Title: Cursed
Author: Settiai
Disclaimer: "Stargate Atlantis" and other related characters belong to their copyright holders. No infringement is intended. This story, such as it is, was written as a sign of respect and love for the characters, the series, and their creator. I claim no ownership of the aforementioned series and characters.
Rating: PG
Summary: Maybe there was a curse.
Feedback: Comments and helpful criticisms are always appreciated.
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"This is precisely why I do not enjoy going off world," Radek Zelenka muttered. "I am cursed."
Major Lorne rolled his eyes. "You're not cursed," he protested. "It's just … bad luck."
Zelenka swiveled his head around so that he was facing the other man. "Bad luck?" he repeated, letting out a short bark of laughter. "Working under Rodney McKay, that is bad luck. Awakening the Wraith? Also bad luck. But this … this is much more than bad luck."
Lorne started to object, but when he saw the look on Zelenka's face he changed his mind. "Look on the bright side," he said, trying his best to shrug despite the ropes tied tightly around his arms.
"Bright side?" Zelenka repeated slowly, moments before glancing up at the sky. "On je bláznivý."
"Yes, the bright side," Lorne said heatedly. "And I'm not sure exactly sure what you just said, but I'm pretty sure that I take offense."
Muttering under his breath, Zelenka reluctantly turned his attention back toward the major. "And what is this 'bright side' you are referring to?" he asked, a hint of sarcasm in his usually polite voice.
"We're not with Colonel Sheppard's team."
Zelenka blinked, and then he studied Lorne's face carefully. "Major, are you certain you did not hit your head?" he asked suspiciously.
Lorne rolled his eyes. "It's called learning from past experience," he said. "As it is, the two of us might have been captured but the others who were with us made it back to Atlantis."
"We assume," Zelenka pointed out.
"Fine, we assume they made it back to the Stargate," Lorne agreed. "Assuming that we're correct, then Colonel Sheppard and his team should be here any minute to save the day, without anyone getting even a scratch."
At that, Zelenka reluctantly nodded. "But if Sheppard and his team had been with us on this planet?"
"We'd both be dead, all four of them would be inches from death, they'd have just finished stumbling through the Stargate and promptly collapsing on the other side, and Doctor Beckett would be having a heart attack right about now," Lorne said matter-of-factly.
Zelenka stared at him. "And they say I am a pessimist," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.
Lorne once again attempted to shrug. "SG-1 has always been the same way," he explained. "I've been on three missions with them, and I count myself lucky to still be alive."
"And you do not consider that to be a curse?" Zelenka asked.
"No, I don't consider that to be a…." Lorne trailed off for a second, and a slightly sheepish look slowly made its way onto his face. "Okay, maybe you have a point."
Zelenka nodded. "I knew you would see my point."
It was right then that the sound of gunfire suddenly rang out somewhere in the distance.
Lorne let out a relieved sigh. "So what if we're cursed?" he asked. "I'd much rather be someone living who's cursed than someone de…."
"Who tempts fate by saying very foolish things?" Zelenka cut in.
After a few seconds of staring at the scientist in confusion, Lorne grudgingly nodded. "Good point," he agreed. "I'll be shutting up now."
As the sound of gunfire slowly moved closer to them, Lorne glanced down at the ropes that bound him firmly to one of the dozens of large wooden poles sticking out of the ground. A worried look appeared on his face as a thought suddenly struck him.
"Just out of curiosity," Lorne asked, glancing over at Zelenka, "Doctor McKay usually doesn't carry a camera with him on rescue missions, right?"
Zelenka stared at him for a few seconds before startled realization appeared on his face. "Even McKay would not…."
He trailed off when he saw the look Lorne was giving him. "You found a way to play that video of Doctors Beckett and McKay—well, Lt. Cadman inside of McKay—on every computer in Atlantis," the major pointed out dryly. "And, if I remember correctly, it was on a continuous loop that lasted for … how long was it again? Two days?"
"Three," Zelenka said weakly.
