Young by The Chainsmokers has been in my head for days now. It's my inspiration and I HOPE that y'all like it. (PS. I loved writing drunk Kyle. What a little shit)
Chapter One: Kenny
I'm not sure how it all happened. Gradually, I guess, over the years. When you're with the same people day in and day out, I guess it's bound to happen. I just never would have guessed this, and with him. I mean, really? It could have been any of the girls, or Craig, or Stan, or even Kyle, but it had to be him. I noticed it at the beginning of high school. Stan hosted a party at his house just before the summer ended. It was a relatively quiet summer. Kyle and Stan went off to some camp, Craig got a summer job, Tweek spent most of his time at the coffee shop with his family, Cartman stayed in South Park but I can't handle hanging around him for long, and he was off to spend time with relatives in Denver.
I was alone. Stuck in my shitty house with my shitty father and shitty life, but then they all came back. I practically squealed when I opened the door to see Kyle and Stan standing on my porch. They were both tanned and grinning from ear to ear. Stan told me about the party he wanted to hold. I wasn't huge into large crowds and loud noises, but I just wanted connection, so I agreed. I wasn't sure how he managed to get so many people packed into his house without either of his parents being around and to also have enough booze to highly intoxicate a bunch of fifteen year olds, but holy shit, he did it.
I showed up late, mostly because I'm a dickhead, but at least I showed. The music could be heard at the end of the block. I didn't bother knocking because I knew no one would hear me, so I opened the door and let myself inside, shaking with nerves and excitement. There were so many people. Everyone from our class, and a few people from the higher classes. It was sort of surreal how much influence Stan had. Unlike me. I was quiet, people tended to either pick on me or pity me. There wasn't much of an in-between, except Kyle and Stan. They were my only two true friends.
"Kenny!" I heard a familiar voice yell over the music. I pushed my bright orange hood off my head to look up. It was Kyle. He was bouncing out of the kitchen, pushing between people, to get to me. I could tell, even from a distance, that he was completely smashed. He was small so I was guessing it didn't take much, but the pink skin over his freckled cheeks and nose and hooded eyes were a massive tell. I grunted when Kyle impacted me, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. "Dude, we missed ya this summer."
I let out a small chuckle, not just at Kyle's intoxicated state, but by how little he had changed over the years. While everyone else grew, he stayed small. He was a whole foot shorter than me with a tiny frame, but he made up for it with a big attitude. I blame Sheila on that one. Kyle pulled away, bracing his hands against my shoulders so he wouldn't fall over. I carefully grabbed his arm, just in case.
"I missed you guys too," I replied.
Kyle beamed. His cheeks were almost the same colour as his hair. I chuckled again. "C'mon, c'mon, e'eryone's waitin' for ya."
Kyle grabbed my hand to start to lead me through the crowd of bodies dancing to the music. "How much have you have to drink?" I yelled.
"He'so'kay," Kyle slurred back. He didn't hear me, which was fine, I was just happy to see my friend happy. Kyle could be pretty wound tight so seeing him loosen up was both satisfying and enjoyable to watch.
Kyle led me through the kitchen and out the back door. There was a fire in the middle of the yard and people all around, drinks clutched in their hands. Stan, Craig, and Tweek were on the other side of the fire, the soft glow of the flames lighting up their faces. Kyle led me towards them without skipping a beat.
"Look who I found!" Kyle sang.
Stan smiled. Tweek's lips twitched up into a smile, at least I think it did. It was difficult to know sometimes. Craig gave me a small nod. Craig and Tweek were the two I hung out with the most through the summer. Mostly it was hanging out eating pizza and watching movies after they were both done work, or playing video games on the weekend, if they had the time. It was a bit strange at first. I wasn't used to being around them so much and they both had adapted the fake relationship they earned back in elementary school. They became inseparable once in middle school and when we all caught them making out in the locker room in seventh grade, we knew that was it. Craig and Tweek were officially a couple.
"—nny?" Stan's voice broke through my daze.
"Huh?" I asked confusingly.
