So I've been loving Revolution. I think the characters are so interesting and I love all the different dynamics. I absolutely cannot wait for the next episode!
This is a one-shot about Nate and his feelings for Charlie. It was inspired by Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda, and that is the poem he is referring to.
Italics indicate flashback.
Do not own a thing.
Hope you like it!
I Do Not Love You
Jason lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. It was late and he needed to get up early tomorrow but he couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw blue. Bright blue eyes boring into him. Charlie's eyes. Resigning himself to a less than restful night he let his mind wander to thoughts of her.
It wasn't the first time. How was it that he had known her for such a short period of time and yet she occupied so much space in his mind?
He thinks back to their first encounter. Well, their first real encounter. He had, after all, been following her group for a few days before hand. She wasn't what he was expecting.
He leaned on his bow, appraising her.
"I'm Nate"
"Charlie" she replied. Her expression was guarded but her eyes were inquisitive. Maybe in another world she would have said something more. And as she walked passed him to the waterfall she looked back. Just once. But once was enough it seemed.
Jason slips a hand in his pants pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. He holds it in one hand, running his fingers along the rough edges. He doesn't bother to unfold it. He doesn't need to. He's read the words on the page hundreds of times before and they are committed to his memory.
"X-V-I-I" he whispers into the darkness. It was a poem. Now, he wasn't much for poetry. He didn't really know any poets or poems-that type of knowledge wasn't of value in his line of work. He couldn't recall learning much about poetry in school either. But he did happen to know the words to this one, although he had no idea who the author was.
He came upon it when he was in the field one day about a year ago. His unit had passed through an abandoned town and he had found it by chance; a lone, weathered page fluttering in the breeze. He caught it. The words were in a dark type and faded, but they were clear enough to read. Across the top of the page were the roman numerals 'XVII'. He read the page over and over. He registered words like 'love' and 'soul' and before he knew it he had tucked the paper into his pocket.
He had spent the past year trying to understand, really understand what it was saying. He could discern it was about a romantic love, maybe even a forbidden one. But the feeling that was associated with the letters was foreign to him.
But as he lies in the dark, whispering the words and thinking of her-he connects with them.
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
Sighing Jason poked at the fire that he had started a few minutes ago. Staring into the embers he thought about the events of the day. Everything was going according to plan, until he had decided to confront Charlie's uncle and been revealed as militia. It was going to be harder to get any kind of useful information now. But as much as that irked him what irritated him more was his behavior, specifically in relation to Charlie.
But when he saw Charlie frantically brushing the tears from her face something came over him. He became aggressive and he pushed. And he should have known Miles Matheson would push back. But he wasn't thinking. Just like he wasn't thinking when the militia soldier had cornered Charlie. And once he had knocked the soldier over he almost stepped forward to offer his hand before he caught himself. If he was being honest with himself he would say he's grown attached. But he chooses not to. Because she's part of the mission. She can only be part of the mission.
"I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body."
He quickly learned denial wasn't really an effective method when he caught himself looking at her more often than not. And as he watched her, he learned more about her. Not just the way she moved and how the sun lit up her hair. But the nature of her. How determined she was. How naïve she was. And how deeply she cared for the people in her life.
As she calls out for help when the lunatic takes her he feels anxiety…and fear; a different kind of fear that has nothing to do with his own survival but instead with hers. And a few minutes later as he watches her sob over Maggie's body he recognizes that knowing her is changing him.
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way"
He is restraining her; his left arm around her shoulders holding her back against him. She struggles hard and the train shakes and he steadies them.
"Bring the girl to me" his father utters a low growl as he holds Charlie's brother in place.
"Bring her to me. I'm gonna' shoot the bitch" He says more quietly but with much more menace.
The instant Jason hears those words there's an immediate shift. It's as if his body is acting on reflex and instead of holding her back to restrain her he is tightening his arms around Charlie and pulling her close, to protect her.
"That's . an. order" He can feel Charlie's hair tickling his face and the tightening of her muscles as she reacts to his father's threat.
"Now!"
He makes a decision. Leaning in he whispers, "Shield your head" so no one can hear. He quickly takes a step back and one more, flinging open the car door and dropping Charlie onto the grass below. And he can't help himself from leaning out to make sure she lands okay-well relatively. And in his head he sends a silent plea for her to say away, saying sorry as he watches her roll down the hill.
"Than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
Jason vaguely registers that sleep is creeping up on him. His thoughts are becoming hazy and slow. His eyelids become heavy; as they are closing he pictures that bright blue once more. And her name is on his lips as he falls asleep.
Thanks so much for reading! Please drop me a review and let me know what you thought.