Ritsu was sitting on the top of the cliff and looked out at the water and into the land and forest that laid in front of him. The wind blew through his hair and he closed his eyes to bask in the wind and last rays of sunlight. It was starting to get colder and soon they would have to start preparing for the winter, but right now he allowed himself a moment of silence.
Because he was going to be the upcoming chief, it was starting to get harder and harder to have alone time and to do what he wanted. It seemed like someone somewhere always needed his presence. Ritsu sighed as he could feel his youth ending right in front of him. He reached out to the stone around his neck, symbolizing his betrothal. It weighed heavy on his conscious and he wanted nothing more than to take it off and give it back. But it had belonged to his late mother and it was all he had left of her. He was glad that his betrothal had brought some good.
It wasn't that he hated his fiancee, in fact he cared for her deeply and adored her. It's just… he cared for his freedom and independence a little bit more. An was safe, predictable, dependable, but Ritsu couldn't help but think all his dreaming would come to an end if he were to tie the knot.
He knew that she was completely and utterly in love and devoted to him. Ritsu couldn't help but feel he was cheating her out of something more meaningful and special. He knew deep in his heart that he would never be able to love her with the same fierceness and devotion… which is why he needed to marry her that much more. It was his mother's dying wish for him to marry An-chan, and she was so ready to give up her life for him, so ready to devote her entire being to him and not demanding any love back in return. Ritsu knew he didn't deserve her, but the least he could do was honor and protect her for the rest of his life as his wife. It was just part of his duty, and he needed to be able to be able to reciprocate it. If he couldn't even do that what type of man was he?
When couples talked about getting married, they always seemed to have the same twinkle in their eyes and they smiled so big it almost looked like it hurt. What were they so happy about? He would never admit it aloud but marriage seemed like a lot of work, and more of a chore than something people would actually be willing to go through.
Ritsu mentally scolded himself for even thinking such disrespectful thoughts of his fiancee, but the cruel realization came to his mind when he realized he would probably never experience falling in love. He was fine with this of course. He had a beautiful, caring, amazing fiance, a future tribe to rule over and protect one day, and a group of people that loved him and who he would do anything for.
Strangely he knew An-chan was exceptionally gorgeous and extremely kind and any guy in the tribe would have gone crazy to have her hand in marriage. But she chose him. Ritsu knew how much of a catch she was, so why didn't he feel anything? It left him perplexed and confused. He knew how he should feel, and yet it still wasn't there.
Maybe something was fundamentally wrong with him. He worried that maybe he was incapable of loving another, and maybe if he didn't love someone as perfect as An-chan, then maybe there was something wrong with him. The way his friends had described it growing up was their heartbeat raced, their hands got sweaty, they felt hot in the face, and they wanted nothing more than to draw closer to their lover's face but at the same time pull away. He had never felt anything like that in his life and it all sounded like plain fantasy.
Ritsu ran his hand through his hair and let out a stressed sigh. He knew he needed to sort through his feelings before he went through anything, but he wasn't sure if he could really go through the whole engagement. No matter how much he knew it was his duty, no matter how convinced his head was, his heart stayed put and refused to be swayed. He stood up and went to walk down the trail to his canoe at the bottom of the hill… but something in him directly him towards the very tip of the cliff. He looked at the water below him and smiled. He jogged back and broke into a full sprint before jumping off the cliff into the water below him.