Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Impractical Jokers or any of the characters. I'm just a fan. The title of the story came from the song, "Crazy in Love" by Beyoncé.

Sidenote: This is a Canon Divergence AU of Impractical Jokers where Impractical Jokers never existed.Brian currently works as a fireman and joining the New York City Fire Department. He is the third host of the podcast Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! on , along with Walter Flanagan and Bryan Johnson. He also co-hosts the What Say You? podcast with Sal Vulcano.

Murr continues to work at NorthSouth Productions where he is the Senior Vice President of Development. He has produced shows for truTV, AE, TLC, MTVand others.

Sal currently works as a bartender at The Full Cup, which he co-owned in 2010. Passionate about stand-up comedy, he performs his act across the United States alongside comedians such as Chris DiStefano, Godfrey and Big Jay Oakerson.

Joe currently works as a salesman at the baby retail store, Giggle.

January 3, 2011: As The Tenderloins shows continued on, it seemed as if Sal was purposefully avoiding one of his best friends, despite knowing each other and doing stand-ups together, for years. He had no problem going up against Brian in the beginning, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to anymore; at first it seemed like a coincidence that he would be paired with one of the other jokers, but the longer this went on the more suspicious it was to everyone else including the The Tenderloins crew.

"Something's up; I can feel it," Joe said to Murr while they waited their friends to join them on set then asked, "What do you think, James?"

"Definitely. Should we say something?"

"Not yet."

"I think I have a fool proof plan to make Sal confess."

"You and your fuckin' foolproof plans that NEVER works."

"My foolproof plans always work," Murr retorted hotly.

"Yeah, one time."

"Trust me, this time I know what I'm doing. We just have to pick a different rendezvous point."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely, just keep them busy until lunch."

Nodding, Joe let his balding friend go to plan out the scheme while staying behind in anticipation of the other two arriving at any second since they had ideas to go over for the scenes they were shooting later that day. As he bided time by checking his phone and texting his wife that it would probably be another late day of work, a chorus of honking caught him off guard; he cursed under his breath while looking up to greet the person whom he'd recognize anywhere.

"Sal, 'bout time you fuckin' showed up!"

"Nice to see you too, Joe," Sal greeted sarcastically then asked, "Where's Brian?"

"He's not with you?"

"Nope, I haven't heard from him since we left yesterday. Probably spending some time with those damn cats of his."

"Can you blame 'em?"

"I guess not…," Sal sighed, smiling softly as thoughts of their best friend trying to leave when all three cats vied for as much attention as possible before he could bare to leave them for eight to twelve hours at a time came to the forefront of his mind.

"You okay, bud?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... Where the hell is Murr?"

"He's running late too, had to run some errands was his excuse."

"Figures... Should we start practicing our challenges and sketches without them?"

"Can't think of anything else to do, so yeah, let's go do it."

For a few hours, the two poured over yellowing pieces of paper with months old notes scrawled across the entire front and back with different ink to remember who had contributed what to the upcoming shows. Sal and Joe were deep in a discussion over a certain surprise that had been concocted thanks to a night out at the bar when they were joined by a third member, their slightly clean-shaven, scruffy friend who's looking even more disheveled than usual as he took an empty seat with a grunt as if it pained him to sit down.

"Hey bud. Glad you could join us. What took you so long?"

"My alarm didn't go off because a certain feline decided that the electrical cord would be a fun toy to play with. I woke up to Chessie curled on my chest trying to look all innocent."

"He's the last one I would have suspected! Are you sure he wasn't being framed by your other two cats?"

"I thought the same thing too, but Benjamin and Brooklyn were sleeping on the couch," Brian sighed, scratching his left cheek, "Anyways, sorry for the delay. Did you guys get far?"

"Kinda. We concocted a surprise (or I'd guess you can say a punishment) for a certain someone, and we were in the middle of deciding who would be best candidate for it; so we decided it would go to the last guy to show up."