Stan chuckled. "Do you want a drink? There's beer," he repeated himself without mentioning my spaced out demeanour.
"Lots of beer!" Kyle said loudly, throwing his hands up in the air.
Stan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'll have one," I answered, just smiling at Kyle's drunken state but not giving him any attention.
"Lots! Y'all have lots!" Kyle yelled and turned to start towards the house again.
Stan sighed loudly. "Better make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble. I'll be right back with your beer," he explained to me.
He put a strong hand on my shoulder as he passed by. He was the same height as me but with more muscle. He had lost his hat years ago to focus on styling his ebony hair into a messy but flattering way. Surely, it was Wendy who brought on the change in middle school. I smiled and nodded in thanks before he left.
"How are ya', asshole?" Craig asked and Tweek's entire face twitched.
"Ack, Craig!" he yelled, trying to hold his hands steady that cupped his drink.
I smiled. "Better than you, dickwad," I answered.
Craig laughed. He wasn't up to the same level at Kyle and Stan, but he was pretty close. Tweek made a low groan in the back on his throat. He was shaking and focusing hard on his drink. Craig's lips turned up in to a small smile as he reached out to take the red plastic cup from his boyfriend.
"Tweek, honey, do you want to go sit down somewhere?" Craig asked sweetly. His voice wasn't as nasally anymore and it had gone deeper. Tweek hummed. "We can go inside."
Tweek shook his head rapidly. "No, not inside. Too—Too many people. Too loud! Too much pressure!" he panicked. He reached his hands up to tug at his hair.
Craig set his and Tweek's drinks down so he could press his hand to the back of Tweek's neck. "Let's go sit over there," he lowered his voice to say as he pointed to the lounge chairs that were pushed towards the back corner of the yard. Tweek nodded immediately. Craig tilted his head at me to have me follow. I did so without hesitation.
I watched as Craig held tightly to the back of Tweek's neck but with his index finger he rubbed a soft, simple line down the blonde's spine. It took me a few times of hanging out with them to realize what was going on. Whenever Tweek hit that point where his hands went up into his hair to painfully pull at the bright blonde strands, Craig's hand went immediately to the back of his neck and Tweek was almost instantly brought down from his panic attack. Sometimes, if the attack was too much, Craig would stop his finger and lean down to plant a long kiss to Tweek's spine. When I watched it happen the first time, I got to admit, it threw me off. I had to excuse myself from the room to grip the edges of Craig's sink. No, I wasn't burning with jealousy of the attention either one of them were getting. I just kind of felt...left out? Okay, probably not the best explanation.
Tweek sat down and Craig stayed attached to his hip next to him. My attention stayed on Craig's hand not moving from the back of Tweek's neck. I know most people would see the gesture as possessive, but I knew it wasn't that. It was Craig telling Tweek, I'm here, don't worry, I'm always here.
"Better?" Craig asked. Tweek nodded. I sat on the second lawn chair and grinned. Craig noticed and his eyes narrowed. "What?" he growled.
"You're so gay," I teased.
There is was. The small blush that coloured Craig's cheeks. Making him embarrassed was my favourite pastime. "Shut up, McCormick." I laughed. Stan and Kyle returned. Kyle plopped himself down beside Craig with a drunken laugh as he spilled a bit of his drink. "Dammit Broflovski, get yourself together," Craig snapped.
Kyle laughed wildly. Stan sighed and tapped the beer bottle against my shoulder. I took it with a smile and immediately took a sip. The alcohol felt good as it passed my throat into my stomach. Stan sat down beside me. I suddenly felt at ease. Everyone was back, but there was something missing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it ate away at my stomach. I hadn't seen Cartman, but that was actually a relief. Everyone else was inside either drinking or dancing.
Conversation carried on between Stan and Craig. They were going to try out for football once the season came. Kyle was humming into his drink and would pipe up once in a while. It wasn't a surprise when he mentioned he wanted to become valedictorian by graduation. We all knew it was going to happen regardless. Good grades and part of any and all social groups he could associate himself with. I know Tweek and I were pretty much on the same page without us having to say anything. We both just wanted to graduate and figure out the rest later. We had already discussed it the one time we sat at Tweek's waiting for Craig to show up. We were watching television, Tweek sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee cradled between his hands as I laid on the floor.
