TMNT
Okay, guys, this does have suicidal thoughts and actions. This is a really big deal and it's time people realize that. I want people to see how often this happens and the outcome of it. This stuff happens everyday and it's time it gets noticed. We can help though. Spreading awareness and letting people know they're not alone could do so much. This is a huge deal, so this is why this story is going to be a big deal. I'm warning you now, I got emotional while writing this.
After another patrol, the turtles headed back to the lair. Donnie, the third oldest and genius of the family, was quiet during the whole patrol, even when they were attacked by Foot Ninjas but quickly beat them. Raph, the second oldest, had noticed but brushed it off as nothing. He decided if it didn't end by the morning, he would demand answers on the spot. Leo, the oldest, noticed and when Raph and Mikey went to bed, he planned on talking to Donnie about it, knowing that he would surely be up still working on something. Mikey, the youngest, noticed before any of his other brothers did, and the moment Donnie would go into the lab, as they all knew he would, he would follow.
'' Well, guys, if you need me, I'll be in the lab.'', Donnie says, quietly.
'' Why don't you spend some time with us?'', everyone turned and faced Raph, shocked that he of all turtles said that. '' We barely see you anymore, Donnie, sit down and watch some TV with us or something.''
'' I agree with Raph. You've been keeping away from us for a bit, Donnie, and I'm getting sick of it.'', Leo says. Mikey nods in agreement. Donnie shook his head. No, he couldn't be around his brothers right now. He can't let them find out his secret. If they knew, they would never look at him the same again.
'' Guys, I can't. I just... I just can't.'', he storms into his lab, locking the door behind him. Raph and Leo look at each other, worriedly. Mikey ran to the lab door and tried to open it but failed.
'' Donnie... please let me in. I'm your best friend!'', Mikey says, trying to convince Donnie to open the door. Raph silently cursed at himself. He should have known that this wouldn't be nothing. He felt so stupid.
'' Donnie, what's the matter?'', Raph asks, as him and Leo knock on the door with Mikey.
On the other side of the door, Donnie was in tears. He couldn't calm himself. He couldn't breathe at all.
'' Donnie?'', hearing Mikey call for him made his heart ache more.
'' I just want to be alone, guys.'', he heard footsteps, indicating his brothers had walked away. He spent hours in silence, knowing by now his brothers were surely asleep. At least, Mikey was asleep. The poor kid would run his energy out by this time and he would be back to normal by morning. It was about 3 AM. Donnie was working on an invention, and his wrists had stung from were the cuts were. He had bandaged them and told his brothers it was nothing. Just that he had cut himself when working on an invention. And they believed him.
Donnie sighed. He didn't like lying to his brothers but he had to protect them. He got up, deciding he needed more coffee, and since his brothers were asleep it would be fine. He quietly went in the kitchen, and as the coffee brewed, a hand touched his shoulder. He freaked out, turning around and finding Raph there.
'' You should be asleep.'', Donnie says.
'' I was about to say the same thing to you.'', Raph says. He takes Donnie's shoulder, and guides him out of the lair. '' So, now that no one else can hear us, what was earlier about?''
'' Why do you care? It's just me. If it was Mikey or Leo, I'd understand, but it's just me-''
'' Stop making it sound like I don't care about you.''
'' That's how it seems.'', Donnie snaps back, shocked that he had snapped at his older brother like that. Raph backs up for a moment.
'' Donnie, you are my little brother. I don't hate you. If I didn't care about you, why would I go out of my way to protect you?''
'' Because you have to.'', Donnie says.
'' No, I don't. The only reason I haven't left yet is because of you and Mikey. Donnie, I may be a jerk, but I still care.'', Raph snaps. Donnie was shocked. He knew Raph had meant this. He just didn't think Raph ever would care for him. '' Why won't you tell me what's going on?''
'' Because I'm trying to protect you.'', Donnie explains, and goes to walk off.
