"You're Worth It"

This story takes place six months after the season 5 finale. As life slowly returned to normal for Emma and her family, she was forced to deal with the consequences of her actions. She had unintentionally hurt Regina. Again.

She needed to make things right between them. But at the same time, she had no clue if she had waited too long to do so.

I hope you'll like it.

Chapter 1

Emma carefully opened the door and was grateful for the cool air blowing across her skin. She paused for a second, feeling a rush of nervousness, listening for any sounds. She heard nothing but the pounding of her own heart. For a moment, she felt guilty again, and angry because she felt guilty. She'd been a good girlfriend- loving Killian as best as she could. They'd had some good times together. But if she really thought hard about it, she'd always known in her heart that they weren't right for each other for the long haul.

She unconsciously held her breath as she quietly closed the door behind her. Crystalline puffs of steam were visible from her mouth as she zipped up her coat and stuffed her hands deep inside her pockets. Standing tall, her long blonde hair spilled over her shoulders, she stepped into the quiet. She descended the porch steps and hurried away from their house. Her own footsteps were the only sounds she could hear.

Once she was sure she was far enough from the house, she closed her eyes for a second and inhaled deeply, allowing the scents to fill her, flow through her. She held it for a long moment before exhaling with a drawn out sigh. She repeated this exercise, letting her mind wander, feeling the tension slowly drifting away.

She became accustomed to this routine for this past few months. She spent her nights out, walking around Storybrooke, with no destination in mind. She needed to get out of the house and clear her head. She needed air, needed to get away from him. No matter how much she loved Killian, she couldn't breathe with him this close, taking up her air.

She'd been asking herself the same questions every single night since things returned to normal around Storybrooke. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy? Why do I feel like he is suffocating me? How is that even possible? I do love him. I really do. Maybe not the same way he loves me, but I do love him! I've literally been to hell and back to save him.

But she couldn't help but wonder about the meaning of true love. It wasn't a matter of choice, but a given, something that her heart simply demanded. She felt it when she was in the presence of her family she never thought she would have. It had never been a choice at all, they touched her heart on a level no one else had accomplished before. Henry, Snow, David..

Her life did shake considerably then, prompting her to believe, that love had filled the part of her life where her sorrow had drained out. And it had scared the shit out of her. Maybe it was just the fact that she felt so weak, that she had to trust people around her. She wasn't used to doing that, hated feeling so vulnerable. It was a big leap of faith, but she was compelled to do this, it was never a matter of choice. They were meant to be together.

But she never felt that same level of connection with him. She chose to be with Killian, but her heart seemed reluctant to follow. She hated that thought, yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the sick feeling in the bottom of her stomach. She'd tried so hard to love him the way he should be loved. She fought for him, tried everything, did everything, but it never seemed enough. Her heart simply wasn't in it. She'd even come to believe there was something missing inside her- the capacity to connect fully and love completely.

But at the same time, she knew that wasn't the case at all. Because she loved Henry more than anything. It was a love that went so deep it hurt, a connection between them that scared her to death. If it wasn't for him, she never would have known the joy of love, the wonder of things that she'd never understood until her son walked into her life. She would have lost out on so much without her family's love to save her.

She inhaled deeply and stretched her cramped muscles. She finally took notice of her surroundings, and found herself once again on the main road near the docks. Even when she didn't mean to, she always seemed to end up here. How many times in the last year had her feet carried her back here? But why here? What was so special about this place?

A memory flooded back to her- she could remember leaning against the railing as she watched Henry and Regina walk away from her. Even through her darkest hours, they were always there to lend a hand, to lend their heart. They believed the best in her, regardless of whether she deserved it.

She hesitated a moment before she started walking again. She chattered as a strong gust of wind tore through her coat as if she wasn't wearing one. She shivered and pulled the collar up as high to her face as she could get it. She glanced around the docks and caught a familiar silhouette from the corner of her eye. She stopped dead in her tracks and stood still for what seemed minutes, not moving, just staring. Her heart was racing, whether from exertion or the sudden wave of emotion she couldn't tell. She couldn't tell much of anything.

She hovered there a long while, her weight on her far leg, stuck between leaving and staying. All she knew was that she wasn't sure she could get from where she was to where she wanted to be. How could she explain to her why she'd been keeping her distance for the past few months? How could she justify her own behavior? That she hadn't been there for her when Regina really needed her?

Finally, her feet started moving on their own, in slow, hesitant steps. And all the while, her eyes never left the woman seated at a bench. Her heartrate elevated with every step closer that she drew. She watched Regina as a breeze took her dark hair and drew it back, her bright red scarf whipping in the wind. The brunette straightened her posture, looking both regal and vulnerable at the same time. Emma wondered what was going on inside her head. Was she thinking of Robin?

