this was written awhile ago but i decided to put it on here because why not! short and sad which is how i roll.
"He wants to see you."
She knew. Lan Fan could hear the distant shouts of Emperor Ling Yao, recently crowned, echoing through the walls of her small hospital room. She could hear his demands crumble into whispers; voice becoming raspy under the weight of his guilt.
Lan Fan had taken the hit for him, again.
She had done what he couldn't do: save his life. It was ironic to him, in a morbid way, that he had been so preoccupied with watching her walk towards him in her ceremonial robes that he hadn't even noticed the shot until it was lodged into her chest. He felt like a child, like he hadn't grown from those days running through alleyways in Amestris, watching her fix his mistakes, watching the blood drip from her gaping wound and missing arm. Telling him it'd be alright because she was willing to sacrifice her life for him.
He didn't think he was worth it, personally.
But she disagreed and so she laid dying on a hospital cot and they wouldn't let him in to see her. He felt his shoulders slump, digging his fingers into his skull. He felt his crown tip precariously to the side and he suddenly wanted to yank it off; shove the gold to the floor because what damn good was he at being an emperor if he couldn't protect the people he cared about? Who was he going to protect if he couldn't protect the person he loved?
"You can come in." Suddenly, he didn't want to see her. Because if the nurse was letting him in that meant she was leaving. Lan Fan was leaving him and he couldn't remember a time in his life when she hadn't been there: nagging him, scolding him, stealing rolls from the kitchens with him. Hiding from his mother and training him when they were young, cloaked by moonlight and enchanted with each other. He would not be Emperor if not for Lan Fan. He would not be Ling if not for Lan Fan. He clenched his jaw and rushed inside. She smiled gently at his disheveled appearance and sighed.
"That's hardly good behavior for an Emperor," she mumbled and he dropped into the seat next to her, stopping himself from shaking. It's not like he hadn't prepared himself for this moment. Ling had always known she could die. And if she did, he knew it would be because of him. People like her weren't made to live long lives.
"I'm fine," she whispered. "I don't fear death." But he did. He feared death and he feared life without her in it because the world would keep spinning. Alphonse would still come to visit next spring, Ed would write letters, he'd talk to diplomats and make agreements with Fuhrer Grumman and they would all offer their brief, fleeting condolences.
"I'm glad I got to see the coronation."
"I love you." Lan Fan remained silent for a moment and offered a rueful, beautiful smile. His heart turned to stone in his chest.
"I know."