Chapter Summary - What the hell was Odin thinking!?
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Chapter 1 - WTF Loki
"Sir, I hesitate to interrupt you while Ms. Potts is waiting for those documents, but atmospheric conditions indicate that the Bi-Frost will be opening shortly." The AI sounded far more apologetic than Tony considered necessary.
Well, thank God for that, Tony thought gleefully, throwing down his pen and pushing away a huge pile of contracts that had been awaiting his signature for the last two weeks.
"I have already notified Captain Rogers and the others."
Standing, Tony patted his jeans into place and ran a smoothing hand down the front of his black Metallica t-shirt. "Tell them I'll be right up, Jarv. Oh, and fire up the coffee maker. I could use a fresh cup."
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Tony and Bruce met up in the Tower's communal kitchen before the others appeared. Tony was looking for a cup of life-enhancing coffee, Bruce for some of his soothing roadside weeds to drown in boiling water.
Coffee in hand, and a rumpled Bruce trailing behind him, Tony headed through the living room, out the huge glass door, and onto the terrace floor/nothing. After a moment, the casually dressed, boringly beige Rogers joined them.
"Hey Cap," Tony called over the top of his cup.
"Tony. Bruce." Steve replied, nodding to each of them in turn and looking thoughtful. "I wonder if Thor is going to be staying and training with us or if he is just popping in to say hello before heading out to Dr. Foster's."
Steve paused to ponder, no doubt going over how Thunder Bolt could be utilized in their next exercise, as Clint and Natasha eased into the room. Or rather, when Tasha did. Instead of the stealth ninja moves of his partner, Clint just did his off duty shamble. He was seemingly more interested in what was on his phone than the return of a teammate. At least he was until they looked over at the reinforced concrete pad that Heimdude used as a target to discover that Thor wasn't alone.
Although the Danger Twins were both attired in SHIELD gym wear, Nat pulled two pistols out of fuck knows where, and Barton whipped a pistol of his own from a back holster. Their surprise visitor, Prince Psychopath, made a 'Bitch Please' face before assuming a parade rest. Feet spread in an aggressively dominant stance, his hands clasped behind him, Loki was in full on crazy bastard mode. Despite looking down the barrels of guns being held by two people who really wanted him dead, everything from his posture to his smirk let them know that guns or no, Loki, God of Mischief, didn't fear the Avengers one tiny bit.
Perhaps he's counting on the fact that his bag of cats still had nine lives left? Which could be very possible, Tony mused. From comments Thor had made over the years, it was apparently almost impossible to kill the son of a bitch.
"Pikachu, what is Maleficent doing back on Earth? I thought he would be tied to a rock with his own entrails or something."
"Tony," Bruce admonished softly while Tony traded sneers with the raven haired psycho. Bruce may have been able to play it cool, but Tony could see that Steve was so upset he was practically clutching his pearls. Guns held steady, Mr. and Mrs. Smith traded sibilant whispers back and forth while shooting glares at Thor's wayward little brother. Tony just hoped they let Thor speak before they decided to shoot something else, like say, bullets at the cocky bastard.
"Peace, my friends; Loki is here with the All Father's approval," Thor soothed, stepping in front of his psychotic little brother. Loki merely grimaced, rolling his eyes in full diva mode.
"Yes. Well." As Tony glanced around at his teammates, it was all he could do not to mimic Flawed Design's eye roll. "I am sure that would make us all feel a lot better… if maybe it wasn't up to him to decide if Baby Bad here was allowed back on our planet?"
A clap of thunder boomed in the cloudless sky, indicating to those in the know that Blondie was not happy with anyone questioning his dad's decisions. No matter how jacked up they might be.
"Thor," Steve interrupted, stepping forward as Thor transferred his scowl from Tony to Captain Tight Pants, "why exactly did your dad think it would be a good idea to send Loki here?" Loki's smile widened until it became a shark like grin.
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Despite the tacked on excuses, the real reason Loki was gracing them with his presence had nothing to do with helping earth.
Big surprise there, Tony groused sourly to himself.
And, from the equally sour expressions on Clint and Steve's faces, it didn't appear that Tony was the only one who thought so. Bruce, of course, was deep into his Zen, so there was no telling what he was thinking, and Natasha… Well, the only time Natasha's face gave up an expression was when she was playing you.
