August 8th
George Washington University Hospital Waiting Room
Hour 1:
Donna opened the door to the waiting room, unexplained panic beginning to course through her veins.
Where's Josh?
"I'm sorry, they told me I should come back here," she let herself in and sat her belongings down, relieved to see that CJ appeared to be unharmed.
Where's Josh?
She was so relieved to hear that the President was going to be alright.
Where's Josh?
CJ stared at her little sister, unable to bring herself to say anything.
Where's Josh?
"Donna," Toby spoke, knowing this was something that he had to do. Josh was like his brother, and Donna was CJ's kid sister for whom he'd always had a soft spot. And Toby Ziegler had eyes in his head. He wasn't stupid, either. He took a breath and didn't dance around the subject, she deserved better than that. "Josh was hit."
"Hit with what?" Donna knew. She'd known form the moment she raced out of her front door. She had felt some kind of an internal shift- she just wanted so desperately to be wrong about this.
They tried to gage her reaction, all of them aware of the unconventional relationship between Josh and Donna, even if none of them realized the depth.
They kept talking. Donna heard the word 'critical' and nothing else. The colors around her faded to grey, the shapes becoming fuzzy, and a ringing began in her ears. She didn't sob. She didn't collapse. But she was absolutely certain that her world was falling apart around her.
OoooooooO
Hour 2:
Donna remained seated, staring at a spot of chipped paint on the waiting room wall. Mrs. Landingham's hand rested reassuringly on hers. She sat calmly, but Donna was anything but rational about this. She felt a physical pain in her chest- perhaps it was, Donna thought, her heart actually breaking. She'd excused herself to the ladies room on three separate occasions to throw up, the thought of him not being okay making her physically sick.
"I'm proud of you tonight, dear," Mrs. Landingham stated. "And I'm sure Joshua will be too."
Although Delores Landingham and Jed Bartlet never had anything even bordering the relationship between Donna Moss and Josh Lyman, there was still a sense of unity between the two women, and normally her praise would mean so much to Donna. These people were her family now. But not tonight. All she wanted- all she needed- was Josh. He was the only one she ever needed- ever wanted.
Her heart started to beat rapidly in her chest. This had to all be a mistake. He'd come bounding in her at any second, bellowing her name and smiling at her with those dimples.
She wanted, at that moment, more than anything, to see him. To touch him. If there weren't armed Marines outside of the operating room, she swore she would bust through the doors to get to him. She'd kiss him softly and run her fingers through his curls and laugh at whatever egotistical remark he'd make.
Oh, God. She was going to be sick again. Donna squeezed her eyes closed and concentrated on keeping the contents of her now empty stomach down.
Mrs. Landingham pat the younger woman's hand reassuringly. It wasn't lost on her that Donna and Josh's relationship didn't fit within the confines of boss and assistant, but she wasn't one to pry. Donna was a sweet girl and she'd always had a soft spot for all of Jed's wayward boys, Josh included. She watched them interact professionally, impressed by Donna's abilities. But she saw something else in them, too. Something she hoped they weren't too blind to see for themselves.
OoooooooO
Hour 3:
Donna felt the vibration of her cell phone in her jacket pocket. It had been buzzing all night but she'd barely noticed it- she'd barely noticed anything.
She saw Ed watch her for a reaction as the phone rang and rang, until he finally dug into her discarded jack pocket and answered it for it, asking the caller to hold briefly, and handing it to Donna.
She fumbled with it for a moment, placing it to her ear. "H-hello?" She was speaking so softly.
"Donna? Are you there?"
"Tal?"
"Oh, it's so good to hear your voice. Are you alright?"
Donna swallowed, unsure of how to respond. She realized that her step father was interested in her physical state, so she responded with a weak, "yes."
She heard a sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. "I've been watching the news. Claudia Jean is okay as well?"
"Just a little shaken," Donna told him.
"How's Josh?"
Donna was silent. She didn't even know where to begin. "It's critical," she whispered.
