"I think the boats are ashore now." announced Robbie.
The HDTV screens...turned on:
"Bringing you tidings from across the Aaronverse, we are 323 Dani Stafford's, ready to roll the dice for the fate of the Aaronverse."
"465 Dan Dotson's, LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!"
"1139 Rudy Castro's standing ready to bring the RudeDog to this interdimensional party"
"1452 Mary Holm's, time to get our geek on, motherfuckers"
"1684 Amanda Williams', ready to take back the prime Aaronverse real estate"
"1737 Megan Hayes'...G'Day, you non-human assholes"
"1871 Joe P's, as there was no way I would miss a war this legendary"
"1964 Jane Chapman's, and you're all getting lit up like the Cuyahoga"
"2312 Olivia Mell's, ASPIE PRIDE"
"2592 Isaac Tong's, ready to frag these interdimensional buttweasels"
"2644 Allan Mcninch's...uh, what this Olivia chick said"
"2814 Sherry Ripa's, all-in"
"3042 Jason Carman's, run to the hills"
"3536 Krystal Dinn's, standing ready"
"3856 Heather Stitt's, as we believe we have some scores to settle regarding what you did to our kids"
"3993 John Luke's, don't even think about destroying the multiverse"
"3997 Gloria Garbuio's, ready to rid the multiverse of its' own cancer"
"4247 Laura Dotson's, today is the biggest payday of this ladies life"
"4466 Miriam Emilie's, standing by"
"4590 Thom Phung's, as the old guard of the Aaronverse needs to be represented"
"4688 Laurie Stansfield's, couldn't let Allan do this alone"
"4782 Tyrone Magnus', as I can feel that some of the Magnaverse is starting to die too"
"4831 Gregg Davis', bringing some straightedge to this war"
"4844 Tamara Costa's, bringing some Modesto to these proceedings"
"5070 Melinda Hughes, apparently this battle needed that many lemurs"
"5533 Jen Lemons...yeah, I have nothing clever to say here"
"5544 David Kay's, because there's no school like the old school"
"5809 Laura Bradley's, as apparently we're still alive"
"5850 Justin Welsh's, what up boss?"
"5863 Kate Pelisek's, ready to craft saving the Aaronverse."
"5894 David Flannagan's, and as the longest tenured member of the Aaronverse I'm disappointed that there's not more of me"
"6016 Amy Dybing's. I would say 'hi babes' to these interdimensional fucktards but...we need to talk"
"6041 Holly Rapp's, as this is too awful for even me to stay away from"
"6420 Julie Bourke's, as I couldn't let Megan represent the land down under by herself"
"6626 Jess Oresto's, as I...just miss sharing a land with Aaron since I moved back to New Jersey when those Your Favorite Enemy pieces of shit left me behind for no reason"
"6775 Adam Debideen's because Isaac and Melinda will get into trouble here without me"
"7777 Maddie Gudenkauf's, wow, there's a lot of me's for me being one of the newer members of the Aaronverse"
"7986 Jeanie Smith's, because Texas just simply can never be represented enough in any form of fiction"
"8050 Rick Coffill's, because it's a dog eat dog multiverse"
"8111 Ricky Smith's, because I've been waiting for this gravy train since almost the day I met Aaron"
"9350 James Ford's, because apparently we had nothing better to do"
"9454 Chiara Malvestiti's, because this great opera that is the Aaronverse deserves a grand ending"
"9593 Buckethead's, as my music is on the line as well"
"9814 Fabio Ammuri's, as these proceedings need wolves and not only phoenixes"
"9889 Cindy Hayden's, because heads are going to roll"
"Dear God...that's...almost the entire Aaronver..."
BAM!
One thing about the eye (both human and interdimensional being) is how wide-angled one can see with them. For interdimensional beings however, it is also how wide their energy shots can be fired. With merely 1 thought, Aaron-Prime fired a shot that while non-fatal to the 666, sent them through the air over several miles (plowing through multiple buildings in the process).
"I didn't want them overhearing me: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the day all of my writing has been built up to. I've known that on a subconscious level for years, and I hope that you have too. I wouldn't have asked for you if I didn't believe in you enough to do this, and I trust you all know how hard it is for me to believe in anyone, even myself."
Aaron-prime deliberately paused for a moment, letting that sink into his Aaronverse, before continuing: "I'll be co-ordinating the entire war while throwing down with all of you as best I can. Sound is a weakness for these guys. Bucketheads, I believe all of you will need these."
All 9593 Bucketheads had simultaneous guitars appear in their hands. All white, large-framed Gibson Les Pauls (all attached to small amplifiers located at their hips that were powered by Bucketheads bodily energy). Robbie raised his hand "Um, excuse me, Aaron, yeah, we're interdimensional beings as well, so his playing is going to slow you and me down too"
"Well aware, my dear cousin. Another reason why I brought my friends along, Big B's, scatter, light these bastards up."
All of the Bucketheads nodded and began running in any direction that wasn't back towards the shore, guitars in hand. The entire Aaronverse barely noticed, as the numbers of their Aaronworlds began appearing on their foreheads, just like in the mixed poker book.
"I was kind of afraid that this would happen. To all of the lords surnamed Magnus, I know that defence isn't exactly your game in times of war, but those with the word "Prime" on their foreheads are the originals. They need extra protection, as just because I was able to beat the energy beams of my fellow inerdimensional being, doesn't mean that they can. So, you have the rest of the time of my speech to find the primes and act as their shadows"
Tyrone Magnus-prime stepped forward, armed with a hammer that had no business on any earth in the Aaronverse and said "You will have the united defensive services of the me's in your Aaronverse...but you're going to owe us a big favour."
Aaron-prime actually gulped in brief anxiety. "I understand, and I accept your terms."
The 4782 Tyrone Magnuses nodded at Aaron-prime simultaneously and began looking at everyone's foreheads. After 2 minutes, each prime person in the Aaronverse had over 100 Tyrone's protecting them. Aaron-prime leaned over to Robbie and whispered "Tyrone-prime doesn't need protection and all of the Bucketheads are masked. If I don't who Buckethead-prime is, they won't either."
Robbie nodded, Aaron-prime continued "I can tell from the crowd of 223334 (counting the scattering Bucketheads), that not everyone is here yet."
The members of the Aaronverse took a moment to look at each other, and realize that Aaron-prime was right, there were some newcomers yet to arrive.
"The John Luke's. I'm sure by now that all of you know what I asked of the John on Aaronworld-prime?"
The John Luke's nodded. "Let's see, the number 3993 has...8 divisors. OK, form into groups of 11 and scatter across the island, look for the others. When you find them, bring them up to speed as to what's going on as best that you can. To the Tyrone's that are guarding John Luke-prime, keep on him. To all of the Tyrone's, you may need to re-group when the new guests arrive in order to protect newly arriving people with the word 'Prime' on their forehead. Finally, eyes are the weak points on an interdimensional being's body, go for them early and often."
The John Luke's (with 102 of the Tyrone's) made their exit, scattering around the island. "OK, as I said a few minutes to go: I'll be co-ordinating the entire offensive. You will all be put into 3 Battalions: Robbie, Aaron-1989 and Aaron-2208 will lead Battalion A starting at the north end of the island and heading south. Take the Dani's, the Mary's, the Joe P's, the Isaac's, the Jason's, the Gloria's, the Thom's, the Tamara's, the David K's, the Kate's, the Holly's, the Adam's, the Rick's and the Chiara's and head there now. No site-to-site transport, the interdimensional beings will be down long enough for you to get to the north end of the island on foot"
They nodded and took their leave (with the applicable Tyrone's in tow), with only Robbie and Aaron-prime exchanging nods before they parted company.
"Aaron-180, Aaron-651 and Erin-842 will lead Battalion B. Take the Dan's, the Amanda's, the Jane's, the Allan's, the Krystal's, the Laura D's, the Laurie's, the Melinda's, the Laura B's, the David F.'s, the Julie's, the Maddie's, the Ricky's and the Fabio's to the middle of the island. Battalions A and C will make their way towards you guys in our war over the next few hours."
They nodded and took their leave (with the applicable Tyrone's in tow). Aaron-prime continued "That leaves Aaron-1135, Aaron-1326 and Erin-1617 running Battalion C with the Rudy's, the Megan's, the Olivia's, the Sherry's, the Heather's, the Miriam's, the Gregg's, the Jen's, the Justin's, the Amy's, the Jess's, the Jeanie's, the James' and the Cindy's. You guys are staying here but will slowly make your way north as some of these bastards may not have been thrown very far by what I just shot at them."
Heather-601 (from Warful of Seoul) stepped forward and asked "And where exactly will you be, Mr. Pirate?"
Aaron-prime looked up at the sky.
"Oh no, why?" asked Jen-1456 (from Turkish Conference).
"Firstly, I can slow down the arrival of the latecomers, like I did with all of you. Secondly, powers vary between interdimensional beings...Some of these guys can fly, so can I. Thirdly, I can better hear all of you inside my mind if I'm in the middle. Fourth, I can find strays on the ground faster from above than you guys can on the ground. Fifth, I can best monitor this world's stability in the sky. Six, it will minimize damage to me done by Buckethead's guitars."
"We get it." shouted all of Battalion C. Aaron-prime nodded, closed his eyes, and took flight.
"Oh good, it actually worked. Didn't think it would the first time." he said to himself 15 seconds after takeoff (so that no human or non-human would ever hear how insecure he was over his own talents)
Aaron-prime reached 50 stories directly above the middle of the island. Within 30 minutes, everyone was more or less in position. Aaron-prime figured that they had (at most) 5 minutes before the 666 woke up and started hunting the humans, Robbie and Aaron-prime. The voices of the Aaronverse being so loud (as they were so close to him physically for once) was an adjustment for him (to say the least).
"Shit, I almost forgot."
Across the feet of everyone in the Aaronverse, changed their shoes. In place of their normal footwear, they wore sneakers that harkened back to an earlier time, when honorary Aaronverse member Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez became a legend, by pickling a beast.
"PF Fliers, son of a bitch." whispered Robbie as he smiled, also remembering that sandlot from long ago. Aaron-prime smiled as well, in the sky. This might very well have been the only time in his life that he was happy to see his own verse laid out in front of him, and not just as written words on a page of paper. Still, he felt that he needed a few more words, if just to mark this occasion:
"FOR THE AARONVERSE!" he screamed, loud enough for every friend to hear.
"FOR THE AARONVERSE!" echoed his friends.
Chapter 2: Day of the Aaronverse (Excerpts of a War)
Dani – 536's Perspective. On her Aaronworld, Ankan (The 27th Emperor of Japan) doesn't die that year. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Sci-Fax Theme
So we've just reached the north end of the island, and there are still no interdimensional assholes in sight (other than this Robbie fellow, who I only just learned from being here is Aaron-Prime's cousin, so I trust him already). A few people however, don't even completely trust Robbie (which I think takes Racism to a Quantum level which to me is equally funny and stupid at the same time). All I see around me is the rubble of buildings that I doubt that I would recognize even if they were still standing. Something else that I just noticed: there are no animals here on this main island either...at all. Not even any fish in the ocean.
It was Dani-1259 (the one from Sydneum, and I guess the first of any of us to be written about in any significant detail in Aaron's writings) who I spoke to first on this world.
"I think that I'm most afraid of the silence. Where the hell are these guys?" she asked basically around here.
"There" I shout as I point.
"ENGAGE AND FIGHT AT WILL!" shout Robbie. The sentiment is similarly shouted by the 2 copies of Aaron at his side. I assume a crouching stance (somewhat uncommon in Taekwondo, but my rationale is that there's less of me for these guys to go after)...wow, there's a few dozen of me in various Taekwondo stances (a few in the more traditional stance but to each their own, maybe this is a "near-multiversal" constant that the Aarons allude to in their writings, me having a martial arts background).
It is an interdimensional being who throws the first blow. Practically the entire Aaronverse remembers from the mixed poker book that these guys are super-human in all aspects of fighting, so it took me, 5 of the other Dani's and 2 of the Joe P's just to stop a routine left jab from this ONE interdimensional being. The combined leverage from the 8 of us throws him to the ground, landing on his back. But he gets back up so quickly that my human eyes can't completely perceive his movements. He launches into a 1080 degree sideways spinning double kick against us, it narrowly misses to my right, but it knocked down of the 6 me's, 3 of the Joe P's, 2 of the Jason's and a Thom (and this guy still manages to land on his feet, that's just scary). He fires a pulse out of his eyes. It's official, 1 of the David K's is the first to die in this interdimensional war (thankfully not a prime of David K. but I didn't catch his number in time), with a Holly and a Rick not far behind him in the death toll (things will likely be too fast for any of us to know the numbers of the dead, in both world and number of casualties, what a tragedy). Fuck, he's got a different version of Mary in each of his hands and 1 between his shins in multiple chokeholds...
...Is that...an Isaac in front of him...with a makeshift glove of claws a la Freddy Krueger? Yes it is, and he rammed two of his finger blades into the interdimensional beings eyes, killing him instantly and saving the 3 Mary's as their would-be killer turns to dust around them. He quickly lifts up the 3 Mary's and says "Never send a ChiqueGeek to do the job of a DorkRiver." We'd ask for help, but dozens more of these interdimensional assholes have shown up.
1 down, 665 to go.
Dan – Negative 4004's perspective. On his Aaronworld, Beer is never developed. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Gift of Pain
It's a good thing that I'm a human being, otherwise I might actually hear every note that this Buckethead guy is playing. I can actually see at least 3 interdimensional beings trying to cover their ears, so I guess the masked one is succeeding in the efforts to slow these assholes down. Then again, they are now running up along the walls of these partly destroyed skyscrapers in an effort to make some kind of aerial assault on us mortals.
"CROWD SURF REJECTION PLAY!" screams about a dozen or so of the Fabio's. I'm not exactly sure what they mean by that (maybe I'm too out of touch with the youth of today) but basically those in our battalion (that did understand him) scrambled far enough out of the way to wear no interdimensional being could reach them, causing all 3 of them to land face first on the ground. They kick themselves back up to their feet quickly (they fell a few stories, and basically felt nothing) and begin charging at anyone that they can find (my selves included). Me and 4 of the other Dan's are getting hit pretty hard by this guy, and this one fell back a few feet? Really? Falling 30 feet did nothing but getting hit by a car door swung by (I think) 1 of the Janes makes you bleed? Really?
"No one tries to kill my auctioneers" she screams as she walks away to find another interdimensional being to beat the crap out of. Oh shit, this one's charging his eyes up. Me and some of the other Dan's frantically look for something to stab into his eyes, but it's too late. It's...frightening and surreal to watch another version of yourself die (much less hear him scream in agony while looking at you as it happens). He runs (too fast for me to see) as he sees Krystal-Prime nearby without any of her Tyrone's protecting her. Oh fuck, if he kills her, we could lose all of the versions of Krystal's less than 10 minutes into this war.
"Psych, motherfucker" was all I hear from a version of Tyrone hiding behind a mailbox. Then I saw...at least I think that I saw...a spider-web shoot out of his wrists, restraining him.
"Huh, he must be one of the Tyrones from one of the timelines that overlap with the Aaronverse as well as Marvel." quipped a version of Laurie or two as Spider-Tyrone crawled along the wall...and now a version of Laura (Bradley, not my wife) starts singing, obviously in awe of the human-arachnid hybrid:
Spider-mag, Spider-mag
Does whatever a Spider-mag does
Kicks some ass, fucks a chick
The dark Mjolnir, is his dick
Look out, here comes the Spider-Mag
Here come the Spider-Mag
Here comes the Spider-MAGGGGGGG!
Great song, and while we should be happy that a version of Julie and a version of Amanda each stabbed out one of his eyes with their fingernails to kill an interdimensional being while it was being sung, he had fired a pulse that killed 2 of the Ricky Smith's and 3 of the Allan's beforehand. Can we have a no singing rule until we win, please? Thanks.
Rudy Castro – Negative 7159's perspective. On his world, peppers are never cultivated. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Still Echoes
It didn't take us long after everyone formed into the 3 battalions for our little motley crew to find some of these interdimensional beings. I'm glad that my past as a fighter seems to be shared by some of these other me's (which I am never going to get used to seeing). As I have 1 idea that's old-school enough to work.
"Other me's, we need to whoop these interdimensional asses, Texas-style." I announce to the others.
They were (mostly) in agreement (although 1 of me asked "What's Texas?" which was a little alarming that Aaron could write such a place). There were 6 versions of us focused on this 1 interdimensional being that was walking out of a pile of rubble, we didn't even care that he was preparing to fire that shit out of his eyes...
...Until I saw that 1 of us in this makeshift RudeDog posse had the word "Prime" on his forehead.
"Hang in the back, original me" I whisper.
"No, I want to see it." he replies.
"See what?"
KLANG!
It was thrown in a blur, but I recognize ol' Red, White and Blue on a shield when I see it hit an interdimensional being in the head hard enough to make him stop charging his eyes to kill someone. It came back to the Tyrone who threw it (who promptly nodded at us, we returned the nod as men do when gestures of awesome are made).
"Why are the Tyrones not making more of an effort to protect you?" another version of me asked the original version of me.
"They respect the Aaronverse's ability to defend itself, I think. Only interfering to protect people when absolutely necessary"
"OK other me's, let's finish this one off" I interject.
Luckily, he was still very disoriented (or some of us wouldn't still be here) as we approached him. I don't think there will ever be a mudhole that any of us will stomp that will ever be more satisfying than the one that we're stomping now. When you try to destroy a multiverse, every inhabitant suffers. In retrospect, I wish that these shoes that Aaron-prime gave us had spurs on them. Spur these assholes eyes out would be a fitting punishment for them. Still, I'll settle for some nearby broken glass that I found, and there goes another one.
We don't even have enough time to pat each other on the back before we saw another one emerge and actually get off a shot. By my count, it killed 1 of the Olivias, 2 of the Heather's and a version of Gregg. If these 3 Aaron's and Erin had us more bunched up, we would've lost at least dozen people with that shot, for sure. Still, if we spread out too much, they'll pick us off 1 at a time as most of us don't match up to the strength of these assholes. Interesting, I think that this is 1 of the Amy's walking out of a sporting goods store (Hard to tell, as this one has a cybernetic jawbone and...teeth).
"Tyrones, surround and cover me and the prime me while I make our weapons."
"Of course, Miss Dybing." replied the Tyrones.
And then I witness a version of Jeanie and a version of Cindy firing at the Interdimensional beings with nail guns, killing 3 of them in a matter of 5 seconds. Good work ladies. Some of the Tyrones have parted, and the 2 Amy's emerge with...barbed wire baseball bats.
We think we like where this is going...
Mary – 1291's perspective. On her world, Glassmakers weren't relocated out of Venice to Murano, leading to a fire that wiped out half of Italy. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Tempting Time
Well that was a bit jarring, seeing a few versions of me...named Mark (apparently Aaron-prime wrote at least 50 or 60 of me as male instead of female). But this is war, even if I had inhibitions about gender, this is not the time or place for them. In order to avoid the situation that had 3 versions of me almost murdered at the same time (Thank you again for saving my lives, Isaac), we've decided to get together in groups of at least 7 people each. One of the versions of us tried to throw a rock at an interdimensional being's eyes, but it just hit him in the nose, breaking it (nice effort though). OK, we've made him mad (do interdimensional beings really feel anger or apply to the traditional 2 gender model at this point?) and shit he's charging his eyes again (good thing that they have to wait a few moments between shots or we'd all be dead by now). On instinct, I run away towards a building, but I hear a voice in my head...it's Aaron-prime, speaking to me directly:
"Mary, run up the wall, remember, physics is a bit off here. A lot of you guys have done it already."
OK, 1 parkour style wall run-up coming right up. It feels weird, these sneakers feeling a concrete wall that they probably wouldn't feel back home. Holy fuck, I'm back-flipping in mid-air, this is incredible, I think I've cleared 15 feet off the ground, easily. As I see the interdimensional being...under me, he fires. It missed me by less than 3 inches (and thankfully, hit no one else for once). In anger, I corkscrew kick in the air, "accidentally" hitting him in the side of the face hard enough to spin him around 180 degrees. I just barely land (on my feet, no less) when I see an older female and male punch him in the eyes...and their wedding rings that are buried in his eyes are sufficient to kill him.
"Thanks for set up, Mary" they both say to me.
"Thank you for the finish, Adam and Tamara." I reply.
I'm starting to like this Aaronverse, even love it. But there's no time for sentiment in the war to save the very Aaronverse that I'm only just beginning to understand. Another interdimensional being has come into my sights, 20 metres to the Northwest. He's already fired off a shot, and they seem to get wider with the farther they travel, I literally just saw 4 of the Chiara's, a version of Dani, 2 of the Jason's and 3 of the Gloria's die. There's still so much to do...
...And then a large, flatbed truck arrives. One of the me's named Mark gets out and unties a blue camping tarp.
"What the fuck? Did you stop at a Quizno's or something?" screamed Aaron-1989.
...The truck revealed hundreds of 2X4's, and Mark began tossing them out to anyone who could catch them. That calmed a few of us down, and maybe levelled the playing field for a while. A pity that there's no sharp points on these things to go for the eyes, but it'll do.
Amanda – 2224's perspective. On her world, in the year 2224, several hundred thousand hackers attacking small pieces of the endeavour cause Google's efforts to catalogue all information in the world and make it searchable to result in a catastrophic crisis amongst the entire population (otherwise it's identical to Aaronworld-prime until that year). Song to put on: Sevendust – Thank You
I was hoping that more of us in the 'verse were medical doctors (as opposed to psychiatrists in a mental institution in Colorado), as the death toll is rising quite rapidly already. It's not just from these energy shots (they kill a human almost instantly), these interdimensional bastards hit hard enough to kill a human with only 3 or 4 hits. So far, I've seen a version of Maddie and 1 version each of Laura B. And Laura D. Beaten to death in these fights. And how they haven't killed a prime yet is beyond me (kudos to these Tyrone fellows for not losing 1 of the primes on their watch so far). Me, 3 of the Ricky's and 6 of the Melinda's have been banding together as of late. No interdimensional kills yet, but we've hurt this one quite a bit. 1 of the Melinda's leaps onto his back in an effort to slow down his movement while the rest of us take turns punching and kicking him. He starts charging his eyes, and aiming at Melinda-Prime. The Tyrones line up to either take the shot for her or deflect it back to him.
"He'll take out 10 or 20 of the Tyrones if he fires, and he may still hit my original anyway" was the last thing that I heard this Melinda copy say before she put his hands over his eyes. Some of the energy touched this version of Melinda, but the rest went back inside the interdimensional being, killing both of them almost instantly. It was rather harsh to see a copy of one of my best friends die right in front of me, and it wasn't made any better with the Tyrones actually acknowledging her sacrifice by saluting her before going back to the war at hand.
At least that's what all of us were trying to do, until a portal opened in the sky. It was dark blue and black (in the parts that weren't near-invisible to the naked eye), over 50 metres in diameter and had lots of small things falling out of it. I don't think that it mattered which side of the island that you were on, as even the interdimensional beings paused to stare at it.
"New arrivals?" asked one of the David Flannagan's.
"I hope so." replied Aaron-180.
It didn't take long (less than a minute) to confirm that this arrival was in fact, a newcomer to the Aaronverse war. One of these "things that fell out of the vortex" crashed through a nearby music store (and I think I felt Aaron-Prime slow down time and reduce this world's vibrations so that all of these...whoever they are, didn't die on impact). I saw a group of 11 John Luke's arrive, somewhat confused about the surroundings.
"In there" I shout and point to the music store. They nod and head inside...
...but so do 2 interdimensional beings. Christ, whoever just arrived is going to get slaughtered in there. Then I see 2 windows shatter, with the rapidly decomposing corpses of the interdimensional beings flying out of them. All I hear is a woman sing "Awake the Fire" at the top of her lungs. I guess she survived the arrival.
Maja – 2163's perspective. On her world, the Envisat satellite (declared dead in 2012) will burn up in Earth's atmosphere almost on schedule (otherwise, it's identical to Aaronworld-Prime). Song to put on: Forever Still – Awake the Fire
After she used the momentum of her own crashing into this world to send her would-be interdimensional killers to their own deaths, Maja Shining looked around the abandoned music store for a mirror or otherwise reflective surface. She eventually found a mirror inside the room labelled "Employee Washroom" and stared into it. Her hair was a near-perfect mix of Platinum Blonde and Black, she was of slight build, wearing a white tank top and ripped acid-washed blue jeans.
"I think that there are almost as many hair colour combinations for me as there are me's in the Aaronverse."
She then began to regain her memories like a tidal wave. She was born and raised in Denmark, studied Human Psychology at the University of Copenhagen (while minoring in Music Theory) and moved to Colorado almost immediately after graduation, being one of the on-call psychologists at Glenwood Sanitarium during the night shift (as her mind could never quite adjust between the differences of Central European Standard Time and North America's Mountain Standard Time).
Then she started seeing the memories of most of her counterparts. Most of them were vocalists (and founding members) of a band named Forever Still. A Gothic Rock band with a heavy focus on its' own independence and fan appreciation.
"Nice to know that Aaron wrote me doing what I love in most of his works instead of the job that I knew that I could excel the most at. I do appreciate and take some comfort in that."
She walked back out to the main customer floor. Not to check out the music, but to look out the window. She saw the very war that she came here for, but cringed at the bloodshed that was human.
"So this is the Aaronverse..."
"Yes, it sure is." came a voice from behind her. She turned around and saw 11 men of similar height and build, black, thinning hair, but well-tanned and a general aura of being completely comfortable with themselves.
"Doctor Luke, it's so good to see you." she said with a smile and just a hint of a Danish accent.
"Look lady, we may know each other on your world and I know it was the me on Aaronworld-prime who asked for you to come here, but I have no idea who you are."
The other 10 of him nodded in agreement.
"OK fair enough, I'm Maja Shining, you're a John Luke that is obviously not from my world. What's been going on?"
One of the other John's looked momentarily distracted, like they were getting an incoming text or phone call. After almost a minute, he stepped forward "OK, we're in the middle of a war between us humans and the interdimensional beings that are trying to destroy the Aaronverse. They were 666 strong but are now down to 604 counting the 2 that you just whacked (that was really cool of you, by the way). We've lost over 200 of ours so far, but thankfully no primes have died on us yet. Do you know how many of you came here?"
Maja thought deeply for a moment, going through all of the memories of all of the hers that she knew were here, wherever here was.
"5184, including me."
"OK, let's go to work." said all 11 John's in front of her.
