Hurray! I'm not dead! It's been something like 9 months since I've posted anything, and I'm dreadfully sorry about that. I can't even begin to describe what a roller coaster my life has been, both good and bad. I know that you guys really want the ending of Regrets, and I have every intention to come back to it at some point. It's the story that I've poured the most time and effort into; the last thing I want is to let Regrets die, so you can count on getting an ending to that one.
But in the meantime, I've been working on a side project to try and rekindle my flow (which is this story). It's pretty unorthodox and maybe won't appeal to the same spectrum of people, but that's okay. I really just needed a story that I could get behind and really sink my teeth into, without needing to exhaust myself and keep track of extensive plot nuances like I had to in Regrets. Basically, this is a tune-up story for me. I don't anticipate rave reviews or anything, but I originally intended for this to be a personal story that I wrote for myself. I polled it on the site and got a somewhat positive response, so I decided to adapt it and draw it out into a proper there's an audience for it, as I've taken notice to another story with similar subject material that has gained some traction. I have the majority of it written out, so it shouldn't be too hard to post more regularly than I had previously been. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!
"It'll be okay, Tracker. I'll come visit you as often as I can. Lo prometo, mi perrito."
He gently patted the chihuahua's head and nuzzled his chin before handing him over to Ryder.
"We'll be sure to take good care of him for you, Carlos. You're welcome to stay with us at the Lookout whenever you like!"
"Muchas gracias, Ryder. I'm sure he'll be just fine with you and the other pups!"
He gave his pup one last hug before stepping back, waving goodbye as the PAW Patroller drove off toward Adventure Bay…
It was a quiet fall night at the Lookout. The moon was only a tiny sliver in an otherwise clear sky, allowing the stars to dimly illuminate the ground. Peaceful, but dark.
"...nnnnmmm...Carlos...come back!…"
The little chihuahua awoke with a start, breathing heavily as he peered out the door of his pup house. It was still quite dark.
Tracker sniffled as he tried to settle his breathing. His chest felt heavy. All he wanted to do was curl up and wait for the darkness to go away.
He hastily closed the door and settled into the corner of his pup house, covering his whole body with his blankie. He tried to shift his attention to his fluttering chest. It was something that Carlos had taught him to do when he got scared. Tracker closed his eyes and attempted to tune out his inner thoughts, feeling every beat of his frenetic heart. His mind became blank, and as the minutes passed, he felt his anxiety beginning to ease. But just as the chihuahua's breathing was becoming less labored, he quickly began to notice another problem.
He had to pee. And it was dark outside.
The little pup whimpered as he tried to think of a solution before the situation got too desperate. He tossed his blankie off to the side and relentlessly paced around the room. In his moment of panic, without even realizing it, he had overlooked a rather relevant piece of information.
You see, making the transition from living with Carlos to spending most of his time with Ryder and the pups was quite a change in scenery for the chihuahua. He enjoyed being a full-time member of the team, but once the excitement of being somewhere different had worn off, he began to feel homesick.
Sleeping all by himself in a pup house instead of being nestled in Carlos' arms was quite a shock to his system. He found himself sleeping poorly and ended up spending more time yawning during the day than playing with the others. Ryder took notice to the change in Tracker's behavior, and pulled him aside to talk about what was giving him difficulty.
"I know this hasn't been easy on you, pup. I can tell just by looking at you that you miss your home."
"Sí. I do miss it. I don't mean to say that you and the pups haven't been great company, because you have been. Muy bien. I just...don't deal well with big changes."
"Don't worry, Tracker. I'll do everything in my power to help you adjust. No matter what it takes, I want you to feel comfortable. If you ever need something, anything, come talk to me and I'll be more than happy to accommodate."
"Gracias, Ryder. It really means a lot."
Ryder took the chihuahua's feelings to heart, and would dedicate a lifetime to helping his friend if need be. He held meetings with the rest of the pups to fill them in on the challenges that Tracker was facing, instructing them to be extra considerate and forgiving of him. Despite his best efforts, there were still a few things that Ryder wasn't fully prepared for. He came to realize this the very next morning after talking to the little pup.
"...I didn't know what to do with this...so I came to ask…"
He deposited a sodden blanket in front of Ryder's feet.
"What happened to it?"
"..."
Ryder bent down to inspect the blanket, and stood back up with a curious expression.
"Is this something that happens a lot?"
"...sorta, but I started to grow out of it. Guess that didn't last for very long…"
Tracker covered his face in shame. It had been almost a year since the last incident, and he had forgotten just how humiliating it was.
Ryder took a deep breath and knelt down.
"Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. None of the pups have had flawless records when it came to training. Seeing an occasional slip up from any of them wouldn't be much of a surprise. Trust me, it's okay."
He scratched behind the chihuahua's ear in affirmation.
"So, how would Carlos have handled something like this?"