"Yes. That's what they're reporting. I'm thinking of him. And of you and his mother as well. You girls take care of each other, okay?" Tal has always loved the friendship between his daughters and had loved to watch it grow even more over the last few years. "Don't worry about us. Your mother is asleep- I didn't want to wake her until I had more information. I'll call your father and your brothers to let them know you're alright as well. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything. We love you."
"Love you too. And thank you," Donna was grateful, but honestly the thought that someone was concerned about her hadn't even crossed her mind. All she could think about was Josh.
OoooooooO
Hour 4:
Josh swam through the fog of the medically induced dream, the best portions of his life playing through his mind like a movie.
She was there, laughing, smiling, holding onto him. The waves rolled against the shore and it was just the two of them. Before politics came between them.
He wanted to go back. He'd give anything to go back.
OoooooooO
Hour 5:
"Donna?" Sam's voice was gentle as to not startle her, his hand hearing on her shoulder.
She turned to look at him, as if he held the key to making all of this go away.
"I have to go back to the White House now," he explained. "But you know how to reach me if you need anything. If anything changes with him."
Donna nodded softly and Sam didn't hesitate to wrap her in a tight hug.
"Donna, you're shaking."
She was, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything except Josh. "He has to be okay," she whispered, burying her face into Sam's chest. "He just has to."
Sam just held her until she pulled herself back together, her breathing evening out again. She didn't cry, but Sam could tell she was beyond frazzled. Josh was his best friend and Sam knew that if he were standing here his first priority would be Donna. So in his absence, Sam would take over the job. Donna still in his arms, Sam exchanged a knowing glance with Charlie, who subtly nodded his head and silently agreed to watch over her as well.
And though Josh would never talk to Sam about it, Sam knew his best friend. Whether Josh wanted to admit it or not, there was something more at play here.
OoooooooO
Hour 6:
"She's gone completely numb," she heard someone say in the background.
But Donna wasn't numb. In fact, she was fairly certain it would hurt less if she were the one on that operating table. No, she wasn't numb at all. Her senses were heightened if anything. She was hyperaware of every movement, the medical personnel and White House staffers scrambling about somewhere in the distance. The quiet poise of the agents guarding the entrance to the operating theater. The smell of antiseptic mixing with the aroma of the now stale coffee she hasn't yet touched. The hum of the harsh fluorescent lights beating down from above her. She felt the cold air in the room, shivering a bit from the spot where she'd been standing her silent vigil for hours.
She grasp the diamond around her neck, sliding it back and forth on the chain subconsciously, her hands shaking. It was all she had of him for the time being and she clung to it like a lifeline.
She was watching. Staring, really. Trying to catch even a glimpse of him. Waiting with baited breath for the next beep on the monitor. Taking It one second at a time.
She was hoping and believing that she if she gave everything she had to the universe she could will him to recover.
Donna was a lot of things. But she certainly wasn't numb.
OoooooooO
Hour 7:
"Ms. Moss?"
Donna turned to face the voice behind her, finding a nurse almost hesitant to approach.
"These are Mr. Lyman's personal belongings. We were instructed to give them to you."
Donna nodded her appreciation, taking the small bag from the nurse.
She reached inside, flipping open the worn leather on his wallet, staring at the driver's license and White House ID mixed in with years worth of membership cards that he never removed and the miscellaneous pizza receipt. She ran her hands over the smooth leather, drawing comfort simply from the fact that it belonged to him. She removed the keys and his cell phone to place inside her purse with his wallet. She hated the thought of his belongings sitting in a sterile plastic bag. No, she wanted them where they somehow belonged- casually interspersed with her things in jumble inside her purse.
Donna began to fold the plastic bag when she felt something more. He didn't carry loose change in his pockets, this she knew, so she wasn't expecting anything else to be hiding away. Turning the bag over into her lap a small worn worry stone tumbled out.
Donna stared at it, gasping softly. There was no mistaking it- it was the same one Donna had found on the beach at sunset, handing to him to make his worries disappear. He'd carried it in his pocket all these years. She'd had no idea. Maybe he had clung to the hope as tightly as she had.