Megan – 2074's perspective. On her world, The "2 Pallas" asteroid will impact Earth (killing all life on it). Otherwise, it's identical to Aaronworld-Prime. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Looking for Eden
Fighting for me and several hundred of the other Megan's is being kept to a minimum...we're pregnant (And no, none of the Aaron's are the father on any of the Aaronworlds). A few of the me's have already had children, a few hundred have not. Megan-prime is one of the pregnant ones, so the Tyrone's that have been assigned to her have been effectively protecting all of us (preservation of all incoming life, that kind of thing). Oh we've thrown a few punches too, but our biggest contribution was an evacuation of an old school. A lot of us were held up in there due to a trap these interdimensional bastards laid out by forcing us to commit a series of retreats into said school. Then they got discarded crates of dynamite. We didn't know that they were going to blow up the school piece by piece until the first explosives went off. The Tyrones in the school (and the surrounding area) were only concerned in pulling everyone out of the building. The Megan's (myself included) made a habit of taking whatever side of the door that Tyrone Magnus didn't take. It could've been worse, as we only lost 3 or 4 of each person in Battalion C (and none of them were the primes).
I wish I could tell you that the 4 Megans that died weren't pregnant, but I know that at least 2 of them were (baby bumps are a multiversal constant, it would seem). To say that I am angry at the loss of 2 potential children dead inside other versions of me...is a vast understatement. Now I need to take at least one of these interdimensional assholes out in vengeance, but how can I with the little one kicking around inside of me and the Tyrones (despite their good intentions) overprotecting my fellow pregnant Megans and I.
"Megan-2074, look" shouted 1 of the other Megans. She was pointing at a Kahuna double-barrel speargun. The good news was that both "sides" of the speargun still had a spear in them. The bad news was that there were no spare spears and neither this Megan or myself could pull both triggers at the same time due to how long that the gun itself was (each trigger was several feet apart). I took the rear trigger, while this Megan (whose back was now turned to me, so I couldn't read the number on her forehead) took the front trigger. The interdimensional asshole who lead the blowing up of the school just punched 1 of the Jess's hard enough to snap her head back fast enough to break her neck, killing her instantly. Then 1 of the Bucketheads emerged, guitar and all, playing so fast that the interdimensional being was covering his ears and forced to turn around...
...In fairness, I think this version of Buckethead knew what we were planning to do and played to move him into position accordingly. Once we had a clear shot, we both fired simultaneously, with both of us hitting him in each eye at the same time, killing him instantly. I thought my thirst for revenge would be quenched by killing this one, but it's not. I need to kill more of these assholes...a lot more.
Joe P – 1956's perspective. On his world, Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel" fails to chart, causing Rock and Roll to return to the underground. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Soraya
Oh, it's going to take all of my Machiavellianism to help the Aaronverse win this one. Oh who am I kidding, It's going to take all of the Machiavellianism of a lot of the me's that are here (if not all of us). One of these interdimensional guys lands near me, and 7 or 8 other me's (including a Josephine, how about that?). I see that one of the me's to my left is Joe P-prime, so I'm going to try to stall until his Tyrone protection unit arrives. Where the hell are they, anyway?
"Doesn't it get boring, killing us pathetic humans?" I ask.
"Once we kill you lot, we'll wipe away the Aaronverse once and for all. Retroactive enough thousands of years that it will create a cascading temporal paradox across every Aaronworld, which will then spread throughout the rest of the multiverse, and voila! It's all reset and we can re-write it without any autistic heretics ruining things. So in answer to your query, no, we don't get bored killing you pathetic humans."
I see a version of Tyrone behind him, winding up that hammer of is. I figure one more question should do it:
"Did it ever occur to you guys that you caused the problem by putting the stories in his head?"
"We didn't, we've been misleading you humans...and Aaron-prime now. Our...employer is the one who did."
"Who's your...?"
The hammer-wielding Tyrone (well, one of them) swats him with the hammer (uppercutting him square in the jaw). I try shouting to our writer in the sky, but this Tyrone beats me to it (and with a normal speaking voice to boot).
"Incoming, Mr. Collins" he says. I doubt it's possible for me or any of the Joe P's to have heard Aaron-prime's response. All we saw was a figure in the sky hitting another figure in the sky (and 1 of them dissipating in the air like a bag of dust). I see his cousin Robbie running by, forcing me to ask.
"Is your original cousin still alive?" I ask.
"He's fine. Good set-up, you and Tyrone. Keep fighting." he answered as he kept running.
Joe P – prime was then taken somewhere else by the Tyrones (I guess that he can't be put at risk of getting killed more than once). The rest of us Joes and Josephines travel in the opposite direction, meeting up with 3 of the Ricks and 2 of the David Kay's. I guess that we're all auction bidders on our respective worlds or something. We're now on one of these islands main streets, and we arrive to watch another interdimensional being fire one of his energy shots, it killed a version of Tamara, a version of Holly and a version of Dani (and almost wiped out Chiara-prime, only a version of Tyrone's shield saved her life). This is madness, but how can we step up the killing of these guys? Because they're gradually going to wear us down if we don't. There won't be much of an Aaronverse left to be written in. I'd cry, but I've already done it a few times since I got here.
Jane – 1880's perspective. On her world, General Douglas Macarthur was never born. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Let Darkness Fall
This isn't all that much different from the Aaronworld where I come from. The only major difference is that it's the Japanese that patrol the streets in an effort to round up us North Americans and put us in labour camps, instead of these interdimensional beings, they're nice enough to just exterminate us instead. If it weren't for their goal to wipe out the entire multiverse, I might even sympathize with them and their agenda.
I think some of the other versions of Jane around me are scared by my apathy over the situation, but I can't really help it. The versions of Julie near us however, don't really seem to mind (or maybe they don't care, there is a war going on and all). Here comes another interdimensional being, his eyes are not as pronounced (which means that he just fired off a shot, which provides us with less than a minute before he can shoot again). So here's the best chance that we have to kill one of these motherfuckers. He runs towards us, all of us just randomly start punching and kicking in the air (they run faster than human perception, so as long we don't hit each other by accident, it's as good a strategy to make contact with the interdimensional beings as any). I missed but 2 other versions of me and 3 of the Julie's hit him hard enough to make him stop in his tracks. He then fires his own shots (again, beyond human comprehension) and by some miracle, we manage to duck all of them. One of the Julie's somehow managed to get him in the balls...and he just laughed at her, responding "We don't feel anything down there that isn't pleasure".
That was the last thing that came out of his mouth. I don't know how I or this version of Julie were able to trip him at the same time (double drop toe-hold), but he landed face first and some glass that was on the ground that was broken from a nearby store window got into his eyes, killing him. This particular Julie and I exchanged smiles and nods and we continued on the hunt.
We get over to a nearby park, and about a dozen of us humans are laying down on their stomachs. As best as I can make out, there's 1 version each of Dan Dotson, Amanda Williams, Allan Mcninch, Krystal Dinn, Laura Dotson, Laurie Stansfield, Melinda Hughes, Laura Bradley, David Flannagan, Maddie Gudenkauf, Ricky Smith and Fabio Ammuri laying down on the ground while several interdimensional beings walk around them. I can't make out what any of the humans are saying, but the interdimensional beings are threatening to execute them if they don't reveal where their primes are located.
"Christ, they'll be slaughtered either way." I whisper.
Aaron-prime was at least aware of what was about to happen, saying"I'll see what I can do, can any of the Tyrone's leave the prime that they're protecting with a shield make it to the centre square park in 10 seconds?"
We thought when the shot was fired that this particular version Dan and/or Amanda were goners, but a Tyrone arrived in the nick of time, the pulse bounced off of the shield and killed the interdimensional being that fired it. The other 5 of them ran away as this Tyrone picked up the humans before going back to his protection detail.
Olivia – 1704's perspective. On her world, the Colony of Pennsylvania never broke off to form Delaware. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Erase This
I'm actually happy that I'm one of the female versions of me in the Aaronverse. I've seen about 2 dozen versions of Oliver by now and they're more severely affected with Autism than I seem to be. Still, they're doing their part in the Aaronverse war, and that should be enough for anyone. We've made significant ground since the war began, but we're still nowhere near the middle of the island (where battalion B is located). Also, they've taken out a lot more of us than we have of them I think. I can't exactly explain how, but I can feel what all of the Bucketheads, the Allans and the Aarons are feeling (and I don't think that I'm the only Olivia/Oliver who has this sort of...Asperger syndrome empathic ability). The hands of the thousands of Bucketheads can only play so fast on their guitars for so long, the Allans are missing their dead counterparts more than most of the others and the Aarons and Erins have so much on their plates without having us characters in his books come to life and running around the island.
The other Olivias and Olivers are mostly travelling alone now (except for our group and Olivia-prime for obvious reasons). We don't really know that many of the other characters that Aaron has written (some of us don't know any of them at all, actually). I just found a pitchfork in a nearby hardware store that hasn't been completely looted yet. I walk in carefully (to avoid being cut by the remaining broken glass around what used to be the front window). I make a series of non-verbal gestures to the other Olivias and Olivers that I'm breaking off of the formation for a minute or two, they nod and 1 of the Olivers shouts "We're heading due North, try to catch up when you're finished." I nod and walk inside...
...I just didn't count on an interdimensional being to be inside waiting for me at the other end of the store.
"Miss Mell, you should know better than to separate from the pack."
I say nothing, but slowly walk forward towards the pitchfork.
"I think I'm going to have some fun with you first before I kill you. But if you give up the location of Olivia-prime, I promise to just kill you, and not rape you first."
I don't even need to think before I make my choice "Frankly, I'd rather be raped as an individual than give you the information you need to commit QUANTUM GENOCIDE AGAINST ALL OF ME!"
Those were the last words he heard me scream before I grabbed the pitchfork. It took me a few stabs as he can dodge things faster than human perception can see, but it was so satisfying when I finally got him in the eyes, seeing him disintegrate before me.
But then I fell to the floor, shaking and crying in complete despair. No one should ever be raped, but this would've been so much worse as it's interspecies rape. I honestly want to kill myself from the trauma that I just went through, until I saw a hand reach out to me to pull me out.
"Olivia, right?"
I nod.
"I'm 1 of the Jen's, come on, we'll take you back to your group."
"Thank you."
She pulled me up and wiped away my tears before we left the hardware store (with the pitchfork in my hands). I finally felt safe again after I rejoined the other me's, Oliver and Olivia alike.
Isaac – 1640's perspective. On his world, Coffeehouses failed to materialize. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Thoroughly at Home
I would have to say that the united Isaac front is the tightest knit group out of anyone in the Aaronverse. And that's not a statement made out of arrogance, just through observation. Everyone else is in groups of (at most) 15 people (and sometimes they're teaming up with versions of other people). For me, every living version of Isaac is now one, solid unit. I'll admit, that there's a couple of dozen versions of me dead already. But once all of the Isaacs finally got together, we haven't lost one since. Actually, these interdimensional assholes seem to be avoiding us altogether because our group is so large.
One of the other me's (up at the front) points to a nearby stadium down the street. One of those 5-10 thousand seat hockey stadiums that host a minor league (or local) team but can also double as a decent sized concert venue in the off-season in an effort to pick up extra money.
"I saw a few of them go in there. With our group, it should be easy pickings. Let's go!" another version of me says out loud.
I'm not exactly sure how this version of Isaac became the leader of the group (we all look and act fundamentally the same), but we follow him down the street to the stadium. Once we enter, we're actually confused as to why all of the concession stands are empty. I wasn't expecting all of the interdimensional beings waiting for us at the front of the building, but 1 or 2 strays as a warm-up fight would've been nice. We see a sign just over to the left that says "Gate 13" and use it to enter the main stadium. It would be quite a sight if someone walked in on several thousand variations of the same person walking down only a few flights of stairs. I feel the urge to ask the other me's up front about 1 potential snag.
"Is there any ice down on the main rink? Because I don't think that any of us brought ice skates from our respective worlds." I shout.
"No, we'd start feeling cold by now." whispered a version of me beside me.
"And where's Isaac-prime? And his batch of Tyrone's that are supposed to be protecting him?" I follow up with.
"Over here" replies a version of Tyrone. I don't turn around, but I know that they're behind me. Within 2 minutes, we're all on the rink. The head version of Isaac in the group points to the ground, and somehow we all see what he sees: 1 version of of them (and probably more) have blended into the concrete rink like chameleons (or predators). We quietly surround each of them...well, at least we try to. 1 version of us tripped on 1 version of them, and they all "de-cloaked" simultaneously, so to speak.
Good news: We bagged 8 versions of them (via broken pieces of the rink's glass) without losing our prime or any of the versions of Tyrone.
Bad news: It cost our group 41 of our Isaacs before we were finished and exited the stadium.
Once we were outside again, a vortex opened (which by now everyone knew that someone new to the Aaronverse stories was showing up). None of these new people landed near us, but we could all feel time slowing down around us. And we could see some versions of John's in pursuit. I on the other hand, saw something a lot sexier.
Danielle – 1520's perspective. On her world, Hernan Cortes was assassinated early, leading to Aztecs still in existence in the 21st century. Song to put on: Crosses – Bitches Brew
I awoke, completely disoriented and forgetful as to who I am other than my first name. The first thing that I see was that I had landed hard enough to go through a wooden table and some chairs, but gently enough to not be seriously injured from the fall itself. Secondly, was that there was 1 other female version of me, and (interestingly) 1 male version of me (to which I'm presuming is named Daniel in order to keep things simple for Aaron). We're all in matching Deftones hooded sweatshirts and grey sweatpants, and aside from our respective hair colours (I'm blonde, the other female is pink-haired, the male is bald) look nearly identical.
"So one version of us is transgendered? A Caitlyn Jenner becoming a Bruce, if you will?" I ask.
"Nope, I was actually born this way!" he replies. I smile a little at that tidbit of information. There really are no limits in the Aaronverse.
"Do you remember why we're here?" asks the other female version of me.
"To save our worlds." I reply.
This is the day that I've been dreading since I met my world's version of Aaron on Twitter and began reading his books online. In walks a 7 foot tall, silver-haired almost human looking interdimensional being that most certainly does NOT look like Aaron-Prime or that cousin of his that showed up in the last story of 14 Days across the Aaronverse. It suddenly clicked in my head that the eyes are a major weak point for them. And if they fire that energy shit out of them, we can pretty much kiss our asses goodbye.
"Even more reinforcements won't be enough to stop us from purging all of you out of existence ahead of schedule. A pity, legends of your...what is it that you call them? Oh right, mouth hugs are even known throughout Nth dimensional space."
I'm not sure what was more awkward: the laughter that I just burst into, or that the other 2 me's in this building are bursting out in laughter at exactly the same time.
"My dear, even with Aaron-Prime's newly acquired membership into your species: Your species is beneath my mouth hugs."
It was that response of mine that bought myself and the 2 other versions of me enough time to grab the broken table and chair legs in order to defend ourselves. Oh shit, he's charging his eyes. We immediately scramble in any direction that we can. If he had fired 3 inches to his right, he would've killed the boy version of me. As it is, he hit a shiny, silver pole on a stage behind him. Oh that sucks, we land in a perfectly good strip club and we're already breaking it? (with no excuse of alcohol or drug consumption, no less) Well that settles it, now I really hate this guy. I charge at him with enough rage that he thinks I'm going to for an upper body attack...
...which is why he couldn't side step my sliding feet first and stabbing him in the cock with the table leg that I was carrying. The male and other female versions of me get their chair legs into this interdimensional asshole's eyes. Too kind a fate for him, but as they help me up, I have another piece of business to attend to, addressing you, constant reader old chum (as I owe you an explanation):
"In the great Danielle dictionary of the Aaronverse, mouth hugs is the slang term that I made for blowjobs."
"Tighten up, other female version of me. Someone's coming."
"Both puns, FULLY intended" added the male version of me as another male entered. This one was very human, as were the other 10 that looked almost exactly like him.
"Oh thank god, another New Yorker has come into the Aaronverse. We're John Luke"
"Love Storage Wars New York, man" shouted the male version of me.
"Me too" added the other female version of me, who came into the light and shocked all of us.
The word "Prime" was written on her forehead. The John that was leading the other 10 John's immediately went "Aaron-prime, lock onto my location and get a Tyrone protection unit here on the double. We've located Danielle-prime."
We heard Aaron-prime in our heads "I'm on it, there will be a few dozen Tyrones surrounding her in the next 3 minutes. Can any of the Danielles or Daniels tell me and/or John how many of you are here?"
"7054, counting me." replied a male version of me that was elsewhere on this island.
"Awesome, welcome to the Aaronverse" replied Aaron-prime.
Allan – 1431's perspective. On his world, Joan of Arc escaped trial. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Dying Song
There's a large group of us behind a hedge adjacent to an abandoned diner. Myself, Allan-prime and his entire Tyrone protection unit. There are 4 interdimensional beings taking turns picking off any humans that are within range of those damn energy eyes of theirs. They've picked off a version of Julie, 2 versions of David Flannagan and at least 1 version of my mom in the last 90 seconds.
"The humans are sitting ducks out there." I overhear one version of them say, all 4 versions of them laugh.
"We gotta take them out right now" whispered Allan-prime.
"How? The moment you're shot, you're dead as is this guy and every other version of Allan Mcninch in the Aaronverse. And none of the versions of me have any of those shields or hammers on us...or even any web slinging capabilities."
"You're still strong though." I counter, before adding "Go along the hedge while I create a diversion. Then jump them when all 4 versions of them are facing me."
"If they hit you with one of their eye energy shots, you're a corpse." whispered another version of Tyrone.
I suppose that it's time that I reveal my true reason for coming across the Aaronverse to this fight, I can't hold it from them any longer.
"When I got the call from Aaron-prime like you guys did, I was in a doctor's office. He told me that while my routine appendectomy went perfectly, while they were operating on me they noticed...an abnormality with my bladder. They did a biopsy and...it's bladder cancer."
"Shit dog...how long you got?" asked one of the Tyrones, genuinely concerned.
"Normally it's actually pretty curable but additional tests revealed that it was a secondary cancer. The primary version of cancer already in me was liver...I MIGHT have 2 months."
Allan-prime and the Tyrones now knew why I volunteered to basically go on a suicide mission.
"Make sure you get all of them to face you before they fire." whispered Allan-prime.
"I'll do my best." I reply.
"Good luck, buddy." said a version of Tyrone as he offered his hand, I shook it. Same thing with Allan-prime and a couple of the other versions of Tyrone. They ran east along the hedge (which ran for about another 100 metres or so). Once they turned right and were out of my sight, I walked west, then ran like the wind once the hedge ran out, straight at the interdimensional beings.
"HEY ASSHOLES! EVER HAD A HUMAN RUN RIGHT AT YOU BEFORE?"
It occurred to me as I was screaming that these guys might be like that predator in the movies who can detect pregnancies and terminal illnesses and then do their best to spare the prey afflicted with them, as it's not fair sport to kill them. Then again, they're trying to wipe out the entire multiverse right now, so what do they care? Oh good, I got them to turn around, all 4 versions of them. The one interdimensional being that is second from the left charges his eyes while saying "I suppose that it's my turn to kill". I'm less than 10 metres away before he fires.
It's actually not as painful as I thought it would be. The cancer that was killing me more slowly was actually hurting me a lot more. I actually got to see the Prime version of me and the Tyrones charging at them before I died.
"I'll see to your journey when this is over." I hear inside of me...Thanks Robbie.
Sherry – 1307's perspective. On her world, The Knights Templar were never arrested and tortured into "confessing" heresy. Song to put on: Lamb of God – 512
Oh what dark poetic justice, this is. I'm one of the more passive, non-violent people in the entire Aaronverse (a sentiment shared by a lot of the other versions of me, it would seem) and about a dozen versions of us are hunting to kill an interdimensional being or 2...inside an abandoned jail.
This appears to be a jail from a period in history where multi-story buildings could be constructed with relative ease, but no electricity was invented here (or if it was, it wasn't wasted on prisoners). The walls are all beige with only a few stationary torches lit for light (the kind that are mounted in the walls several feet high and then angled at 45 degrees to minimize the risk of injury, or burning the entire jail down to the ground).
The bars seem to be a crude version of iron ore and a few of them seem to be rusted completely through. I suppose that's one of the multiversal constants in the Aaronverse: The shabby living conditions of the convicts. Anyways, I distinctly hear voices on the other side of the door at the north end of what we've come to know as "C Block". Some of us struggle to get the torches off of the walls. Others (myself included), struggle even more to remove a few of the bars from the cells (none of the inmates will mind, I don't know much of anything about human decomposition, but everyone in the cells have been dead for years, maybe even decades). I'm the last of us Sherry's to get a bar off of a cell before the North C Block door opens. 2 interdimensional beings storm through, firing that crap out of their eyes almost immediately (and killing 4 versions of me in the process, thank god that none of them were primes). The Sherry's that are still alive and in front of me use the torches to shove them into the faces of the interdimensional beings. That doesn't do enough damage to their eyes to kill them, but it disfigures them enough to stop them dead in their tracks, and that's all that we need.
It's difficult to use the bar of a prison cell (a blunt, but dull object) to stab through the hands of a non-human just to puncture their eyes and kill them. But when sufficiently raged, a human being can do almost anything. 2 more interdimensional bastards down in the war to save the Aaronverse.
"We should look outside, see how the rest of us humans are doing." I suggest aloud. I get nods and a whisper or 2 as to how that's a good idea. We may be short (another multiversal constant, I suspect) but we can see through the barred windows relatively easily on our tiptoes. We see a few interdimensional beings travelling separately from each other, making us humans into target practice.
"Shit, that one almost killed Ricky-Prime." shouts one of the other me's. 4 versions of his Tyrone's (3 with hammers, 1 with a shield) immediately surround the one who fired. The Tyrone with the shield throws the shield at 1 of the Tyrones with a hammer. OK, Thor turning Captain America's shield into a baseball was cool in Avengers: Age of Ultron, but 4 Tyrones playing...interdimensional pinball until the shield breaks an interdimensional being's eyes...PRICELESS!
Jason – 1290's perspective. On his world, Portugal chooses Classical Latin to remain it's official language. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – On Impulse
It is such a relieve to be somewhere where I can speak the English language freely. Where I come from, English is only spoken in underground resistance movements (the language of Latin dominates the entire world). It took me a couple of years to get a smuggled copy of Suspects in English (and music in English is even harder to find, even my world's version of Iron Maiden sings in Latin even though I personally know that Bruce Dickinson can speak English fluently). I'm not sure if my relief to be here is shared by many others (or anyone at all), but the other me's that I'm with don't seem to mind all that much (9 versions of Jason in total, including me in this group). We're camped at a children's playground a little over 4 kilometres from the centre of the island. Battalion A is advancing to the middle as planned, but not as fast as some of us would like (and from what we've heard, Battalion C haven't even advanced as far as us...which is quite a shame).
It took me a while to check the foreheads of the other me's, there are no primes here (and I know that I'm not the original, that's for sure). We've seen a few hundred Tyrones running around though, so we know that at least a few primes are still alive...
...oh shit, 1 of the interdimensional beings has...landed about half a kilometre away from us. This son of a bitch has at least some flight capabilities. I look around and only see the playground itself: A swing set with 6 swings (thankfully it's one of the old ones where one sits on the wooden boards connected by chains), a metal slide and a set of monkey bars.
"Well...Aaron-Prime said that we could bend physics to some degree here. Let's try it out" I suggest.
"Um...How?" replied pretty much every other version of Jason. It didn't take me long to formulate a plan
"OK, you 6 start swinging. Get as much momentum as you can. You 2, monkey bars, same thing. I'll...get his attention and run up the slide."
"Way to put the bullseye on your back, asshole!" announced 1 of the other me's as the interdimensional being came within 250 metres. Something told me that I'd be saying the real expression soon enough. The 6 other Jasons on the swing didn't need much time to get some good momentum going, the same with the 2 versions of me on the monkey bars. Once I think that this guy is within shouting range, I scream "HEY FUCKFACE, MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR!"
He fires a shot at the 8 swingers (hoping to hit 1 of them in order to demoralize us...but he missed) as I run up the slide. Based on the angle of the slide versus me running uphill, I would normally be lucky if got more than a foot higher than the top of the slide. With this place, I'm at least 30 feet high (as are the other 8 versions of me) when I successfully punch the interdimensional being in the stomach. The other 8 versions of me even altered their trajectory to join me, with our combined weight pulling him back down to the ground. All 9 versions of us surround him and take turns kicking the shit out of him until we get bored and kill him by kicking his eyes in.
"WAY TO SUCK, ASSHOLE!" screamed all 9 versions of us.
Krystal – 1111's perspective. On her world, The Crusaders beat the Seljuk Turks. Song to put on: Sevendust – Letters
We haven't seen an interdimensional being in almost an hour, these 3 other Krystals and I. But our instinct (and a lack of Aaron-prime declaring victory) was telling us that we weren't done yet, not by a long shot. I was getting desperate for an end to this...quiet. I decide that it's time that one version of us talk to the original Aaron...
"Aaron-prime, are you there?" I ask. It takes the better part of 2 minutes to get any response at all, maybe he hears all of us in his head and he needs time in order to narrow down who's talking to who or something.
"Yes, Krystal – 1111, what is it?" he asks.
"Nothing here for about 50 minutes. Is there anything that attracts you guys? Pheromones or the like?"
Another delay in response.
"You want to set up a trap for these guys? Well, it's bold, I'll give you that. We're drawn to water and if evil enough, human flesh. I'm one of the only ones who hasn't developed the taste for it, actually. Electricity in high enough voltage can slow us down in a manner similar to sound. Other than that it's still the basic stab in the eyes for us."
I look around and find a pet store across the street "I think I have just the thing, thanks Aaron." I wave in the other 3 Krystals and size them up. We're all of similar build but I choose the 2 versions of me who are the strongest and ask "Do you 2 know what electric eels are?"
They nod.
"Great, go into the pet shop across the street and try to find them. Bring the whole tank over if you can."
They nod again and leave. The last remaining other me looks left out of the plan, and I can't say that I blame her even in these dire circumstances.
"OK, you and I are going to roll up the cuffs of our jeans up to our knees and walk into that pond over to the east. We may also need to lose an article of clothing in the upper body to get the attention of one of them."
"I certainly hope that we don't" she said while adjusting a loose bra strap.
"Me and me both." I reply (which lead to a shared giggle between both of us). We begin lifting our pants, getting into the pond a few minutes later. We distinctly here the 2 Krystals that I sent to the pet store shout "Buckethead, go in the opposite direction. We're trying to trap one, not slow it down." from across the street. We've been in the pond for a minute and a half before the other 2 Krystal's arrive with a tank, several electric eels are swimming inside.
"OK, one of them should be here soon. Hide and as soon as we've jumped out of the pond, dump the tank."
