Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peeta extend his hand. I look at him, unsure. "One more time? For the audience?" he says. His voice isn't angry. It's hollow, which is worse. Already the boy with the bread is slipping away from me.
I take his hand, holding on tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the moment when I will finally have to let go
Me and Peeta just stood in front of the flashing cameras and shouting people, waiting for the questions to start and eventually they were being thrown at us from every direction. Every now and the I would look up at Peeta for help but he would give me none.
-"Peeta! Peeta! How much do you really love Katniss?" One of the people had asked Peeta. All of the others had stood quiet waiting for an answer. "Well..." Peeta began, turning to look me in the eyes and I returned the favour by looking into his. "I love her more than anything in the whole world, I couldn't imagine life without her. She is my life."
-I couldnt help but see the slightest bit of hope and truthfulness in his eyes before he turned to take one look at the camera then look back at me. "I love you Peeta." I whispered, tears forming in my eyes as he opened his mouth to speak. "I love you too." He whispered, not breaking the eyes contact.
-Everything froze.
-I could no longer see the cameras and I could no longer see the lights, the only thing that I could see was Peeta. It only lasted a few seconds until I heard all of the crowds chanting something, what? What were they saying?
-Peeta leant down to whisper something in my ear, "for the cameras," he pulled back up and only then did I know what they were chanting... Kiss.
-I nodded and squeezed his hand, he began to lean in and I did the same, until finally our lips met. My eyes closed, his did too and it was this moment that I realised how much things were going to change without him. This was the feeling I would miss. The feeling of love, being loved and loving that person also.
-I could never have what I have with Peeta with Gale, not like most people would expect. I know What everyone thought before Peeta came into the picture. They thought me and Gale would end up getting married and having kids, now all of their thoughts would have changed.
- Because now... I am known mostly as a famous couple.
-The girl who was on fire and the boy with the bread, the ones who escaped the Games together. For nothing more than the love they shared for each other...
-The next thing I remember was pulling out of the kiss and letting a single tear escape my eye. It rolled down my cheek until Peeta reached out his hand and wiped it away. I made it as convincing as I could that I was crying of happiness, by smiling and giving Peeta a hug but the real reason wasn't my happiness... but the thought of him leaving me and being alone... alone forever.
-Another thought that flooded my head was Gale. I knew that when I saw him I would have to leap into his arms and never let go of him until I was dragged away by someone... but I won't be able to do that in front of the cameras or any witness. That would make my relationship with Peeta seem unreal... We don't want that.
-"Come on... Lets get going." says Peeta, pulling out of our hug. Also distracting me from my thoughts. I couldn't talk as my sadness would be visible so I kept my smile on my face and nodded.
Not too long after we got onto the train I felt eyes on me. Without a second thought I grabbed onto Peeta's hand. Not because I thought there were camera's there but because I was scared to think of what it could have actually been.
-Peeta looked down at me with loving eyes and sighed. "Why don't you get some rest?" He could sense someone there too, I could tell by the tone in his voice and what he was saying. If he knew we were really alone he would never be caring. He hated me now. I hated me now.
-"Okay..." He walked me to my room and I invited him inside. I knew for sure they didn't put cameras in my room so I sat on my bed and slowly lied down. "Peeta?" I whisper.
-"Yeah? What's wrong?" Peeta replied, sitting near me on the edge of my bed and moving a piece of hair out of my face.
-I just smiled. "Will you stay here with me? I don't want to be alone... away from you." We both knew no one was there but the words I said were the truth ... I loved the way he would stay with me when I asked, no matter what time it was.
-"Of course I will..." He smiled and kissed my forehead, lying down next to me, hoping for conversation. There was silence until his lips came to my ear and whispered something so quietly that even I could hardly hear his words. "You know there are no cameras here... you don't have to pretend to like me."
-Not risking anything, I whispered in his ear too... "Who says it was pretend?" I question him, hoping for the truth to be heard even though it wasn't told straight the way.
