note: anything medical that's mentioned is probably inaccurate (I take one psych class and think I'm an expert), so please don't hold me to it! I hope that you guys enjoy. pre-season 2, some canon divergence (i.e, early mentions of Sam)

Losing You to You

"So did you hear about those Dragons Breath candies at Chocolate Chair? We should get some. Tori's been wanting to try!"

"I'm not really hungry, André."

The lack of emotion in Cat's voice is jarring. It'd taken him an hour to coax her from her bed and even then he had the feeling she had only agreed to come along to get him to shut up about it.

André pulls to a stop at the light, one of his hands loose around the wheel, and spares a glance at the girl in the passenger's seat. Her face is pale even in the sunlight beaming through the windshield, red velvet hair tumbling over her shoulders in dark waves. Her eyes, a thousand shades of speckled brown, have purple circles around them and lack their typical brightness as she stares aimlessly out the window. Her mouth lacks its usual smile. It's like André is looking at a stranger; the thought scares him enough to tighten his hand around the steering wheel until his knuckles hurt.

Jade warned him that Cat's depressive episodes were bad, yet all the years he had known her he'd never seen it in person. When she missed days of school at a time and the lunch table was more quiet than usual, André always entertained the thought of going to visit her. Try and pull her out of the funk she was in so she could get help. Jade usually shot him down. The Valentine's were taking care of it, she was getting new meds. She was fine.

André always saw the flash in Jade's eyes though, a small flicker of ill-concealed worry. Always heard how unconvinced she sounded even when no one else seemed to notice it themselves.

It stopped for months after that, maybe longer. And then the medication she was taking for her vocal nodules sometime after his party at Keenan's must have messed with her other ones because Cat started coming to school full of unobtainable energy, bouncing from thought to thought and word to word, quicker than normal. André would wake up in the morning with 145 unread iMessage's because Cat's thoughts and ideas were just so much that they wouldn't let her sleep.

Now they were here.

Cat's manic episode came to a sudden, unexpected halt. She was up, and then she was down again. André and the others devised a plan to help her, even if that meant lugging her to the psych facility so she could get the help that she needed if they could not do it themselves.

When Beck suggested it, Jade frowned down at her food and Tori sucked in a sharp breath and André squeezed her hand reassuringly but the thought made him feel sick to his stomach.

He didn't think he could do that to Cat. But as he watches her now, stuck in traffic on Hollywood Boulevard, he thinks they may not have a choice.

"That's okay, Lil Red," André says, half expecting her bright smile to appear at the nickname as it usually did. "You don't have to get anything. But it's a nice night our, right? Gotta make the most of it!" His voice is full of hopeful enthusiasm.

Cat takes a deep breath and doesn't look at him. Instead she leans her head back on the seat. "I guess," she mumbles. "I want to go home."

André's foot eases off the breaks as the traffic makes a lurch forward and he's suddenly grateful that they're moving again. He focuses on the road, but his eyes occasionally turn to his friend, his heart squeezing with worry. "You don't have to stay that long," he says, trying to be reassuring as the guilt eats away at him. "Everyone just wants to see you around, you know?"

It's clear, still, that Cat isn't much in the mood for talking to him. It'd been this way since he went to her house to pull her from the dark of her bedroom. And, everything considered, it wasn't surprising - but André doesn't think he'll ever get used to seeing this side of Cat. So silent and lifeless, locked in the talons of depression that consumed every part of her.

He wonders how Jade could handle it.

They're sitting in silence, André focused on the road, when his phone buzzes. Absently, he says, "Mind getting that for me, Lil Red?"

Cat regards him with a look - annoyance, maybe? André remembers reading somewhere that people with bipolar disorder are quick to anger - before she reaches for his phone. He just barely sees Tori's name flash on the screen before Cat answers. "Hello?" She asks, and her voice is still lower than usual but it's not as deadpan and indifferent as before. She promptly puts Tori on speaker.

"Hey guys, where are you?"

"We got stuck in some traffic," André provides. "We should be there in a couple minutes."

"Good," says Tori, "because Jade is getting impatient and I want some Dragon's Breath already!"

André smiles a little. "Chillax, girl. You'll get your crazy candy."

"Okay, okay! Just hurry up! Bye!"