They gently place the fish tank on a ledge beside me and hide behind a gargoyle as an interdimensional being lands in the pond from the sky. We didn't even give him enough time to say something funny before we jumped out and the eels were dumped inside. In order to avoid getting electrocuted ourselves, we look around for sticks or nearby rocks to throw at them. Out of desperation, we throw pine cones at them...and get lucky by killing the interdimensional being when the pine cones break his eyes. Charlemagne...eat your heart out.
Heather – 1091's perspective. On her world, King William II never invades Normandy. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – At Any Cost
I think that my group (4 other versions of me, 3 versions of Jessica and 2 versions of Jesse which are the male versions of Jessica...apparently) is the furthest north out of all of the groups. For the first few hours, we saw multiple groups (and even splinter groups spawn from those groups) engaged in combat. But for the last hour or 2, no noise but us.
"At this point, I'd settle for the noise made by a stray cat" I openly state.
"Careful, if we see a black cat making the same movements in quick succession, there's a glitch in the matrix." joked one of the Jessica's.
"What the hell is the matrix?" asked 2 of the other versions of me.
"It's the closest that any human being ever got to describing what we were before Aaron started mass releasing the stories that we put in his and his copies heads. We actually enjoy watching the worlds of the multiverse that have the matrix movies just so we can see the reactions all of you make during Agent Smith's cancer speech."
We all turn around and see 3 interdimensional beings walk out of the rubble of what I think used to be a bank. It actually just occurred to me that all of these guys really do look like Matrix agents. I burst out into hysterical laughter, and am soon joined by the rest of my group. I can even tell that it is infuriating the interdimensional assholes, but that is all secondary to another hole opening up in the sky. There was only a moment of seeing hundreds of sparks shooting through the hole before time began to slow down. By now, most of us are still whenever time slowed down for someone new showing up (as we're amazed that the entire multiverse hasn't collapsed in Mr. Pirate-prime's attempts to save the multiverse from collapsing). I however, saw it as an opportunity, as it's slowing down the interdimensional people too. I take a knife out of my pocket that I picked up in a sporting goods store a few blocks back and charge at them as fast as I can. I can hear Buckethead's playing approaching (which has slowed down to a lullaby that could've been on the Colma album based on the slowing down of time cancelling out his speed), as can the interdimensional beings (who are covering their ears).
1 eye stabbed, and now they know what's going on. 2 eyes stabbed, another interdimensional being bites the dust. The second interdimensional being dies by my hand just as easily. The third one was the trickiest: I got his first eye, but he fired off a shot with the other one, hitting me as I stabbed it. Why can't time speed up, so I can die faster? I can even smell my flesh and organs, burning from the inside.
"I'll see to your journey when this is over." I hear inside of me...Thanks Robbie. Sorry I died on you, Mr. Pirate...sorry, Aaron. Who's that Puerto Rican standing over there?
Kristy – 939's perspective. On her world, Vietnam is never granted independence from China. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Chaos in motion
Kristy needed a moment to collect herself as she sat up. There was concrete dust on the floor, covering her otherwise short, black hair. The first thing that she saw was a hole in the wall and ceiling large enough (several metres in diameter by her guess) that she guessed that she went through (a large bruise that she felt on the back of her head was another clue). But how could she have survived going through a wall after falling from the sky for several miles?
She asked herself that as the portal closed above her, and she somehow knew instinctively that she went through it only a few minutes prior.
She looked around her as she stood up and dusted herself off. The walls were the classic arterial red brick that every American child of the last 100 years knew by heart. The floor was classic American hardwood, the ceiling was beige turned brown (implying that there had been smoking done for many decades within these walls). Behind her was a 4-sided fighting ring, 2 speedbags, 1 punching bag and various gym equipment (mostly weightlifting) tucked into 1 corner. By this Kristy's calculations, this was a dilapidated gym constructed in the early-mid 20th century that was basically only still in operation because various buildings in the area were probably in equally bad (or even) worse shape, they were being managed by some kind of local celebrity, or some combination of both.
"Great, I landed in the ghetto of...whatever city this is" she whispered to herself.
Continuing to try to gain her bearings, she also noticed a separate room containing lockers (that she had speculated in her mind probably had several bags of men's clothing that hadn't been laundered for some time, based on the rampant odour coming from the room). Finally, there was a stair case heading downstairs to outside. She momentarily thought that this was odd, a second floor gym with no basic elevator system. Then again, if this gym was as old as she thought it was, elevators either hadn't been invented yet, or weren't considered reliable enough to be used on this building.
The stairs, weren't counting on the non-human who ran up them so fast that Kristy could barely hear any feet. There stood before her was the interdimensional being that was a focal point of many of her friend's stories, where they were still a focal point of conversation all over her world's internet even after her friend had committed suicide not long after the publishing of the 14 days across the Aaronverse collection.
"Oh yes, 1 of the Clone Club fans." spoke this interdimensional being, as he charged his eyes, ready to murder her. Kristy knew enough of her friends writings to know that she should run like hell now. But as she did (making sure to zig and zag enough in an effort to throw the interdimensional being off), she was asking herself how she could kill this guy. In a panic, she pulled some barbels off of a nearby weightlifting pole. She could feel a shot go past her (and she was confused as to how cold that it was) as she began swinging the pole. She knew that she had to act fast, before he could charge his eyes for another shot at any moment.
"Hey asshole." spoke...about 11 voices behind her. The interdimensional being actually turned and looked behind him, then turned back to this Kristy. That was all she needed to stab his eyes out, killing him instantly. Kristy then saw her would-be assistants, 11 more or less identical looking men that she could tell from the "Hey asshole" comment that they were all quintessential New Yorkers.
"You're Kristy, we're John Luke. Glad you came, welcome to the Aaronverse. Do you know how many others of you that there are?"
Kristy shook her head. 1 of the John's in front of her persisted "At a fundamental level, you can access all of the other you's that are here telepathically, as they can access you."
Kristy was confused, but then she saw other Kristy's fighting in other places across this island. It took her a minute to separate each one in her mind.
"8334, wow...this feels weird." she confided. John motioned to the stairs, all while whispering "You'll get used to it, come on."
Gloria – 895's perspective. On her world, polyphonic music was never created due to "Musica Enchiriadis" never being published. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Famous
It was an interesting sight for this Gloria (as well as several other Glorias in her group) to see a creek running through part of an island.
"Looks to be 30-35 metres wide at it's narrowest point." remarked 1 of them.
Gloria – 895 picked up a nearby rock and tossed it into the creek, making sure to only toss it hard enough that it landed as close to the middle of the creek as she could (as she correctly presumed that the middle was the deepest point). Once it landed, she began quietly counting the time that it took for the rock to sink to the bottom (as the water was clear enough for her to see all the way through).
"Approximately 1 metre deep, give or take 10 centimetres. For those me's who can't swim, you can walk across it with no risk of drowning."
They all nodded and began walking across the creek, pleasantly surprised that the water wasn't cold (slightly warmer than the daytime temperature was actually, 22 degrees Celsius by the estimations of all of the combined Glorias). But that was their last pleasant thought for a while, as a shot was fired, killing the version of Gloria in the rear of the pack. Based on the direction that she fell (as she disintegrated), the shot came from the back and to the left of the group. Sure enough, there was an interdimensional being laughing at them from behind some bushes. Then came another shot from the opposite direction, killing one of the other Gloria's in the middle of the pack. That shot came from the front and to the right of them, with another interdimensional being laughing at them, though this one was a little more talkative.
"Hello there, Garbuios...how ya doing? Got you in a little crossfire, how do you like that?" shouted the interdimensional being in the front.
"I know we're not the smallest women in the world, but do any of us have even halfway decent jumping capabilities?" asked one of the other Gloria's.
"I think we all do with the physics of this place being a bit wonky. Let's split up, we don't have very long." replied Gloria – 895. 3 went forward, the other 3 went backwards, with each team focusing on 1 interdimensional being at a time. The time that the Gloria's had was even shorter than they knew as each interdimensional being began charging their eyes earlier than they had anticipated.
"Guess we're jumping forward too" thought each version of Gloria to themselves (and by accident, to each other). They sighed and made suicide dives on their enemies. With the weight of the combined Glorias pushing the 2 interdimensional beings into the water as some of their thumbs pressed into their eyes, killing the assassins of 2 of their own almost immediately.
"Have you ever seen anything like this before?" asked a version of Gloria.
"I've never even heard of anything like this." replied at least 1 of the other versions.
Laura Dotson – 770's perspective. On her world, Iron horseshoes never entered common use. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Can't kill the devil
They just keep coming at us, these interdimensional beings. I don't even think that we humans have killed a third of them off yet, but if they keep killing several of us humans for every one of them that we kill we'll still kill all of them with barely 1% of us dead. I know that this may sound callous of me, but I find that to be acceptable collateral damage, given the circumstances.
I'm all alone at the moment, having gotten separated from a few of the other me's and other people a few miles ago. If any of the Aaron's, Erin's, Jane's, Dan's, David K's, Rudy's, Ricky's, Jeanie's, John's, Gloria's or Joe P's were here they would love the poetry of my current situation: I got myself turned around inside an abandoned storage locker facility. I'd be laughing really hard at myself if the entire multiverse weren't quite literally on the line right now.
I can hear someone else's footsteps elsewhere on the property, and it terrifies me. I suppose that it would be worse if it were nighttime at the moment, but I just noticed that the time of day has not changed at all since we've arrived here. Actually, I'm not entirely sure if even the clouds have moved across the sky since we've arrived either. Maybe it's a side effect of this being a place where parts of 3 different worlds are converging into each other because someone is using an unstable quantum portal in an effort to become an interdimensional being prematurely.
Now how the hell do I know that?
"Our minds have been working on a heightened level since the moment that we all got here" came a reply from someone that sounded familiar and at the same time, not familiar to me. I cautiously walk down an aisle of outdoor storage units, then turn left to find another version of me (only brunette and well, she looked older and yet thinner which is odd because I'm assuming each Aaronworld is fixed to the same moment in time).
"Thanks for the spoiler alert" I reply as we shake hands with ourselves.
"You're welcome. Do you know if there's any booze or blow anywhere on this island?"
I get a bit nervous. In fact if this were literally ANY other situation, I'd be running as fast as I can and as far as I can away from this version of myself. "Uh, no. I don't mind a drink or 3 on occasion but this isn't the time for it. And I've never done cocaine in my life so I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for any of it."
She bursts into tears "Sorry to ask, drugs are required on my world. All of the other me's I've seen here on this island look so much healthier."
That was the last thing I heard her say before she was shot to death. She was incinerated right in front of me, leaving an interdimensional being in my sight less than 5 metres away. Thankfully, I only have to run as far as the nearest golf cart. I turn the key and floor it. Hopefully the 12 mph top speed is enough (it seems to be, the nearly incomprehensible running of the interdimensional beings can apparently only been done in short bursts). I reach the main entrance and run into the back where the staff usually keeps the tools, grabbing 2 icepicks as he enters in after me. As soon as I know that he is close behind me, I whip around and stab him in the eyes...
...only some sort of shielding appears every time that I try to stab him in the eyes. I message Aaron-prime "They've adapted, inform everyone on the island that eye stabbing doesn't wor..."
"Laura? Laura? Shit, I'll tell everyone" replied Aaron-prime quickly. Thankfully, no one else was trying to speak to him at that moment.
Miriam – 655's perspective. On her world, Pope John VI was never born. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Embers
A shame that we're at war on this island, otherwise it would be an alright destination to vacation to. I don't even know where this would be in a normal world, but all of the signs on the buildings are in plain English, so I'm thinking North America.
There are times as we move North to the centre of the Island where I think that someone is cooking a unique variation of the deli sandwich, but the voice of Aaron-prime tells me that it's the smell left behind of our disintegrated comrades in arms. I grow nauseated at the knowledge that the smell of roasted humans will only get worse as this war rages on.
"Miriams? Can you all hear me?" asks Aaron-Prime.
"The ones that are still alive can, sir." I nervously reply. It took him a minute to get back to me. I find that comforting, it lets me hope that there are that many other Miriams that are still alive out here.
"According to a presumed dead version of Laura Dotson, stabbing their eyes out no longer works. Try finding a new way to kill them, I'll inform you if anyone figures something out."
I can't really describe the sensation this is a telepathic link to that man, or the emptiness when it's gone for that matter (I'm not sure if any of us can, actually). So I continue walking north to the island's centre...alone...
...Oh, hello. What have we here? It's a large fuel truck that appears to be abandoned. The 18 wheeler is newly painted green and I climb up the mini-ladder to crawl inside the driver's side. Maybe the keys are still in the ignition and I can try to drive to the middle of the island instead of continuing to walk my way to the centre of the island...
...not in the ignition, shit. Maybe they're hidden in the glove compartment...nope, not there either. Maybe this is like at least 2 of the Terminator movies where the keys are hidden in the fold-down things people use to block the sun out of their eyes...nope, not there either. OK, I guess I better find a nearby car and give it some gas.
I crawl out of the truck and climb back down to the ground. After a quick search of the street that I'm on, there are no cars around me to speak of...only an interdimensional being running away from the playing of a Buckethead's guitar...and towards me, shit. I don't even think that this Buckethead realizes that he's endangering my life right now (can he even see me?). I see no sharp objects near me in order to defend myself with. But there is a hose for me to spray gasoline on him...
...good thing that I'm a version of me that smokes. I take a zippo lighter out of my jeans pocket, ignite the flame and throw it into the gas flow. The heat only allows me to use it for about 3 seconds without burning my hands completely off. Fortunately, that's all I needed as the interdimensional being ran right into the flame, roasting him to death almost instantly. Buckethead finally sees me as I finish shutting off the hose. He merely nods at me and heads west, looking for another interdimensional being to torture with his insanely fast guitar work. Hopefully he doesn't put another human being in danger by accident.
"Aaron-prime, can you hear me?" I ask. It takes almost 3 minutes before I hear:
"Yes Miriam-655, go ahead."
"Lighting them on fire works, but you have to completely barbecue their ass."
After a minute "I'll spread the word, thank you"
Thom – 514's perspective. On his world, Vitalian doesn't accept money from Constantinople. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Tessitura
Great, we now have to make enough fire to cook these guys in the effort to kill them all and save the Aaronverse? I don't exactly know how that will even be possible when I don't even know how many of these interdimensional bastards are left.
"478" replied Aaron-prime. Nice to know that his penchant for numbers and statistics is a multiversal constant, I would hate to think that there is a world out there where that part of Aaron wasn't at least semi-active. Anyways, I'm alone (by choice, not by getting lost) when I encounter a relatively new bridge going over a small creek. It was the same bridge that I went over with some of Battalion A when we were travelling to the north end of the island in Aaron-prime's efforts to box in these guys. Wow, I didn't even have to leave a proverbial trail of bread crumbs for myself to get back here.
The bridge itself is entirely chemically treated wood underneath my feet (with no gaps between each plank) with all of the foundations and sides being made with solid steel that came from some place called...Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I guess this place has a solid steel industry over a few of the Aaronworlds or something. I hear some rustling underneath the bridge, it's either:
a) Another member of the Aaronverse
b) a random homeless guy not covered by the dimension convergences
c) a troll
d) or an interdimensional being
Oh, what do you know, I was right with each of the last 2 possibilities.
"A pity you're not in a group, but I can pick you off and then go back under the bridge for the next batch of humans." is all that he says before he starts charging his eyes. OK Thom, look around for things to make fire with while running around like a maniac hoping that he doesn't kill you. I stop dead in my tracks as I locate about 1 metre of barbed wire (likely left over from a fence I see a quarter of a kilometre to the west). I grab each end (making sure I don't cut myself, I didn't journey to this world just to die of tetanus a few days after I get home...if I get home). I resume running like a maniac until I find a nearby sewer to hide in (he has fired his shot, which went high, I'm actually happy that I'm short now). He walks around the entrance to the sewer (but his back is turned). I (very quietly) run up behind him and jump on his back, wrapping the barbed wire around his neck as tightly as I can before he can charge his eyes again. Odd, I notice the regular wire is cutting his neck and not just the barbs...oh well, I pull even harder as his eyes begin to charge. Well, at least I'll go out swinging...
...wait a second, I did it. I decapitated him before he fired...AND HE TURNED TO DUST! Oh, this is big.
"So, uh, Aaron-prime, old buddy, old pal?" I ask.
"Yeah Thom, what is it? Kind of busy up here" he replies after 30 seconds of silence.
"Cutting off their heads is an acceptable method of killing these guys too."
"Oh, SWEET! I'll tell the others. Thanks, bro"
Laurie – 489's perspective. On her world, The first temple of Confucius is never built. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Scars
I hope that all of my sons (and if applicable, daughters) are doing better than all of the me's are. I stopped counting how many different Laurie's died after the number exceeded my age. I knew going into this that there would be heavy casualties...
...or at least I thought that I did. I'm in a cemetery with 1 other me and a version of Maddie that we found all by herself. I must confess: I appreciate the quiet of this place (or any cemetery) for that matter (as they're quiet). I imagine that sentiment is shared by many others in the Aaronverse (namely Mr. Buckethead).
"Maddie, are you talking to Aaron-Prime again?" asked the other version of Laurie. Maddie nods and puts her right index finger to her mouth. "Yeah OK, I'll tell Laurie – 489 and Laurie – 1259 to take some off of your hands. Yeah no problem, bye"
"So? What's the news?" I ask.
"We're up to fire and decapitation as accepted alternate methods of killing these guys now that the eye thing doesn't work anymore" answered Maddie.
"Oh that's good, because one of them has just entered the cemetery." countered Laurie – 1259.
She was indeed right, he was walking along the main path in the cemetery (we were about 50 metres to the right, hiding behind a mausoleum). The entire cemetery itself varied from 1 to 2 kilometres wide depending on what I'm guessing is the local land zoning laws, so there were plenty of places for us humans to hide. There weren't however, any weapons to defend ourselves with, much less kill this interdimensional asshole.
"What about that scythe over there resting on the shed?" asks Laurie – 1259.
"Looks too heavy for any 1 of us to carry. Maybe if 2 of us held it..." started Maddie.
"Nevermind, I got this." I reply.
"Other me? NO!" whispers Laurie – 1259 as she restrains Maddie. I find a handle in the middle and grab onto it, lifting it high enough so that I can hold the bottom with my right hand and my left on the handle. Somehow I managed to arrange things so that I'm behind this interdimensional being. I'm now running (which I shouldn't be able to do at my age) yet not being heard. I don't even give him enough time to finish turning around before I swing the scythe. The head came clean off, and he turned to dust instantly. My companions were stunned, to say the least.
"And you're 60?" shouted Maddie.
"Guys?" asked Laurie – 1259 as she pointed upward. Another vortex began to open directly above us, with the sparks appearing that we all now knew were other people coming to the war. Still, the strange sensation of time slowing down in order to accommodate their landing was something that I for one, was likely to never get used to. When normal speed time resumed, we headed out of the cemetery (scythe and all), pausing only to take note of a simple headstone under a tree near the exit.
"Rest in peace, Adrian Balboa! Wait, does that mean we're..." started Maddie
"Yes. All fiction is real somewhere it seems" I replied, then we continued.
Mikkel – 312's perspective. On his world, Constantine was killed trying to cross the Cottian Alps. Song to put on: Forever Still – Scars
Well, that was simply quite exhilarating. I actually wish I was featured in a story prior to this (then again, maybe I am just not featured in a story that was released on my Aaronworld). I wake up to find myself in an abandoned recording studio (oh how appropriate, as I'm a bass player by trade). Behind me is a 21-piece drum kit (complete with a double kick drum set up, leading me to believe that the last band to be here played something heavier. Either that or that's the default kit that is actually owned by the studio that bands can use instead of their own kit to save the time and energy of bringing their kit from home...or if they don't have a kit of their own to use).
To my left is a bass guitar that if I weren't so focused on kicking so much interdimensional ass, I'd be playing it for a little while. It's a Brown fading to Black (some call it "Tobacco Sunburst") 4-string Fender Precision bass (I think my world's Geddy Lee plays one just like this). To my right, well now this is an interesting choice: A light-blue Ibanez Tam100 Signature Series (probably the most well-built 8-string electric guitar on the market right now). In front of me is a Sennheiser E906 Black Microphone (either this band or this studio had some decent $ as a budget and great tastes). The walls around me (as well as the floor) are covered in burgundy carpet. Hmm, now this is interesting: I'm so used to seeing a computer with some version of Pro Tools or Cakewalk or Cubase VST or the like, but I'm happy to see that this facility is an all analog studio (I miss tubes, I really do).
And here come 2 interdimensional beings, as if on cue. I hide behind a stack of Marshall amplifiers (JCM800 if my eyes serve me correctly).
"Burn them or off with their heads, Mr. Haastrup." comes a voice inside my head that I'm assuming is that of our great writer.
"Thank you, Mr. Collins" I reply telepathically (so I don't tip these interdimensional assholes off as to where I am in here). OK, what can set something on fire inside a recording studio? Overheated tubes can't create sufficient fire to burn those guys. OK, I guess that I have to cut their heads off. If only those cymbals weren't screwed into place. I keep looking around (trying to stay hidden) but stumble...
...landing on 2 extra cymbals. I quickly grab one and I throw: 1 interdimensional being dies from the resulting decapitation just as he hears the other one scream "Look out". Well shit, I'm discovered, and he's charging his eyes as I throw the other one at him. It not only cuts his head clean off, but is embedded in the wall behind where he was standing, nearly also decapitating one of...11 short black-haired, husky fellows who had just entered the studio.
"Are you...human?" I ask, accepting my death if the answer is no.
"Very much so, but try to be more careful next time. My name is John Luke, most versions of you probably don't know most versions of me."
"Mikkel Haastrup, sorry I almost killed you in my efforts of killing them" I reply. John non-verbally waves it off as we shake hands "A couple of thousand of the Maja's have been asking for you." he says with a smile on his face.
"As I would ask of her if I got here first." I reply.
I feel more...connected since before I've arrived. If John is the one who is welcoming us into the Aaronverse, I should probably disclose how many me's that there are across...wherever this place is.
"8474 of me in this place" I whisper. To say that I'm still shaken by what I was forced to do wouldn't do my feelings justice. The John who's been speaking to me merely puts his hand on my shoulder in sympathy, and we exit the studio together.
Gregg – 222's perspective. On his world, Pope Callixtus I isn't killed by an angry mob. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Footprints
A lot of people in the Aaronverse are waiting for an interdimensional being (or several) to approach (and probably kill) them. I'm taking the opposite approach: If I die today, it will be because of a mistake that I've made as a predator, and not as a victim. It's almost identical to what I'm doing back home (I'm a tracker of wildlife in Africa on my world, and make a great living doing it because most of of my customers are English-speaking).
I have to admit that I'm no longer used to the climate that goes with most of the North American continent, as I've been "on safari" for so long. As a matter of fact, the only place I feel like I'm at home is this island's local butterfly conservatory. The butterflies all have to be kept in a very humid environment in order for them to survive when they're brought over from...well, anywhere south of here.
I also came in here because I can now tell the difference between an interdimensional being's footprint, and a normal human being's footprint (and it's quite obvious, really): Their feet are bigger than that of every member of the Aaronverse by a considerable margin (including those feet that belong to Mr. Buckethead). I seem to be following 1 being's set of footprints along these pathways in the butterfly conservatory (made of artificial mud I think). Most butterfly conservatories have the same look to them (including this one): A greenhouse covered with a thick plastic tarp with the plant life allowed to more or less run wild so that the butterflies have somewhere to fly to and live under the illusion that they're still out in the wild somewhere.
The trail ends in less than 10 metres, and I see an interdimensional being standing guard at the end of the trail (of what, I have no idea). I look around for something to behead or burn this guy with, and I find a large set of hedge clippers leaning on a shed next to me. I quietly tiptoe over and grab them, then do a tiptoe/running combination (hoping not to be seen by any non-human). The curved blades are 30 centimetres long each, so I had no problems wrapping the clippers around this asshole's neck (even though I'm considerably shorter than he is) and squeezing each handle together as this interdimensional being is screaming out for help. If these guys were capable of bleeding, my face would likely by covered in his splattered blood (and not for the first time in my life, either).
Oh great, his scream was actually loud enough to attract another one of his kind to my location. Well, not quite, he's at the entrance whereas I'm at the other end of the conservatory (not far from an "employees only" section). I'm momentarily afraid of being the hunted for once, until I see THAT one decapitated by...one of the Tyrones (who is standing next to and protecting my original).
"Come on, no one should be alone in this war" invited my original. Who am I to argue with myself?
Tamara – 143's perspective. On her world, The Greek surgeon Antyllus vowed to take better care of his notes regarding surgical procedures. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Behaving Badly
Huh, so my version of Aaron really wasn't exaggerating regarding his descriptions of the me that was in "Mechanisms", she really had an artificial spine that was mostly on the outside of the skin. No, there isn't a naked me running around in this war, I can just see it through her clothes is all (a royal blue top of some sort that was no doubt hand made on her world with some sort of medium-high end linen).
"So, your California really was part of Japan?" I ask her in an effort to make small talk.
"Yes, yours wasn't?" she replies with a sincerity that suggests that she thinks that the majority of Aaronworlds have Japanese-occupied Californias.
"Nope. We're a...relatively late entry into a country called the United States of America."
She nods, adding "I suppose I should be less focused on my world in lieu of there being a multiverse in jeopardy. But...are you in 1 of those worlds where the capital city of America is Washington AND there's a state on the other side of the country that is also called Washington?"
I laugh "Oh god, no. Our capital is New York City, but there is still a Washington state. I guess on a few hundred Aaronworlds, Aaron got lazy and just named multiple places the same thing in order to speed up the creation of the world."
We share a laugh as we approach a dining car. I'm not particularly hungry (In fact, I haven't felt hungry or even thirsty since I arrived here several hours ago), but I think that I saw an interdimensional being run inside the place (running away from one of the Bucketheads, I assume).
"Are you hungry?" I ask my "Mechanisms" counterpart.
"Nope, I haven't felt hungry since before I got here, no thirst either. I am hungry to kick some interdimensional ass though" she answers. I smile at her and we cross the street (while I wonder if the lack of hunger/thirst is a side effect of being here).
The dining car's exterior was all solid and reflective aluminium with a turned off blue neon sign that reads "Jersey's". It actually looks like an old train car that's been restored and converted into a 1950's diner (pretty commonplace across America). We enter and the Marilyn Monroe/James Dean/Elvis Presley motifs that dominate the decor of every diner in the last 50 or 60 years is rampant here too: Posters, Old Records, Jukeboxes etc. My counterpart is stunned, she likely hasn't seen anything like this back on her world.