Donna picked it up and clutched it in her hand, wishing their worries away and blinking back the threatening tears. She had to believe he'd make it through.
OoooooooO
Hour 8:
Donna's head turned from its focus on Josh at the sound of the outer door closing. Though she'd never met the woman standing in the doorway in person, she knew exactly who it had to be.
"Mrs. Lyman."
"Ava," she corrected the younger woman, pulling her into a hug. "And you must be his Donnatella." She held on a little longer than Donna anticipated, but it was the first time all night she thought that maybe someone else understood what she was really feeling. "How's our boy doing," Ava asked with a few tears pooling in her eyes.
Donna, choked up as well, eventually found her voice. "He's hanging in there."
Ava held Donna's arm, though Donna wasn't sure who was comforted more by the gesture, as the two women stared intensely through the glass into the surgical theater. "Yes, dear. He's always been a survivor."
At that moment Donna wanted desperately to tell her everything. For someone, anyone, to understand to any extent how she felt and why. To know how she felt about him. That he wasn't just her boss. That he was more to her, even, than just a friend.
Unlike her only son, Ava Lyman's presence was still and serene, bringing a sense of calm to the room. She did, however, also posses the ability to easily command that room- a trait, Donna thought, that she'd more likely taught her son that learned from him.
"Donna, dear," she spoke, never removing her eyes from where she watched her son through the glass, "after he wakes up, I think perhaps the two of you need to have a long talk about what's truly important."
Apparently Ava Lyman was also a very perceptive woman.
OoooooooO
Hour 9:
Josh saw her again, almost as though he was living the prior day over and over. She'd breezed into his office, her mere presence brightening his day. She'd been chatting playfully with him as she walked him to senior staff, asking him questions and bantering playfully with him, refusing to bring him coffee but relenting and letting him take a sip of hers.
He explained what was going on and she forced him to take a look at situations from all angles. She made him a better politician, a better man, a better human.
She was, without a doubt, the best part of every day.
OoooooooO
Hour 10:
Toby cleared his throat. "You wanted to see me?"
"I-," she stopped, unsure how to begin with this request. "I'm not Jewish," she stated simply.
Toby easily pieced together what she was trying to say.
"You don't have to be," he stated, turning to gaze through the glass towards Josh and resign a reassuring hand on Donna's shoulder, both of them falling into their individual silences. She'd prayed more earnestly tonight than she ever had.
Donna thought about how people make promises to God, in exchange for people surviving- she doesn't want to promise to give Josh up- but she would if she had to. If that's what it took, although if it really were a merciful God, she prays that he'd just go back in time and never have them have met, if that would put Josh on a different path, one that didn't lead to Rosslyn, because honestly, if she has to give him up now, she might be the one that doesn't survive.
But if it does come down to that, so be it.
OoooooooO
Hour 11:
Charlie sat in a waiting room chair in the hallway. He'd drug it over from its original location to a spot outside of the operating theater hours before. He'd sat guard outside the room where Donna stood her post, deterring rogue visitors with just his gaze. He wasn't going to let anyone disturb her if they didn't absolutely have to.
He peeked through the small window on the door every so often, just making sure she was alright. She was still there- in the same spot where she stood an hour ago, her eyes focused on Josh.
Charlie noticed the half of a sandwich someone had tried to get her to eat an hour or so ago still sitting in its wrapper, along with the cookie Mrs. Landingham had left for Donna.
Quietly opening the door, he approached her and stood silently. "You need to eat." He cut straight to the chase, not wanting to even try to come up with something of comfort to say. There was nothing he could say to comfort her- nothing anyone could say
"No."
"Donna. You've been standing here for 11 hours. I'm afraid something is going to happen to you. You need to eat something."
"No." She was firm in her conviction though the lack of strength was evident in her voice.
"But-" Charlie began to protest.