"Later."

To André's surprise, Cat finally speaks. "See ya," she says daintily, and she puts his phone back down when they hang up and tucks one of her ankles beneath her leg and turns back to the window again.

André sighs and lets it go.

The Chocolate Chair was one of Cat's favorite places and for good reason. The food was great and the dessert was even better.

André and the others had figured that it would be a good place to take her and try to nudge her out of this funk she was in, even if only a little bit. Jade was a little more reluctant about the idea. "I don't know," she had said, arms crossed. "I think we should just take her to the hospital. This isn't something that's just going to go away because she gets some freakin' candy."

As much as André didn't want to, as much as he wanted to keep Cat away from that place, he couldn't help but agree with Jade. If anybody knew Cat and knew how to deal with her bipolar episodes more than her family or any of them did, it was Jade West.

But they had decided to take her anyway, a small attempt to just be around her again, even if they were admitting her to the hospital right afterwards.

"You can't afford to feel guilty about it, man," Beck had told him after André confessed he felt bad for tricking Cat to get out of the house, "this is for her own good. She's not eating. She's sleeping too much. And Jade is right - she needs help before she hurts herself and before she gets manic again and does something reckless."

This is for her own good.

He has to keep reminding himself that as he pulls into the parking spot by the Chocolate Chair. The others are already there, Tori and Robbie sitting at the benches outside. Jade and Beck are leaning against the wall, Beck's arm over his girlfriend's shoulders, smoking cigarettes. A bad habit that both of them rarely did unless they were stressed out.

"Let's go, Lil Red," he says gently as he unbuckles and exits his car. Cat follows his lead and hops down from her seat, and André is surprised when she doesn't slam the door behind her.

Tori's eyes light up when she sees Cat and she stands, her smile a balm. When André sees it, his heart does a little stutter. "Cat!" She greets eagerly, and Jade is glaring daggers at the back of her head, light smoke billowing from her lips.

"Hi," Cat greets softly, and manages the tiniest smile that disappears quickly.

André can see Tori's own falter just slightly. It was clear that Tori, as the relatively "new" member of their friend group, was still coming to terms with this unfamiliar side of Cat. And, truth be told, so was André and everybody else. Cat was sick, mentally, and they all knew it - they've just never seen it to its full extent before.

"We should go inside," Beck suggests, burning out his cigarette in the ashtray and dusting off his hands on his faded grey jeans. He pats his stomach. "I'm hungry."

Everyone begins to go inside, and just before André does he sees Jade hang back until Cat was beside her and sees her fingers lightly touch at Cat's arm. Cat glances up at her, but Jade isn't looking.

Something in André's chest fractures as he looks away from them and follows Robbie inside.

Cat doesn't eat.

Instead, she stares blankly at her menu before promptly closing it and sliding it away from her with the excuse that she shouldn't spend so much money. Jade watches as she slumps back in her chair. Her eyes flicker to the table across the room; a group of younger kids were eating Dragon's Breath ice cream, laughing in delight as they breathed chilly smoke from their mouths and their noses. Cat doesn't even seem vaguely interested, but Jade understands.

No matter how badly you wanted to do something, wanted something, wanted to experience something, depression always latched onto you, it's grip vice, and wouldn't let you. It wasn't as simple as people made it seem. You just couldn't find the energy to care about anything.

Jade pushes her salad around with her fork, glowering at the lettuce. She scoops up an olive and puts it on Beck's plate - she hates them, he loves them, and it's always been this way. Robbie is talking everyone's ear off about what he and Rex did last night with some Northridge girls but Jade tunes him out. She's not really interested to what her nerdy 'friend' did with his annoying puppet.

Occasionally, Tori would try to initiate conversation with Cat and try to make her eat something, and every time she would fail.

She just doesn't listen, Jade thinks, stabbing at her salad bitterly, though she knows deep down that Vega is just worried like the rest of them are and doesn't know how to deal with it. Jade had told her to not single her out, to not treat Cat like she was some sort of freak. At least the others leave it be.

When Jade realizes this really was a bad idea and that it was getting closer and closer to bringing Cat to the hospital, her stomach turns over with guilt and she loses her appetite.