"Enough sightseeing, grab any steak knives that you can find. Oh, sorry, they're the really sharp ones with the black handles." I state to clarify
"Yeah, I got it." she replied. I guess she doesn't like being condescended to, I really didn't mean to.
"Looking for these?" asked the interdimensional being smugly sitting at a table like a customer, with all of the knives in front of him. We run into the back (thankfully missing all 3-4 dozen blades thrown at us) and I turn on all of the fryers and boiler. We both run out the back door (with both my counterpart and myself grabbing a black folding metal chair and wedging it so that he can't get out the back).
"The front" we both shout as we run around the car. The interdimensional being TECHNICALLY got out, but I hit him in the head with a nearby rock and we threw him back into the diner while he was disoriented. After we wedge another chair in the door (that we found by the curb, about to be thrown out, we run across the street as fast as we can, reaching an alleyway but we can still see him inside screaming for dear life, before the entire diner exploded.
"Hope there were no other humans nearby." I state, my counterpart nods. Wow, I only thought about it afterwards, that's so weird.
Melinda – 90's perspective. On her world, The Greek mathematician Ptolemy was never born. Song to put on: Sevendust – Cease and Desist
I joined up with 11 other me's about an hour ago...I am the sole survivor. 10 versions of me have been knocked off by various energy blasts made by those interdimensional assholes. The last of me in my group took her own life when the deaths of the humans really started piling up (and it got to her emotionally). I don't completely blame her, as with an army this size, being shell shocked at the quantum level is inevitable for a few people. If what 1 of the Skull Girl's told 1 of the Amy's in 1 of the Japans is true, A lot of Aaron's couldn't handle that his stories were real, and they took their own lives as well shortly after the mixed poker book. Otherwise, there would probably be at least a few more of his copies helping the original him out.
"Melinda – 90, can you hear me?" I hear inside my own mind.
"I'm here Aaron-prime, I'm here." I reply inside my own mind.
"You're the only version of Melinda not attached to either a group of other Melinda's or other people." he whispers.
"Surely you can understand someone that doesn't play nicely with others. Or with ourselves for that matter. After all, you created us." I counter, knowing full well how dirty I just sounded.
"Yeah, I know all too well. Where are you? You're not outside." he asks and states, equally confused.
"I followed one into a high school. It's so weird...being in a high school that is only 1 building." I tease, referencing the impractical nightmare that was Turner Fenton.
"I prefer 2 buildings, everything is more spread out. The copies of me that attended that school are all in agreement with me, living or dead. Find him yet?" he asks.
"I've got him cornered in the cafeteria. As in, I've literally just sealed off the last door. It's interesting, how similar this looks to the South Hall Cafeteria back home."
"Yeah, when it comes to the more irrelevant details of my worlds, I tend to just copy and paste." he replies
Aaron-prime went silent after that. It's just as well, I need to focus in order to kill this son of a bitch. I closed off the kitchen and where students go to order and pay for their own food. There are 4 dozen benches made of cheap, medium-brown stained wood and beige metal poles keeping them together (and each one capable of seating approximately 6 people) that were on the main floor. On the north side was a small stage (and I already checked, there were no doors there). Hmm, it never occurred to me to look up where the fixtures and curtains are controlled...shit, too late. This seems to be 1 of the more flight capable interdimensional beings, as he's hovering near the cafeteria's ceiling. He doesn't say anything, merely tilts his head sideways, then dives at me. I'm expecting the dive to be faster than my eyes can perceive, but I recall my world's Aaron talking to me about Wheeler foam. How the nature of the universe has tiny holes in it. By focusing on the macroscopic holes between him and I, I actually see him (maybe even all of time) slow down well enough for me to side step. He gets...stuck in a bench. Normal time resumes as I angrily pull a latch on the left side of the bench to fold it inward. I pull and release over a dozen times until the trauma to his neck is sufficient for me to decapitate him. Good thing too, I could see his eyes charging at me.
"I got him...and slowed down time" I speak mentally to Aaron-prime.
"Great, find another group" he replies, slightly annoyed.
Jen – 33's perspective. On her world, Jesus Christ of Nazareth was never crucified. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Life is in DeLiver
"Jen – 33, get over to the private parking lot on Ratner street. We've got 3 beings in there out gunning down about a dozen of us and you're 1 of the closest people there." shouted Erin – 1617.
"I'm on it" as I change my route and head west (passing a bingo hall that something inside me says a few Aarons have been to when they were teenagers). It's about a 6 block walk but, I happen to come across a bicycle. It's chrome black across the entire frame with the titanium rims painted white. The handlebars seem to be replicas of those long curved, semi-circular handlebars that were on bicycle's in the 1960's, but the seat is banana-shaped and covered with a gel sleeve. Good, the last thing that I need in the middle of an interdimensional war is to have a sore bum.
I release the kickstand and mount the bike. A pity that I can't find a helmet to put on my head, but at this point I'm not worried about dying from accidental cranial trauma from a fall off of a bicycle in a world that isn't my own. As bleak as all of this is, this is the greatest adventure for probably all of us. Aaron-prime could not have written this any better, and if any of us survive this, our lives may seem a little bit more ordinary as we're never going to be altogether like this again (regardless of the outcome).
This bike rides like a dream, it's so quiet. That said, I regret being one of the Jen's who smokes (as my chest is beginning to tighten). I'm half a block away from the parking lot and...Erin-1617 wasn't kidding (a version of Jess and a version of Jeanie just got killed with enough force that they were thrown completely out of the parking lot before they turned to dust). I'm going to need to do something awesome in order to even the odds (although the versions of Olivia, Sherry, Justin and Cindy are more or less holding their own in hand to hand combat against these 3 guys for the moment. But as long as their eyes are active, they're effectively sitting ducks. Crap, I didn't see that pebble, I just tripped as I enter the parking lot...
...I fling over the handlebars (and somehow, over the other humans) and crash into 3 interdimensional beings (just missing touching the charging eyes of 2 of them, which either one of them could've killed me), knocking them (and myself) down. That was all the other humans needed to gain the advantage, they grabbed assorted parts of the parked cars that were around them (a bumper, part of a windshield etc.) and cut the interdimensional being's heads off. It is the youngest one who offers me their hand to be pulled up.
"Hi, I'm Olivia" she says with a smile, pulling me up in one motion.
Sherry, Justin and Cindy all nod at me, non-verbally saying "Thank You".
"Prime, tell Erin-1617 that the parking lot is all clean"
David K – 119's perspective. On his world, Hadrian never visited Britain. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Destination: Nowhere
Half of Battalion A is already at the middle of the island (Where Battalion B was stationed), the other half have fallen behind. Technically, I'm one of the ones that have fallen behind but Aaron-2208 put me on special detail to pick up any of the others who had fallen behind that I find. There's about 2 hundred of us doing a proverbial door to door search along the last 800 metres before we reach the island's centre. Some of them think that there are no more interdimensional beings, but I'm too paranoid to believe them (and can you blame me?)
"Has anyone checked out this old antique store yet?" I shout out, hoping that I don't give away my location to any non-humans in the area.
"I was going to but you got here first." replied 1 of the Ricks as he headed for a shoe store. OK, 1 antique store by myself coming right up. It could be worse, Chiara-prime is in a Wicca book and supply shop (which as I understand it, is perfect for her, but her Tyrone protection unit must be bored out of their damn minds). I walk inside, and it's not that big of a store for me to look in, really: Large (and unfortunately, modern) French windows adorn the north, looking back outside. An antique cash register on top of a booth along the south wall, and 2 aisles of shelves in between set 1-2 metres apart from everything else in the shop. I briefly pause to look around: Mostly 18th, 19th and 20th century New England knickknacks although what's this? Oh wow, it's an old model Dalek from the 1st Doctor...at least I think it is. Let me check around the back and...wow, it's real!
BANG!
Good thing that it was protecting me (as I was crouched behind it at the time). Some interdimensional bastard was hiding behind the counter where the cash register was. I choose 1 of the shelves to hide behind, as I struggle to find a weapon of some kind in order to even the odds. Hmmm, a couple of old Native American tomahawks! I better check the blades...hmm, still sharp. With apologies to the local tribes that possibly provided these weapons, I grab the tomahawks and charge for the interdimensional beings. I'm already in mid-swing as he tries his "run beyond the speed of human comprehension" so he shows up behind me with his fist cocked back, ready to throw a punch to the back of my skull...
...and then his head fell off. Well, that's interesting: They don't even leave any blood on the blades that cut their heads off. They don't look any different from when I picked them up, I'm putting these back on the shelf. I begin chuckling to myself, as I just realized the irony of a Dalek PREVENTING ME FROM BEING EXTERMINATED! Aaron-2208 walks by and asks "All clear in here?" I nod as another vortex opens. Although this time, it looks like whoever's coming is coming over a more concentrated part of the island (as opposed to the random trajectories of the earlier arrivals). Funny, I could've sworn that the new arrival was...about my age.
Thomas – 273's perspective. On his world, King Hormizid I lives longer. Song to put on: Therion – The Shells Are Open
"How did I go through all of that and survive?" I ask myself. There was a large hole in an arterial red brick wall that as I stare at it, I knew that I went through a moment ago (yet I am amazed that I was completely uninjured in the crash). I look around and see mechanical devices that are well over 100 years old, maybe even 200.
"I may very well be the youngest thing in this room." I whisper aloud. I look downward and outside (3 stories by my estimates) and see people running around with whatever makeshift weapons that they can get their hands on. It takes me 2 minutes to realize that 2 completely different musicians with Kabuki masks on their respective faces were making sound that physically hurt this fellow (who looked well over 2 metres in height and flesh so pale that they were not human).
"So Aaron was writing the truth all along, was he?. There are other midgards and beings not of these worlds." I speak in mid-chuckle as I simultaneously hear from the ground below "1 of the new ones went through this building." followed by "Kill him, kill him now". I'm assuming that they're talking about me, so I quickly look for a weapon to defend myself with, locating a sword that is mounted to the wall. This is obviously a replica with a brass handle, but the blade looks sharp enough...but...how do I kill these guys?
"Fire or decapitation." came a voice in my head. Odd, this is a deeper voice than the Aaron that I know back home. OK, I've got the sword in my hands and I'm tiptoeing so that I'm behind the door before they open it (or even noticed that I've changed locations in the room for that matter). The door opens, more or less right on cue. He's looking at both the hole and the mechanical stuff in the northwest corner of the room that I found when I first got here.
"How the...?"
That's all that I let him speak before I jumped (to make up the reality that he was significantly taller than I was) and swung my borrowed blade. His head landed on the ground and all of him turned to dust before I landed on the ground. Well that was easy, and this is the race that screwed with Aaron's brain? Kind of anticlimactic, really...
...I guess I can look as to what these machines are in this room. I walk around the main machine, observing a stack of blank paper on one side, ready to be fed 1 sheet at a time to the main flat surface.
"Oh, wow. It's an antique printing press. Well, this doesn't look like a museum (or even a high end antique store or auction house). Maybe it's one of those underground clubs that makes its' own fliers. Let's see what kind of group this was."
I walk over to the flat part of the apparatus, seeing just another blank sheet of paper. I then look above it, hoping there was a large stamp created so that I could figure out what was going on.
I did...it was an image of a swastika. What few words I could make out as I back away in terror were "Philadelphia Chapter of the American Neo-Nazi party"
"That is deplorable. Just deplorable" I say to myself as I walk over to the window and heard "1 of them went up there to try to flush out whoever the new guy is" I hear from a shouting female American voice on the ground.
"Thanks. OK boys, let's bring him in."
That voice came from an older, American male, also on the ground. I could hear him and several others marching up the stairs.
"Sword down, this one's with me" said the version of Aaron inside my head. I put the point of the blade on the floor, basically using it as a cane as the next one (OK, 11) enter the room.
"Guess you don't need our help." exclaimed the one at the front.
"No, not at all." I reply with a grin
"John Luke, auctioneer and designated welcome wagon for the late arrivals to the Aaronverse."
"Thomas Vikstrom, male singer of Therion."
We shook hands, while another "John" remarked "Wow, I didn't know that Aaron was into symphonic metal from Sweden"
I felt a need to correct him "In point of fact, my Aaron's been a fan of the band since before I joined. He first got into Therion when he was about 19 years old, and was in tears of joy when Chiara Malvestiti became our female soprano, as he has been friends with her for nearly a decade when she was just beginning in her own band..."
Another version of John raised his hand, I nod for him to continue "Crysalys. Yeah, I have the 'Awakening of Gaia' CD in my car. I listen to the song 'Butterfly Effect' when the auction scene is slow. Tell us, how many of you are there?"
It takes me a minute to narrow down how many of me made it. "8582" I get out. The Johns motion for me to follow them, and I do so.
Laura Bradley – 321's perspective. On her world, The Roman Catholic Church is NOT allowed to hold property. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Overlord
I may or not be the only one of us in a residential area on this island. I haven't heard from Aaron-prime or any of his copies in over an hour. I wonder if that technically rules me as a stray in this war. I suppose that I should check in, before anyone worries:
"Aaron-prime, can you hear me?" I internally ask. Then came a long, awkward silence as I enter a trailer park of all things. 1 that looked abandoned days before the dimension convergences even started happening.
"Laura B – 321, where the fuck are you?" he asks me.
"Happy roamers trailer park." I reply, but not before adding "A quarter mile away from any decent action."
I open a small white picket fence, being lead only by my 5 senses.
"Are you alone?" he asks me.
"Yes, my sense of smell is leading me away from the verse and...oh shit..."
I'm (at most) 6 feet away from the picket fence that I just closed, and the...pungent smell that's been bothering me since just before I entered the property has finally given me an answer: There are unmarked, partially dug graves in literally EVERY backyard of this trailer complex. Only, some fences have been knocked down. So effectively, this is 1 backyard consisting entirely of graves. There's got to be hundreds, maybe even a thousand graves here altogether.
"Am I seeing through your eyes correctly? Am I seeing all of these shallow graves?" Aaron-prime mentally asks me.
"Yes. I'm looking down one of them right now." I reply.
"No, Laura, don't..."
But it's too late, I lean over and look inside...this isn't a death from a week ago, THIS IS A VERSION OF DAN DOTSON! I look in a few of the others: A version of Amanda, 1 version of that new Dani girl. When we get hit with that shit that comes out of their interdimensional eyes, we turn to dust...so they're killing us the old-fashioned way now?
"Aaron-Prime, find me a weapon." I whisper.
"There's a gas powered chainsaw over to your right. It looked fully fuelled, do you see it?"
I do. I walk over and grab it.
"Follow the graves, show no mercy. Good Luck!"
I'm relieved at all of the gaps between the graves being hard grass, it's easier for me to walk around...everyone. After a few minutes, I come to 3 interdimensional beings surrounding...oh my god, it's that Danish girl that came late through the vortex...MAJA! They've...just stabbed her in the abdomen with a machete. At least hers was quick. My instinct tells me that some of these Aaronversers that are already in shallow graves suffered for a while. The problem is, once I yank this sucker, they'll all know where I am and I don't know if they can still charge their eyes...Fuck it, someone needs to put them down. I start running while I yank the string...it starts. I already cut one head off before I start screaming in fury. The second one throws the machete, nailing me in the left thigh. I don't even feel it from all of the adrenaline as I saw off head #2...and 3's charging his eyes as I fall to a knee. I'm dead anyway if he hit the artery, so I just throw the chainsaw at him. It goes through his head and right shoulder, turning him to dust. Thankfully, the chainsaw turned off as it went partly into an Oak.
It doesn't help Maja and I though, but maybe this familiar face will...
Justin – 454's perspective. On his world, Ellac is not killed during the battle of Nadao. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – The price of everything and the value of nothing
The smell of these bodies is getting to not only myself, but these other 6 versions of me as well. I don't think that anything could have prepared us for this. We reach our 2 latest patients: A short, brown-haired heavy woman late 30's-early 40's and a slightly taller, black/purple haired woman, age range unknown but definitely younger than the first patient.
"Thank god you're here. This version of Maja has an abdominal wound and the knife that caused it is in me" The older woman states as she points to a very large knife in her left thigh. One of the other me's speaks, as if on cue: "We're all Justin Welsh, we've unofficially become the Aaronverse's war doctors. I'm a vet, this one is a 1st year medical student (I see him point to 1 of the other me's) and that one is a dentist. Not an ideal team I admit, but we'll do our best. These other 4 versions of us are our bodyguards...so to speak."
"What the hell happened here?" I ask as I look at an Oak tree with a chainsaw embedded in it.
"She bagged 3 interdimensional assholes after they stabbed me. Presumably, they're the killers of all of these other people." replied Maja.
"Try not to talk. OK, you're Maja. What's your name?"
"Laura Bradley, sir. I don't know if the blade went through my femoral artery or not."
"Not likely. Even with the knife still inside you, you probably would've bled out by now."
I (and another version of Justin) pull the chainsaw out of the tree (without turning it back on, thank goodness) as 1 of the medical Justin's begins scanning Laura and Maja (huh, so the scanners that my Aaron was talking about putting in some story about whirlyball came into fruition somewhere). He breathed 2 sighs of relief, about 20 seconds apart.
"No damage to anything vital in either 1 of you. We'll patch you up, give you some morphine and antibiotics and take you to what we hope is still a safehouse."
"WE'VE GOT COMPANY!" I scream as another interdimensional being runs right for me (with charging eyes). I quickly get the chainsaw running again, duck his shot (which thankfully just landed in the grass a few feet away from Laura) and chop his head off.
"You may resume your practice, Dr. Welsh." I say in a loud, steady voice.
"Thank you, Mr. Welsh. OK, I'm going to pull the knife out in 3...2..."
"OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" screamed Laura.
"Where's my gauze, bandages and tape people?" he screams. The other 2 medical Justin's separated with the required patch up kits and began patching up Maja and Laura individually. The one who pulled the blade out of Laura is preparing 2 syringes with a clear liquid. After a minute, he injects Maja first, then Laura. Maja stands up to walk right away, Laura is struggling. I (and another version of Justin) take a side of her each and lift her up. She'll have our assistance for the whole walk...
...30 minutes later.
"Here's the safehouse, ladies." I reply.
It's nothing more than an abandoned emergency room of a hospital, but Justin-prime is there (so his Tyrone protection unit is guarding it well).
"I love the Aaronverse so much" says Maja, slightly slurred.
"OK, you're cut off" I reply.
"All of us are in the centre of the island now" all of us here Aaron-prime say inside our heads.
Kate – 550's perspective. On her world, Hindu Mathematics didn't invent the number 0. Song to put on: Sevendust – Not Today
What the fuck is that on my forehead? The letter "O" that's squished slightly? This place is as strange as Aaron's writings. Wasting a good hotel for a crime spree? A band audition where people have metal body parts? A Western in some place called "Russia"? Granted, that mixed poker book was pretty good (even if some of the games didn't even exist on my world, so I appreciate the game's tutorials) but by then I'm sure that my Aaron was sick of hearing my complaining, so I was left out of 14 days completely. But this was too big for me to not get involved.
I looted 1 of those fancy knives that you would find in a collector's store (the kind where you could buy model cars or Warhammer equipment). The royal blue handle actually has an extended plastic wrist brace that I have locked to my right wrist while the blades themselves were forged in such a way to resemble a snake. I'm not still in the collector's store, but (I think) in a beauty salon for women. But it must be one of those retro salons, because the steamers that go over people's heads? They're all at least 3 decades old (same with the chairs attached to them). The cash register and the overall pastel decor screams 1969 (at the latest). Oh well, I'm not here for a mani/pedi (although I concede that most of us in this war will need one among many other things when it's over and if we live).
OK, nowhere to hide in this place. But there's no back door either from what I've explored. I close the supply cupboard (then lock it as the key was on the floor) so that no interdimensional being (or myself) can hide in there. I turn and stare at the front door, waiting for a non-human to enter with me as the bait. What the hell, I haven't spoken to a human being in a few hours (like Aaron, I much prefer my solitude) so even they would be welcome company (though not company I would kill).
Well just my luck, a stray interdimensional being walks in.
"Need some colour in that hair of yours?" I ask, clearly trolling him.
Evidently, he didn't like my snarky sense of humour. He charges his eyes and fires a shot. Good news: It missed me, Bad news: My blade is completely shattered. I quickly detach what's left and scramble to find either another sharp object or some stuff to make fire. Oh sweet, hair bleach. I quickly unscrew the cap (God, this shit smells awful) and throw it at the interdimensional being. Wow, he was charging for another shot and this stuff made him internally combust.
"Aaron-prime?"
After a minute...
"Yes, Kate-550? Go ahead."
"Flammable chemicals can also kill these guys, provided that one times it correctly to the exact moment where they fire that energy shit out of their eyes."
"Alright, noted. I'll tell the others, thanks."
I better go find a new knife.
David Flannagan – 607's perspective. On his world, Pope Boniface III is not appointed (leading to a collapse of the Catholic church. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Take you down
So, the gang's all here. It's so nice to see all of us in the same war now (well, those who showed up and haven't been killed yet). As 1 of only 2 remaining founding members of the Aaronverse (Thom Phung being the other) to still be involved in Aaron's life on some level, I feel that I (as well as the other me's) are effectively the custodians of the melting pot family that Mr. Collins has created on each Aaronworld (where the members vary, but the love remains). Me and 11 other David's have formed a circle (a clock, if you will) where we all face outward to anticipate the arrival of incoming interdimensional beings. We'll even give out the times of the estimated location of the being in advance (though 2 or 3 "hours" in both directions also pay attention) and not only have we not lost a single version of David, but other members of the Aaronverse have found 11 other versions of themselves (or even just other people) and made their own clocks.
"History's going to remember this as the Flannagan maneuver" spoke Aaron-prime inside my mind, in a tone that suggested that he was very proud of me.
"Yeah, if we all survive this shit. How close are you to destroying this world by bringing in more people while 3 other worlds are nearing total convergence?" I ask.
"My guess? We've distracted these interdimensional bastards well enough to not help my mom complete her mission, so it's not much of an issue at the moment." was the last thing I heard before the entire Aaronverse screamed (out loud, and in unison):
"1 OF THE LINDSAY'S IS PULLING OFF THIS SHIT?"
"I'm afraid so, everyone. If we win, I'll try to find out why" was all that Aaron-prime said about the matter.
"Guys? Our 11 o'clock."
"That would be me." I say as I grin. I suppose that I can divulge this now: Our "clock" is hiding some...interesting tools. I quickly grab a 5 gallon bucket of kerosene and put 1 of those 30 centimetre long stick matches in my mouth (like how 1 holds a rose in their mouth when they tango. I throw the kerosene at the guy, light the match with my teeth, then throw it at him. He goes up in flames and combusts completely just before he could completely charge his eyes.
"Did anyone else notice that this kill took a little longer to take place than the others?" I ask aloud. A few of the other David's nod and make noises that suggest agreement to me.
"Maybe that bucket of kerosene was weaker than the others that we found in that shed." suggested another versions of David (the 7 o'clock one if my ears serve me correctly). I would like to think that that is the reason, but something tells me that that is not the case.
"A few others are saying the same thing." says Aaron-prime.
Oh goodie, he's eavesdropping on all of us now.
Amy – 794's perspective. On her world, Kyoto failed to become the capital of Japan. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Wait until tomorrow
Do you know what I hate most in times of war? Not finding a decent vegan restaurant anywhere either on the battlefield or anywhere near it. Then again, I'm really only looking for one as a force of habit (as I'm neither hungry or thirsty and haven't been since I got here). Also, because my journeys from the south coast of the island to the centre have been entirely too quiet given the circumstances.
I mostly took side streets in the hopes that I wouldn't come across any of those interdimensional sons of bitches. I think that to some extent, they terrify everyone who came here. Having said that, I think that I'm more afraid of them than most. Almost 1000 worlds away from my own, 1 version of me met a little girl that was broken and incorrectly re-assembled by these guys. And now, this verse might not even survive long enough for the original Aaron to fix her. So yes, I am here, but I hope to avoid conflict at all costs. I already know that many versions of me are dead, and that I'm not Amy-prime (so if I die, I'm just 1 among hundreds, if not thousands). All of that said, I know that conflict is inevitable in a setting like this.
I walk by a comic book store (which I would normally enjoy except that I'm hoping to not get killed by a non-human...wait, since when was Christopher Eccleston on Doctor Who and why does he get his own sonic screwdriver?) and I see this really tall guy with a guitar and portable amplifier walk by.
"See any?" he asks. I shake my head...BUCKETHEAD! That's his name. Anyways, he shrugs and begins playing me a quick, pretty little piece...
"That's part of the song called 'Footprints'" says Aaron-prime inside my head.
"Thanks Aaron." I shout (as if he's actually around) as Buckethead leaves. He then stops and points at a store window before continuing his journey. I run over to see what he was pointing at. Oh, it's a kitchenware shop that hasn't been looted yet. I open the front door and walk inside (the walls in here are all-white but I can't make out the materials of the wall or the floor). I just grab the biggest steak knife that I can find and quickly head out the way that I came in...
"So...I finally know what a ChiqueGeek looks like. I hope you feel as good as you look"
I'm so outraged that the idea of being sexually assaulted by something that isn't human that I scream as I do a 360 degree spin, swinging the knife along with me. The force is enough to cut his head off, turning him to dust almost immediately. I'm...actually proud of myself for not running away like a coward...
...and now another interdimensional being has grabbed me by the hand without the knife in it. I try to cut this one's head off, but some sort of shielding appeared to prevent it.
"SHIT! AARON-PRIME, THEY'VE ADAPT..."
That's all I could scream out before the second interdimensional being shoves my own blade into my abdomen, stabbing upward. He misses my heart, but the blade went through enough stuff inside of me where...I'm going to bleed out and die inside of 2 minutes.
"I guess I've now killed 1 each of the ChiqueGeeks. Tata!" he says as he runs off, looking for another human to kill. I can't scream...so I get out mentally: "Find another way to kill them, Aaron-prime, I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize, Amy-794. Goodbye, my time lady. You'll be missed by us all."
I don't respond, as I stumble into an alleyway. Hoping to die quietly, and with some dignity...
...only I'm not alone in this alleyway. We walk towards each other, happy that I will have some closure that I have sought since I met my world's Aaron for the first time:
"My world...doesn't have a Mary"
She stares at me with her left hand over her throat. But with the blood pouring through and flowing down her arm and clothes, she might die before I do.
"My world...doesn't have an Amy" she barely whispers. We sit down on the ground in the alleyway, happy to die in each others arms as a vortex opens.