"Ah, so Murr gets it. Interesting. Where is the ferret anyway?"

"No idea," Joe mused, pretending not to know, even though he wasn't quite sure about the full details of what would happen when all three phones went off in unison, "Speak of the devil. Looks like he finally got here."

"He better have brought lunch for us..."

"Bri, I'm sure you've already eaten," Sal remarked with the usual nickname he used, yet there seemed to be an extra note of fondness added into the light teasing.

"That's where you're wrong, Sally boy. I fed the cats then came right to the set."

"How many times do I gotta tell you to take care of yourself?" Sal scolded with worry, which added a blush to his complexion once he noticed Joe with that shitty grin on his face that Sal hated as he continued, "How will the kitties feel if their daddy can't look after them because he doesn't eat a proper meal?"

"Fine, I'll order extra if a certain someone doesn't take one for the team."

"Thank you, that's all I ask."

In his usual fashion, Brian laughed off the concern of his friend as the last member of their group entered the conference room with a plastic bag hanging off of his arm to everyone else's relief. Greeting. Greeting the newcomer, the pile of paperwork was pushed off to the far end while they gathered closely as aluminum wrapped sandwiches and cartons of fries were passed around to each of them, giving thanks for the delivery with mouths full.

"This almost makes me feel guilty for what we have in store for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Murr asked curiously, his carefully sculpted eyebrows knitting together in confusion and suspicion as he took a bite of his bacon cheeseburger as he continued, "You better not be pranking me again; especially from the time when you forced me to get my eyebrows shaved off and get a new driver license! I still get shit for the picture you guys took when I have to show my license!"

The other three Tenderloins laughed heartedly, vividly remembering the Browbeat incident.

"You'd really look like a demon. Some people were scared to come near you because they thought you were serial killer," Sal mocked with a wry smirk which earned a snicker from Brian and a nasty scowl from Murr.

Murr scoffed as he rolled his eyes before grumbling, "Whatever. I'm glad to have my eyebrows back, even though it took almost a month for them to grow back. So you better not do anything crazy."

"Relax, alright. We're not gonna do anything crazy... yet," Joe reassured as he busied with taking the lid off of his vanilla milkshake and dipping a fry into the creamy confection before popping it into his mouth.

"I hope not..."

"I would be more worried about getting another prostate exam if I were you, ferret," Brian chuckled around a bite of grilled cheese, nearly choking when a harder laugh came out at hearing himself get scolded like a child.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" Sal piped up while trying to sneak over the rest of his fries to the man he was harassing.

"Sal–."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Bri."

"I'd appreciate it, bud."

"You're doing it again!"

"They're such a married couple...," Joe mumbled a little too loudly, which gained him two wide-eyed stares from the duo; Sal trying to sputter out a retort while Joe shrugged as he nonchalantly assured, "Chill, Sal. It was a joke."

"Are you sure? They are sharing food–."

"Shut it, James. You're taking it a bit too far."

"Oh, right..."

Tension hung in the air once a wink was given across the table, but it soon faded once lunch was finished in order to begin filming at a grocery store for the first Mission: Uncomfortable challenge. Watching the monitors closely while Q and Murr were on the floor attempting to put candy canes onto strangers, Joe couldn't help but catch how Sal kept tabs on his less than secret love interest and encouraged his unique approaches. Trying to subtly start a conversation, he put a firm hand on the other's shoulder and gave a warm smile to comfort him before going for the touchy topic.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Is that what you were on about while we were having lunch?"

"I asked first, bud."

Sal hesitated for a moment, his green eyes reluctantly looking away from the monitor as he sought out the right words to explain the circumstance, "For a while now actually, but I doubt he'd want to be with someone like me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well for starters, he's a fireman. They're known to be brave, strong, enduring and bold, and they're always physically in shape; so he wouldn't want a partner who's a bit of a scaredy-cat and weighs more than him," he explained pointedly, pausing for a moment to clear the shakiness in his tone before continuing, "Besides, I doubt he would be keen on another serious relationship after his engagement ended badly."