"So. There you have it." Loki's tone was jovial, and he beamed at their horrified expressions as Thor's somewhat sparse explanation trailed off. "Odin had decided that he may have a use for me after all. So I am being shuffled to safety, lest some overly zealous Æsir diminish my worth."
"By doing what? Putting a ding in your fender?" Tony demanded. Loki favored him with a look that left no doubt that he considered Tony to be more than a little daft.
"Of course not. By killing me. Not that Odin is necessarily opposed to that." The godling shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.
"Loki," Thor admonished with a long suffering look at his sibling, and a pleading look at his teammates.
"Wait a minute, Thor." Clint's face screwed up in confusion. "I'm not sure I understand what the problem is. If your dad wants him dead, why would he care if a disgruntled Asgardian offs this one? I mean seriously, who loses? Well, except of course for Nut Job here, not that anyone would care about that."
"Were that his only worry, Agent Barton, I have no doubt that I would still be languishing in prison," Loki drawled in an amused tone. "While the All Father patiently waited for the happy news that someone had successfully bribed a guard to kill me..."
"Loki, you know that isn't true. Our father wanted to give you a chance to prove to him that you have repented your past transgressions." Loathing and outrage flashed across the sharp features of the dark god for the merest instant, only to be immediately replaced by the godling's default expression of amused scorn. Almost not sure there had been a change of expression, Tony made a mental note to make a date with Natasha and go over the security vids of this whole conversation frame by frame. Tony was pretty sure there was a foul stench in the land of cheesemakers. Or perhaps he should say, stinky fish in the land of Space Vikings.
"No, Thor. Your father was simply concerned that one of the rebel groups might bribe a guard to free me before I could be killed in a way that left his hands clean."
"One of the rebel groups?" Natasha asked her poker face firmly in place.
"Yes, amusing, is it not? The faction that hates the House of Odin apparently thinks that I am dissatisfied enough that I might help them overthrow the All Father and this big oaf beside me." Loki rolled his eyes towards Thor, whose lips thinned in irritation at Loki's plainly stating what he had just moments before so delicately danced around. "And a large percentage of the Jotun ruling council apparently wish to install me, their lost heir, as a puppet king to eliminate the claims of more fractious contenders."
"Wait. You're a prince on two planets?"
Loki nodded with such arrogant, ill-concealed humor it made a person want to reach out and smack the smugness right out of him. Not that Tony would do that, even if Clint looked like he was seriously considering it. Most likely using a pistol butt.
Because, seriously? How was that fair? Tall, hot, and royalty times two? Not that Tony was jealous or anything. Because, hey, rich, handsome, and genius.
But still.
"So why doesn't Odin just off you his self and be done with it?" Tony asked, partly out of curiosity, but mostly just to rile people up. Thor glowered at him.
"Father would never do that to Loki. In fact, he swore an oath to my mother that he would never to do so."
Noting the skeptical look that Tony shared with Natasha, Loki elaborated, most likely so he would make Thor squirm rather than any desire to give them information. "One does not lightly break a formal oath on Asgard, especially not one made to a seidr user as powerful as the Queen. Despite Odin being supreme in all of the Nine Realms, there would be… shall we say, serious repercussions. Now, if he could have been sure I would be slain by someone else before another rescue attempt was made... Well, I am certain he would have been simply overjoyed to have bided his time."
Shoulders sagging, Thor simply huffed out an exasperated breath. Completely ignoring the weapons still pointed at the raven haired god, he started chivvying his younger brother through the terrace doors and into the living room. "You wrong him, Loki; is he not giving you a chance to prove yourself redeemed?"
"Only because he has decided that a having disaffected prince he couldn't kill immediately was too great a danger to his rule."
"You agreed to his terms yourself."
The god favored them with a toothy grin, but something cold flickered in his eyes. "So I did. Perhaps I am as insane as the All Father believes me to be."
