He's still shaking. Jordan left him alone a short while ago, to see if TC can come in and see Topher for a moment.
Flashes of his brother dying are still intruding on him. He doesn't have the energy anymore to suppress the memories, so his mind is playing those moments over and over again.
Growing desperate he stands up, paces the room waiting for Jordan to come back.
She's watching him; he can tell she's worried by the way she wrings her hands. But he can't sit still for her, or stop trying to distract himself, from the fact that he got Thad killed.
Thankfully Topher is out of surgery and Scott was hopeful he'd make a full recovery. TC hasn't stopped shaking since he witnessed Topher collapse. Old and new memories are creating a mess in his head.
Jordan walks over as TC turns to pace the length of the room yet again, intercepting him by standing in his way.
"Topher is awake, I'll go with you so you can see him, and then I'll take you home."
TC doesn't have any words left after the truth spilled out of him, so he just nods his head in understanding. Jordan's hand is pulling on his arm, leading him in the direction of the door. He stops, not sure if he's able to face the world outside, his colleagues who surely knows about his freak out by now is out there.
The guard had cuffed him for his own and their protection! He'd been completely out of control, Drew had used his considerable strength and wrestled him to the floor, only then had TC stopped struggling and yelling.
TC isn't sure he can face anyone when he's this broken. His walls are torn down, not just cracked like before. There's nothing left to hide behind.
Jordan must have noticed his hesitation and embarrassment; she's always understood him, even if she couldn't deal with his mood swings in the end. TC knows it's a miracle she's still there by his side after all the shit he's put her through.
"It is okay, Topher wants to see you, and no one is going to ask questions, no one thinks any less of you. Come on," She pulls him in for a hug, her hand firmly on the back of his neck, warm against his cold clammy skin.
He's still shaking, leaning in for a hug makes him notice even more as Jordan holds on to him. A steady and solid presence opposed the chaos inside him.
"I…I'm so sorry." It's all he's been able to say for the last hour. He wishes he could say more. Tell her how much he misses his brother, how much he's hurting and that he thinks he's about to fall to pieces and he surely will if she lets go of him.
"Shhhhh, I'm here, I'll take care of you."
TC isn't sure how long they stay like that, Jordan trying to comfort him, while TC doesn't know how to face the world. Eventually he's on his way down the corridors, Jordan holding on to his hand, steering him towards Topher's room.
His best friend in the word looks pale. There's only a nasal cannula under his nose, the standard EKG leads and a pulse ox on his finger. Topher looks peaceful, not like he's dying like he had before. TC's been having flashes of Topher bleeding on the floor, just like his brother. But he's still here. The desperation he'd felt when Thad died had reappeared when he saw Topher collapse.
"Topher? We're here, TC's here too." Jordan whispers, leaning over the bedrails.
TC isn't sure what to do, he's too raw and his head is still playing tricks on him, making him believe he's back in a tent in Afghanistan.
When Topher opens his eyes TC tries to pull himself together, he's not the one who almost died here.
"Hey, you're okay…" Jordan whispered as she held on to Topher's hand. His other hand roamed and found TC's, covering it, as he held on to the bedrail to ground himself.
"Yeah, jus…tired…" Topher's brow furrowed as he looked up at TC. "You okay?" He asked, as if he could remember the exchange with TC earlier in the night.
TC's vision blurred, tears forming in his eyes, and a few of them escaped and had him furiously wiping at them.
"It's been a long night, we're fine Topher," Jordan said, looking up at TC when he didn't answer Topher's question.
Topher wasn't happy with the answer, looking from TC to Jordan and back again. "TC?"
"Yeah…just, tired, I'll be okay. You just scared me." TC smiled at Topher, so happy to see his best friend alive, but inside there was a black hole he couldn't ignore anymore.
"We'll let you rest; I'm taking this one home. We're all tired." Jordan's smile was genuine as she leaned over and kissed Topher's forehead.
The ride home to TC's place is a blur. He can't remember if they talked at all or if the fifteen minute drive was in complete silence.
Jordan is fussing about. Making TC a sandwich, pouring a glass of juice for him, He can't muster up the energy to eat anything. He isn't hungry. The smell of blood makes his mouth fill with the taste of iron. He has to shake his head when the vision of his brother cops up again, asking him why.
"At least drink the juice, you need some sugar, you haven't had anything to eat since last night."
He obeys, drinks the glass of juice. The sandwich is too much at the moment.
Jordan is in the bedroom, probably tidying up the mess TC knows is in there. Intrusive memories make him start to wander the house, trying to distract himself from them.
"TC, come on, let's get some sleep. I changed the sheets. I'm staying with you." Jordan looks at him with a serious expression on her face. This is not about sharing a bed as a couple.
TC nods, his body and mind could use sleep but he's not sure it's possible for him right now. Nightmares are a common occurrence but he's not sure he'll be able to tell reality from dream right now. He doesn't want to go back there and loose Thad all over again.
Laying down he tries his best to fake calm, but the need to distract himself from the thoughts swirling in his head is difficult. He tries to not toss and turn too much as he thinks Jordan is already asleep. She must be exhausted too. This night has been a nightmare for all of them, not just him.
"TC…I know you're awake." She's obviously awake to.
"Yeah, can't turn my head off. It keeps coming back, and I just can't…" TC isn't sure how to explain.
Jordan gets up on her side of the bed. TC can hear her rummaging through the bag she's brought with her.
She walks over to his side of the bed where TC's facing. He can see a vial of fluid and a syringe in her hand. TC's pulse speeds up because he knows what she's doing. It's a sedative, medication that will help him relax and sleep. TC isn't sure if he wants it.
"You need rest. Alcohol isn't an option." Jordan knows his habits; alcohol stops the pain for a few hours. He's self-medicated with whiskey many times.
She aspirates a milliliter of the white fluid from the vial. He doesn't protest even if he almost pushes her hands away as she prepares to inject him.
Pulling his boxers down to expose his left hip, she finds the spot easily, wipes it with chlorhexidine before he feels the needle pierce his muscle. He jumps a bit, not because it hurts, it's just startles him.
Jordan injects the fluid slowly, careful so she won't hurt him. It only takes a minute, and then she's done. Sitting down beside him she strokes his hair back, a soothing motion.
TC doesn't know how long it takes but gradually the restlessness dissipates. His mind stops replaying everything over and over again. After a while he can feel Jordan moving over on her side of the bed. Drowsiness is really starting to kick in when TC can feel her sliding up behind him, her warm arm coming to rest over his ribs.
Finally he falls asleep, oblivious to what comes next, finally able to rest.
AN: This is it for now. Hope you enjoyed.