A fresh wave of guilt forced the breath from her lungs. She swallowed and her hands balled into fists inside her pockets. She realized that she had no idea what she was doing, but she needed to make things right between them. But at the same time, she had no clue if she had waited too long to do so.

She slowly approached the brunette, but with each step her stomach tightened into such a hard knot she could hardly breathe. She didn't even know whether her presence would be welcomed. She stopped a few steps away from the bench. She stood stock still, staring down at Regina, who seemed oblivious to her surroundings. Her dark eyes trained on something in the distance, her features unnaturally still.

Emma just stood there looking at her, her deep green eyes scanning Regina's face. A long moment passed before she straightened, took one more deep breath, and opened her mouth.

"Regina?" she said softly, careful not to startle the brunette. She flinched anyway. Another shiver ran through her body and she couldn't be sure if she was shivering from the cold or the nerves coursing through her.

Regina's head snapped up, and she levelled Emma with an emotional glare. She blinked, recollecting herself as if with difficulty. "Emma.." she gasped slightly, her brown eyes boring into the blonde's. Her dark hair blew across her face, and she brushed it away with her hand. She searched the blonde's face for a moment and took a breath as though to speak.

Emma shifted nervously on her feet as she tried to gauge Regina's expression, but the brunette wasn't revealing anything of what she was thinking. She simply stared at the blonde, her eyes void of emotion. Emma could feel the tension growing the longer the silence stretched between them, and somehow all her reasons, which had seemed so valid at the time, now appeared to be mere excuses. She gave a shaky sigh and tried to smile, but it felt weak.

Her attempted smile faded when Regina didn't return her smile, just stared at her with a distant expression she knew held no welcome. If she hadn't been sure before, she was now. She'd ruined things between them, and she only had herself to blame. Her mind screamed for her to run, something she had been doing for the last few months, but instead she stood and composed herself. She didn't want to leave. She missed her friend, she had been running too long, she had been away from her for too long. She had to trust their connection was strong, not fragile.

She caught the slight tremble of Regina's full lips, and Emma wished she could go back in time and fix it all. She could practically feel the wall between them, and it was that moment she fully realized what a huge mistake she'd made. She and Regina had been making progress. They'd been talking, really communicating. They'd even become friends over time.

She missed their playful banter, the sound of her laugh. But most importantly, she missed their friendship more than she'd admitted to anyone, even herself. Regina had opened herself up to her in a way she hadn't done with anybody for a long, long time. She had let her guard down with her. She recalled their conversation in New York. She had seen her hesitation, had seen vulnerability in those dark brown eyes, heard it in her voice. She had realized the magnitude and significance of that moment, almost feeling humbled that Regina had trust her with her story. Not only had she admitted her deepest fear, Regina had reached out to her, had allowed her to see her in a moment of vulnerability. She'd let her see her tears, she'd given Emma her trust.

And maybe that was the problem. She felt undeserving. She didn't deserve Regina's trust. If it wasn't for her, Robin would still be alive. She knew no one blamed her for any of it, but she blamed herself for allowing it to happen, told herself it was her fault. She'd promised Regina to help her find her happy ending, but instead she ruined everything. She should never have allowed them to come with her

She covered her shivers by rubbing her arms, when cold was the last thing she felt right then. She stared up at Regina again as the brunette watched her, her dark eyes flashing with something Emma had never seen before. Her throat felt painfully tight as she tried to search for the right words. She closed her eyes for just one second and bit her lip, just to be able to pretend that everything was going to be okay.

Trying to gather her composure, she took a deep breath, almost coughing as the icy air hit her lungs. She wasn't at all sure of what to say, how to say it, or even what she wanted to say.

"What are you doing here?" she heard herself ask before she'd even thought about it. She cringed at her own words. "I mean.. It's the middle of the night."

Regina blinked a few times, her lashes sweeping over those big brown eyes as if she were trying to refocus. Appearing caught off guard, her hands started to fidget in her lap. "I.." Her voice was low and husky, and it died away in her throat.

She looked down for what seemed like just a second but, when she looked up again, Emma noticed the change in her expression. Her brown eyes full of some emotion she couldn't quite read. "What are you doing here?" Regina countered, her voice suddenly void of any emotion.

Emma watched the brunette's spine stiffen as she shifted in defensive mode. She knew exactly what Regina was doing but couldn't stop it, and she hated it. But most of all, she hated herself for allowing it to happen. She could almost see her walls growing around her with every passing second. She knew she'd put that look there, knew she'd hurt her.