-"What are you talking about?" Peeta rolled his eyes. "You made it very clear to me last time that I was nothing to you... only surviving." He still held pain in his voice, I could here it quite clearly even when he whispered.
-"Don't do that..." I say, knowing his reply before it even reaches his mind, giving him the answer straight away. "Don't pretend that you weren't just for the survival as well. I know for sure that you never had feelings for me."
-There's a knock on the door and before I get the chance to look up and see who it is I find Haymitch standing at the side of my bed. "Not much time to explain... just listen carefully, okay?" He didn't want an answer but paused. Me and Peeta nodded and waited...
-"Well... we have some reporters staying on the train with us. I don't know why... I think its something to do with what Effie said to one of them." Haymitch explained that we would have hardly any time to ourselves and that it would be even harder than it was before. "As you both know next year or in a couple of months you will be teaching another two tributes, yeah?"
-I nodded, unsure. "What does that have anything to do with now, Haymitch?"
-"Everything..." Haymitch sighed. "This means that when that happens both of you will be there and you'll have to keep up the couple thing." I knew what he was trying to tell us... he wanted us to be friendly with each other even without an audience and secretly I wanted that too...
Peeta stood up. "I get it..." He sighed and looked at Haymitch. "I'll see you later, Katniss... see you later." I watched Peeta leave and turned onto my back. He wasn't happy with what Haymitch was saying.
-"Thanks a lot Haymitch." I sighed, sarcastically. "I know what you mean by what you said. Be nice to each other." I avoided looking at him but I knew for sure that Haymitch's eyes were on me.
-"That wasn't all I meant." Haymitch became quiet.
-"What are you talking about?" I was confused. I knew that this was pointless... him telling me now then having to tell Peeta only a few minutes later but I wanted to know. I had to know.
-"Your not going to be able to have a free life after this tour. You'll still be checked on by people to do stories on yours and Peeta's private lives... you'll still be interviewed. None of this 'star-crossed lovers' thing will be over soon." He paused. "You do get what I mean, don't you?"
-I nodded. "We might have to get married..." That made me think back to my family. To Gale.. whatever life I could of had. Whatever life I wanted... with Gale was gone. It was gone just like that.
-"You could do a lot worse, you know?" Haymitch said in a comforting voice, patting me on the shoulder. And I did know that. There was nothing at all wrong with Peeta. Nothing. "I'll see you for dinner." With them words he left.
-Tears formed in my eyes as I imagined Peeta's reaction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-"Knock! Knock! Knock!" It was Effie outside my room, calling me for dinner. I was always the last to be called and always the last at the table. "Coming!" I shouted, pulling on my jacket and walking slowly to the dinner car.
-"Nice of you to join us." Haymitch laughed, taking a bite of his bread.
-"Sorry... it took me a while to get ready." I smiled, going towards a seat that was opposite Peeta. Haymitch gave me a look which quickly turned me to the seat next to Peeta. Then I realized what it was. The reporters were there taking notes, filming us and watching our every facial expression, move or anything else they could see.
-"Did you get any rest?" Peeta asked, before leaning over and kissing my cheek gently.
-"Not much, but enough." I smiled, returning the kiss. "Did you?"
-"I wasn't really tired so I carried on painting." He explained. "I started a painting of you, you know?" Peeta gave me a smile
-"Really?" The thought was lovely. If only I could have been as romantic and loving as he was. I wasn't doing anything like that for him. It was that moment that I really wished I could have been doing something. "I'll have to come and see all of your paintings some time."
-"After dinner?" He offered.
-There wasn't much more to say so I nodded and began to eat. Not long after everyone was finished.
-"Why don't you two go and look at those paintings?" Effie turned to us quickly. "I mean... you have a big big big day tomorrow! You need to rest... wouldn't keep it too late going to bed." She said, pulling us both up.
