I have lived in fear all my life. Fear that my mom would start showing symptoms. Fear that she would die, when she did. Fear someone would find out I kind wanted her to die, in her final couple of years. Fear my dad would kill himself due to his depression after she died. Fear I would have Huntington's, after I found out in Medical School there was a 50% chance I would.
Now that I know, I fear I will become my mom. I fear dying.
But those are not the only fears I currently have: I fear Allison Cameron. I fear the effect that woman seems to have on me. I fear how much I crave her touch, how I just can't get enough of it. I fear how she makes me rethink all my "no relationships, no repeat performances" philosophy.
I fear she won't leave that fucking stupid boyfriend of hers, like she has promised me she would. And I fear that she will, because he can give her emotional stability that I can't. I fear I'll bring her down with me. I fear she'll die by watching me die. I fear hurting her, and I know I should leave her before I do, but I can't.
I fear losing her, as much as I fear dying. Because I feel like being without her would already be the death of me.