Jessa – 852's perspective. On her world, Taizu of Later Liang (the overthrower of the Tang dynasty) is never born. Song to put on: Black Sabbath – Fairies wear boots
Great, just great. I (and...whoa...a LOT of other me's...wow, that's disorienting) travel all this way to help save the Aaronverse (and thus make my debut in his stories, assuming that any of us survive long enough to be written about of course) and I land in a department store?
I look around and see a dozen racks, with each one consisting of 7 shelves. I walk over to where I am between 2 of the racks (making sure to look on shelves of both of them). The boxes are all closed with brand names that I do not recognize. But something tells me that their shoddy cardboard across so many of them is something of what my Aaron would call a multiversal constant.
I am in a shoe store. After opening a box, my suspicion is confirmed. All of the walls are painted a sort of a neutral beige, and the floor is completely covered in what is probably the ugliest shade of orange that I've ever seen in my life. I stare out the front windows that show me whatever street that I'm on (the architecture and the smells seeping through tell me that I'm somewhere in central New England, unless this world is radically different from my own, which, with Aaron is very possible). This would actually be a nice ground floor view for me, if not for the cars and such blowing up near me and what I assume is the interdimensional beings picking off people that I'm assuming are other characters...I mean friends of Aaron's (oh no, was that a version of Isaac that just died?).
Uh oh, 2 interdimensional beings saw me from across the street and are heading this way. What should I do? Set them on fire?
"Nope, that stopped working 10 minutes ago. We're attempting to find another method to take these guys down. In fact, if you find 1, please share it with me so that I can tell my beloved Aaronverse."
"Nice to hear your voice again, Mr. Prime" is all that I say in response to Aaron-prime's mind calls as the 2 interdimensional beings. I would describe the looks on their face as angry, but I think that the word "confused" would be more appropriate.
"Another one not in his previous books. That makes 6 new batches of characters that we have no record of in his writings." spoke the on to my left.
"How can we not know so many? Our...commanding officer is the one who put these stories in his fucking head." replied the other one. As if on instinct, I...actually walk over to them and whisper: "Invicem se interficiant" (Latin for Kill each other)
They look at each other and actually whisper "I'm sorry" as they rip each others hearts out and turn to dust as they fall on top of each other...well, that was anti-climactic. Others are now running in, 11 of them in total, all versions of the same person.
"How much did you see?" I ask, for I know that these 11 versions of the same middle aged man are human (so I won't kill him).
"All of it. Do you want to call Aaron-prime or should I?" the leader of them asks.
"I'll do it. Original Aaron, I...cast a spell on 2 of them which lead to each of them ripping the other being's heart out."
"Jesus Christ, keep that up and we'll have the war won in an hour." exclaimed Aaron-prime.
"I...can't. It has a price as it's Wicca. 6 of me just died of heart attacks because of the 3 fold law. If I keep using it than you can kiss hundreds of me goodbye inside of 20 minutes. Sooner if my original is one of the ones that die."
I distinctly hear Aaron-prime sigh before saying "OK, I'll inform all of you to only use it in extremely dire situations. Then I'll tell the others to go for the heart. Thank you Jessa, I promise that the sacrifice that you just made will not be made in vain."
"Tough decision, kid. I'm John Luke." 1 of the men in front of me says with a sad look on his face.
"Jessa Beaudin...8698 of me came here, 21 of me are already not going back home."
We walk out together, in sadness.
Holly – 919's perspective. On her world, gunpowder was used in warfare at a later year. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Anthropoid
"We have to do WHAT?" I ask internally.
"Rip their hearts out. At least until they adapt again, which hopefully won't happen." Aaron-prime responds almost immediately (and likely to hundreds or even thousands of others).
"Great, that won't be a LOT harder than going for their eyes, their heads or burning them." I reply sarcastically. Aaron-prime doesn't reply back to me (which is just as well, as I'm sure he's busy just keeping this planet from complete collapse while also fighting off any of these assholes who can fly).
"Holly, come here!" shouts...another version of Holly. She has 10 other me's with her, so I'm guessing that she needs me to be the 12th Holly in the Flannagan Clock (or the Flannagan maneuver, if you prefer). She smiles when I walk over and hands me a large handled 15 centimetre buck knife with a hook on the opposing side of the blade pointing downward.
"Stab with blade, twist, hook the heart, yank with the power and strength that the good lord gave you. Any questions?" she asks.
"Thank you. Yes, just one: Where did you find these?" was all that I could get out of my mouth at the time.
"There's a bass pro shop around the corner. Also, I'm lead to understand that there's a scouting supply store 2 blocks to the east (found by a few of the versions of Jason) and an army surplus store 3 blocks to the west (found and raided by 1 of the Tyrone protection units a few minutes ago)."
I'm cool with that answer (I'm guessing that pretty much all of the commandments are out the window at this point, under the circumstances). I take the 3 o'clock position, after noticing that there we are not hiding any additional supplies behind our backs (as the original Flannagan clock reportedly did). That's a little bit nerve wracking, but I suppose that things could be worse: We couldn't have been told the latest way to kill these guys at all (for what it's worth, thank you Jessa and I'm truly sorry for the way that you found out about the newest effective way to kill these interdimensional assholes).
"Incoming interdimensional being, about 4 o'clock" shouts the leader (Holly – 1185, and she looks a lot better than I would have imagined. I guess that she stayed clean after leaving her world's South Africa after all). 4 o'clock is the version of Holly next to me (I can't see her number right now, on account of her pink hair distracting me) so I have to pay attention too. The interdimensional being could just as easily shift direction and head for me instead. Except that something flying through the air smashes this being off course and into a wall...
...it's 1 of the Tyrones hammers, which immediately returns to him.
"Have at it, Circle of Rapp." he shouts as he walks towards us. The interdimensional being is completely knocked out. I make a move for the hammer, without thinking (which causes Tyrone to roar out in laughter).
"Do you think that you regular Aaronversers could ever lift..."
I make it budge a few centimetres, causing this particular Lord Magnus to stop dead in his tracks for a few moments. I was expecting for Tyrone to have an "Oh crap" look on his face, or maybe to look at me smugly because I couldn't completely lift it. Instead he nods "Indeed, a few hundred of you have shown the potential to lift it someday."
"Sorry, I was just trying to give it back to you. I'll just focus on ripping some alien's heart out. Good to see that you're still protecting us." I say as I turn my attention to the still asleep interdimensional being. None of the other Holly's can get through as this version of Tyrone grabs his hammer and takes his leave of us.
"It appears to have some kind of bone plating around it's heart. It is otherwise in the same location as a human being though"
I shrug, quickly grab 1 of the other Holly's knives and stab at each side of the bone plating, then pry it off like 1 would a crowbar to a wooden crate. Several me's were throwing up as I pulled it's heart out.
"I take it most of you didn't grow up on a farm?" I ask smugly, with a heart in my hand, turning to dust.
Julie – 1024's perspective. On her world, paper currency is never invented. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Cafo
Excepting for the times where they've adapted, hunting these interdimensional beings has been a lot of fun. I'm in Julie-prime's group and we've chased one of them into a Mcdonald's. Half of Julie-prime's Tyrone protection unit is inside with Julie-prime, myself, 2 other Julie's and a male version of me that is named Jules (I guess even I can be male in the Aaronverse) while the other half of the Tyrones (specifically, the ones with hammers and shields) are surrounding the outside. 1 of them made a comment as to how this is like a lumberjack match in professional wrestling, but I wouldn't know anything about that (I guess that the Aarons forgot to write professional wrestling into existence on my world or something). Julie-prime, myself and about 2 dozen of the Tyrones go behind the counter. The designated Tyrone leader of the pack makes a series of hand gestures that all of us interpret as splitting up even further as there are 2 different walkways where the Mcdonald's staff would be working. One has the fry maker, and everything needed for the chicken, fish and vegetable meals. The other has all of the beef related machines. We head down the beef lane, spotting the interdimensional being trying to hide inside the manager's office. 1 of the Tyrone's up front grabs several sharp tools of varying size and begins passing them back to the other Tyrones and I. Sweet, I got the icepick (I guess Big Mac's need to separated when they arrive frozen). We tiptoe toward the interdimensional being, and are stunned silent when he bends light to a point of near invisibility.
"Crap, they can camouflage themselves now. Aaron-prime, inform the others." I speak internally.
"They always could. As a bunch of versions of Isaac found it back at the hockey arena. But I'm on it, thank you Julie-1024." he replies.
One of the Tyrone's smirks, I think that he just talked to Aaron-prime too. A few of the outside Tyrones are...breaking off from the Mcdonald's? What the hell is going on? They return a minute later with 2 large metal containers with some kind of gas leaking out of the top. I head back and open the door quietly along with 6 of the Tyrones inside with me. 1 of the Tyrones from inside turns so that his right ear is facing a Tyrone from outside who whispers "Dry Ice. It'll fry his camouflage until it stops working."
"Will this stuff be harmful to us?" I whisper/ask.
"We may have a bit of a coughing fit afterwards, but we should be OK." replies a version of Tyrone. I nod in gratitude as we close the door. We could resume tiptoeing, but no, the Tyrones with the dry ice containers just start running like maniacs towards the manager's office, throwing the stuff inside (and the containers themselves). It worked, the camouflage is shorting in and out until it stops working. The interdimensional being comes running out, firing off a shot (that misses me by less than 1 inch). All of the Tyrone's charge right back at him, taking him down after a minute. Julie-prime and I (both with icepicks that we've been keeping in our pockets) repeatedly stab his chest until the bone protecting his heart is shattered. It is a version of Tyrone who takes the honour of ripping its' heart out, disintegrating the being (and the heart) instantly.
We all walk out, coughing slightly. 1 of the copies of Aaron shouts from in front of a vintage movie theatre across the street "FUCK, DAVID FLANNAGAN-PRIME IS DOWN, MIGHT BE DEAD IN 30 MINUTES!"
The entire Aaronverse stopped completely dead in its' tracks. If he goes, morale sinks to nothing and we can pretty much kiss the war (and the entire multiverse) goodbye. A vortex opens directly over the theatre, but whoever is coming...better be a VERY big ace in the hole in order to fix this.
"There's 10 versions of us in here to watch you die, Mr. Flannagan. Short of killing Aaron-Prime himself, we take pleasure in knowing that all of David Flannagans die with you soon." spoke one of the interdimensional beings as they all heard a crash in the next theatre, but elected to ignore it.
"Shame on you for leaving your Tyrone protection unit. No mere human or group of humans in the entire history of the multiverse has ever successfully killed 10 versions of us at once." spoke another.
"Should we finish him?" asked a third.
"...No. It's more fun for us this way, he deserves to suffer for being a friend to him for so long."
"Do I deserve to suffer?" came a female voice from the opposite side of the theatre. The movie theatre was almost pitch black, but the interdimensional beings saw her clearly, and she saw them.
"No...we've been repressing the Aaron's from using you in his stories for decades."
David Flannagan-prime laughed (pained as it was). "You stupid fucks...you never censor a Guidi. But why now?"
She merely cracked her neck from both sides (audible enough for even the interdimensional beings to hear). The look on her face through her long, red hair was that of complete boredom.
"Who were you expecting? Leonard?"
Ginette – 1107's perspective. On her world, The city of Florence never expanded. Song to put on: Crystal Method – Name of the Game
OK Aaron, what crazy adventure begins my first adventure in the Aaronverse? All 10 of these interdimensional beings surround me with a vibe of high anxiety, as if they really don't want me here or something. Good, that's exactly what I want them to think. I drop to my side as one of them charges towards me, locking 1 of his legs with both of mine, tripping him to land on the ground face first, breaking his nose (I think, who can tell with non-humans who think that they're demigods these days?). I grab the ankle of the leg that I tripped (the left one, if Aaron-prime or any of his living copies are writing this down) and snap it with my bare hands. He's not getting up under his own power anytime soon. Then something circular fell from the sky, wrapping itself around my left hand and forearm (as if it knew to travel towards me). It's a lightweight shield with the Uruguayan flag painted on it.
"Thought you could use it." shouted a voice from the roof. The voice belonging to a very well cut black guy who sounds like a Jersey boy. He immediately changes his poise from a hero to a fanboy, running around the roof laughing maniacally, and screaming: "AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH, YO HERE COMES GUIDI. AW MAN, WHEN THAT VORTEX OPENED I SAID 'SOMEBODY HAD TO BE COMIN', BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHO, AND NOW I DO: IT'S GINETTE GUIDI! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH"
OK, Lord Magnus, got it. No need to hype one of Aaron's female friends who has actually put up with his crap for nearly a quarter of a century too much. 2 interdimensional beings pick up the one whose ankle I broke, while another of them fires a shot at me. I block it with the shield...and the energy is completely absorbed...then it fires 3 shots in completely different directions, killing the 3 interdimensional beings that they hit. I pick apart the other 7 with relative ease (thanks to the shield, some fight skills and a little physics bending), all while making a telepathic phone call to our great creator in the sky:
"Aaron-prime, they can still killed by their own anti-matter pulses. Also, I need a medical team for David Flannagan-prime STAT"
"Already knew about the pulses, but I'll tell the others again, just in case. They're on the way, great to finally see you again. Welcome home, Ginette. How's it going in there?"
"Ginette copy 1107, 10. Interdimensional pieces of shit who kept you from using me in an earlier story, 0" I reply as I rip out the last one's heart. Once I see that there is no danger left, I throw the shield back up to Tyrone (wow, I never thought that I could throw anything 3 stories high. Science must be only a losse guideline around here) and 15 men enter the theatre. 11 of them look like 1 man, while 4 of them look like another (and they're carrying a lot of medical supplies with them). I think I might have seen the younger one in passing (as we probably have mutual high school friends on my world or something), but I have no clue who the older one is.
"You bagged 10 in less than 5 minutes? Good god, I think your arrival is the turning point in our Quantum battle of Gettysburg. John Luke, NY auctioneer and Aaronverse welcome wagon."
"Ginette Guidi. Red Lobster Waitress turned College Girl. Longest tenured female in Aaronverse history who shares a birth year with him. Hold on a moment while I do a head count of...myself, as I figure that you're going to ask me that next."
John nodded and waited patiently as I...surveyed the Guidiscape (oh Aaron, dude, you've gotta write that one down in the Aaronics dictionary).
"8984 of me. Oddly enough, there are no males."
"That IS odd, but welcome to the Aaronverse, come on" said John, motioning for us to exit the theatre. I hold the Johns up for a moment with my right arm, wanting to see that the original version of my friend David Flannagan will live.
"Justin Welsh's: How will he be?" one of the Johns ask.
"Mostly surface wounds, thankfully nothing serious internally. Guess the interdimensional bastards were gonna work him for a few more hours before killing him off when they got bored. He's gonna make it. OK boys, on the stretcher on 3. 1...2...3"
They lift David onto a makeshift stretcher (and I mean that literally, it's 2 long broomsticks holding some bed sheets together). But he gives me a thumbs up, so my Aaronverse debut...is worth it.
Jess Oresto – 1209's perspective. On her world, London bridge is destroyed before it's completed. Song to put on: Sevendust – Chop
I just came out of a Japanese Steakhouse (1 of those place where you get to watch the cook prepare your meal in front of you as part of the entertainment) with two of its' sushi knives. The blade is 10 centimetres long (compared to a 12.5 centimetre handle that is carrying it) but are sharper than virtually any other knife on the market. I'm hoping that it's sharp enough to cut through the bone around the hearts of these assholes so that I can remove the hearts without having to join up with a group of people (or my selves) somewhere. I literally know no one here other than the other versions of myself (I've personally seen 2 versions of them get shot with that shit that comes out of the aliens' eyes). So I continue walking down Broadway (they're not just in New York City boys and girls), watching the war go on around me (how these Buckethead guys can still play guitar this fast is something that will astound me until the day that I die...which is probably today).
OK, now I've seen everything: An interdimensional being has just walked into a homeless shelter in order to hide out. I actually laugh as I continue walking south in pursuit of him (speeding up a little bit in hopes that I catch him ducking behind the soup counter or under the metal frame beds or something). I kick the door down and walk in...
...he's hanging off of a nearby clock above the door upside down. He drops down, lands on his feet and begins charging his eyes, saying nothing. I waste no time in plunging the sushi knives as deep into his chest as humanly possible prying both his heartbone and heart completely out of his chest, killing him instantly. I make an effort to look around the shelter. The walls couldn't be a more depressing grey-painted brick (the most drab colour ever invented in my opinion) and while I understand that homeless shelters are never well-kept, this is beyond ridiculous. I think that I just saw a cockroach crawl into the 1 bathroom that this shelter has (actually no, there doesn't seem to be any living thing here in this world).
I think that I just saw another interdimensional being enter the shelter from the rear. He didn't see me (why do all of the interdimensional beings look male? Maybe they're sexless) so I quickly scurry over to the counter where they last served...something that has long since expired (It MIGHT have been sloppy joe's. God, I think that I'm going to be sick). He walks over (looking like he's doing his rounds as an entry level mall cop or other kind of security guard or something). I shift my weight to the front of my feet without making a sound (as I know that I'm only going to have one chance of surprising this being, otherwise I'm dead in the water). I don't even take a breath before I count "1, 2, 3" inside my own head. Then, I jump up in the air. Crap, his back is turned to me (I realize AFTER I plunge the knives into his torso). It takes a fair bit to wrestle the heart out of him from behind but the knives are close enough to his back so that he can't turn around and shoot me. Oh good, I got his heart out from the rear, and another one bites the dust, literally.
Adam – 1366's perspective. On his world, the Stella Artois brewery is never founded. Song to put on: Science Faxtion – What it is
I'm looking for 11 other people to form a Flannagan circle in front of the laundromat that I'm currently standing in front of. I would prefer it if they were 11 other me's but I'm not picky with tens of thousands of people on this island (some Isaac's and Melinda's would be cool, I seem to be familiar with them almost everywhere in the Aaronverse). Of course, I don't really know how I can get a circle going without tipping off any potential interdimensional beings as to what the fuck I'm doing. Oh, what the hell...I'll just ask out in the open, what's the worse thing that can happen? I die trying to defend myself? There are worse ways for a man to go out. Cool, there's 2 other Adam's coming from the west towards me.
"Hey" I shout. "You 2 other versions of me wanna make a circle?"
They look at each other, then both of them nod at me. They jog over and we all shake hands, then 1 of them points to a version of Isaac and a version of Melinda and 4 more versions of me walking out of a vintage motorcycle shop carrying a large brown cardboard box.
"Hey, we can get you to make 9 out of 12 for a Flannagan Circle, interested?" 1 of the other me's that I just met shouted. They nod and cross the street (it amazes me how many of us still check the street before crossing it even though there are no moving cars anywhere on this island unless we hotwire them ourselves). The version of Melinda drops the box on the ground and rips it open: We see 12 smaller boxes, and by my estimates the box is deep enough for 6 layers. Melinda began speaking to all of us "Old fashioned switchblades boys, just like the greasers had back in the 50's. Sharp enough to go in, small enough to pry the hearts out."
By now 3 redheads (who I would later find out were copies of a friend of Melinda's named Amanda) had latched onto us, our makeshift Flannagan circle was complete. We moved to the centre of the street and took our positions as hours on the clock for 2 reasons:
a) more open space to see these assholes coming for us and
b) we're all Canadians, we can call out the incoming cars like in a great game of street hockey.
"Does anyone have any tells on these guys?" I ask.
"Yeah, they're drawn to the small isolated groups like us. That's why the Flannagan clock works." replied Isaac.
"Incoming, 4 o'clock" shouts a version of Amanda.
That's my "hour" (so to speak). He is definitely running towards me (towards us, we really are 1 unified nation, the Aaronverse). I set him sideways (my left side is pointed at him, my right side is pointing away from him and holding the knife in my right hand). I have no fear of him, I have no fear of death. He's actually running quite predictably, so it was a formality, me timing when to stab him. Everyone then joined me with their switchblades, in both stabbing and prying out of his heart.
Maddie – 1450's perspective. On her world, John Cabot was never discovered. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Engage the fear machine
Wow, I totally just saw a version of myself as the werewolf. I know that there's going to be a posthumous release from the estate of my world's version of Aaron (shotgun in his mouth, very sad) very soon called "Prague of Hard Knocks" but I didn't think that that particular version of me existed in the Aaronverse yet (I guess Aaron-prime imagined it earlier than I expected or something like that). I really am 1 of Aaron's more normal friends, aren't I?
I just broke off from a Flannagan circle when we were down to only 8 people (a drawback to this strategy is that when these interdimensional guys fire that crap out of their eyes, it can potentially hit and kill more people per shot). It missed killing me by 2 other Maddie's on my left, but I still witnessed the horror of watching 4 different versions of me die at almost the same time, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. We all agreed to split up to avoid the same mistake (and I informed Aaron-prime of the flaw in the Flannagan circle). I did get a blue crowbar out of it though, so if I can find anyone with something large and sharp, I can pry that bone shit around the hearts of these interdimensional assholes so that we can get the heart out...wait a minute...
"Aaron-prime?" I ask mentally.
"Yes Maddie-1450, what is it?" he quickly replies.
I'm not sure how to phrase this question, so I will just come out and ask "Not that I want to switch sides or anything but...when these guys adapt, do you adapt too?"
"Yes, we're apparently connected somehow."
"Good, at least you're harder to kill now." I say in sincere relief.
"Yeah, and that frustrates the...now 100 beings that I've personally killed."
"Congratulations, I'll leave you to it"
I stopped the chat because another version of me is waving me into a boarded up, condemned house. The outside WAS painted all-white (about half a century ago) and all of the windows are crudely boarded up. I walk in, and...there's a few gaps in the floor. I carefully walk around them and see that they have an interdimensional being in the living room, tied to a beige plastic patio chair.
"Make sure he doesn't get out, I'm almost done." she says.
"With what?" I ask. She holds up a softball sized lump of what I first think is clay with a bunch of wires sticking out of it, then I get a clue.
"Blasting gelatin?" I ask.
"Yup. I'm sticking it in this vintage microwave for 10 minutes. We won't need 5 minutes. Hope you can run fast."
I nod as she presses the 10 minute button located on a panel on the right side of the microwave, followed by the start button. She then grabbed a scalpel (how she found one, I'll never ask), then grabbed a wet cloth. As she tiptoed over to me, she whispered "These guys get knocked out by chloroform, just like we humans do."
"Wha...What's going...?" asked the waking interdimensional being. Both this other version of me and I push the cloth into his face, knocking him right back out again. She then pulled a scalpel out of her shirt pocket and carved around the heartbone. I (on cue) removed the bone by prying it off with my crowbar, but was stopped by the other version of me from removing the heart itself. The other version of me then cuts his arms and legs off with a handsaw.
"He...touched me. Not full on rape, but he grabbed my tits hard enough to cause bruising" she says to me. I merely hug her in empathy, and she grabs my hand as we run out the front door. We get a great view from the sandwich shop half a block away.
"I hope the boiler was pressured enough to help in the explosion..." she starts.
It was, and we watched a burning interdimensional being with no arms and legs fly through the air, then disintegrate as his heart fell out of his...surgically altered body.
Jeanie – 1536's perspective. On her world, Anne Boleyn never miscarries a male child. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Inamorata
It surprises me that no one has even bothered to loot the fire stations for potential weapons in order to defend ourselves with. I had already tried the police station about an hour ago, but it looked like it had been raided at least once by (hopefully) other humans. Besides, I doubt that these things can be stopped (much less killed) by bullets, pepper spray or nightsticks. On the other hand, the interdimensional beings themselves could have looted the police station themselves to prevent us from getting any weapons (or to use them against us when they can't shoot that stuff out of their eyes).
The main bay doors are open (which is good, as the pumpers are still inside and closed doors slows down the response time when they go out to fight fires) so I just walk inside. All white walls on the main bays, a couple of vending machines, a separate room with 2 dozen lockers (which likely hold coats, hats, boots etc.) and the brass poll that adorns every firehouse in North America. Locating the stairs to the right of the poll, I walk up to the second floor.
OK, this is less space on the second floor than the ground floor, but I understand why that is: There's only 3 rooms up here. First is where the beds are so that fireman can sleep during the quiet parts of their shift. Secondly is a kitchen/sitting room combo. Oh good, room #3 is the supply cage. Crap, it's locked. I take a nail file out of my purse and slide it into the lock as deeply as I can. I don't know how I know how to pick a lock, but my theory is that one of the other me's is either a locksmith, a cop, or a criminal. Great, the lock clicked and became disengaged. I throw the lock away, open the door and I walk inside.
Most of what I see are replacement oxygen tanks (which I understand, sometimes firemen go through them like water if there have been a lot of fires in such a short time) and first aid kits. Oh, here we go...axes. 1 metre long, unstained wooden handle (but from the feel of it, I can tell that it's been chemically treated to prevent anyone from getting splinters in their hands), a short pointed stainless steel blade for puncturing the heartbone and the main curved blade for chopping the heart out.
I walk out of the cage and walk back towards the pole. I don't even remotely care about the interdimensional being waiting for me at the end of the pole as I can slide down 1-handed and swing my axe with the other one. And I do so, swinging and hitting him in the chest hard enough that I know that I'm touching his heart. He's charging his eyes, so I better yank hard enough to pull his still-beating heart out of his chest, so he can see how black it is before he turns to dust. I yank and, voila, he's dust. I let go of the pole and stare at a rack of keys next to 1 of the fire trucks. I see the keys for pumper 1, then stare at pumper one while thinking...
"Why not?"
John – 1664's perspective. On his world, the Dutch never cede control of New Amsterdam to the British. Song to put on: Sevendust – Kill the Flaw
We're the only group of 11 John's that haven't encountered any of the yet to be in a story members of the Aaronverse, a shame really. We're taking a few moments to grab daggers from a nearby hunting and fishing supply shop in an effort to defend ourselves.
"So how many more vortexes do you think that there will be?" 1 of the other me's ask us.
"No idea. That's a question better asked to John Luke-prime. He's the one who Aaron-prime requested to ask for reinforcements on his former world's night shift." I reply.
"But everyone heard that...psychic phone call. Still, with our writer and creator not being a people person, he can't know too many more people who wants to help him save his own verse." added another me as we began walking out the front door. We briefly see an interdimensional being running into a nearby restaurant (whose name is not posted anywhere, but I can smell the scent of recently cooked steak coming from next door). All 11 versions of us aren't hungry, but we walk next door to investigate anyway. The restaurant is dimly lit (a lot of the higher end places are, especially steakhouses) with a sort of pale orange lighting. There's some decent water colour artwork on the burgundy walls, and we only hear 2 things:
a) A grill (which all 11 versions of us think is odd, who has time to grill a steak in a war? Especially when humans don't seem to feel hunger on this world)
b) A voice from the kitchen saying "they taste better to me well done"
Oh shit, at least this interdimensional being (and maybe even their entire race) are cannibals. I try to call a huddle, but another version of me charges for the kitchen. We follow as the interdimensional being fires a shot, missing all of us and hitting a nearby wall. The one version of me in the front throws his dagger hard enough where the being's coat is now stuck, immobilizing him long enough for the other 10 versions of us to pin him on his back (onto the grill). We then carve him up, then rip his heart out. A couple of us almost get burned a little on the grill as he turns to dust, but nothing serious.