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The Danger Twins had slipped off before lunch had been ordered, no doubt to fill Coulson in on Loki's Work Release program. That left Tony, Grampa Spangles, and Bruce to feed and entertain the two brothers until formal permission from SHIELD could be obtained. Sighing to himself, Tony had no doubt said permission would be granted. What with all the off-planet wackos they've been fielding lately, there is no way they could pass up the help and knowledge base that the Asgardians represented, let alone the chance to put Asgard, even if it was only Thor, marginally in their debt. The inevitable logistics of working the unknown Loki factor into their group was no doubt what was causing Rogers to keep rubbing his temples. Super Serum or not, apparently Gods of Mischief caused Excedrin Strength headaches.
"So. Your magic is bound unless you are using it for the benefit of others, and you can't harm innocents or anyone who doesn't present a dire threat to your health."
Loki was examining his immaculate fingernails while waiting for Thor to prepare plates for both of them. He nodded absently at Tony's comment, but otherwise ignored them, as Thor handed Loki his plate.
Steve and Thor were already eating, but Tony was still not quite sure he'd found all the gottchas yet. Because– Hello. Asgard. So there were bound to be more than a few, what with them being Space Vikings and not normal people. And of course with Loki being, well, Loki. Tony did a little mental eye roll at that thought. "And that freaky little bird necklace you're wearing will warn and or punish you if you try to?"
Mouth full of chips and salsa, Thor grunted something that could be taken as assent.
Tony found it really comforting to know he could always count on Thor to elaborate when needed.
"Okay, so those restrictions make sense, but not the freedom of movement clause."
"Indeed?" Loki hummed, as he concentrated on imitating how Steve had deftly spooned seasoned beef, beans, cheese and various other toppings onto a tortilla. After adding two generous spoonful of hot sauce, he deftly rolled it into a neat burrito and only then looked over towards Tony, his eyes crinkling with twisted mirth. "Complete freedom of movement, save when I am needed to protect this realm. After all, it wouldn't do for me to be cloistered beyond the reach of your own disgruntled denizens."
At that last one, Thor swallowed hastily. "Loki has also been enjoined to learn about your people, so he can better understand the harm he allowed to visit your realm." Loki snorted derisively before at last taking a bite of his burrito.
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As beginnings went, Loki's second day with the Avengers had not gone any better than the first. The Captain's idea to have a team exercise to figure out how Loki's fighting style would integrate with the team was admirable. Not well thought out, mind you, but no doubt Captain Rogers had meant it for the best. Unfortunately, at the first hiccup, which he had had nothing to do with, an obviously already stressed Barton had lashed out viciously.
Loki bit off the beginnings of an angry retort after a warning grunt from Thor, and instead retreated behind his brother, leaning against the nearest wall and glowering. Making sure his posture didn't become tight and closed, he watched as Clint advanced, screaming almost incoherent curses until Captain Rogers got a grip on his arm, keeping the archer from getting any closer than the center of the room.
"Clint, get a hold of yourself," the Captain demanded, giving the arm he had firmly grasped an admonitory shake.
Loki lifted a brow dubiously. He doubted very much if the Hawk, who was working himself into a frenzy now that his forward movement had been halted, was even listening. He wondered if Barton could even hear the Captain's low voice over his own shouting, or indeed, over the thunder that was suddenly booming outside the tower.
Thor's reaction to the verbal assault directed towards Loki was apparently turning what had been forecast to be a fine clear day, into a heavy downpour. Worse? Thor's storms had an incredibly irritating habit of turning into drizzles that went on for hours even after he had calmed down.
That meant, Loki supposed, suppressing a sigh and tapping thoughtfully on his lower lip, that he was going to have to borrow an umbrella when he went out this evening, since he was pretty sure there was no way he could convince his amulet that a rain shield would benefit anyone but him.
"Loki!"
Thor's aggrieved voice recalled him to the training room, where Rogers and Stark where staring at him, Natasha apparently having dragged the archer away.
"What?"
"It's fine, Thor." The Captain sighed. "Loki didn't do anything wrong." He looked pointedly at Loki. "However, when we are down here, we need you to stay focused. Okay?"
Loki nodded, sliding away from Thor's questing hand as they regrouped in a different configuration to make up for the missing archer and assassin. Three hours later, rather than head towards the changing room with the others, he ducked back up to his own room. He could clean up there just as well, and if he hurried, he could be finished and out of the building before Thor and the others knew about it.
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