"That was years ago."

"I know, but you've heard him say that he's only ever loved one person in his life."

About to argue that he was only assuming, their ear pieces crackled back to life after a moment of unnoticed silence as the pair announced that it was time to switch out. Giving a soft pat to his friend's upper arm, Joe gave him a pitiful look before escorting him onto the floor as he tried to catch attention from the black haired male in question, yet it seemed impossible since his gaze was averted on purpose. Did he overhear the conversation with Sal? He doubted it since this was one of the more complicated bits and it required every ounce of attention, but he couldn't help but wonder if it had been possible.

"Yo Sal, you look a little distracted down there. You alright?" Brian asked in a concern tone, even though they could tell it was accompanied with a smile.

"Uh... yeah, I'm fine. Let's do this."

"Good, because you're up first."

Nodding shyly, he grabbed a candy cane with a shaky hand and walked over to the first stranger to come near them, biting his bottom lip as it was placed inside of an open purse. Starting small talk about the different flavors of ice cream with the Scandinavian man once he noticed Sal was lurking him; Sal managed to sneak a handful of candy canes into the bag and got away without a hitch.

"Nice one, buddy!" Brian exclaimed cheerfully with a smug grin.

"Don't get cocky, Q. The game isn't over yet," Murr mentioned resolutely from behind the scenes as Sal looked directly at the hidden camera as he was known to do.

"Sorry Joey boy, but there's no way you're winning this round."

"Wanna bet?" Joe asked arrogantly, much to his chagrin as Murr gave him a confused glance.

"As a matter of fact, we already have."

"And you chose Sal?"

"Of course I did."

Sal couldn't help but smile proudly at hearing such a confident answer from the person he adored most; his heart was pounding a little faster than normal, though he wouldn't complain. Standing back to let his best friend attempt to get anywhere close to his score of twelve and tried not to hope that it would be sabotaged in some way, his blush from earlier deepening every time that husky voice went off in his ear in a teasing manner to the loser.

"You weren't even trying out there!" Murr complained as the four gathered to walk over to the mall for the next challenge of the day.

"It's not my fault that someone's smooth talking outdid my own."

"Excuses..."

"Fellas, it's okay to admit defeat," Sal stated bluntly with a wink towards Joe as they went inside and started to set up the next segment, gravitating closer to the man whom had betted on him as a surge of confidence swelled in his chest.

"I have an idea...," Murray spoke up, throwing the other three off since they had already decided to keep the same teams as earlier, "Sal, Q. Why don't you two lovebirds go out there together?"

"Um... I mean, I guess. If it's alright with you, Brian."

"Sure, I don't mind going up against you. I may have placed my money on you, but I'm not holding back."

"Let's get to it then, boys," Murr stated with a mischievous grin while the two went to stand in the middle of the shopping center. Whispering into Joe's ear before putting his earpiece back in, Sal already had a bad feeling about what was about to happen, "We're just trying to decide–."

"We're just trying to decide–." Q reiterated as they tried to get the woman's attention.

"Who's the cutest."

"Oh boy... We're, uh, trying to decide who's the cutest. I think it's him."

"And I think it's him," Sal retorted, trying not to blush as he started to defend his side of the argument, "I mean, look at this face. How could you say no to him? And his hair is like silk." He started to ramble a little, stoking a few strands of Brian's hair for emphasis.

"Are you kidding me? Don't you agree that he's adorable, especially with his little squishy cheeks?" Q asked, cupping one of them and stroking a thumb over the skin methodically.

"I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat and so insecure with my body though. Him? He's so confident, brave, handsome and beautiful; he can have anyone he want."