"Who was he cooking?" 1 version of us asks, grimly. We look around, only seeing a black leather ladies jacket and ripped blue jeans, made for someone about 1.6 metres tall. One version of me took a wallet out of the back jeans pocket, looking for I.D.
"Cindy Hayden...Rest In Peace, girl" he said as he looked out of a driver's license.
"Come on, let's get out of here" I whisper. We all walk out of the kitchen, and eventually the restaurant. As soon as we're back outside, we all see another vortex open. Along with hundreds...thousands of flares to signal the new arrivals.
"John-1664, come in?" asks a voice inside of me.
"Yeah Aaron-prime, what is it?"
"New guy coming at a liquor store 3 blocks from you guys. You're the closest welcome wagon I've got"
"We're on our way. Also, A Cindy got cooked."
"That explains why I hear 1 less of her."
Elvis Afriyie – 1731's perspective. On his world, Henry Cavendish was never born. Song to put on: Bear Mccreary – Defiance opening theme
I look around me and I see broken shelves, fixtures and shattered bottles of assorted alcoholic beverages in every direction. Amazing, I quickly look under my purple t-shirt and dark blue denim jeans and I don't seem to have a single scratch on me.
"Where am I?" I whisper.
"You're in a small independently operated liquor store in the Kensington district of a version of Philadelphia that is well outside the world from where you came from. This is an island, one of several thousand pieces of land left over from 3 different worlds in my 'verse trying to converge into 1 world and destroy practically all of existence because a non-prime version of my mother has aspirations of becoming an interdimensional being."
Well, that sounds like Aaron, but I seem to know that it isn't quite the Aaron that I know (the original, perhaps?) because...I haven't had a living Aaron on my world for some time. I help his estate decide what stories of his reach the general public (although, I concede that most of my decisions come from either my version of Aaron or the original Aaron telling me what he wants released) and freelance write in my spare time, hoping to create a Afriyieverse someday, if you will. Finally, that message sounded...pre-recorded to be played not just for me, but for every other version of me that is here. So it is true, there really are other me's in this multiverse.
"OK Aaron, how do I kill these guys?" I ask.
"Removal of the heart is the current method that we have available to us. But these guys (and by extension, me) have adapted a few times since this war began. So, be ready to find another method in a pinch."
That sounded a bit more natural, like the response was actually spoken by the original Aaron live as opposed to a pre-recorded message. I look around for any sharp instruments that I can use to rip these bastards hearts out. Huh, I just hate these guys on principle (to my knowledge, I've never met an interdimensional being. Not like I was in the mixed poker book or anything). Shit, no knives, no axes...I would be happy for an exacto blade at the moment (sorry, box cutter to the American readers...wait, American readers? Is all of this shit being written down?). I do however, find a pump action 12 gauge shotgun under the cash register immediately after I look behind the counter. An interdimensional being walks in (I know who they are based on Aaron's descriptions in his writings) and I just pump the gun and fire at his torso. I didn't kill him outright, but I can see his heart through what he considers skin. I pump the shotgun again and try to fire in the same spot (as he's charging his eyes). This time, his heart falls out of his chest with the second firing of shotgun balls (well, what's left of it anyway), turning him to dust as 11 versions of the same middle aged man run into the store.
"Wow, nice work. We didn't know guns could work on these sons of bitches. I'm John Luke, you must be Elvis Afriyie."
"I am, I love your show, by the way." I reply.
"Show? Oh, you must have Storage Wars New York on your world. How many of you are here? Search your mind, you'll detect them as they will detect you."
I nod and close my eyes, it only takes me a minute to see...all of me.
"9069" I reply.
"Great, come on. Let's see if we can get you some more shells for that shotgun"
Rick Coffill – 1878's perspective. On his world, Josef Stalin is never born, Song to put on: Science Faxtion – Fatally Flawed Flesh
Just got asked to be the 12th hour in a Flannagan circle by 11 other versions of me, and I readily accepted. We walk into an abandoned flea market, the smell of temporary drywall dividers that determine the size of the stores permeate the market (Thank god, if there was anything organic)...
"1878, could you please check the market for other doors or entrances?" asks 1 of the other me's who's carrying welding equipment on a dolly. I nod and walk around the outermost walls for the better part of 5 minutes, then return to him.
"Just this one, and the great big hole in the ceiling which I'm guessing came from one of new arrivals into the Aaronverse."
"Great, then that'll be the only that they can get in. Everyone turn their backs and stand clear" announced the welder version of me as he put on a face mask and turned on his blowtorch.
"Wait a minute, how are WE going to get out afterwards?" asks another version of me, I merely point to 3 orange 20 foot ladders, and he nods as we turn away. The welding takes a little longer than I thought (which I understand, he wants to do a more thorough job to keep certain non-humans from kicking the door down).
"OK, all done. Grab whatever sharp objects you can find and let's make a Flannagan circle." announced the welder version of me.
"I saw an African antiquities store 3 stores to the right with some spears." I reply.
Everyone follows me to it and sure enough, there are over a dozen spears waiting for us. I have the honours of handing 1 of them out to each of the other me's before taking 1 for myself. Each of them are over 1 metre long, which suggests to me that these spears were meant to be thrown as opposed to handled. I walk to the centre of the flea market and take the 10 o'clock position. We stand farther apart from each other than most of the other Flannagan circles (so that multiple kills from the interdimensional beings are that much more difficult), but keep the spears behind our backs as best as possible (in an effort to maintain an element of surprise). The anticipation is killing me (and me...and me...well, you get the idea) but eventually, 1 of the beings that is capable of flight spots us from the hole in the ceiling and bee lines straight for the version of me that is the hour to my left.
"8:00-10:00...NOW!" shouts the me who welds. We produce our spears, aim and throw, taking him down in mid-descent. The other 9 versions of us take advantage of his inability to get up and use their spears to get his heart out turning him to dust.
"OK everyone grab the ladders and let's get out of here." I announce.
"Why?" asks another version of me.
"Because, we humans are good enough to whack these assholes 1 at a time, but if his friends come looking for him and see all of us still here I doubt we could take on a group like that Uruguayan kid did an hour or 2 ago."
We all nod in agreement and grab the ladders, putting them into position under the hole in the wall. I hope that Aaron-prime didn't write any of us to have a fear of heights.
Ricky Smith – 1970's perspective. On his world, The Apollo 13 accident never happened. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Triangulum
"OK Aaron-prime, you know that I love a good hunt. Are there any scents that these interdimensional guys are drawn to?"
It took almost 2 minutes for the original version of Aaron to get back to me.
"That's an interesting question, good job Ricky. We're drawn to scent of humans, especially those of us that are so anti-human that we've turned cannibal. Um, if there's a science lab somewhere on this is island, try looking for pheromones. I have no idea which specific one would work, so you're on your own there."
Gee, thanks a pantload Mr. Collins. "How do I...you know, how do I implement the trap...so to speak?"
Another minute or so goes by before I hear (inside my own head) "Pour a little on yourself, and no, there's no need for an animal trap in order to lure your prey."
I actually breathe a sigh of relief "Good, because I HATE wolves."
"Hahaha, yeah I know you do sir. You hating wolves is a multi-dimensional constant. OK, you just reached South 43rd Street so the Biology/Chemistry campus of the University of Philadelphia should be 1 block to your left. Do you see it?
"Yes sir, I do."
It doesn't take me long to reach the entrance of the campus property. There are a few dormitories to my right but I pay little attention to them as I head inside the main campus. There's no point in me even stopping at the front desk (as there's no one there to ask if they can help me, human or otherwise) so I follow the signs that should be taking me to the chemistry labs, but not before I see an open biology lab with a surgical steel steak knife and handsaw on a table. "Oh, why not" I say to myself as I walk in and take them (in retrospect, I wish that I had brought weapons with me to the university...wow, now there's a sentence one doesn't often say without risking being arrested). I continue my walk down a long, all baby blue painted hallway until I reach a room labelled "inventory" that looks like the back of a pharmacy with jars on a nearby table that is insanely well-lit (probably to help the chemists of this world measure what they need for experiments). I literally open the very first mini-drawer that I see that had the word "pheromone" in its' general description and take out a 3 ounce bottle. I have no idea if it'll even work, I could attract termites or mosquitoes to destroy me for all that I know (and yes I know that no animals are here on this world).
"Now as I'm not a scientist Mr. Collins, how do I apply this stuff on me?" I whisper.
"Very lightly, as in lighter than you would apply a strong cologne or aftershave. If you apply too much, you effectively become a bullseye for all of the remaining interdimensional beings on the planet. As you're not in a group right now, that would be bad. 1 drop on each side of your neck should do the trick. If no one has found you in 10 minutes, repeat the process, but NO MORE THAN THAT!"
I follow my...um, doctor's order to a "T". Thankfully, this bottle had a eyedrop applicator so that I can apply as little as I need to. I very quickly close the bottle (remembering Aaron-prime's bullseye comment from 2 minutes ago) and stick it in my pocket...
...there was an interdimensional being in the hallway in under 30 seconds. I throw the knife, hoping that it gets me started in ripping this bastard's heart out. I missed, it went low..really low...it hit him in the balls, OK? Although, it strangely knocked him out cold. He wasn't even awake when I cut out his heart, turning him to dust.
"Aaron-prime, please inform the others that trauma to the crotch now immobilizes them more than it does humans. I guess kicking them is the only trauma that they like" I whisper as I begin walking out of the university.
"On it" he replies.
Buckethead – 2020's perspective. On his world, he will be the first person to ride the California High-speed rail system (Otherwise, it's identical to Aaronworld-prime). Song to put on: Buckethead – Last Train to Bucketheadland
Wow, my hands hurt from playing the guitar for so long (I imagine that all of the other me's that are here are in similar discomfort). I hope that I don't get carpal tunnel syndrome or something like that from playing this fast for this long. Oh goodie, an interdimensional being decides to come close when I've decided to momentarily stop playing along whatever street has the liberty bell (I don't know where I am at any point in time unless I'm in Bucketheadland or Aaron is writing me, sorry).
"A pity that Aaron-prime is only using you for your guitar playing. You could be utilized to more of your potential...if you join us, and leave the Aaronverse behind."
I promptly sling my custom Gibson Les Paul behind my back and take out my nunchuks, saying nothing. I hope that my lack of laughing at his ignorance doesn't tip him off that I'm eyeing a pitchfork to my left as my way of ripping his heart out. He lets out a sigh that suggests disappointment.
"Very well, I can see that you are so naive from living in a chicken coop all of these years."
He charges his eyes as I twirl my nunchuks, and I let him. I can't wait for him to see the look on his face when he fires and...OK, here it comes and...I successfully swat the shot away with the nunchuks (killing 2 other interdimensional beings who were emerging behind him in an effort to get the drop on me).
"How...how the fuck did you do that?" he asks.
"I believe the question that you should be asking yourself (and the rest of the interdimensional assholes that you brought with you) is: How many of me can do that? Then again, I'm not going to let you live long enough to reach even 1 of your friends. I am of the Aaronverse, the Aaronverse is of Bucketheadland."
Wow, I'm not used to talking that much. Thankfully, I've walked towards him the entire time. I swat him in the face multiple times with the nunchuks (with residual energy from his shot on the nunchuk burning his face repeatedly...hmm, that's interesting). After a dozen or so burns, he passes out from the pain. I walk back over to where I saw the pitchfork, grab it, and walk back over to him (he's still out, nice). He awakes when I shove the pitchfork deep inside of him. But I don't even bother to listen to his screams as I lean onto the pitchfork, which causes the heart to be pried out of him, turning him into dust.
"Welcome to the slaughter zone, bitch!"
Suddenly I feel a sense of peace, from killing that interdimensional being. I bring the guitar to the front of me again (putting my newly acquired pitchfork behind my back instead) and begin playing something pretty as I approach a larger section of the war from the North (via a right turn). The Aaronverse stops to hear me, after I stop, a large applause occurs before the fight resumes...I'm moved, this is my best concert ever...
...outside of Bucketheadland, that is.
James – 2061's perspective. On his world, Commercial mining on the moon will become the eventual premier form of employment for all mankind (otherwise, it is identical to Aaronworld-prime. Song to put on: Lamb of god – Delusion Pandemic
James Ford-2061 walked out of an abandoned townhouse on Adrian street, smiling and looking directly at you, constant reader old chum.
"Hello (and yes, I'm one of the ones in the Aaronverse that can break the 4th wall), I thought as a change of pace (assuming that this excerpt of a war would be included in a future Aaron story...and THAT'S assuming that we win at all, of course), that I would start my segment at the end and then backtrack you through the events of a few minutes ago leading all of you back here. You've got to be getting bored of Aaron-prime's way of taking our...what did Isaac refer to them as...oh right, crowning moments of awesome and just stating them in chronological order by now, right? OK good, here we go."
So I noticed that from the front door of this house, one could see all the way to a front hall closet with no effort whatsoever. When I entered the house and began looking around for interdimensional beings that were in hiding (or humans in hiding to start a Flannagan circle for that matter), I found...well, I found a lot of equipment normally used in BDSM activities. I put a ball gag around my own mouth and appear to be tied up by another interdimensional being and left behind, then rigged a series of trip wires using ultra fine piano wire that I found in a music store a few hours ago that when tripped would drop an electrified net onto him. Once the shocks stopped, I would walk towards him and rip his heart out via a replica Freddy Krueger glove (like the one that 1 of the versions of Isaac, complete with real blades for fingers...not to sound judgemental or anything, but these people were sick...whoever they were). I opened the front door (but not before I jumped over the wires), then ran (and jumping over the wires again) and got into position. I didn't have to wait very long to get my sucker...I mean interdimensional being to notice me all "tied up and screaming" before quickly walking over to make an easy kill of a human. I'll give him credit where credit is due, he actually noticed (and stepped over) the first wire (even laughing at me strangely)...
...but not the second, thinner one that I laid out for him...
The net dropped down over him immediately, electrocuting him for what I think is 30 seconds. He's still trembling severely when I walk over to him (putting the Freddy Krueger glove on while I walk). I don't even bother wasting my time pretending to care about any last words or some cliched villain taunt come out of his mouth before I force the fingers of the glove (sharp stainless steel, just like steak knives) all the way into his chest. I didn't even pierce the bone, I just yanked the entire boneplate out with his heart still inside it. It had the same effect, as he turned to dust. Then I walked out the front door, and saw you. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a multiverse war to win and I think that there's several of us left who haven't had a version of us be awesome. So, constant reader old chum, I bid you adieu.
Chiara – 2090's perspective. On her world, the entire planet is powered by renewable energy by 2090. Otherwise, it's identical to Aaronworld-prime. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Point to point
Well, this is all appropriate and what not: Me and 11 other Chiaras are making a Flannagan circle inside an abandoned opera house. Burgundy walls, black pillars in the walls in order to enhance acoustics, about 900 seats made of Oak and painted black. A drop down section at the front of the stage in order to make room for the optional orchestra that plays along to whatever production is featured that season, and a chandelier that is on the ceiling that is elaborate enough to where it probably set the taxpayers (or private donors for that matter) back about $100,000 U.S.
"Everyone have their weapons at hand?" I ask as I take the 12 o'clock position on the stage. The other 11 versions of me nod as they stare at their choices (well, whatever we could find in the back) which vary from a pickaxe to a hammer and a lot of weapons in between.
"Oh how nice, curtains for a dozen of the Aaronverse's token opera singers...all at once" came the voice of an interdimensional being from a private box on the lower balcony.
"Aaron-prime, if you're ever writing this stuff down, try to minimize the number of really bad puns and turnes of phrases made by these pathetic excuses of villains." one of the other me's shouts out as this interdimensional being jumps down from the private box to the stage. Which is exactly what I thought he would do:
"NOW!"
The other 11 me's quickly change position so that instead of our backs turned to each other, all 12 versions of us are surrounding the interdimensional being instead. He begins charging his eyes, which if he fires now and correctly we can kiss me and 2 other me's goodbye. Thankfully, a quicker thinking version of me throws a rusty handsaw up in the air, cutting off a sandbag and hitting him right in the head (he did get a shot off but it went through the floor, missing my feet by about 8 centimetres. She even caught the handsaw, and all 12 of us took turns inflicting pain on this interdimensional asshole before we got bored and just ripped his heart out. We all took turns hugging each other as I mentally spoke to our original:
"Aaron-prime, inverting the Flannagan circle to surround the target is now the Malvestiti modification."
After 2 minutes (where we had already started walking towards the exit doors in the south of the opera house) we heard his reply "Noted, well done ladies."
I touched the exit door first, so I held it open for the other 11 versions of me to walk out (It's so surreal, hearing a "Grazie" from my other selves). We made a right turn along a section of asphalt, quickly reaching a valet parking lot. We all stopped dead in our tracks, as another vortex opened directly above us.
"Aaron-prime, how much strain are you causing the very multiverse that you are trying to save?" I ask, legitimately concerned.
"Not as much as I thought I would, actually. But this one is the last vortex for a new person, I guarantee it."
Michelle – 2114's perspective. On her world, The emperor penguin goes extinct that year. Otherwise, it's identical to Aaronworld-prime. Song to put on: Metal Allegiance – Pledge of Allegiance
Well, isn't this just awesome? (Sarcasm, by the way). I crash through several floors of a hospital, and I land in the radiation treatment part of the basement (Amazing, I'm completely unharmed...not sarcasm, by the way). A pity that there are no radiation oncologists on duty here, but I think that I can jury rig something.
"Oh Jesus, Michelle – 2114, are you alright? I saw you crash harder than the other you's and I tried to slow it down as much as I possibly could." I hear in my own head, and assume is Aaron-Prime.
"I'm fine, don't worry. Is there a way that I can lure one of these interdimensional guys into radiation therapy?" I ask as I put on all of the personal protective equipment that I'm required to wear back home.
"Interesting, even I don't know what the exact effects of radiation are on us. Yeah, there's 3 Bucketheads in your area. I'll get them to move an interdimensional being towards you. A welcome wagon is being deployed to you too but it might take a bit of extra time, a lot of you showed up."
"OK thank you, I'll be ready in 5 minutes." I reply as I grab a roll of duct tape and make an X on the floor for where he needs to be in order for all of this to work.
"Make sure that these Buckethead guys get him into the radiation room onto the grey X that's on the floor. I'll be in the next room as that's where all of the appropriate switches are anyway. Seriously, who designs these hospitals on the east coast?" I ask Aaron-prime.
"I think that this is an older hospital that hasn't been renovated in at least several years." was all that he could come up with for an answer.
The last of the radiation shielding is on me as I enter the next room. I can't really describe what the room looks like as I need to keep the room dark so that whichever the interdimensional beings get lured in here doesn't get tipped off as to where I am. Having said that, there is a 2-way mirror so that I can "monitor the progress" of the experiment. I begin flipping a few switches to arm the radiation generators, that way I only have to flip one switch when he's on or near the "X". I see a 7 foot tall, very pale-skinned...pseudo-person running for his dear life, covering his ears. I assume that this is an interdimensional being as there are 3 almost as tall men with chicken buckets on their heads playing their guitars ridiculously fast (but also looking up at the signs in the hospital in an effort to make sure that they "push" him into the right room). I think that they see me through the window in the radiation room through the 2 way mirror (My Aaron once told me that Autistic people sometimes have enhanced or handicapped senses depending on the individual, so it stands to reason that these 3 Bucketheads, assuming that they're autistic have VERY enhanced eyesight). I give them a thumbs up and wave them off (I don't want them to get radiation poisoning by accident). Oh good, "X" marks the spot.
"FLIP!"
The radiation courses through him like water, I can see it in his flesh and I can hear him screaming in complete agony. I guess that radiation works as a way to hurt these guys, but not necessarily kill them (at least not directly). I actually hear him scream "I CAN FEEL CANCER STARTING TO GROW IN ME" but I have literally no sympathy for these assholes at all for what they did to the Aarons, or that little girl in Scotland. I must say though, I do find it funny that these quasi-immortals can get cancer like us regular humans can. In this interdimensional being's agony, he rips his own heart out as pretty much the only way that he has of committing suicide. He turns to dust all over the floor, and I finally flip the radiation switch off. I keep my gear on as I walk out of oncology, catching up with the Buckethead's as we walk out of the hospital together. 11 versions of the older man are waiting for us outside as I begin taking all of my protective gear off.
"Oh wow, a newbie who strips." remarked the leader of the older man. The Buckethead's turn around (ever the gentlemen).
"Down boys, I'm keeping my street clothes on. Yeah, I wouldn't go in the oncology department for the next...several years. I'm Michelle Torres, and you are?"
"John Luke ma'am, apologies for letting my hormones get the better of me." he replies.
"Better of us, we all agreed" replied another version of John, the others nodded.
"OK, so, are we winning this war or what?" I ask.
"Yeah, but it ain't over yet. How many of you came? You should be able to feel all of the Michelle's that showed up inside your head." the head version of John asks.
"I know...9266" I reply. The John's and Buckethead's nod and we walk North together, where I can hear more screaming. Human and non-human alike.
Tyrone – 2161's perspective. On his world, all 8 planets being on the same side of the sun on May 19th (within 69 degrees of each other) will cause worldwide storms, killing millions. Song to put on: Lamb of God – Torches
FINALLY, THE MAG HAS COME BACK TO AARONVERSAGEDDON!
That's right motherfuckers, I got my own segment now. 4Th last, not far from the main event. And if my boy Aaron-prime does this right, we win this war in...3 hours TOPS! Now, I know a thing or 2 about Quantum Mechanics and I KNOW, that we've got less than 28 hours before the entire Aaronverse...the entire Magnaverse...the entire MULTIVERSE collapses and...wait a minute. WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS A SONG BY LAMB OF GOD DOING AS THE SONG TO PUT ON FOR MY SEGMENT? This is The Mag's show, but The Mag has to take care of a little Aaronverse technical error, excuse me for just 1 moment:
"Aaron-prime. Tyrone Magnus AGREED to come to the Aaronverse. Tyrone Magnus AGREED to lay the smackdown in Steamoglyphics, Tyrone Magnus AGREED to 'just bring' every available version of himself to Aaronversageddon to run the most electrifying defence in ALL of the multiverse to protect as many versions of your friends as I could. Why is the music for me coming from...a New Wave of American Heavy Metal band that hails from Richmond, Virginia? The Mag KNOWS that you can do better than that."
Across the entire island, the surviving members of the Aaronverse heard Aaron-prime let out an exacerbated sigh. A few of the lucky ones even saw him throw his arms up in the air (and rip out the hearts of 2 interdimensional beings in the process). "OK, Lord Magnus...I agree with you. To the folks reading this (assuming that we win the war of course), let's try the song to put on 1 more time."
Song to put on: Wwe – The Rock 2011 Entrance Theme
"The Mag thanks you for that". Now where was I? Right, see The Mag KNOWS that exactly 20 interdimensional jabronies are hiding right down the street in The Mag's home away from home: Your local GNC store. And The Mag knows that they are planning an anti-human counter-offensive attack. Well The Mag says that he's going to walk right down the street (he actually is walking down the street), The Mag is going to open the GNC's front door (he actually opens the door), The Mag is going to walk into the GNC while fighting the urge to laugh at the looks on the interdimensional jabronies faces upon realizing that they're about to go TWENTY ON 1 with THE GREAT ONE!
As with the wrestling cliche, they came at Tyrone – 2161 one at a time rather than use their superior numbers against him. Every single shot fired at this version of Tyrone missed and merely destroyed the shelves that surrounded them. Tyrone couldn't help but quip "I guessed the jars of whey protein powder deserved it or something." as the entire next 7 minutes consisted of this version of Tyrone giving Rock Bottom's, People's Elbows and the rippings of hearts to what he so scathingly called "the interdimensional jabronies". He briefly considered shoplifiting an energy bar for himself, but decided against it as unlike Ginette Guidi when she went on her rampage, Tyrone Magnus didn't even break a sweat. He merely shrugged at the damage done to the store, and walked outside declaring loud and proud:
"IF YA SMELL-EL-EL-EL-ELLLL, WHAT THE MAG IS COOKING!"
Fabio – 2193's perspective. On his world, A time capsule that was buried in 1997 will be opened only to find that part of the capsule and all of the capsules contents have been destroyed (likely by worms). Otherwise, it is identical to Aaronworld – Prime. Song to put on: Animals as Leaders – Modern meat
My Flannagan circle (with the modification made by my lovely wife Chiara in place) just broke off after not being able to attract any of the remaining interdimensional beings that are left. If I were to make 1 guess as to why, I would say that well over 500 of them are already dead and they're travelling to a secret rendezvous point in order to regroup themselves. Also, they may be gathering to either:
a) Turn back the tide of this war over to their side or;
b) Failing that, trying to make the war as costly for us as possible by any means necessary
I'm leaning towards the latter of those 2 possibilities as I remember quite fondly reading the end of Mixed Poker where they basically started bringing down the pocket casino universe (that they themselves created) in a sort of kamikaze mission. How Aaron-prime is keeping his verse as together as possible while bringing in all of us here...I'll never understand. Anyways, I just left a metal works shop 15 minutes ago where I modified a pole from a chain-link fence where 1 end is diagonally cut and very, very sharp. Now I'm heading into a children's toy store.
Wow, this place is sort of like FAO Schwartz in New York: Several stories from floor to ceiling, toys for all ages everywhere (but still elegant walkways that look like yellow brick roads to make travelling in the store easy). There are splatters of randomly coloured paint across the otherwise white walls, which suggests that either kids helped make this place (literally) or the interior designer intentionally made it look like they did.
Towards the back are basically model homes for children (both genders). Pink plastic homes for the girls to have tea parties or play with their barbie dolls or something. The boys houses look like mock treehouses, destined to be the homes of many a secret club.
Which is where I found an interdimensional being, hiding, whimpering and crying like a child.
"Please...don't kill me. I didn't even want to be a part of this war."
Well, if this is an acting job...it's definitely 1 of the better ones that I've ever seen. This one is definitely shorter than the other interdimensional beings that I've seen, and his skin isn't as pale. If they aged like humans, I wouldn't think that this one to be a boy of more than 10 years of age. I was about to "call" Aaron-prime and ask for advice on how to properly deal with this one, but then I saw him charging his eyes. I jammed the fence pole into his chest while maintaining a look on my face that told him that I never believed him for 1 second, and would still kill him even if I did.