"Three," Lorne repeated. "Three days. And here we are, tied up by angry natives who want to sacrifice us for blaspheming against their gods. Natives who apparently think that sacrifices shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes."
He trailed off for a moment and raised an eyebrow. "Do you see where I'm going with this?" he asked.
Zelenka had the grace to look sheepish. "Perhaps we could escape before they come to rescue us?" he suggested half-heartedly.
Lorne tugged on the ropes wound around him again before letting out a sigh. "I knew I should have listened to Lt. Sanders about karma," he muttered.
At that, Zelenka raised an eyebrow.
"You really should read some of SG-1's mission logs sometime," Lorne said. "They've had some … interesting things happen to them."
"So you were on a mission with them when something such as this happened?" Zelenka asked.
"No, I was one of the people in the gate room trying not to laugh when they came marching through the 'gate without a single stitch of clothing on any of them," Lorne replied, shaking his head. "Sanders warned us not to be too amused, since the odds were that someday we'd end up in a similar situation. I really should have listened to him when…."
Lorne trailed off as four familiar forms suddenly appeared at the edge of the clearing they were in.
"Maybe they won't notice," Zelenka said helpfully.
As the sound of hastily muffled laughter reached their ears, though, Lorne just sighed. "Too late," he muttered.
When Lorne saw the look on McKay's face, one that was usually only seen on the faces of small children who had just been informed that Christmas had come early, he couldn't help but groan. "Torture him all you want," he said weakly, gesturing toward Zelenka with his head. "But could you at least spare my dignity?"
Both Teyla and Ronon looked away, large smiles on their faces, as Sheppard and McKay made their way over to where Lorne and Zelenka were tied up.
"It must have been some party," Sheppard said lightly, grinning a bit as he cut the ropes binding Zelenka and then moved on to Lorne.
"It was definitely something," Lorne said, carefully avoiding the other man's eyes. "You wouldn't happen to have a spare uniform on you, would you, sir?"
Sheppard shook his head. "I'm afraid not," he said, pulling his backpack off his shoulders and quickly opening it. "But I do have the next best thing."
Even though he could tell that the colonel was trying his best not to burst out laughing, Lorne attempt to pretend he didn't notice. Instead, he merely accepted the emergency blanket that was handed to him and quickly tied it around his waist.
"You know, major, I think you're out of uniform," Sheppard said, barely restraining a chuckle.
Lorne shot his commanding officer an unflattering look. "Sorry sir," he said. "I tried to explain to the homicidal men who wanted to sacrifice us to their god that it was against regulation."
Sheppard just grinned.
Zelenka cleared his throat. "Do I not get some type of … garment?"
McKay smirked, but Sheppard quickly cut in before the scientist had a chance to speak. "Yes, you do," he said, tossing another emergency blanket over to the Czech.
As Zelenka quickly wrapped the blanket around his own waist, the colonel gave McKay a pointed look. "And don't even think about pulling out that video camera," he warned.
At that, both Lorne and Zelenka let out relieved sighs.
"At least not while I'm looking," Sheppard added, a wicked grin suddenly appearing on his face.
Zelenka managed to glare at both the colonel and McKay before turning and stomping away with as much dignity as he could muster, muttered curses the entire time. McKay quickly yanked the camera out of his pack and hurried to catch up with his fellow scientist.
Lorne turned toward the colonel and raised an eyebrow.
Sheppard just shrugged. "You try telling Rodney McKay not to do something."
"I have, sir," Lorne replied dryly.
Sheppard chuckled a bit at that before giving the major an amused look. "Are you sure you want that?" he asked casually, gesturing toward the emergency blanket wrapped loosely around Lorne's waist. "I don't exactly know what McKay's going to do with that video, but I'm pretty sure that you could get a couple of dates out of it."
"I think I'll pass, sir," Lorne said, trying his best to ignore the muffled laughter that was obviously coming from the remaining two members of Sheppard's team.
Maybe Zelenka really did have something with that curse theory.