Donna took her eyes off of Josh for a quick second, sending Charlie a look that left little room for debate. "I'll eat when he does," she told him, immediately sending her focus back to Josh.
Charlie didn't push her. He knew he wouldn't win that battle.
Glancing over to where she was looking, he tried to determine what she was doing. Was she watching a machine? Did someone explain to her precisely what was going on? Charlie watched Donna's unwavering stare and tense body, trying to figure out what was going on- what exactly in that operating room she was focused on.
She was physically willing Josh to stay alive- and she was giving him everything that she had.
OoooooooO
Hour 12:
The dream was comforting... warm and bright and all consuming. It was hope.
She was there, as she always was, but this time she was his again. Smiling at him. Wrapping her arms around him. Kissing him. But they weren't on that beach from his memories. No, this was different. He didn't know where they were, actually, but it didn't matter- all that mattered was that he could feel her warmth. And maybe something else was different too- they weren't alone. He could hear tiny giggles and someone with wild brown curls calling her Mama. But the dream and its warmth were gone just as quickly as they arrived.
OoooooooO
Hour 13:
"That's a beautiful necklace, Donna." Dr. Bartlet is clearly trying to get my mind off of Josh. She has no idea how completely impossible that is.
"Thank you, ma'm," Donna told her, trying to think of anything that would pass as polite conversation with the First Lady.
"Was it a gift," Zoey asks, after a moment.
"Hmm?" Donna was lost in thought. "Oh, yes. It was a gift," she blushed.
"From a man?" Zoey gave Donna a soft nudge and a conspiratorial grin. She was tying her best to lighten the mood. And while Donna wasn't feeling chatty, she knew Zoey had endured a lot tonight, too.
"From a man." Donna's confirmation made her own heart ache.
"Well, it must be pretty serious. Look at the size of that rock," Zoey tried to laugh.
"Oh, its not real," Donna supplied. "It's just a crystal. And it was... a long time ago."
Dr. Bartlet studied Donna's expression closely. "Oh, its real."
"No, it's just... it was a... token." A promise, actually, she corrected herself in her head. A promise of what? Here she sat, terrified she'd never find out.
Abbey Bartlet and Ava Lyman exchanged glances.
"Donna, I know diamonds," Ava supplied, looking a little closer at the pendant. "And that's real."
Abbey Bartlet nodded her head. "And nearly flawless."
"Real?" Donna almost choked.
The two women nodded their heads at her, unsure of why she seemed so flabbergasted by the realization.
Donna clutched the diamond. The monetary value didn't matter to her, but she was stunned speechless nonetheless. It wasn't just a gift purchased in passing. It wasn't an off the cuff gesture. It's real. He told her it was a promise that morning in Nashua. A real diamond? A promise of what?
Her mind flashed back to the morning he'd given it to her. To their parting words in the airport.
He loves her.
OoooooooO
Hour 14:
She held back a bit, allowing plenty of room for the others, the President and Leo and the medical team. But she was able to slip her hand over and gently clasp his, tracing small circles with her thumb. He was cold, his hands slightly clammy and his face unshaven- but he'd never looked better to her. It took every ounce of restraint she had not to crawl into the bed and hold him, whispering softly all of the things she wished she'd said to him before. Not to softly kiss his lips and never leave his side again. But for now, she'd have to hold his hand. She'd have to hold his hand and help him get through this in the only way she knew how.
Relief flooded through her as she saw his eyes begin to softly flutter open at the sound of his name. She stared at his face, shrouded in pain and exhaustion.
"I couldn't hear you, Josh," the President stated, leaning in closer to listen. "He said 'what's next.'"
Donna gave his hand a soft squeeze and Josh's hazy eyes locked with hers and didn't leave. He'd survived. He'd come back to her.
TBC...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Im back! I think you all knew this plot line was coming... hope you'll stick with me, it's a little more intense by nature than what I usually write. I feel like I'm sticking my neck out on this one so it may be a roller coaster for us all at the same time (the reading AND the writing.) let me know what you think!