I walked out of the toy store immediately afterwards, still telling myself that.
Cindy – 2244's perspective. On her world, everyone on the planet will have inserted themselves into an artificial consciousness, creating a global singularity. Otherwise, it will be identical to Aaronworld – prime. Song to put on: Sevendust – Silly beast
He completely underestimated me, being a smaller, older woman to him and all. But if the laws of physics can be bent here, they can be bent for anyone. I found a stray interdimensional being heading into a mall (Philadelphia Mills if I read the sign correctly) so I followed him inside. I didn't even have a weapon on me (mine kept getting stolen) so I went into an old time general store and found some black leather cowgirl boots in my size (complete with spurs. Remember that, it's important.)
I continued my pursuit of him until he fired off a shot while hiding behind a customer service desk. I managed to run up a wall between a movie theatre and a Japanese restaurant before doing a back flip and landing squarely on my feet. I charge over at him before he can fire off another shot. After a kick to his abdomen, I use the spurs to cut his chest open, and my hands to rip his heart out, turning him to dust.
You're probably wondering why I dealt with my kill so quickly in my segment. It's because what happened afterwards was so much more important. It started with a "global call" from Aaron-prime himself:
"Right everyone, the last 100 of the interdimensional beings have reconvened at St. Paul's church on Franklin Mills Circle. The entire Aaronverse will surround the church, but NOT enter inside it. I repeat, do NOT engage the church. Does everyone copy that?"
"I copy" I answer. I can't speak for the other living Cindy's (much less the rest of the Aaronverse for that matter), but I will do as the original version of Aaron asks.
"The church is right across the street from where you are, Cindy – 2244. You should be the first to arrive." he says to me personally.
I don't reply at all as I reach the set of doors that I entered the mall from. Walking across the parking lot was...surreal. The entire time that we've been here has been a sunny day with barely a cloud in the sky, if any at all. Somehow, this entire planet instantly turned to night (not even sunset, I'm talking pitch black 3 o'clock in the morning type of night) and the rain fell violently.
"Felt like a change of scenery?" I ask Aaron-prime as a way to tease him (and I know I'm not the only one who asked him the question at that exact moment).
"I'm not the one who did it." he replied, matter of factly.
Even in the darkness, I saw a vortex open (as did the entire Aaronverse, I would imagine). A lot of others had already arrived, with the rest of the Aaronverse due any minute by my guess...
...then the entire roof of the church was completely ripped off, sucked into the vortex within a matter of seconds.
"I didn't do that, either" said Aaron-Prime.
Tyrone Magnus-prime then arrived, saying "Fuck this, this is the last stand. I say we engage."
It wasn't me who stopped him, or even a version of Buckethead or an Aaron...but 1 of the non-prime versions of Heather Stitt. I mean, Heather literally grabbed Tyrone Magnus-prime, said absolutely NOTHING, and he ACTUALLY BACKED OFF.
And on her knees in front of the church, was a young lady praying. If I've read the Aaronverse stories correctly...it was a version of Amy Dybing.
"Sir, 566 of us are now dead. We no longer have enough forces to defeat the Aaronverse or even force a long stalemate like these humans have in some of THEIR wars. What do we do?"
It took the leader of the surviving interdimensional beings a moment to think with all of the rain coming in from the church and whatever was falling from this vortex directly above them.
"Aaron-prime is on the ground now, with his human friends. We can now focus our psychic energy to destroying this converged world around them. We won't survive, but we shall die with the pleasure of having successfully unmade all of existence, denying the Aaronverse any decent victory."
Then came the footsteps (which either still echoed in a church without a roof, or were well into the thousands), then came the claustrophobia 1 feels when they're surrounded by ghosts from their pasts that they're ashamed of...then came the laughter...
...SCOTTISH laughter, then came the singing that was...not quite human.
"Hush little beings, don't say a word. Skull Girl's gonna buy you a mock...ing...bird. MISTER PIRATE, CUE MY MUSIC!"
Skull Girl – 1783's perspective. Her world was dealt with in my short story "Tokyocon", go read it first if you haven't already. Song to put on: Sevendust – Skeleton Song
The last 100 interdimensional beings surrounded her, hoping that they wouldn't lose too many more versions of themselves in putting down their own creation.
"We fixed you after Aaron tried to put you into the mixed poker game."
The Skull Girl merely shook her head "No. You tried to cover up bringing me into nth dimensional space by condemning me to this unremitting hell."
Just enough sunlight crept through the clouds above the church to reveal that she wasn't alone in that ripped apart church. The interdimensional beings realized that they were surrounded by Skull people inside the church, and the rest of the Aaronverse outside.
"That's right gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Across the entire Aaronverse, there are Skull Girls, Skull Boys, Skull Ninja Boys, Skull Ninja Girls, Skull Men, Skull Women...what you did to me, YOU DID TO ALL 9581 OF US! IT ALL SPREAD LIKE SOME SORT OF QUANTUM VIRUS, ONLY WITH THEM, THEIR "ORIGINS" AT LEAST TOOK PLACE ON EARTH (LIKE THE EDINBURGH BOMBINGS FOR MY COUNTERPART IN PRAGUE OF HARD KNOCKS).
The interdimensional beings were terrified momentarily that in actuality, they were the ones that were severely outmatched.
"So even if you get past me, there's still 9580 other me's to go through, and tens of thousands of Mister Pirate's friends outside."
There was a chant going on outside. One that to Skull Girl, symbolized the power of friendship. For one moment, she almost considered what happened to her to be worth it:
"FUCK 'EM UP, SKULL GIRL, FUCK 'EM UP! CLAP! CLAP! FUCK 'EM UP, SKULL GIRL, FUCK 'EM UP! CLAP! CLAP! FUCK 'EM UP, SKULL GIRL, FUCK 'EM UP! CLAP! CLAP! FUCK 'EM UP, SKULL GIRL, FUCK 'EM UP! CLAP! CLAP!"
"Wow, I really do have the entire Aaronverse watching my back today" she whispered.
"Enough of this" replied 1 interdimensional being who fired off a shot, hitting the Skull Girl directly in the chest. If she still had eyelids, she would've blinked in complete indifference.
"Silly interdimensional bastard, there's nothing organic left of me anymore. You just made me more powerful. Powerful enough to change the narrative perspective of this particular part of Mister Pirate's writings."
Ahh, that's better. I begin laughing as my bones detach "Attack pattern Gamma, 100 targets, spare all human and partly human living things (as I know that there's no animals on this world). And to the other me's, thank you for letting me do this alone. As I was the original version of Aisling Stitt to be made this way. Enjoy the show."
There's always something about my bones flying through a rainy day that I find beautiful, but not as beautiful as finally getting my revenge on the beings that made me. Within 2 minutes, all 100 are disabled...
...then they close their eyes, opening a vortex of their very own. 1 that is big enough for me to see all of the Aaronworlds simultaneously...being plunged into nothingness.
"Enjoy your Pyrrhic victory, Aaronverse." said one of the beings.
"SHIT!" I scream in my own mind. "Will all copies of Mister Pirate, Robbie, Buckethead and Tyrone Magnus please enter the church now?"
They enter within 30 seconds (started by Aaron-prime ripping the doors off).
"Call it, Aisling!" announced Aaron-prime.
"Simple. I rip the hearts out, Buckethead plays guitar fast enough to create quantum energy. Robbie and Mister Pirate-prime fire quantum energy as fast as their eyes will allow them. The Tyrones with hammers will summon the lightning to supplement the energy we need in order to close the portal while the Tyrones with shields reflect energy into one concentrated beam to save the Aaronverse. Faster I kill these interdimensional bastards, the faster you guys can stop the destruction of all of existence. GO! GO! GO!"
Mister Pirate-1989 then asked me "I guess us human mister pirates have to keep the humans out?"
I nodded, knowing a secret that not even Aaron-prime knew about what was going to happen to me.
"Yes, Mister Pirate. Especially all of the versions of my mommy!"
He nodded and we all got to work. The interdimensional beings were surprisingly willing about letting me rip their hearts out. Either because they think we can't win, or out of genuine remorse for what they did to us (I don't know or really care as to which). Robbie and Mister Pirate-prime are deliberately firing at the Tyrone shields (while the human Mister Pirates are keeping the rest of the Aaronverse at bay. The hammers are bringing the lightning and Mr. Buckethead...wow, he really can play fast. It's working, I can actually feel it begin to close, with 10 interdimensional beings to go...
...and quantum energy began to appear between my bones. I knew that this was a one-way trip for me and my others. I resume removing the last of the hearts, trying not to draw attention to myself. It'll all be over soon, all of my pain and suffering.
I just hope that one day, the Aaronverse will understand...why I have to say goodbye to it.
"We did it, we actually pulled this off." announced 1 of the Bucketheads, causing MASSIVE rejoicing among the crowd outside. The other Bucketheads merely nodded, then looked away, like they were hiding something.
"I suggest that we keep our voices down." said Aaron-prime solemnly.
"The beings are all gone?" asked a version of Tyrone.
"Yes, and the vortex from here is closed." announced Aaron-prime.
1 of the Heathers got by the human Aarons, and into the church.
"Where...where are my and the other me's children?" she asks.
"Even I don't know where they are. I'm sorry Heather, I'm so sorry." replied Aaron-prime.
"So...she died, saving the Aaronverse?" she asks, crying.
"No" replied Robbie. "If she died, I would know where she was even if Aaron didn't."
Heather looked at Aaron-prime, completely confused.
"Robbie is, for all intents and purposes, the grim reaper for the entire multiverse. He knows Nth-dimensional space better than I do."
Then came a global message, but not from Aaron-Prime or even Cammy.
"To all of our mommy's and to the entire Aaronverse: We are in a good place now, a place where there are trees everywhere, an ocean to our right. Please...let us go, this is our choice."
"And you've earned it little one, enjoy your peace" said Heather and Aaron-prime simultaneously.
Chapter 3: Confronting treason
1 version of Heather, Robbie, Aaron-prime, his human copies, the Buckethead's and the Tyrone's walked out of the church together as the sky turned clear once again.
"She's never coming back, is she?" asked Amy-1783.
"It doesn't look that way, no." whispered Aaron-prime. He could tell that morale had almost completely collapsed amongst the Aaronverse with just that one sentence, so he tried as best he could to lighten the mood, while remaining his stoic self:
"Thank you all for coming, there is literally not a single one of you that I could not have done this without."
"It's not over yet." replied Robbie.
"I know, we have to go to where Mom opened the endgate and stop her."
"I'm not coming with you." replied Robbie.
It was rare to shock Aaron-prime since he ceased to be human, but he was definitely shocked at that.
"Why not?"
Even with his cousin being non-human, Robbie still needed to clear his throat and take a deep breath before speaking:
"30 Dani Stafford's, 57 Dan Dotson's, 57 Rudy Castro's, 90 Mary Holm's, 92 Amanda Williams, 83 Maja Shining's, 42 Megan Hayes', 55 Joe P's, 80 Jane Chapman's, 37 Olivia Mell's, 47 Isaac Tong's, 23 Danielle's, 30 Allan Mcninch's, 60 Sherry Ripa's, 16 Jason Carman's, 56 Krystal Dinn's, 63 Heather Stitt's, 34 Kristy's, 66 Gloria Garbuio's, 12 Laura Dotson's, 55 Miriam's, 61 Thom Phung's, 79 Laurie Stansfield's, 17 Mikkel's, 55 Gregg Davis', 62 Tamara Costa's, 92 Melinda Hughes', 11 Jen Lemons, 13 David Kay's, 84 Thomas Vikstrom's, 49 Laura Bradley's, 41 Justin Welsh's, 54 Kate Pelisek's, 53 David Flannagan's, 40 Amy Dybing's, 94 Jessa Beaudin's, 18 Holly Rapp's, 37 Julie Bourke's, 30 Ginette Guidi's, 88 Jess Oresto's, 22 Adam Debideen's, 10 Maddie Gudenkauf's, 74 Jeanie Gotcher-Smith's, 27 John Luke's, 70 Elvis Afriye's, 17 Rick Coffill's, 15 Ricky Smith's, 100 Buckethead's, 17 James Ford's, 94 Chiara Malvestiti's, 100 Michelle Torres', 74 Tyrone's, 54 Fabio Ammuri's and 44 Cindy Hayden's...It's a relatively low body count, given the circumstances (and we should've lost a prime or 2 in all of that) but I have to shuttle all of them over to the other side."
Nearly the whole Aaronverse was confused, "Robbie is effectively the Grim Reaper of the entire multiverse." explained Aaron-prime.
"So...this is goodbye" said Robbie.
Aaron-prime (on instinct) hugged Robbie and whispered "Thank you for being at my side 1 last time. LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBBIE MAWSON!" changing to a shout. The entire Aaronverse gave him a standing ovation, as they knew he helped create the desire for any version of Aaron to have any friends at all. The crowd parted like the red sea as he waved goodbye to the social paradigm that Aaron had created. A symphony of "Thank you, Robbie's" and "Good jobs" came all across Robbie's ears. He had never been so proud of his cousin, who he thought of as a son...
...then he reached the primes of David Flannagan and Isaac Tong, the only 2 members of the Aaronverse he had physically met before this war.
"Gentlemen, you have to take care of him now"
Both David-prime and Isaac-prime hugged him and whispered "We will, sir"
"How come they get to make contact with him?" asked Aaron-180.
"I guess even I don't understand the whole of the multiverse. Cammy, can you hear me?" asked Aaron-prime.
"I can, sir. I tuned myself to your brain while you were in the war"
"Splendid, is the multiverse stable enough to transport Robbie and the dead back to their homes." asked Aaron-prime.
"Yes, I'll even change people's memories so that they think they died of different reasons on their own worlds but, you have to close the endgate too."
"That would in fact, be the next order of business" Aaron-prime replied. Robbie waved goodbye to the Aaronverse, and vanished (along with all of the corpses).
"Unfortunately, Master Collins: The amount of quantum stress across the multiverse means that you will have to wait a few minutes before you and your human copies travel to Aaronworld -2492" stated Cammy with something of a restrained worry in her voice inside the mind of Aaron-prime.
"I get it Cammy, don't worry. There's something that I can take care of in the meanwhile." Aaron-prime said aloud. He then closed his eyes and the people who came to help him began...merging. It took 10 minutes to complete the action but eventually, all of them were merged into their primes. Everyone could feel all of the non-prime copies of themselves, but knew that there were fewer there than there were several hours ago.
"Try not to focus on the ones of you who are missing. Instead, rejoice in the reality that nearly all of you are still here. You will all be re-separated when you return home."
"Then why didn't you merge us?" asked Aaron-1989. The other Aarons and Erins nodded behind him.
"We're going to need strength in numbers for at least part of our next journey across the Aaronverse."
"The multi-dimensional space-time continuum is ready for you sir." replied Cammy.
"OK Cammy, Take us to Aaronworld: -2492. Target us as close as you can to the exact location of the largest artificial quantum energy source on that world"
"ECW Arena? Oh, how appropriate" remarked Aaron-1989.
They were just outside the front door, when they were approached by 2 men even more familiar with the building than the Aarons and Erins ever were. 1 had the sides and back of his hair tied neatly in a ponytail (the top and the front were bald), the other had much shorter hair (both of their hairstyles were dyed jet black and were in matching grey Armani suits). Aaron-prime (and a couple of the others) knew who they were almost immediately.
"Crazier stuff is going on in there than when we rocked the joint, but I think that these guys know all about it." exclaimed the older of the 2.
"Crazier than you know, yes. Paul, Joey, I promise you that this building is in good hands now. We'll take care of it."
"We know that you will, Mr. Collins. The versions of you that were not institutionalized (and even a few versions of you who were) were always welcome in this building. You even got my team a date in Canada across a few of your worlds. The only date outside of the United States and Japan"
Aaron-prime smiled, sensing a revelation occurring in his mind "Paul Heyman and Joey Styles...are interdimensional beings."
Joey then took over the conversation reins "Specifically, we're good ones who ignore the senate by not attending it. We trust that with you here that the dimension convergences are nearing their end?"
"Indeed they are, sir. You're welcome to participate if you like." offered Aaron-prime.
Paul waved off the invitation "Thank you for the offer sir, but even I know not to meddle in your family affairs, now that you're here. Good luck, ladies and gentlemen."
Paul and Joey took turns shaking Aaron-prime's hand, then vanished. Aaron-prime opened the main door and waved in all of his copies. There were no bleacher seats here, no jury-rigged wrestling ring, no rowdy fan chants of "E-C-Dub" or "You fucked up". Just an old woman, running a version of her son's toys (and nearly ending the entire multiverse because of it).
"Mom, stop everything that you're doing."
Lindsay turned around and smiled at seeing multiple versions of her son, and a couple versions of a would-be daughter if time had played out differently. But even in the midst of their own autism, every version of Aaron and Erin knew that there was malice behind that smile of hers, having seen many smiles from their own versions of their mother (or father for the Erins).
"I can't. It's too late, in a few minutes the endgate will finally reach critical mass and when I step through, I'll become an interdimensional being just like you. That was what was promised for me, that is what I'm entitled to after raising you."
Aaron-prime merely shook his head, "You'll be killing 23 billion people if not the entire multiverse, and not just what I created either. And we've...disposed of those who made you that promise. Mom, they manipulated you for their own means. Like dad did to both of us. Come on, let's turn this off. I can take you back to Prague almost instantly."
"I've come too far for that. Besides, if I turn it off now it could collapse in on itself and blow up half of Pennsylvania."
Aaron-1989 had been staring at the endgate since the moment that they arrived inside the bingo hall, "She's right. This quantum singularity is VERY unstable. I'm actually surprised that our killing of the interdimensional beings alone didn't implode this thing. It's almost as if this thing has a biological failsafe of some kind."
Lindsay tried to take control of this situation "Enough, I'm going through and you won't stop me. I suppose that you're the asshole who keeps giving me and the other me's aneurysms. I actually wish that there was a version of Jessica was here on this world, so I could prefer her over your sorry ass."
Aaron-1989 shouted "Eureka. It can be closed properly...if something with the DNA of whoever opened the endgate in the first place goes through or is someone linked to the person with the DNA of whoever opened it and THEY go through it."
Aaron-prime nodded, knowing what that meant as Aaron-1989 walked towards him "Looks like another death fakeout for me."
Lindsay had a smirk on her face "And if you touch me, Aaron-prime, I go straight up and even If I don't become an interdimensional being. I'll still be rid of this piss hole of a world that you created. I don't care that you've created your own worlds, mainstreaming you will always be the best course of..."
Aaron-1989 had heard enough, grabbed his mother (of this world, not his own) and threw her into the endgate himself, much to the shock of everyone else "Of course, if a non-prime version of you just throws her in, the endgate is closed safely and the bitch rots in Nth-dimensional space for 2 days until her body breaks down completely at the cellular level. Be careful what you wish for, Lindsay Collins. And my God have mercy on your soul, as NOTHING else in Nth-dimensional space will."
Aaron-prime smiled and asked "Cammy, be a dear and please inform Robbie NOT to transition the version of my mother that just arrived in what she thinks is heaven but will soon know to be hell."
"I already have, Master Collins." she replied (if she were capable of it, she would smiling right now).
The endgate completely closed just a few seconds later, the non-prime Aarons and Erins hugged each other, regardless of how bad their social anxiety was on their own worlds.
"Is it safe to travel now, Cammy?" asked Aaron-prime.
"Yes, but you only have 24 human hours before the worlds unconverge. As that would kill every friend who showed up for the war that you left behind on Philadelphia island, that would be bad. So hurry, please, Master Collins."
"I will, but I have a promise to keep. New Years Eve, 2014, Aaronworld-1326, 12:00pm local time. My local counterpart's Antarctic property but in the most remote section of it so that we're not spotted. Boys and girls, remember to wear the clothes you took from the last time you were here"
"Thank you...for fixing me." added Aaron-1326 as they put on some coats and vanished.
23:56:46 to go.
Aaron-prime and his copies arrived on the cloudy, snow-dominated continent of what now seemed to be their world (but with the exception of Aaron-1326, wasn't). They were not near the entrance to the local Aaron's home, but were near the more distant proportions of what would be considered a canyon (if it were a warmer continent, that is). Alex Foster and his cohorts might have considered using this as the point of entry for their terrorist attack, but would have failed. The perimeter of the entire property was as well monitored as the house itself, because of the local Aaron's dislike for people who loved to tear up the area with snowmobiles (military and civilian alike). And in any case, they would have eventually encountered the protective systems that were much closer to the house, and been thwarted by them. Bringing all of the Aarons and Erins, a good 7 miles (over 11 kilometres) from the local Aaron's house and hundreds of miles (or kilometres) from the next closest house, all but guaranteed that their arrival would go unnoticed from even scientific observatories.
"Cammy, access the future internet for this world. I'm specifically looking for the estimated time of the break-in at Zoran's house and...the times of death for him and his family. Display in my ears only, no one else needs to know THOSE tidbits of information."
"The estimated time of death of the Mitrovic family is 4 hours and 45 minutes from now in their home in Santiago, Chile. From his examinations, the coroner believed that they all died in a matter of minutes, if not seconds, probably no more than 2 minutes." replied Cammy with more than a hint in her voice.
Aaron-prime then turned to Aaron-1326 and said "Sorry that I have to look into your past's grisly details, but we need to be precise about this."
"Oh I understand completely, don't worry." the local version of Aaron assured him. "There's not a big window of time to work in, here. If you take Zoran's keys too quickly, you give people too much time to look for them, and we run the risk of Zoran or a member of his family finding out that we're there. Conversely, if we move too slow and/or don't get all of the keys before they start to leave, then the events will play out in a similar manner (or even exactly) as they originally did. I understand that. So that means that I have to keep everyone from getting killed until about 4:45 pm local time, and not get myself spotted while doing it, right?"
"Actually, you, Aaron-2208 and Aaron-1989 will be staying here with me as you know the property better than anyone else, including me. Also, the Erins will be the least likely to arouse suspicion at Zoran's house if they get noticed as they look different enough from the rest of us, no offence."
"None taken", said both of the Erins.
"Thank you. And Cammy, don't drop the 5 Aarons and Erins directly in front of Zoran's house, even if the street looks deserted. We don't know if any of Alex's people might be keeping an eye on the place."
"I'll be careful, Master Collins." Cammy promised, before adding. "3 blocks away should suffice."
"Precisely. It'll be pretty dark outside because of the clouds and snow, and with Santiago having its' sunset at 3:48 pm today, all of you should have the cover of full darkness to hide while you're moving around. Still, some scarves to cover their faces would be nice."
Scarves appeared on every non-prime Aarons and Erins faces.
"Thanks, Cammy" replied all of the human versions of Aaron and Erin.
"Are all of you ready to depart?" asked Cammy to Aarons 180/651/1135 and Erins 842/1617. The 5 of them nodded, as if Cammy was an actual person standing in front of them. A moment later, they vanished.
23:51:32 to go.
The landing point in Santiago, Chile was as perfect a landing spot as Cammy and the Aarons/Erins had hoped it to be. Zoran lived in a very well-to-do (but not gated) community in the Northwest part of the city (away from the third world ghettos of the city that the media notoriously covered in any world of the multiverse where it was applicable). Aaron-1135 began panicking, taking in very short breaths.
"What's the matter?" asked Aaron-651.
"How is Cammy keeping in contact with any of us?" he said between hyperventilations.
"I'm tuned to all versions of Master Collins, even the dead ones." she replied in their heads.
"Great, now which way is Zoran's house? I doubt any of us have ever even been to the Chile in our own worlds, much less this one." asked Aaron-1135.
Cammy then literally drew a yellow line along the north-south mud road that they were on (that hopefully, only they can see). They began walking South, towards the city. After 750 metres, the yellow line turned right (away from the streets) onto another, smaller mud road. It lead to what appeared to be a small, Tuscan villa (no doubt the result of months and millions of dollars of Zoran's painstaking details).
"Do you think that you'll have enough time to get inside Zoran's house and snatch all of the keys before Alex's thugs show up?" asked Aaron-180 to the 2 Erins.
"Yeah, I think so." was Erin-1617's not-quite confident answer. "Cammy, can you check out the inside of the house and at least tell me where everyone is right now?"
"Scanning interior" replied Cammy. Five blue blips appeared inside Erin-1617's mind: 4 on the upper level (2 in 1 room, 2 in another) while the last 1 appeared on the lower floor. "Scan complete. It looks like Zoran is in his office on the ground floor while his wife and young daughter are preparing to nap together. Sonya, Zoran's sister is playing video games with Zoran's son."
It took Aaron-180 a moment to process all of that "Interesting that Aaron-prime left out that Sonya got killed in the attacks too. OK, Cammy, keep the scan of the interior of the house constantly updating the family's whereabouts inside Erin-1617's head, she'll run point between Erin-842 and us male Aarons. Erin-842 will go in and get all of the keys (even Erin-842 silently conceded that 1 person getting the keys will make the plan run more smoothly). The male Aarons will act as lookouts along the street, thankfully there are enough remaining trees in the Chilean winter to hide all of us. We didn't see a stakeout car (much less Alex or someone else from Your Favorite Enemies watching the place), but that could change at any moment."
"Hang on a minute, what if we get the keys and they manage to get new ones cut and get back here before their estimated time of death?" asked Aaron-651.
Cammy was quick to dismiss that as a possibility "A snowstorm will be here in 22 minutes and 14 seconds that will last more than an hour past the time of of everyone's death. In the original history's events, the flying car that Zoran keeps behind the house actually almost couldn't take off because of it. As for regular cars, traffic into the city will be so bad today that they wouldn't make it back in time to travel to Antarctica. Finally, Zoran's and Aaron's financial situation on this world makes it a security risk for them to use a conventional airport as they tend to be harassed by anyone who needs money. Charities, the poor, etc."
"So for once, bad weather is on our side" mused Aaron-1135.
23:33:32 to go...
The Zoran of this world was playing a few warmup scales on a restored 1972 Tobacco Sunburst Fender Stratocaster while he waited for the last royalty statements of the year regarding the books and other business ideas from himself and his world's version of Aaron.
"Zoran, can you hear me?" asked a voice in his head.
"Aaron?" he asked in his study (quietly enough where no one heard him upstairs).
"Kind of. I'm AN Aaron, but not YOUR Aaron. Listen, I don't have much time but bad things are scheduled to happen to you today and I'm co-ordinating an effort to save you and your family from being assassinated."