Jade pushes her half-full plate of salad away from her with a scowl, and grabs Cat's hand. For once, she doesn't care who sees.

Cat doesn't pull away.

Before they get their check to pay for their dinner, Jade gets up and walks outside.

She calls Sam.

"We're leaving in a few minutes," she says.

"I'll be there."

Tori piles into the backseat of André's car while Robbie goes home. He says his Mamaw needed his help with her computer again, but Tori suspects that he just doesn't want to be there when everything goes to shit. Not that she blames him, because she'd rather be anywhere else, but he's supposed to be Cat's friend - he's supposed to be there.

She plays with the seatbelt after she buckles because she's anxious and needs something to do with her hands. The radio is on, playing faintly, and for once nobody is singing along to it.

The whole atmosphere of it feels strange and Tori wants nothing more than to go home and crawl in bed and sleep off the wrongness of it all. Or maybe take a shower and do her homework early just to get her mind off everything.

André follows Beck and Jade to the hospital. Cat has no idea they're headed in the complete opposite direction of her house; she's staring down at her phone in her lap, scrolling aimlessly. Tori's stomach churns with nerves and guilt, but she knows that this is the right thing to do. With her parents away with her brother, nobody else is going to do it.

They just couldn't take the chance of letting it go. Tori had mused over the possibilities before and it made her sick.

Before they turn into the parking lot, Tori sees André shift. "I just want you to know that our friendship means everything, Lil Red," he says quietly, and Cat looks up at him curiously. He swallows. "I hope that you'll understand."

"What are you talking about?" Cat questions, her brows furrowed.

The car pulls to a slow stop behind Beck's truck. Jade is already outside waiting and Sam is there too, standing next to a young man dressed in scrubs with her arms crossed. It's too dark to see the look on her face.

Cat finally glances out the window, and the bright red lights of the neon sign above the psych wards entrance reflects in her eyes. The expression on her face is accusatory as she looks back at André sharply, and then at Tori, shaking her head vehemently. "You tricked me," she says, and her words waver. "No. No, I'm not going in there - take me home!"

"Lil Red -"

"No!" Cat snaps, voice rising with fear. "Why would you do this? How could you bring me here? I'm fine!"

"You're not fine," Tori says, finally finding her voice. "We're so, so sorry Cat, but we were starting to get really worried and -"

"I want to go home," Cat interrupts, and there's a lump in Tori's throat when she notices tears in Cat's eyes. "André please, please just take me home. I don't want to go in there."

André looks torn, but before he could say anything Sam opens the passenger door and lowers herself onto her ankles. "Come on, kid," she says, placing a hand on Cat's knee. Cat flinches. "I called your parents to let them know what's going down. They agreed that this was the best thing for you, okay?"

Cat looks at Sam like she just kicked a puppy. There's a beat of silence before Cat reaches and puts a hand over her forehead and shakes her head, and there are tears trailing down her flushed cheeks. Her eyes close. "I can't," she says.

"Everything's going to be fine," Sam reassures. "Right, Topi?"

Although the nickname usually would have made her laugh, Tori wrung her hands together. "She's right, Cat," she says. "I'm so sorry, but this is the best way to help you."

When her eyes open again, Cat takes one final glance at André and Tori, and the hurt and betrayal in her eyes makes Tori's heart break. She sighs shakily and unbuckles. "Fine," she surrenders, though there's uncharacteristic anger in her voice. Sam rises and takes a step back so Cat could get out of the car, and when she does she passes the onlooking Beck and Jade as if they weren't even there.

Sam follows her, and so does the orderly.

Close to the entrance, Tori sees Sam reach for Cat's arm, but Cat yanks it away like her hand is made of fire, and follows the orderly inside without even glancing at her.

She fidgets with the necklace around her throat and stares up at the stars. It's for her own good, Beck's voice echos. Cat may be angry now, she may be upset at them, but at least she was going to be okay. Her breath leaves her in a sigh of both guilt and relief. Although it was going to take time;

Cat was going to be okay.

hoped that you guys liked it! Cat is very ooc in this, and this was meant to be a one-shot, but I can easily add another if you guys would like to see a more happy side to this story :) mostly though, I just wanted to explore the idea of Cat being bi-polar.

as always, please leave a review with your thoughts! they make my world go round.