She breathed out a long sigh and tried to ignore the pang inside her chest. Those walls were there for a reason; self-preservation. Regina had spent the last few months building up the protective walls around her heart to ensure she would never again feel the pain of losing someone she loved.

And she, though unintentionally, made things even more worse. How would she feel if the roles were reversed? Betrayed? Hurt? Abandoned? But she already knew the answer to that. She despised herself for her own behavior, and it confused her at the same time. She suffered from abandonment issues all her life, so how could she act the way she did? How could she allow her guilt and fears to override her good sense?

She didn't fool herself into believing that Regina loved her, but she'd reached beyond the wall she'd built around herself. She had seen into a part of the brunette that no one else had ever seen. And that had to mean something, right? She had to at least try to make things right. She wanted to see her again. But she had no idea how to explain. Not only that, but she was also afraid to be near the brunette; she didn't trust herself now. What if, next time, she hurt her again?

No. She had to try. She had to at least try to make things right. She had to try to explain herself, in some way. If for no other reason so that Regina didn't hate her. Even if she never wanted to be friends again, she couldn't just leave things like this. And deep down, a part of her still dared to hope that maybe they could get over this.

"Do you mind if I…" she asked, her voice trailing off as she motioned to empty space beside Regina on the bench. She felt her hand tremble and pulled it away quickly.

Regina stared off into space for a minute before answering, "Suit yourself." Her jaw twitched, but otherwise she remained stoic.

Emma slowly lowered herself onto the bench beside the brunette and glanced at the ocean, feeling that uneasy tension in her stomach worsen. As hard as she tried to, she couldn't come up with words for a minute or two. But she needed something- anything- to break the heavy silence between them. From the corner of her eye, she caught the flash of Regina eyes, but the second she tried to meet her stare, she looked away again.

"Where's Henry?" she asked quietly, her voice soft but thankfully steady. But there was no response from the brunette. She just sat there, motionless, like stone. Another long silence stretched between them. Emma didn't expect an answer anymore but the sound of Regina's voice was a comfort. "He's asleep.." She sounded exhausted, in a strange, sad way.

Emma couldn't help but glance sideways at the brunette again. How did she manage to stay so cool and appear so calm? She was obviously hurting, and she was just as obvious in her desire not to show her pain. She flinched as Regina's voice sounded again, different now. "But please, do tell, Miss Swan.. To what do I owe the honor of your presence?"

Emma's stomach dropped at the brunette's sarcastic tone. Her green eyes widened, as Regina turned her face so she could look into her eyes. Her breath froze in her chest. She felt her courage dissolve. She looked at her with such sadness in her eyes, and as she watched, the sadness flashed into rage, then went calm again. But she had caught it, that moment of rage, and somehow from that she took some hope.

Regina was the first one to break their heavy stare and released a long sigh, her breath forming a cloud on the frigid winter air. Both women shivered as the icy cold wind swept past their faces. Still, it wasn't the cold wind that affected Emma but the chill of her exhausted nerves.

For the first time, she really looked down at Regina's gloved hands, and noticed that she was holding something. Her breath caught in the back of her throat as she recognized the piece of Robin's arrow that Roland had given the brunette. She bit her lip as a fresh wave of guilt swept over her. The guilt of Robin's dead had never left her for a single moment. It simply consumed her.

It wasn't fair. Regina had spent so many years working her ass off to redeem herself, hoping she'd be rewarded for her good work, only to lose her soulmate all over again. Paying a price that no one should ever have to pay. And if the fates could be any crueler to one person, Killian was able to return to the land of the living, planting another thorn in her already lacerated heart.

And it was one of the main reasons that Emma could never bring herself to fully commit to Killian. How could she allow herself to be happy when Regina suffered every day because of what she'd done? Regina had lost the love of her life. Roland had lost his father. Baby Robin had lost her father.

She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut. Her shoulders slumped with the weight of her immense sorrow, and it increased the vulnerability she always felt in the brunette's presence. For the last few months, she'd mostly avoided Regina and when she was in her company she only answered her questions and never instigated conversation. It made her feel horrible. She wanted to reach out to her but knew she couldn't. She was too consumed by guilt and remorse. And as the days and weeks went by, it became increasingly difficult to take that step.

The sea breeze chilled her face, and she realized it was wet with tears. Quickly, she wiped them away with the back of her trembling hands. She glanced at the brunette, and realized how much she cared for this woman, and that made her feel even more guilty.

Breathing slowly through her mouth, she gathered every ounce of courage she had, asking Regina the question she hadn't asked for several months. "H-How are you doing?"

TBC