"Kenny?" Tweek piped up. I made a noise of recognition but not much else. "What do you want to do?"
I turned my head to look up at Tweek with a confused expression. "I'm okay with watching tv, but if you want to do something a bit more physical that involves both of us in a horizontal position, I'm down for that," I joked. Tweek twitched violently. I laughed loudly. "I'm kidding, Tweek. I wouldn't dare lay a hand on you as long as you've got Craig attached to you."
That was the truth. Craig was the only one I was scared of. He was the only one I knew could put me on my ass without breaking a sweat. I may be resilient, but he knows how to land a blow. I know that first hand.
"Oh—ack—I mean, what do you want to do with your life?" Tweek asked.
I made a noise of understanding and looked up at the ceiling. "Tap dancing champion of the Antarctic," I replied.
Tweek rolled his eyes. "C'mon Kenny, what do you want?" he asked, his voice thick with a serious tone.
I sighed loudly. "Honestly Tweek, I don't know," I answered in a quiet voice. "What about you? What do you want to do with your life?"
Tweek looked down at his coffee. I turned my head again to look back at him. His cheeks tinted lightly with blush. "I want to graduate. I want to—to go to college. But I also—," Tweek stopped and I watched as the blush brightened in his cheeks. I slowly sat up and turned to face him. He had something on his chest he wanted to say but he was nervous. I gently touched my hand to his knee. He looked up and I smiled. Relaxation formed on his face. "I want to stay with Craig. I—I know I couldn't handle long distance but I—I don't want to—to smother him."
Tweek was starting to twitch. Craig wasn't home yet so if Tweek threw himself into an attack, I wouldn't be able to stop him. I quickly waved my hands in between us. "Hey, hey, we haven't even started high school yet. You have lots of time. There's no point in worrying about it now. Trust me. I still don't know shit about what I want to do. At least you have the start of a plan." Tweek looked up at me. His eyes were glazed over and he was shaking but I could see the tension releasing from his shoulders. I breathed through my noise with relief. "Let's get through high school first, and then we can worry about after, okay?"
Tweek nodded and the door opened. Craig stepped inside and a small frown formed on his face. "You better not be doing anything, McCormick," he growled.
I grinned widely. "Not without you, sweetness," I teased.
"Ack!" Tweek shouted and I laughed.
Kyle was suddenly on his feet. Stan quickly snatched the drink from his hand before he spilled it all over Craig and Tweek. "Kyle, what the—?" Stan began to snap.
"Butters!" Kyle yelled happily.
The knot in my stomach released. I turned my head just as Kyle launched himself at the slightly taller blonde. "Oh, my, hiya Kyle."
"You got to keep your side piece in check, Marsh," Craig growled towards Stan but there was a teasing tone to his voice.
Stan snapped a glare at Craig who lifted his hand to flip him off. Kyle grabbed Butters' hand to pull him over to our group. "Look who I found!" Kyle yelled and practically fell over on Butters.
"Kyle, sit down before you fall over," Stan snapped. Kyle saluted his friend and took a shaky step. Stan stood to help him sit back down next to Craig. "Here," Stan said as he shoved the drink back in Kyle's hands. "That is your last one." Kyle made a small sad noise. Stan rolled his eyes and turned to face Butters. "Hey Butters, how was Denver?"
Stan's social skills were something to admire. Butters grinned. "It was swell. I had to spend a lot of time taking care of my grandma, which wasn't very fun, but when I wasn't doing that, I was having lots of fun. I missed ya fellas though, a bunch."
My chest tightened a bit. The words made me...happy? Stan and Butters carried on their conversation and I knew I was staring. There was something different about Butters. His yellow hair was still in an undercut style and he wore standard Butters clothing: black skinny jeans with a green sweater and brown sneakers. That was all the same, so what was different? His eyes were still dark blue and his skin milky white. He had grown over the summer, but not by much. He was usually a foot shorter than Stan, but now he came up to his nose. That wasn't it.