"You're not a scaredy-cat, bud. How can you say that 'bout yourself? You're confident, brave, handsome and beautiful in your own special way," Brian retorted smoothly, his hand still firmly in place on Sal's clean-shaven cheek, "So, who do you think is the cutest?"

"I don't know who I can choose. I think both of you are the cutest," she stated pointedly, smiling softly at the two who seemed to be a couple already before leaving.

"Just for the record, I still think you're the cutest," Sal mentioned before returning to where the others were watching closely.

"You really think that?"

Before he could muster up the courage to answer, they were being ushered toward a vacant elevator under the guise that they had decided on a whim to go onto the next level and shoot the rest of the challenge from there. Sal was still suspicious ever since he had been stuck in an elevator with a sick guy and a woman with a hairless cat in her purse, but he boarded ono it without question; he then realized soon enough that was a mistake he made for letting his guard down.

"Dammit, not again!" Sal exclaimed in panic, pounding against the metal door with as much strength as he could muster, sighing in defeat before yelling hotly, "Let us out, you assholes!"

"Not 'til you confess your feelings."

"We've been over this, Joe. He doesn't love me back."

"Sal, you know I'm in here with you, right?" Brian questioned, turning him around so they were faced with each other, "What makes you think I'm not interested?"

"Well, you've always been so cynical about love ever since your last serious relationship went up in flames. You did love her after all."

"I thought I did, but there's someone else who matters more to me," Brian confessed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he carefully calculated his next move before kissing Sal's soft, Cuban lips for a long, slow moment that made them both gasp for air when they eventually parted away before Brian asked with a flirtatious smirk, "Does that prove it to you?"

"Another kiss might help."

"Are you getting a little bossy?" Brian asked breathily as he pinned Sal against the wall, moaning as an erection started to rise underneath him before continuing, "No wonder you were telling me what to do earlier, Mr. Sweet and Sour."

"Will you just shut up and take me already?"

"I'm not sure it'll be wise to do it in here; it's pretty germy."

"And we can see and hear you two; that's something we don't wanna watch," Murr added awkwardly, startling the duo who had forgotten about everyone except each other.

"How do you expect me to walk out of here without being seen? I'm at full mast here, Bri!"

"Let me help."

Reaching forward, he hesitated for a moment until Sal gave a consenting nod that allowed him to pull the waistband of his jeans out while he gently grabbed the fully hardened member, lifting it upward before pinning it between the denim layer and his waist. Then Brian asked, "How does that feel, babe?"

"Uncomfortable as hell, but I'll live 'til we get to my place."

"Ready?"

"Not really..."

"Come on, we've gotta go if you want me to finish touching that fine cock of yours," Brian said huskily with a flirtatious smirk, smacking Sal's ass which made him hiss in incentive to get moving once the elevator door slid open but cold feet stopped him from stepping onto the tiled floor. Sal took a step backwards and bumped into Brian's chest when his strong, muscular arms wrapped around Sal's middle and picked Sal up bridal style to carry him the whole way as a homage to the days when he serve the New York Fire Department.

"Are you sure I'm not too heavy for you?"

"Nope, you're perfect in every way," Brian reassured as Sal's arms securely wrapped around his neck as he continued, "If you don't believe me now, I'll be proving it to you soon enough."

"The sooner the better."

"And where do you think you guys are going? We still have a challenge to finish."

"Oh, come on. Let them have their fun before Sal deflates," Murr couldn't help but tease since they had witnessed his dilemma spring to life.

"Fine, but you only get an hour."

"We'll see what we can do about that, Joey. This has been delayed for years," Q defended as he snuck in a gentle pet to keep his friend-turned-lover stimulated as he continued, "Don't give us that look; you're the wise guys who locked us in the elevator the first place."

"You have a point...," Joe mumbled happily. The pair triumphantly excused themselves as Brian insisted on carrying Sal out of the mall and down two blocks until they reached his current residence, sliding out a set of keys from Sal's front pocket as he fondled Sal for a moment; this elicited a loud moan from Sal as he opened the door and stepped over the threshold. Pausing for a moment to toe his shoes off, he was caught off guard when thick fingers combed through his hair and pulled firmly at the base of night colored curls in an act of defiance despite being the submissive one.