Zoran briefly thought he was beginning to suffer from late onset schizophrenia, but then realized that if the few attempts at blackmail and extortion that were aimed at him and the local version of Aaron escalated, that assassination would in fact be plausible. Finally, his version of Aaron never lied to him. So why should the original version of Aaron lie to him?
"What can I do to help?" Zoran quietly asked.
"Do you have an intercom in your house?" asked Aaron-prime.
"Yes." Zoran replied.
"Great, page the whole house. Tell them to stay exactly where they are. Tell them you're doing a security system check before you come see Aaron and his family."
Zoran sighed and pushed the "House Page" button on a brown and gold electronic keypad next to a speaker directly in front of him: "Attention everyone, Z here. I'm just going to do a security systems check on the house because I don't want to be burglarized over the holidays. It should only take about 10 or 15 minutes but I need everyone to stay inside the rooms that they're in so that the system doesn't consider you guys intruders. Sorry for the inconvenience."
Amidst a couple of groans (from his kids on the second floor), Zoran heard (inside his head from Aaron-prime) "Great job, finally, where are your car keys? These killers are planning to take your flying car to the local me's house and kill...my family too."
"My wife usually leaves her set of keys in a black purse located on top of the kitchen counter. My set of keys is in a bowl by the front door, no one is in those rooms at the moment so whatever you're planning won't be interrupted. There's also a spare set of keys on the top shelf of the first floor linen cupboard. Wait a minute, where are you, exactly?" ranted Zoran, who by now was feeling insecure.
"Near...my house in Antarctica. Don't worry, I'm sending someone to collect everything."
"Another you?" whisper Zoran.
"Yeah."
"Uh-oh" replied Zoran as he scrambled to reach his computer. He double-clicked "Security System" then entered "Deicide" as the password, then double clicked "Thumbpad entry points", then double clicked "Accept all", then clicked "1 hour".
"OK, what do you mean 'uh-oh'? We don't have time for 'uh-oh'!"
"Only my family was clear to enter the house. Which makes me wonder: How was I assassinated if they couldn't get in my house?"
"They took out power for half of the country with some well placed explosives...according to a future eyewitnesses testimony that we're hoping to erase from existence. OK, that should just about do it. Thanks Z!" said Aaron-prime sincerely, referencing childhood nicknames that he had written into being over 21 years prior.
"You're welcome, save everyone, A!"
23:33:32 to go...
Fortunately, though the snow had been falling for some time, not enough had accumulated to make Erin-842's footprints noticeable in the grass. Before stepping out from behind the shed, she peered around 1 end of it to have a look at the windows of the back of the house. On the upper level, lights were on beyond the drawn curtains of all three rooms, the master bedroom, Zoran's daughter's bedroom and Zoran junior's bedroom. This tended to support the generally agreed upon theory that everyone was getting ready for tonight's party at the moment (as well as the flying car behind her showing evidence that it had been recently brushed and scraped off), since Jennifer (Zoran's wife) usually didn't leave all the lights on unless there was a reason. On the lower level, only the kitchen showed any light; the other rooms were completely dark. Zoran's private office was toward the front of the house, between the garage and foyer of the front door (which made Erin-842 wonder why the flying car wasn't in the garage), a position where Zoran was least likely to annoy anyone trying to sleep if his work had kept him up late into the night. Jennifer's office and the kids' play room were the only ones above Zoran's private office, though Zoran wondered how much longer Jennifer's office would still be an office as she hadn't used it in nearly a year for that purpose and...there was a third kid 7 months away (who would actually live to be born if this plan worked correctly) and Jennifer's office was the most obvious choice to convert into another bedroom...
"Attention everyone, Z here. I'm just going to do a security systems check on the house because I don't want to be burglarized over the holidays. It should only take about 10 or 15 minutes but I need everyone to stay inside the rooms that they're in so that the system doesn't consider you guys intruders. Sorry for the inconvenience."
"Aaron-prime, you magnificent bastard." whispered Erin-842.
Aaron-prime (unsurprisingly) had heard that "Thank you but Cammy is going to highlight where the keys are in the house in a shade of blue that only you can see. You'll be on the first floor for all 3 sets and can walk right out the front door if you hurry."
Erin-842 was glad that she didn't have to go upstairs, since the only staircase ended in a hallway that passed all the kids bedrooms, the study, and the bathroom. If she had needed to get into the master bedroom, she was sure that there was no way in hell that she could make it without being spotted. Erin-842 reached the back door, noticing a beige scanner of some kind in lieu of where a doorbell would normally be.
"Shit. Aaron-prime, you didn't tell me that I would need a fingerprint of someone that actually lives here." she whispered frantically.
"Thumbprint, in point of fact. But Zoran has temporarily cleared it for everyone. I think you have about 58 minutes to use it."
Getting in, however, was as easy as she had anticipated. With the upstairs drapes shut and the distant sounds of a guitar being played (that Erin-842 correctly surmised was Zoran passing the time until the party) ensuring that no one was watching her approach, she was able to come in through the door just outside the back entrance to the kitchen. She still had a moment's concern that the thumbpad wouldn't recognize her and automatically notify the local authorities, but a quick touch of the appropriate digit to the thumbplate, and the door instantly clicked open. It silently shut behind her (with no computerized voice announcing her entrance). She (like most of the Aarons and Erins across the Aaronverse) was a huge fan of the Back to the Future trilogy, but completely disliked the mechanical-sounding contraption that announced the arrivals of the 2015 future McFly family, and had decided that written material with this type of technology would never have such fake unmusical sounding thing in anyone's house. She was glad to hear that this was a promise that she'd been able to keep, on this Aaronworld at least.
"I'm inside, Erin-1617." she whispered in the barest breath of a voice, not enough to carry more than a few inches, but sufficient to be telepathically sent to her otherworldly counterpart. "Keep me posted" Erin-842 added.
"Everything's still the same" the other lady Erin's voice came back clearly in Erin-842's brain. "One blip in the studio, 4 upstairs...and now you, of course."
Before going to work, Erin-842 glanced up at the nearest clock, which happened to be a digital one on the stove. The time showed 12:15, then flipped over to 12:16 a moment later. By her estimation, it had taken her the better part of 5 minutes just to get inside the house unnoticed, so she had better get moving. Happily, the set of keys that were in Jennifer's purse (and Jennifer's purse itself) were all exactly where Zoran had said that they would be, only it took precious time for her to get the keys out of the purse without making any noise that would alarm anyone upstairs on account of the keys having become entangled with the assorted junk in there (a problem that most women could relate to, thought Erin-842 to herself). From there it was onto the linen cupboard (which was actually closer to the kitchen than Erin-842 had originally guessed), and set #2 was on the top shelf (not only as the local Zoran had said they would be, but easily visible and with minimal risk of noise). Set #3 was actually the hardest as she was going to literally walk by Zoran's office...
...and his door was halfway open. Erin-842 thought "Fuck it, if he knows someone is here. I don't really have to keep hidden from him." as she walked past. Zoran's eyes widened, mouthing "A female Aaron, trippy". Erin-842 smiled, mouthing the words "Not the first time I've heard that from you". It was Zoran's turn to smile, but he mouthed nothing further. Instead, he merely pointed to the front door (the location of the last set). Erin-842 then whispered "Call the local Aaron, tell them that you're going to be late. Then get your whole family out of the house, but leave the flying car so that the assassins can steal it, thinking that their plan is still working. There's a team in Antarctica ready to catch them in the act. Lastly, do not tell your version of Aaron or anyone else about any of this until...January 1st, 2017." Zoran nodded, and Erin-842 strutted to the bowl by the front door, grabbing the last set of keys and exiting immediately. It was Erin-1617 who saw her first.
"Piece of cake, good luck boys"
18:40:40 to go...
"Did phase 1 work out? Have we changed history?" asked Aaron-prime. He had intended that question to be asked of Cammy, but it was actually Aaron-1326 who answered first.
"...YES! Zoran's family survived but will be reporting a stolen flying car later today according to a yet-to-be written USA Today article. Huh, I can feel the ripple effect of changed time before your temporal/interdimensional monitor can. That's very interesting"
"So organic matter can detect quantum change before a machine can? I'm sure that there's some quantum physicist out there who will either be overjoyed or stricken with grief over that piece of information pertaining to the multiverse." said Aaron-prime with a smile.
While the Santiago, Chile team were leaving Zoran's property (heading for a Starbucks to wait out the rest of the plan as site to site transport wasn't necessary at the moment), the 4 Aarons that were in Antarctica were approaching the south end of Aaron-1326's own house. There was a large array of patio doors leading to a conservatory (which was just a fancy word for "room where the Collins family stored some their favourite of the local Aaron's clocks"). The conservatory in turn, lead to the dining room (which the 4 male Aarons knew had to be avoided at all costs as that was where the main festivities were). Next in line was a door leading to the house's utility room (where things like the water heaters, furnace, and various utility lines come into the house). They entered the house this way, and triggered the curiosity of no one. The next step was to reset the security system so that it wouldn't allow anyone to enter the front gate, including Zoran's about to be stolen flying car.
"Wait, we forgot something." whispered Aaron-1989.
"He's right: The car flies. Alex and his goons can just fly over the gate and storm in that way." announced Aaron-2208 (with Aaron-1989 pointing at him and nodding, as if to say "took the words right out of my mouth")
Aaron-prime just shook his head "I forgot nothing. Antarctica is still largely a military installation in a world where 9/11 happened. Any car caught flying near the place will be questioned via CB radio by at least the U.S. and Russian military."
Aaron-1326 then spoke up "I gave Zoran a flight code to give to the military so that they would back off and let him land in their airspace (which does technically include my house). It would be very easy to be used by someone else if there was no video link in the communication and couldn't identify that the voice wasn't Zoran's in time."
"Mister Collins is right, Master Collins. Aaron-1326's family still gets killed." adds Cammy.
"OK, so I did forget something." replied Aaron-prime.
Aaron-Prime closed his eyes, whispering "Z, great job. Your family will be OK now, but mine still gets whacked. Did you leave a code to give the military to ensure a safe landing somewhere?"
It took Zoran a moment to answer "Fuck, the glove compartment of the car that just got stolen. Also, the Santiago police have a record of my keys already being duplicated. They think it was when a man named Claude Aubry briefly worked for us a couple of years."
"He's a YFE sympathizer. And Zoran's stolen car is close to Antarctic air space." adds Cammy.
"OK, call the United States Antarctic Scientific research centre. Say who you are, that your car was stolen by armed terrorists, give them the code and tell them to void it. Then quickly call...me and tell me what's going on and to switch the security system so that no one gets in or out...just in case."
"...got it." was all that Zoran replied.
It was only 2 minutes later that a cell phone went off near them. It was picked up by the Aaron-1326 that wasn't from the future (but close enough where our 4 Aarons could smell his Brut cologne).
"Z! What's up buddy? You running late? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down...shit dude, OK, oh they're on it already. Yeah man, sit tight, I got my end." he said as he hung up the phone.
"Honey, what's wrong?" asked Sarah.
"Guys, I need everyone's attention. Zoran's flying car was stolen by armed terrorists. He and his family are safe in a Santiago police station."
Aaron-prime flipped a few switches, then lead the other 3 Aarons out to where the family could see them.
"WHOA, 4 Boys that look like Daddy." said Thomas.
"Yes, in a manner of speaking. This one is your daddy from the future, these other 2 and myself..." started Aaron-prime as he pointed at different Aarons.
"...Are versions of me from other stories that we've written and you're the interdimensional/human hybrid that was the original." guessed Sarah while staring at their crotches.
"Correct, and no time for love, Sarah. I just switched your security system to lock down everything and the furnace is programmed to warm the cellar as I know you kids hate the cold. The military should intercept the YFE terrorists but head for the cellar, just in case they fail to do so in time. GO NOW!" screamed Aaron-prime.
Thankfully, as Zoran was a civilian, his car had no armaments of any kind. The YFE terrorists had to open the windows (which compromised cabin pressure, but not as much as it would on an airplane) and fired their own guns, hoping to at least kill the pilots of the three American military helicopters and land safely on the local Aaron's property. It was for nothing though. The vastly superior firepower of the miniguns that were mounted on each side of each helicopter tore through Zoran's stolen flying car like it was tin foil. The car crashed directly into the front gate of the local Aaron's house, making it explode on impact (killing the entire group of terrorists instantly). The explosion was actually big enough for the entire house to shake, causing Sarah to trip and fall down the stairs to the cellar. The good news: she didn't land on her very pregnant stomach, the bad news: she hit her head so badly, that even Joey the dog knew on some level that something was wrong.
"If she doesn't bleed out, the brain trauma will kill her in a matter of minutes" surmised the Aaron-1326 from a now hopefully destroyed future.
"Not when you're going" countered Aaron-prime, before continuing: "Cammy, same Aaronworld. Johns Hopkins Medical Centre. 600 North Wolfe Street. Baltimore, Maryland. Tuesday July 20th, 2100. 10:30pm Eastern Daylight Time. Take the Aaron-1326 that belongs when we are now and his wife there, NOW!"
The local Aaron (by world and time) and Sarah (who was in his arms) vanished.
"Why not me?" asked the Aaron-1326 of the now averted future.
"Because we just erased you from existence with all of these changes to the timeline of this world." replied Aaron-1989 as Aaron-1326 did in fact, start fading out.
"Goodbye guys, thank you" he said when he was half gone.
"Be at peace...in oblivion" replied Aaron-prime. Aaron-1989 and Aaron-2208 nodded at him, Aaron-1326 faded out...saluting his counterparts.
"Why didn't he erase once we saved Zoran and his family?" asked Aaron-2208.
"Either we didn't change time enough to cause any significant change or someone is bending the laws of time in our favour" replied Aaron-1989.
18:04:04 to go..
There were in fact 2 reasons as to why Aaron-prime knew to send Aaron-1326 and Sarah to this exact location on this exact date (even if Aaron-1326 didn't know it):
a) Most of Aaron-1326 and his family were not on the planet, they were having dinner at a Thai restaurant called Salad King, specifically the location on the Moon's Sea of Tranquillity.
b) The power required to send them there shorted out the Internet along the entire eastern seaboard when they arrived, so tracing them would be impossible
The doctors saw Aaron-1326 holding Sarah in his arms. They grabbed what Aaron-1326 estimated was some kind of hover converted gurney with stasis capabilities, and put Sarah on it. Everything for him was a blur, only hearing the faintest of words from doctors and nurses. When she was taken to an operating room, he found a chair to sit in (a simple black leather one) that was isolated from other people.
"Can you still hear me, Cammy?" he whispered.
"Across all of time and relative dimensions in space" she replied, adding "Master Collins and his copies are playing with Thomas and Willow. Even the copies that were in Chile now are all there, in your home in Antarctica, waiting for you to return. Master Collins is happy that there was even a future to send you to, due to how screwed up the multiverse has been these last few days."
"No argument here. So, are all catastrophes averted now?" he asked.
"On your world, yes. Not much left to fix along the multiverse now" answered Cammy, cryptically.
A doctor then emerged, who looked disturbingly similar to a college-age Jessica Oresto.
"Why didn't you call ahead with this, sir?" she asked.
"I didn't want to waste any time, and it happened nearby" was the only answer that Aaron-1326 could think of.
"Did it happen in the old part of down that still uses staircases?" she asked.
"Yes, it was a steep downhill flight of stairs and she slipped" he answered, not technically lying.
"I see. Are you...Matthew Collins?" she asked.
"He's your future great-grandson, say yes. You'll be gone before she can be made any the wiser" replied Cammy.
"Yes, I am." answered Aaron-1326.
"Why didn't you go up to the moon with the rest of your family?" asked this almost-Jess.
"I wasn't cleared for transport. Even in the dawn of the 22nd century, they can't fix everything" he quickly answered. Cammy was actually stunned that he was technically right in his answer as the REAL Matthew Collins was prone to space sickness, but said nothing.
"I understand. Well, diagnostics reports a major head trauma to the left frontal lobe of the brain and surrounding areas, with all of the usual side-effects (not to mention that your baby was dying but we already saved her), along with some deep penetration of bone fragments. Repair and restoration will take 6-8 hours. Our internet is down, so no signature is required on a datapad, but you do need to give oral consent."
"Do it" announced Aaron-1326.
11:23:03 to go...
Sarah awoke to find her husband holding her hand.
"Aaron? Where am I?"
"In a hospital in 2100. I know this sounds crazy but our entire family just got saved from a major terrorist attack. Zoran's family were targeted too. And we were saved by me's from alternate timelines, as well as the one that I believe to be the very first Aaron. There was an explosion that caused you to fall down the stairs, but the original me sent us here to fix you, and it worked."
"So I wasn't dreaming. I did see other versions of you" whispered Sarah.
"I'm afraid so" he replied.
The almost-Jess doctor walked in, breathing a sigh of relief "You're awake, great. Well, your bill has been settled and you're free to go."
Aaron-1326 was a little perturbed to ask if that was it, or who settled the bill, but it passed. Sarah was surprised to find that she was still in the clothes that she was wearing at the party. Aaron waited until no one was nearby, then whispered "Ready to go, Cammy"
"Of course" she replied, vanishing them home.
11:21:11 to go...
"The version of Aaron that vanished isn't quite gone, but his timeline has been overwritten, making a NEW Aaronworld-1326. I once accidentally made 2 Aaronworlds-1982's in the mixed poker book, so one was shifted over to Aaronworld-1983 instead. It's all done to avoid paradoxes."
The other Aarons, Erins, Thomas and Willow nodded (with looks on their faces that suggested that he had been teaching them about temporal logic for hours, boring them) as Aaron-1326 and Sarah returned.
"MOMMY!" screamed Thomas and Willow as they ran and hugged their mother.
"Thank you so much" said Aaron-1326.
"My pleasure" replied Aaron-prime with a smile, then looked at the kids and asked "Do you guys want to see a trick?"
"YEAH!" shouted Thomas and Willow. Aaron-prime then looked at all of the copies of him that didn't belong on this world and said "Don't worry, we'll all be separated again when it's time to go home."
"Pity, the girl Erin's were kind of hot" said Sarah with a sly grin.
The other Aarons and Erins nodded, and merged into Aaron-prime (like his friends had merged into each other after the war of Philadelphia).
"COOOOOL!" whispered Thomas and Willow.
"Bye kids, look after Mommy and Daddy for me. Promise?" asked Aaron-prime.
"We promise." they replied simultaneously.
"Good. Cammy, I'm ready to go now!"
The last thing he saw was his family waving goodbye at him...before he heard Cammy say "You have time for one more pit stop, Master Collins!" before she laughed at him.
10:00:00 to go...
"What the fuck is going on, Cammy? You have a LOT of explaining to do."
"Indeed I do, Master Collins. But I believe that your surroundings will do it for me in a much better fashion than I ever could."
Aaron was pissed, but humoured her and started looking around. It him immediately:
"We are in a good place now, a place where there are trees everywhere, an ocean to our right..."
"Oh Cammy, you found her. Skull Girl?" shouted Aaron
"Over here, Mister Pirate" came a little girl's voice behind Aaron. There were actually 2 of them in Aaron's sight: 1 of all bones, 1...a ghost.
"Would...either of you mind telling me what's going on?" asked Aaron.
"When you merged everyone back in Philly, you merged me too by accident. But there are 2 versions of me: Aisling Stitt, and the Skull Girl."
"Come on Master Collins, put it all together." said Cammy.
"It isn't up to me to fix the Skull Girl...it's up to Skull Girl herself. Aisling, do you wish to live a life as a beautiful, but normal human being? Or do you wish to be a hero thought of by so many as an abomination? You don't have to be Aisling or the Skull Girl ever again, but you can be only one."
They nodded, and walked towards each other, a choice made.
Epilogue: Settling Accounts
8:00:00 to go...
Aaron returned to this world of leftovers on Philadelphia Island to see the members of his beloved Aaronverse chatting amongst themselves about their worlds, their experiences, even small talk. Every member could feel their copies within themselves and relate experiences not only between 1 version of themselves and another but between 1 version of themselves and a version of a completely different person. It was a satisfying sight for Aaron, one that almost made the war of Philadelphia worth it.
"Where are your other selves?" asked Thom.
"Inside of me, like all of your other selves are inside of you now. They'll be separated when I send you guys home." said Aaron, reassuringly.
There was an emptiness that came across the Aaronverse at that moment. Their lives seemed so mundane now.
"I guess you didn't find her, did you?" asked Amy.
MOMMY!
She had landed 2 blocks away from the museum of art where the Aaronverse had now gathered in her absence, and had run the whole way, into the arms of her mother, Heather Stitt. Heather was crying in relief immediately. Aisling on the other hand, was completely out of breath (and actually happy to be as such).
"I guess I have to get used to being a normal human being again." she said.
"You'll never stop being extraordinary in the Aaronverse. A lesson all of us could use" replied Aaron.
"One moment, Mommy" whispered Aisling.
It was almost as important for Aisling to show her restoration to Amy Dybing than it was to show her mom. She did change into a black t-shirt and pants that had bones painted on it resembling a skeleton, symbolizing what was now her past.
"Oops, I almost forgot" Aisling whispered.
Aisling took out a pair of glasses from her pocket, putting them on reminded Amy (and Mary, who was standing next to her) of doctors from not so long ago.
"Oooohhhhhh, lovely" responded both Amy and Mary.
Aaron-prime smiled at the steps to the museum, and then ran up them, jumping up and down with his arms in the air, in triumph like the Balboa-esque underdog that he was. The entire Aaronverse followed suit.
"Sorry guys, I've wanted to do this my whole life." said Aaron-prime, giddy as a school boy.
"Time for my favour." said Tyrone.
Aaron sighed and replied "Happy to oblige, Lord Magnus."
Song to put on: Wwe – The time is now (John Cena's theme)
John Cena appeared and saluted the entire Aaronverse (no one returned the salute...at all). As he walked up the stairs, he said "Hi, my name is John Cena. And I am a completely stale, piece of shit character on a wrestling program that caters to children in an effort to safely play out Vince McMahon's sexual fantasies. Hello Tyrone Magnus, please kill me, I don't deserve to live"
Tyrone nodded and snapped John Cena's neck with his bare hands. The corpse of John Cena fell right back down the stairs, and vanished. No one cared...at all.
"OK, time to go home guys. This world is already beginning to phase out and the Aaronverse will be normal again soon." announced Aaron.
"Wait a minute..." shouted David Flannagan.
The entire Aaronverse parted, as if they had been planning for David to speak since Aaron had left them, hours earlier.
"I have been a member of the Aaronverse, since the beginning, when most of the Aarons that were not in institutions met myself and Thom Phung on September 6th, 1988. And I watched a small group of friends grow. And when it came to high school, a lot of Aaron's would say 'David, screw Bramalea Secondary School and come over to Turner Fenton with me'. I was scared to do it, all of the me's were scared to do it. I was scheduled to be placed in a high school within walking distance from my house at the time, and I had a certain academic security. In the years since 1997, I kept seeing similarities between the friends that Aaron was making once he had gone of to Turner Fenton and the friends that he had already made between the ages of 5 and 14. The Aaronverse is a place where people who were unknown...casted out from other cliques, became legends. Where legends who were known elsewhere came to the Aaronverse to re-invent their own circle of friends. You see, before Michelle Torres came and represented a Latin and South America who would actively encourage Aaron Collins to be creative, there was Ginette Guidi in Mr. Morrison's 4th grade class doing it every day."
David Flannagan actually paused his speech as the entire Aaronverse applauded Ginette. She smiled and saluted the Aaronverse in kind. David continued:
"What Melinda Hughes did for Amanda Williams, Justin Welsh did for James Ford and did for Krystal Dinn. Before the Chiquegeeks, Maddie, Dani and Tyrone, there was Isaac Tong uploading his video game shenanigans. And when you invited all of us here to this island war for the entire multiverse, we got the FEEL the Aaronverse. I got to see a lot of amazing human beings doing what they do, for passion. Doing what they do, for the love of the Aaronverse. Doing what they do, for each and every single reader in each and every single world in the multiverse. And I have to thank you, Aaron, for bringing back that passion because, with your first social crossover event at Canada's wonderland in August of 2008, you and I had our closure, we really did. And then you made it a regular thing, and I got to witness so many wannabes come and go throughout most of your lifetimes. But the good ones that stayed, we got to party like rock stars together and now I know them almost as well as I know you. But I also had to watch the wannabes get fired, get destroyed, and for what?"
David Flannagan paused long enough for Jen to shout out "Ida, Leila, Andrey and Trevor suck!"
"Exactly. Until it bothered me so much that I had to step back from the entire Aaronverse itself. And at 32 years old, that was a hell of a risk. But I couldn't stomach seeing something that I loved so much get whittled away until you Aaron, were left all alone or dead in every Aaronworld. And I, seriously, have been hanging out with the entire Aaronverse today. And Laurie would talk to me, and Adam would talk to me, and Kate would talk to me, and Jason was the final one. He showed me all the similarities between us, everything that's happened, and we all put this plan together. And there is only 1 person, who can make this happen, and that's you."
David pointed at Aaron, nearly in tears. Aaron was already crying by this point. People with autism have difficulty feeling the passion of another person, but Aaron could feel this, he really could feel this.
"This is not about an invasion of 1 subdivision of the Aaronverse by another, this is not about us taking over, this is about men and women, who lost their lives, whose lives will never be the same again. I refuse to cry because I'm really happy."
Jason walked up and rubbed David's shoulders in an effort to encourage him to keep going. "I love you guys too. This is about our legacy not being destroyed by the passage of time or by your increasing inability to cope with other human beings. We beg of you, for one weekend, give us one weekend to show the multiverse what we are, and our legacy can live forever. I beg of you, Aaron...do you guys want one weekend?"
The entire Aaronverse applauded.
"DO YOU GUYS WANT ONE WEEKEND?"
Aaron walked over in the midst of the cheering and put a hand on David Flannagan's right shoulder "You definitely know how to put a human being turned interdimensional being in a difficult position. Look, I get your emotion and I believe in you guys, but if we're going to do this, do you guys REALLY WANT TO DO THIS?"
The cheers only got louder, which Aaron took as a unanimous "Yes" before carrying on: "I have 1 stipulation; You and you guys, you guys plan this, you have complete control..."
Jason smiled and raised his eyebrows to the entire Aaronverse, and through the 4th wall to you, Constant reader, old chum as Aaron continued "You do it the right way, IT'S GOT TO BE REAL! It's got to be real, it's got to be what you guys want, nothing to do with me. I, Aaron Collins, am giving this to you."
Jason took over the speech: "Aaronverse...we're having a moot!"
The cheers only increased, which made what Buckethead screamed that much more poignant:
"LIVE AT BUCKETHEADLAND!"