This story is a spoof of the intro to episode 4, "Collision". I hope you enjoy it.
It was going on four in the morning, but Dr. Torres was determined to finish with this case before she went home. Lying dead on the table was the body of a teenage girl. Earlier, at two o'clock, two state troopers had brought the girl's lifeless body by the coroner's office. They had found her naked and washed up on the banks of Red River Creek. Since she was naked, she had no ID on her.
Almost an hour later, the girl was lying face up on the operating table with her chest carved open. After assessing that there were no other factors contributing to the girl's death, Dr. Torres finally removed the stick from her head. She turned back to the folder on her desk and finished her report.
"Subject is a 16-year-old female; blonde hair, brown eyes. Found naked in the creek about five miles from here. She has yet to be identified. I'm sure her parents are worried sick about her."
Just then, the phone rang. Dr. Torres sighed. "This is turning out to be a long night." She left to answer the phone.
Claire Bennet blinked as she slowly regained consciousness. Slowly, she started to move. She felt stiff all over. As she started to sit up, Claire rubbed a sore spot on the back of her skull.
"What happened last night?" she muttered. Just then, she saw the stick. "Oh, right. Now I remember."
As Claire sat up, her eyes widened in shock. A V-incision had been cut in her chest, exposing her rib cage and everything inside it.
"Holy…," was all Claire could say.
After several seconds, Claire finally managed to utter, "Where the heck am I?" She turned and saw a sign on the wall reading Ector County Coroner's Office. "Okay," Claire said to herself, "That explains a lot."
Turning back to the hole in her chest, Claire smiled. As a little girl, she had had some weird fantasies of studying her own "guts" firsthand. Now, she had an opportunity to do just that, and she wasn't passing it up.
Claire began breathing in and out. She giggled as she watched her lungs expand and contract. She stuck her finger through her ribs and felt her heart beating. It had been beating fast earlier as she tried to get her bearings, but now that she had calmed down, it was beating slower. Claire noticed her stomach and poked it. It was smaller than she had expected. This was fun, but at the same time, kinda disturbing.
After a few more minutes, Claire decided it was time to stop playing with her innards. She folded her skin back into place, and then let her healing abilities do the rest. Remembering that she was still naked, she tried to cover her private parts with her hands.
As she hopped off the table, a thought came into Claire's mind.
"Clothes," she said, "Where are my clothes?" Claire searched the whole room for her clothes, before finding the lab coats.
"I guess this'll do," she said to herself, as she put one on. Now, she'd better be getting home. It would be a long walk back to the house, and then there was the matter of what she was going to tell her parents.
When Dr. Torres came back into the room, she got a big surprise; the mystery girl was walking around.
Dr. Torres screamed.
Claire screamed.
Dr. Torres screamed.
Claire screamed.
Dr. Torres screamed.
Claire screamed.
"What are we screaming about?" Claire shouted.
Dr. Torres stammered, "Y-y-you're walking around!"
"So are you!" Claire replied, after a short pause.
"But you were dead!"
Claire decided to play dumb. "I was dead?" she said, "Cool."
Dr. Torres looked like she was about to faint. "I, I need to sit down." Claire ran and got a chair for Dr. Torres, and she plopped down into it. Then she ran down the hall to the break room and got the doctor a cup of coffee. After seeing the good doctor's face turn white, Claire guessed she was going to need some coffee. Black was probably best.
"Well," Claire said, as she watched Dr. Torres, calmly, drinking her coffee, "If you're okay, I'm just gonna show myself out." She turned and ran.
"Wait!" shouted the doctor. Claire stopped dead in her tracks. "Come back here, young lady." Nervously, Claire came back and sat down.
"How could you be alive?" Dr. Torres demanded to know.
Claire smiled, sweetly, "Would you believe I'm a heavy sleeper?" Dr. Torres didn't seem to be buying it. "Guess not."
"Young lady," Claire was getting tired of being called 'young lady.' "It's Claire, alright?"
"Claire, I pulled a stick out of your brain and I carved you open for an autopsy. You were dead. And you are not leaving until you give me some kind of explanation!"
Claire rolled her eyes trying to think of a convincing excuse. Finally, she sighed.
"Alright," she said, "You caught me doctor. I'm an alien explorer from the Zoron, and I need to hurry to catch my ship which leaves in three hours."
Dr. Torres chuckled and took another sip of coffee.
"Would this have anything to do with the so-called 'superpower' phenomenon?"
It was getting harder for Claire to act dumb. "The what?"
Dr. Torres chuckled again. "I can't believe I didn't see it before. In Los Angeles, there's a cop who can read minds. In New York, candidate Nathan Petrelli's been seen flying. A guy from Japan claims he can teleport. And what are you Miss Claire, some kind of…self healer?"
"I guess," Claire replied.
Dr. Torres wasn't buying Claire's clueless routine. She knew exactly what was going on.
Claire rolled her eyes. "Doctor, please don't tell my parents. I don't think they're ready to know. And my dad's been acting a little freaky since this whole 'superpower' thing started."
Dr. Torres nodded. "Okay, I won't tell your parents about all this. But I think you should. It doesn't have to be now, but when you feel they're ready to know."
"Okay," Claire replied.
Dr. Torres finished her coffee. Then, she turned back to Claire.
"I think I'd better drive you home," she said, standing up. "I'd say get your coat, but you don't have one."
"Oh, uh, on that note," Claire said, following Dr. Torres, "Do you know what happened to my clothes?"
Dr. Torres shook her head. "I haven't the slightest clue. The cops who brought you in said they found you in the buff."
"Really," she said. Claire muttered to herself, "Brody, when I get my hands on you, you're dead." She followed Dr. Torres outside to her car.
Half an hour later, the two pulled up in front of the Bennet house.
"Thanks for the ride, Dr. Torres," Claire said, smiling.
Dr. Torres smiled back. "You're welcome, sweetie. Just try to stay out of trouble."
Claire got out of the car and held up to the house.
Driving away, Dr. Torres muttered to herself, "There's no way I'm writing this up."