'' It's not your job to protect me, Donnie.'', Donnie ignores Raph and heads back to the lair. He goes in the lab and locks the door. He got out his notebook and began to write. Then, he got out his razor, and gave himself one more deep cut. He deserved this pain, didn't he? His body felt numb as the tears fell from his eyes. He didn't deserve to be loved. He deserved to die. But, he's the only one out of the turtles that was a complete pro when it came to technology and medical education. What if one of his brothers got seriously injured after he died? Or got sick? Splinter might not be able to work his technology and help them. It was up to him.
So, he would hurt himself so he got what he deserved, until he knew his brothers could live without him and his medical knowledge. The last thing he wanted was for them to suffer.
All of his brothers had shockingly written something that night.
Donnie Entry 1
I love my family, really I do. Even when I shut myself out from them. I'm only trying to protect them. I'm trying to protect them from the truth. But, I can't keep it in. I have to at least write it so maybe, I can get back on track and pretend to be fine, so my brothers won't know. So my entire family doesn't know. I just... don't know how to word it without it coming out blunt. I want to die. I have cuts on my wrists that I hide from them. It does take away some of the pain. It does help. Of course, if my brothers found out, I don't know how they would react. Oh, wait, yes I do.
Leo, my oldest brother, is the leader, and a good one at that. He feels like he has to protect us with his life not just because he's the leader but because he's the big brother. In every show you've ever watched about siblings, haven't you noticed the big brother is always the one to protect his younger brothers? That's Leo, well, that's Leo, Raph, and me. But, anyway, Leo has too much on his plate as is. I'm sure he's slowly figuring out what's going on, though, knowing my brother. I just don't want him to worry about me. If he found out that I was cutting and I just didn't want to live, he would blame himself and I don't know what would go through his mind. His big brother instincts would say protect your brother but his leader instincts would say find out why. No reason for my brother to lose sleep over me, right?
Raph, my second oldest brother, I'm not so sure about. I thought he didn't care about me, honestly. It was like I was just a thorn in his side for the longest time. However, after tonight, when he did seem concerned, he wasn't faking. He actually was concerned about my well being. I can't believe this. I don't know what goes through my brother's mind anymore. It's complicated to understand what my brother thinks. I just worry that I have the wrong impression of him my entire life. I thought Raph hated me,but I'm not so sure now. He seems like he cares. For now, a least. Maybe he feels he has to be concerned. I mean, no matter what, I care about Raph. Even if he doesn't care about me I care about him. That's why I didn't tell him. I don't want to bother him with my problems.
Mikey is my only little brother. And, to be quite honest, he's the only reason I'm still living. I didn't want to go on, but he needed me. Ever since we were 5, I remember Mikey depending on me. He use to sneak into my room when he would have nightmares. Occasionally he still does. Mikey is the only reason I haven't ended my life yet. He's so innocent. He reminds me everyday that I'm his best friend and he needs me. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't destroy his innocence. I have protected him in battle. I have protected him from the monsters under his bed. And I would protect him from the truth. I had to.
It breaks my heart knowing one day, maybe here soon, Mikey will have to wake up and hear that I'm not around anymore. But, I'm not strong enough to go on. I've fought and fought with everything I have, but I can't. So, I've already prepared something, in case one day, it does happen. I want my brothers to know the truth.
For my brothers, who will find this, and it will be too late. I'm sorry. You guys are the last ones I'd ever mean to hurt. Leo, don't blame yourself. I love you, don't beat yourself up over something stupid I did. Raph... I don't know if you cared or not, but know I loved you, big bro. Thanks for everything you two. Take care of Mikey for me. Mikey... little bro, I'm so sorry. I fought as long as I did because of you. I love you, little brother, never forget that.
Mikey Entry 1
I noticed something's wrong with my best friend, Donnie. I hope he gets better soon. Donnie means a lot to me, you know? I don't want anything to happen to him. If it gets any worse I'll put him in a quick reality check. I'm worried about him.