Stan was telling a story from camp. Something to do with Kyle, the lake, and a very frisky fish. That's when I noticed it...
His smile.
It was completely off. Butters was always the happy one. He was positive and looked at the optimistic side while everyone else let their pessimism get the better of them. He had that smile that made anyone feel better as he gently touched their shoulder in reassurance. But this smile, it was all wrong. It was fake. It was full of pain that he was struggling hard to hide.
"Do you want something to drink?" Stan asked Butters.
Butters looked nervous. He bumped his knuckles together as he fidgeted. "Oh, I don't know, Stan. I'm already gonna get in trouble for sneaking out after my mom and dad went to bed." That's why he's even later than I am. "I'm gonna get grounded for sure, but alcohol—."
Stan threw an arm over Butters' shoulders. "Come on, Butters," Stan said with a wide grin. "Loosen up a bit, we're gonna be high school kids in a few days."
"Yeah!" Kyle cheered, having been quiet for a while as he nursed his drink.
"What do you want?" Stan asked.
Butters hummed quietly. His thoughts assaulted his mind. He was worried but Stan was pushing that side of Butters who had always wanted to rebel. The side that dressed up at Professor Chaos and terrorized us whenever we would play superheroes. The side that obviously climbed through his window to escape even though he knew he'd be grounded for the next year if his parents found out.
"What was that?" Stan asked when Butters mumbled something.
"Not beer," Butters spoke up forcefully. I unconsciously smiled. Butters wasn't big into bitter taste. He liked fruit and sugar. Wait, why the hell do I know that?
"Alright, sounds good," Stan said and let go of Butters.
"I'm coming!" Kyle yelled as he shakily stood to follow his Super Best Friend.
"Fuck, Kyle, you're so drunk," Stan said when Kyle collided into him in a hug.
I chuckled softly and then looked up at Butters. He was lost in his thoughts. His knuckles continued to rub together in worry. "Hey," I finally said to him. He looked up at me, his blue eyes widening to meet mine. "Come sit down. I don't bite...hard."
Butters' cheeks reddened and a kind of primal tension formed a low part of my stomach. I enjoyed that probably a bit too much. Butters sat down next to me. The lawn chair was awkward to sit sideways on. It sunk in random areas, one of those areas being between me and Butters. Stan had sat a bit too far for me to notice, but Butters was close enough that it sunk and our legs pressed against each other. The contact made my leg tingle.
What. The. Shit. Pull yourself together, McCormick.
"How—How have you fellas been?" Butters asked Craig and Tweek.
I finally noticed Craig's hand was no longer on the back of Tweek's neck but instead it had settled on the blonde's hip. Craig's thumb was hidden under the hem of Tweek's shirt and probably stroking the skin underneath. Tweek didn't speak and let Craig talk for him.
Stan and Kyle returned moments later as Butters and Craig continued on their conversation. Everything felt right. The party continued in the background as we all sat in the corner of the yard talking and laughing. Wendy would approach at times to whisper something sweet and drunkenly into Stan's ear. She would always give him a quick peck on the cheek before prancing off to find her friends again. She didn't mind us, but we all had a mutual understanding that we could be a bit too much for her, so we never went after her for never sticking around. It fell into the late hours of the night and most of the partiers had left to stumble home. We were the last ones to leave Stan's. Kyle was long gone, having snuck a few more drinks that Stan would try to take away from him but ultimately giving up when his red headed friend would whine like a child. Craig and Tweek were beginning to get handsy and not hiding it. I was fine, only sipping at a few beers throughout the night, but Butters had a buzz. It was noticeable when he kept leaning against me for support. Craig and Tweek disappeared into the night hand in hand first. Stan and Wendy decided to take Kyle home together, feeling that two people was probably a better idea than just one with the highly intoxicated red head.
We all said our goodbyes and I was left standing beside Butters in the middle of the sidewalk. Awkward silence fell over us. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. The mountain town never really warmed up, not even in the summer. At night, the temperature would drop to sweater weather, but that night was especially cold. I saw Butters shiver from the corners of my eyes.