-"Okay... come on." Peeta looked at me, taking my hand and leading me to a spare room. I expected loads of paintings of District 12, I was wrong... there was hardly any of home. All of them were of the arena.
-"Why did you paint these?" I looked from painting to painting until I found a whole corner of just painting of me. One with glowing around me, one when I'm in a tree. One of me in the rain, sitting in the cave. I was a little shocked that he had painted me so many times.
-"This ones my favourite." Peeta pulled a painting off of the wall and held it in front of me. It was perfect. A painting of me and him. Me when I'm spinning in my fire dress in my fire interview, laughing and smiling, and the other side its him. When he was in his interview, sitting down. It almost looked like he was staring at me. Maybe that's what he was supposed to be doing. I don't know. "What do you think?" Peeta asked.
-"Its perfect! I love it." And I did... I loved it more than anything in the whole world. It looked so real. It was a picture. It was like someone had took a picture. It was perfect. "Oh Peeta!" I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and a hug.
-"Here... you take it." Peeta hugged me back but pulled away a while after. "I can always paint another one." He handed the painting to me and placed it in my hand.
"Its perfect! I love it." And I did... I loved it more than anything in the whole world. It looked so real. It was a picture. It was like someone had took a picture. It was perfect. "Oh Peeta!" I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and a hug.
-"Here... you take it." Peeta hugged me back but pulled away a while after. "I can always paint another one." He handed the painting to me and placed it in my hand.
-"Thanks, Peeta... Can you walk me to my room please?" I asked.
-Peeta nodded with a warm smile. We both began walking to my room, half way there the train came to a stop. "Whoa!" I gasped, falling back into Peeta's arm.
-"We must have broke down..." Peeta looked out of the window, helping me to my feet.
-"Thanks, oh Haymitch!" I saw Haymitch out the corner of my eye and quickly turned to him. "If we have broke down do you think they will let us go out for some fresh air?"
-Haymitch nodded. "Sure you'd be able to... we might be here for quite a while because it's going to take ages to fix. Not to mention the people who are coming to fix it have only just started to come!" He explained in an annoyed tone.
-"I'll come with you if you want?" Peeta offered.
-"Thanks... come on." I said, taking Peeta's warm hand and leading him to the door. We walked out of the train and down the track until no one could see or hear us. "Want to just ask each other questions?"
-"Sure... you first." Peeta looked at me, as we carried on walking down the train track, hand in hand.
-"What's your favourite colour?" I let a small laugh escape my lips. "We'd die for each other but yet we don't even know each others favourite colour. I smiled.
-"Orange... not the orange of Effie's hair." He laughed, along with me. "But the orange of the sun set... I don't really know why. What's yours?"
-Me and Peeta asked loads of questions and got to know each other more, after a while we made our way back to the train agreeing on one last question. I asked him about why he gave me the bread and he answered... then it came to his question.
-I looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was going to say. I could tell he wasn't sure how to say it which meant it would take a while for me to answer to. Finally his lips began to open and a sigh came out... nothing but a sigh. "Erm..." He began leaning forward, his lips came to my ear and whispered... " The Truth tell me the truth..." He pulled back up and got ready to ask me the question.
-"Do you love me? ... Real? ... Or not real?" Peeta asked. I was a little shocked at the question but as soon as it was said my head and heart said two different things. My head was telling me 'No! You love Gale! Not him... don't say yes! Be honest...' Where as my heart was telling me the opposite... that I love Peeta.
-I was still looking into Peeta's eyes... I didn't know my answer and didn't feel like telling him because I would be sure to change my mind. The next thing I heard was Haymitch shouting us to get back. Peeta didn't wait for an answer which I am quite happy about...
-When we got back to the train he took me back to my room and we faced each other for a while before saying "Night." to one another. I couldn't see any emotion in his face, no happiness, or sadness. I didn't wait another minute to pull him into a kiss and when I did he kissed me back. I didn't want to let go... never.