"Someone's getting cocky..."

"I already am, Bri; and it's all your fault," Sal teased, sighing against Brian's neck after inhaling his scent made muskier by a slight sheen of sweat as he continued, "Better take care of that."

"Oh, you bet I will."

Reaching the second story, the firefighter made his way blindly toward the bedroom and bumped the half opened door opened with a nudge from his hip, not bothering to close it as he gently placed Sal on top of the comforter. No time was wasted as he straddled those strong thighs as a hand skillfully unfastened the brass button before carefully unzipping his pants so the lengthened member would not get snagged, pushing the denim and cotton layers off to the side once his bottom half was exposed.

"You're taking too long, babe..."

"I just want you to feel loved is all. Do you want to take your shirt off?"

"I guess... You won't judge me?"

"Of course not, baby. I'm not gonna hurt you in any way; I promise."

Leaning forward after a moment of second guessing, his shaky fingers picked at the hem of Sal's striped tee a few times until it was finally shoved over Sal's head in one fluid motion; Sal's arms folded in front of his stomach selfconsciously once he heard a gasp escape from Brian.

"Hey, don't hide," Q coaxed gently while placing a long smooch against his collarbone, nipping at the tanned skin when he relaxed against a pile of pillows behind them, a hand sliding down his chest slowly while continuing, "Fuck, you're so sexy."

"Bri–."

"You are, baby; and nothing will ever make me think otherwise. Every curve, every inch of your skin... All of you, Sally."

"The only problem is you're wearing too many clothes."

"I'm just trying to be romantic..."

"Please? I don't wanna be alone."

"You're not alone; I'm right here with you, and I'll always be," Brian affirmed with another peck on Sal's lips, lifting up to slide his clothes off swiftly to move things along a little faster so neither of them got bored; his own cock bobbing up with little effort now that they were alone as he asked, "Better?"

"Much better; thank you. Now come back here and kiss me."

"So demanding..."

With a slight scoff, Sal pulled him in as he dared to take a bit of the control into his own hands, their erections rubbing together heatedly once the two melted into each other's comforting presence. Giving a strangled grunt, Brian slid further down to caress a slightly pooched stomach and relish in how much trust there was between them for this to happen since he had struggled with body imagery since their youth. Making sure to leave a few extra kisses there before moving on, he glanced upward to catch Sal's emerald eyes watching every move as his palm wrapped around the chubby cock and pumped timidly, smirking once he figured out the level of sensitivity in his partner.

"Shit, babe…"

"I've barely been on you a minute and you're already curling your toes?"

"You try having a boner for twenty minutes!"

"Oh sweetie, I've been there and done that. I blame you for it by the way, so now we're even."

"You're such a–. Oh god, yes!..." Sal moaned out loudly when the tip of his penis was lapped at to draw out beads of precum that had formed, the pink serpent wrapping under his foreskin prior to the head being pulled inside and sucked on while continuing, "Mmm... fuck..., just like that..." Unable to keep his legs parted for long, his ankles overlapped behind the bowed head in an attempt to pull the other closer while bucking forward until his hips were pinned down to steady them both as a stronger suction was applied to the salivated skin, fingernails creating crescent indents behind. Closing his eyes in concentration, Brian hollowed out his cheeks while bobbing up and down, his dark mane pulled back so Sal could watch as a skilled throat swallowed around the shaft now sheathed carefully inside.

"I'm not gonna last much longer, Q...," Sal warned a few minutes later, a tuft of his shortened hair sticking up as his head was thrown back while his orgasm built deep in his belly, whimpering when cold air buffeted against his unprotected groin much to his beau's amusement as he muttered, "Asshole..."