Today I did everything I could to make him smile. It barely worked. He only would look at me, give a quick smile, and then start thinking about something again. I'm starting to really worry about him. If I can't cheer him up, no one can. Not even April.
Sorry, in case you didn't get the memo, I'm more important to Donnie than anyone. I'm the one who cheers him up. April can't just come in here and take that from me. If I can't cheer Donnie up, no one can. Simple as that.
Donnie's just my best friend. He's always been there for me when I needed him the most. I have to return the favor and be here for him now. He needs us. I know he's falling, but I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know what's going on really. I can't think straight. I don't do good under pressure. And when it comes to something happening to Donnie I can't think straight. I just get really scared.
The best I can do right now is just keep reminding Donnie he's super important to me.
Raph Entry 1
I ain't stupid, Donnie. You're acting strange and I'm going to figure out what's up. And, how could Donnie think that I didn't care about him? If I didn't care, I would have let him be killed by now. But, I promise anyone, no one is taking my younger brother from me. That is a promise. I'd kill anyone who even tried to hurt him in front of me. I may be a jerk, but I ain't heartless. I do care for my brothers. Which is why I'll stop at nothing to figure out what's up with Donnie.
Leo and I have been talking about it, and Leo said give him the chance to try to take care of it first. I didn't listen and I tried to talk to Donnie but he thinks I don't care about him. Can I do anything right? I have to figure out something to do, and fast.
The last thing I ever want is to lose one of my brothers. And I'll stop at nothing to make sure Donnie realizes that.
Leo Entry 1
Something's wrong. Donnie's acting really weird... and depressed. I'm worried that he won't get better anytime soon. I'll figure out something. I have to. Depression is something serious. I mean, he's been having more bandages on, but-
No, Leonardo, you idiot, Donatello would never cut himself. He would go to you if he needed it, right? I can't believe I would think Donnie would purposely hurt himself.
It's only a small possibility he would. I'll figure something out. He use to be depressed before, but he got better. I'm sure this is just him remembering the past and feeling stupid for it. Nothing that I need to get too concerned about... yet.
Who am I kidding? I'm going to worry. Something is obviously wrong with Donnie. I have to save him. It's my job as the leader to make sure my team is in check. But, more importantly, it's my job as the big brother to make sure all my little brothers are safe...
Is that so hard to ask for?
Okay, guys, I'm going to write this because this is serious. I suffered from depression, my sister, my brothers, we all have. It's not something to take lightly. I'm going to share my story here below... so maybe someone can understand they're not alone.
A couple years ago, my world was falling. My niece, who means the absolute world to me, was born premature, and she nearly lost her life because of it. To this day she still has lung problems, and she has to have thick food or it'll go in her lungs. But, when we all thought we might lose her, I just didn't want to talk to anyone. My body felt numb. I didn't really talk. I hid in my room. But, I didn't self harm. I didn't want anyone finding me with cuts. My best friend was cutting and I knew that wouldn't help his case, so I didn't. But, everyday, and I still do, I mentally bring myself down. I don't have a reason to be here.
I was bullied over a bone disorder. I couldn't walk normal half the time and I always have a limp and people actually made fun of me for it. It was heartbreaking. I started writing because it really helped. This is another reason I decided to write this story. When I become an actual author, I plan on writing a book about depression and how it does get better.
When my grandma had passed away, that was when the line was drawn. This was a year and a half ago and I still can't get over it. I don't even visit her house anymore unless I have to. Don't get me wrong, I love my family I just can't face them.
I'm still here, though. The reason being is because I was learned I was needed. By two of my best friends. The one who I was mentioning was cutting, and I refused to leave his side. And, my other best friend, who still comes to me when he's upset. I can't leave now. Besides, my niece is getting better and she's going to need me.
I learned that it eventually gets better. It really does guys. My world still is dark sometimes, but not like how it use to. I'm starting to get better and I know you guys can, too.
If you ever need anyone, PM me.