"Well, he didn't exactly appreciate it, mainly because I liked to sleep with him in his bed...when it happened, he would normally just strip the bed and have me sleep on the floor until he could wash the sheets. He never yelled or anything, but I could tell that he was frustrated."
Ryder paused to think for a moment before reaching for the soaked blanket.
"Tell you what. I've got an idea that might help with more than just this."
Tracker's large ears quickly perked up.
"Go on…"
"Well, it would involve ordering something from Mr. Porter. Something that might take some getting used to. Are you up for that?"
"Sure, I guess. What is it?"
Ryder pulled out his pup pad and typed something in before turning the screen to show the curious pup.
"...are those…d...di-"
"Yup, and they're specially made for using at night."
"But...I haven't worn those in years."
"Hear me out, Tracker. I want you to be comfortable no matter what decision you make. I really think that giving these a try would ease some of the frustration and embarrassment you're feeling. Also, I have a hunch that maybe some of the anxiety you've been dealing with is factoring into the equation. My hope is that by making your nights less...eventful, you'll not only sleep better, but with these, you'll also have something holding onto you to help remind you that you're safe and secure...in more ways than one. Does that make sense?"
The little pup blushed slightly at the thought of having to return to diapers at night.
"If you don't end up needing them after a while, you don't have to keep wearing them. Just until you feel confident enough to go without them."
"Okay…"
"If you want, I'll let you pick what designs are on them. If you're going to be wearing diapers, you might as well like how they look."
Tracker's blush deepened as he and Ryder paged through the different selections. There were plain white diapers, ones with bright colors, and some could even be custom designed. He eventually settled on a mostly white diaper that sported a baby blue bone design, waistband, and side panels.
"It says here that there's an option to put a special kind of print on them."
"What kind of print?"
Ryder tapped the box and the picture on the screen updated.
"It looks like they're bones that disappear when they get wet. What do you think? It might make changes a bit easier."
The chihuahua hesitated for a few seconds, before swallowing the lump in his throat.
"S-sure...let's get those, too."
"Okay, it says that they'll be ready for pickup at Mr. Porter's store by the end of the day. I'll just bring them out to your pup house and get you situated for tonight, and we can go from there. Sound good?"
Tracker nodded, still feeling rather silly about the whole thing.
Tracker snapped back to reality, quickly remembering what he had forgotten about.
"I still have some of those diapers…"
He was hesitant about legitimately needing to wear one, instead of most nights where it was merely for comfort while he was sleeping.
"...I've never...used them on purpose…"
As he dwelled on his little predicament, the pressure in his bladder grew stronger and stronger, ushering a whimper from the little pup.
"I can't go outside...it's too dark. Ayudame...I need help…"
Tracker frantically stumbled over to the large chest by his bed that contained all of his changing supplies, and unfolded one of the thick, crinkly overnight diapers before laying it out on the floor. Wasting no time, he quickly positioned himself on top of the soft padding and drew the front up to cover his crotch. But the pain in his bladder was immensely distracting.
"¡Ay! I'm not used to doing this by myself!"
Having to solo the changing process was slowing him down. He wasn't going to make it.
As he opened one of the tapes to fasten it to the front of his diaper, he felt himself lose control. With a loud whimper, Tracker held the crinkly garment in place as he haphazardly relieved himself.
Unbeknownst to the troubled chihuahua, a pair of ears perked up from several doors down. There was another pup awake.
The sleepy shepherd yawned deeply and rubbed his eyes, lifting his head in mild confusion.
It was unusual for another pup to be awake before Chase was. He prided himself on being the early bird of the bunch, so when he heard a sharp whimper coming from one of the other pup houses, he knew something was wrong.
He cautiously stepped outside and stretched his legs, taking note of which direction he heard the sound from. After a period of brief silence, a second, more muffled whimper could be heard coming from one of the nearby pup houses.
The police pup shook off his remaining drowsiness and glanced up at the dim stars, watching them quietly waver and pulse before making his way over to where he thought the sound came from. Standing in front of Tracker's pup house, he could see a faint light coming from beneath the door.
*knock knock* "...Tracker? Are you awake?"
Chase waited quietly, listening for any sounds coming from inside. Through the thick steel door, only the faintest of rustles could be heard. After waiting for another few seconds, he slipped his paw underneath the door and gently lifted it up.
The moderate glow of a night light washed over the room, revealing a certain pup in a rather peculiar predicament. The shepherd chuckled and turned on the overhead lights, getting a better view of his now blushing friend.
"Hey, Tracker. I heard you whimpering and I wanted to make sure you were okay, but by the looks of it, you took matters into your own paws."
There was no change on the little pup's expression. He looked mortified, still feeling residual anxiety from the earlier incident and now from being caught in such an embarrassing situation. Chase knew better than to poke fun; he knelt down and placed a paw on the chihuahua's shoulder.
"You don't look so good, buddy. What happened?"