"Can't have you prematurely ejaculating when that's what I'm about to give you."

"There's lube in the nightstand."

"Don't need it," Brian dismissed nonchalantly, scooting further up Sal's body as he sank down with an airy groan, rolling his hips back and forth to adjust, "Think I've fingered myself open enough times to accommodate."

"Are you sure? You look like you've bitten off more than you can chew."

"Didn't realize how hung you were..."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all. In fact, I prefer it this way."

"Prove it," Sal purred out, picking up on the energy that surrounded them as he took the opportunity to smack a round cheek; he traced the edge of his lip hungrily when Brian's cock bounced against his abdomen in response to the reverberating sound, "Better hurry and ride me, or I won't fuck that pretty ass of yours."

"Not fair that you're making me do all the work when I carried you home."

"Come on, baby, you've got some energy left. I'll help when I think you need it."

Sighing, Brian grasped both shoulders in his hands to push further down in order to reach the base, lifting up halfway to sink back in a steadily kept pace until he got used to the girth stretching his walls out further than thought possible. It felt like an eternity until hips rolled underneath him to shift into another angle sympathetically before bucking up on every descent, their movements flowing like silk as fire built back into Sal's loins after being interrupted, not taking long for him to release a large load into the somewhat tight hole after a few bounces.

"Sorry, I couldn't keep it in any longer..."

"Nothing to apologize for, honey. I'm getting close."

"I think I can still help with that," Sal suggested, winking one glowing green orb blown wide with lust as he fisted Brian's neglected member, smiling sleepily when a loud moan was uttered in response.

"There you go again, driving me wild."

"Since when have I done that?"

"Since the day we met."

Heart lurching at the sentiment behind those words, Sal cupped the Brian's ass again as he stroked where the two were connected to gather a finger full of his seed that snaked down his length. Applying it along Brian's shaft, Sal massaged the sensitive vein up to the head to mix their cum together before his chest was plastered with the sticky substance only moments later, Brian collapsing into the mess made and sharing in the filth as they came down from their orgasms.

"I never knew anyone could make me feel this way..."

"You've had sex before. Hell, you were the first one outa the four of us to lose your virginity, remember?"

"True, but it's only ever been meaningless. I've never felt closer to anyone than I have with you," Brian confessed, combing through a patch of chest hair, "Let's get cleaned up, shall we?"

"Later. All I want to do is stay in bed and hold you in my arms."

"Is my little germaphobe getting more comfortable with being dirty?"

"Not necessarily, but I can overcome my fear for a while if it means keeping you here."

"You know I'm not gonna leave, right?"

"Better not, or I'll have no choice but to follow you everywhere."

"Looks like I've got myself a clingy boyfriend," Brian teased, grumbling grumpily when a loud plop sounded from behind. He sighed as he rolled over with a soft thud, "If that's what you wanna be called. It might be too early to put a label on our relationship."

"That's all I've ever wanted actually, to be your significant other."

"Well then, you've got it, sweet cheeks."

Nuzzling his nose into the crook of Brian's neck, Sal pulled the quilts over the two of them before moving in closer to cuddle and give lazy kisses as their responsibilities were ignored even as both cell phones went off multiple times, but neither made a move to answer. All that they cared about was making up for lost time that had been spent in fear of being rejected, Sal preferring to pet the right cheek of his lover rather than bother with returning to work.

"Y'know they're gonna be pissed, right?"

"Eh, let them. They should've seen this coming anyway."

"I guess you're right..."

"Of course I am. Now come here and sleep with me."

"Didn't I just finish?"

"You know what I mean, you moron."

"I love you too, sweetheart," Brian chuckled well-naturedly, shifting closer into his boyfriend's open arm and curling comfortably into the warmth he had waited so long to feel. Of course it couldn't quite outrank the time he spent snuggled with all three of his cats at once, but that would be up for debate in good time or at least until Sal spent the night at his house.