-After pulling out of the kiss we held a hug for a while, my eyes were closed and I assumed his was too.
-"Real..." I whispered into his ear, while squeezing him tighter. "I love you... and I always will, Peeta." I pulled away to see him smiling, which only made a smile appear on my face.
"I'll see you tomorrow..." Peeta kissed me gently on the cheek and left me standing there alone. I let myself into my room and fell backwards onto the bed, still smiling.
-My smile vanished as soon as I fell asleep and began to dream. I dreamt of the reaction that Gale would give me. He probably won't talk to me again now... because I love Peeta... because that one time, the time I almost forgot... the one that I told Gale that I loved him.
-When I told him, we had only known each other for a few weeks, maybe just more than a month. Both of us were hunting, talking about what everyone was saying in the market. They were saying that me and Gale were together... we wasn't. He laughed at what they were thinking and had said, "I don't know where they got that from... we don't love each other..." "What if I told you I did love you?" That was all I said before leaving him alone in the trees. Nothing changed after that, though... he forgot it and so did I.
-I woke up quite early the next morning and went down to wait for breakfast... when I got there I saw Haymitch sitting down, watching the highlights from the Games again. "What are you doing up early?" He asked, pausing the TV.
-"I don't know.. I guess I just woke up." I paused. "Why are you watching them, anyway?" I sat next to him as he played the TV again.
-"Wanted to see what they had put together of you, why?"
-"Just wondered..." Me and Haymitch sat watching them, most of it was of me and Peeta. Some of us alone, though. When I saw the clips of all the times that Peeta saved me I smiled, not taking my eyes off of him. "Did it really look like that? ..." I asked, looking at Haymitch.
-"This is what everyone else saw..." Haymitch smiled. "Everyone was really happy when you and Peeta could get together again." Haymitch sighed...
-"Haymitch... I know you think its an act." I whispered so only he could hear, not even the cameras could. "But it isn't... I love him."
-"All right, sweetheart ..sure.." Haymitch rolled his eyes.
-"I mean it, Haymitch!" I got too frustrated so I left. He thought I was lying... why would he think that? Is he not convinced? I don't know...
-On my way back to my room I bumped into Cinna. He was looking for me, he simply told me he had some outfits for me to wear today and wanted me to go and get ready. He told me Peeta was getting ready in his room so I should as well.
-He dressed me in most beautiful orange dress. It made me think of Peeta as orange was his favourite colour. Mine was green. I only liked green because it reminded me of home... reminded me of my hunting trips I went on with my dad... reminded me of Gale. I don't know why but I've been thinking of Gale quite a lot lately. Maybe I do like him? No... I love Peeta... don't I?
-It took quite a while but after days of travel, the train stopped in District 12... finally at home. Peeta and Katniss were wearing both really nice outfits. Katniss in a light and dark blue dress with her hair up in a braid, and Peeta in a suit.
-Haymitch patted us on the back, pushing us forward. "Go on then! ... Hurry up... don't keep them waiting!" By 'them' I knew he meant the camera's and reporters... great. I hated having to put on a show, and I knew everyone else who was in on it did too.
-"Sorry..." I whispered, turning to Peeta. "You ready?" I asked putting on a bright and warm smile.
-He nodded, we both gave each other a smile and held each others hands... after a few seconds the doors began to open. Flashing lights met my eyes, and reporters were throwing questions at us once again. I hated this.
-"Katniss! Peeta!" One of them shouted, this voice I could hear the loudest and was able to pick out. "Are you happy to be back?" This was the most easiest question to answer and yet everyone was asking it... didn't they have their own questions? I don't know... Anyway, I answered with a nod and a, "we are happy to be back... happy to see our family's."
-I can't remember a lot of what happened next. I guess I stopped listening and turned my mind off. Of course I smiled, still nodding at some of the questions but that was all you could get out of me for an answer...