Tracker wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling him in close.
"M-m-muy oscuro...it was so dark...I couldn't leave my pup house…"
The police pup nodded softly, starting to piece it together for himself.
"Sounds like you got quite a scare, huh?"
"Si, I did. I forgot to use the bathroom before Ryder tucked me in, and I was too scared to go outside by myself. I...had to…"
"You did what you had to do. It's okay. That's why you have them."
Chase took notice to the faded bones on the front of Tracker's diaper, also seeing that none of the tapes were fastened.
"Did it sneak up on you? I thought Ryder always reminded you not to drink too much water after dinner."
"Lo siento, I forgot. I tried to tape it myself, but I couldn't get it done fast enough…"
The chihuahua was obviously embarrassed at not being able to control his bladder. Chase tried his best to comfort his friend.
"Hey, accidents happen. It's no big deal, and you were quick enough to get a diaper ready. That's all that matters in the end. You took care of the situation as best as you could, but now that I'm here, I can help you finish the job."
The police pup smiled warmly and rubbed Tracker's back, before gently separating from the embrace.
"Now, let's assess the damage."
He brushed his paw over the crinkly plastic of the diaper, checking to see how wet it was.
"Looks like you're still dry up the back, but you got the rest of it pretty good. Do you want me to change you into a fresh one?"
The timid chihuahua felt his cheeks grow warm from Chase's caring, nonchalant treatment.
"Well...I mean, it is a little chilly tonight..."
The shepherd couldn't help but laugh a little.
"You wanna keep this one warm then?"
Tracker nodded sheepishly, grinning from ear to ear. Chase patted the front of his soggy diaper.
"Excellent choice!"
He wasted no time reaching for the proper implements, promptly cleaning Tracker's lower half and snugly taping the bulky diaper onto him.
"How's that feel, buddy? Too tight?"
The little pup melted into the floor, feeling a wave of pure calmness wash over him.
"Actually, it's just right! Thanks, Chase."
The police pup nuzzled his chin, and wrapped him in a loving embrace.
"Hey, if something like this ever happens again, don't be afraid to call my pup tag. I never mind helping you out! If I'm being honest, it's actually kinda fun."
Hearing his friend say that brought a smile to Tracker's face. He grasped Chase tightly, letting him know that he appreciated what was said.
"Tracker, I always want you to be happy and comfortable. I know that living here with us has been a little tough to get used to, but I'll do everything I can to make you feel loved. You're really important to me..."
Chase felt himself choke up a little bit. He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and tenderly stroked the back of Tracker's head.
"From the moment I saw you standing on top of that rock in the jungle, fending off that giant snake all by yourself, I felt a desire to protect and claim you as my own. I saw your bravery, your confidence, and your leadership...but I also saw someone who has never had another pup to talk to...to spend time with...to lay next to when they were scared or upset...I saw someone who needed love, and I want to show them that they are loved, that they are important, and that they are special. I wanted that pup to know that...I want you to know that."
A pensive silence filled the room.
"...¿Qué es? What are you saying?"
The shepherd slowly pulled back and made eye contact with the smaller pup.
"...I'm saying that I love you."
Tracker's expression grew blank, still holding gaze with his emotional friend.
"...You mean-"
"Yes, like that."
The chihuahua's jaw dropped ever so slightly.
"I...don't know what to say, other than-"
"-it's okay, you don't have to s-"
"-I love you, too."
Chase froze on the spot.
"Wait...what?"
Tracker giggled and hoisted himself up, feeling the familiar presence of crinkly sog between his legs.
"You heard me, silly. I said I love you."
He waddled over to the stunned shepherd and gave him a soft peck on the nose, smiling wildly with joy.
"Is this why you've been volunteering to help me with changes and acting all sweet?"
Chase finally found his voice, and cleared his throat.
"Well, yeah...that's part of it. I mean, I genuinely like taking care of you. Not just as a friend, or even as a lover, but like a father. Treating you with gentle kindness and seeing the happiness it brings you is one of my guilty pleasures in life. There is another side to why I enjoy it so much, but I'll save that for another time. You've had a long night, little guy. Let's get some rest."
The nurturing shepherd gave his newfound partner a delicate kiss on the forehead and turned out the light. Chase gently nuzzled the little pup's cheek, settling down beside him. Tracker laid against his chest and nestled his muzzle under Chase's, giving it a soft lick. The shepherd smiled and closed his eyes, warm and content.
"Good night, Tracker."
"Good night, Chase."
I tried to softball this first chapter a bit to hopefully not scare away too many people, so I hope it was at least palatable! I don't have a set date or schedule for future posting, but rest assured that it won't be another 9 month wait until the next part XD This story has a personal connection to me, and I'm thankful for whatever percentage of you made it to the end of the first installment. Please feel free to leave a review or swing by with a PM! I love to hear from you guys :) Talk to ya later!