"Cold?" I asked flatly.
Butters jumped, almost as if he had forgotten I was there. He shook his head rapidly. "N—No, I'm okay, Kenny," he replied and turned his head to smile at me.
There is was again. It made me frown. I turned my head away and lifted my shoulders. "Come on, I'll walk you home."
"Oh, no, it's okay. I don't live too far," Butters said nervously when I took a few steps forward.
I stopped to turn to face him. The moonlight lit up his nervous looking face. "You had quite a few drinks, Butters. I want to make sure you get home safely, just in case."
Butters knocked his knuckles together and then nodded. He quickly caught up to my side and then we continued walking towards his house. Silence filled the small space between us. Butters was walking close. He was still scared of the dark, though he'd never admit it. My elbow would brush against his arm at times to create small sparks of electricity through me. When we reached his house he turned to face me.
"Thank you, for—for walking me home," he said and frowned. It must have been noticeable than I had intended. "What's wrong, Kenny?"
"How did you get out?" I asked as I looked over his head at the house.
"I...climbed through my window," he answered, looking down embarrassed that he would ever do such a thing.
I smiled. "You're quite a little rebel, aren't ya?" I asked as I looked back at Butters.
His cheeks flared red. He quickly looked up with wide, unblinking eyes. "I—I don't—didn't, ah!" he stuttered nervously.
I laughed and slid my hand out of my pocket to place it on Butters' shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. I was just teasin' ya."
Butters hummed nervously. I stepped around him to walk onto his grass towards the side of his house. "Where—Where are you going?" he asked.
"Your window's over here, right?" I replied and continued walking.
Butters' footsteps quickly caught up to me. I stopped when I saw the slightly cracked open window above. The tree next to the house had one branch that stretched out towards it like it was desperate to touch it. I mapped out Butters' escape in my head. I walked over to the tree to jump up and grab onto the lowest branch.
"Kenny, what are you doing?" Butters asked nervously.
I hoisted myself up onto the branch and turned. "You're buzzed Butters. I doubt you're clear minded enough to do this on your own," I explained. Butters gave away the fact that I was right with his expression. I held tightly onto the trunk of the tree as I reached my hand down. "Come on, let's go."
Butters was hesitant but quickly stepped forward to take my hand. I grunted as I pulled him up. He was pretty light, having lost most of his baby fat, but not all of it. He clung onto the branch and I continued to help him up. I made sure not to let go of him. He wasn't as far gone as Kyle, but his balance was poor and the last thing I needed was him falling off the tree and breaking his neck. We climbed the tree until we reached the branch that stretched out to his bedroom window. I was nervous as he stepped along the branch. It wouldn't be able to hold both of our weights at the same time so I had to stay at the trunk and watch, ready to jump forward if I needed to.
I didn't need to though. He kept his balance surprisingly well and reached the window. It opened with one small creak that made Butters' shoulders tense. He slid in through the window and I finally felt my body relax. He disappeared in the darkness for a moment before he came back to the window to place his hands on the sill. He smiled and it wasn't as fake as before, but it still wasn't right.
"Thank you, Kenny," he said in a low voice, making sure not to speak too loudly as to wake his parents.
I nod. "Anytime," I reply. Butters backed into his room slightly to let the darkness shroud his face. "I'll see you late. Good night."
Butters nodded and gently closed his window as I started to climb down the tree. I stood under the tree with my hands shoved into the pockets of my sweater and my hood back over my head as I looked up at the window. I wanted, no, needed to know what was going on but I knew it wasn't the best to ask him surrounded by so many people and alcohol.
I decided not to head straight home. Whether it was the alcohol or something else, my head was in a spin and confining myself to my small bedroom was the last thing I needed. So, instead, I decided to walk around South Park until the sky lit up with soft light. I didn't realize how tired I was until I finally laid my head down on my thin pillow and the morning sun peaked through the tears in my curtains.
It must have been the alcohol. It must have.