Let me in
Things I own: Cupcake pans. Three dogs. The hunger games trilogy (hardcover, always).
Things I don't own: Gale. And Peeta. And Finnick. And every gorgeous guy in this series. And non-gorgeous guys. And girls. Basically, I owe nothing from the Hunger Games except for a copy of the books.
AN: Hey guys! I've had this idea ever since I heard about the expo made by artist Tracey Emin with this beautiful neon sentence reading "I don't believe in love but I believe in you" (look it up on Google, it's really nice). I identified with the sentence, and immediately wanted to write something with this. And I knew no one would play it better than Katniss, of course.
Well. I just hope you all enjoy it. I apologize in advance for any grammatical mistake and weird sounding sentences. English is not my first language, so…
Also, the title of the story is a song by "R.E.M.". A lovely one at that, dedicated to Kurt Cobain. I thought it fit the story rather nicely.
I'll just stop rambling now.
Enjoy! See you guys on the next chapter.
It was early morning when I woke up, my cellphone buzzing quietly by my night stand, the soft sound echoing through the dark room.
I got up slowly, trying to keep the bed still and not disturb the curled body sleeping by my side. I got dressed in the dark, easily choosing my clothes and slipping them on with practice. I could hear Prim's soft breathing as I left the room without making a sound, using all my control not yell when Buttercup's yellow eyes piercing at me in the middle of the dark corridor.
"Damn cat," I said under my breath, picking up my bag and swinging it over my shoulders. I clutched my keys to avoid them from chinking against each other and slowly unlocked the door. I had one step outside in the cold morning air and one inside the house when a familiar voice reached my ears.
"Where are you going?" I turned around hastily, finding the outline of Prim's body in our bedroom door.
"Hey, little duck." I called, quietly shutting the door. "I'm just going to buy a few things for the house. I promise I'll be back by the time to get ready for school."
"Food?" She asked, her eyes following me as I crouched beside her. My hands touched her bare arms and rubbed up and down as she shivered a little.
"Yeah. Gale is coming with me, so you don't have to worry." I noticed the sleeve of the too big shirt sliding down her arm. It was a hand down by me, and I used to wear that same shirt when I was Prim's age, but she is much too small for a 12 year old, and my clothes are always big for her.
"Can I come?" She asked hopefully. Prim hated to be left alone, and that's why I didn't want to wake her up. Our mother was working and would only come back by noon, while we were at school, so Prim would have to be alone until I came back. I didn't like leaving her alone, too, but I didn't have a choice. I preferred leaving her alone than to take her to the hob. It wasn't a place for Prim, who still believed the world was pink in spite of everything.
"Oh, little duck. If you come, how will you stay awake for school?" I told her, and saw the way her eyes grew large with fear. Prim would be going to my school starting this year, since her old school only accepted students until 11 years old. I pressed my lips together and tucked a lock of her golden hair behind her ear. "You know what? If you promise to stay here and sleep until I get back, I'll bring you a cupcake. How does that sound?"
It wasn't a good promise and I would keep it no matter what it cost. Cupcakes weren't really expensive, but my mind was quickly calculating how much I would have to give up at the hog just to get that threat for her. It would cost me at least a loaf of old bread and a small packing of condiments. But I would do anything if it meant keeping Prim safe.
And the instant I saw her smile lighting up her eyes, I knew that it would be worth it. She gave me an energetic nod and a quick hug, and I hushed her to the bedroom. "I'll be back before you know it," I said, tucking her in the old bed that creaked loudly with her movements. "Sleep tight." I kissed her forehead and left the room, leaving the house and entering the cold morning air.
The hob was in the ugly side of town. I often saw homeless people and drug dealers around, bad smell of human fluids and starving dogs. The good part, though, was that it was only a few blocks away from my house. I didn't have to walk too long to get to it, and I was already used to the view.
I met Gale at the entrance to the hob, our usual place. He waved at me with the hand that wasn't covering a huge yawn escaping his lips and I chuckled as I approached him. "What are trying to do? Swallow the whole place?" I teased, bumping my arm into his as we entered the dark building.
"Yeah, right," he shot back, getting inside like the place was his own house. And it kind of was, because for the last four years we came here to buy from the black market because our family couldn't get enough to buy from legal places. There were all sorts of people in the hog (most of whom would scare Prim to death), but we were one of them. They waved at us, said 'Good Morning' in a polite way, and some even smiled at us. One of them was Greasy Sae, and we would always go up to her first.
"Good morning, you two," she called, and filled a bowl of soup without any of us even asking. It was our breakfast, every day, ever since we first came here. We gulped it down soundly and she smiled at us. "So, I heard little Prim is going to a new school."
"Oh, don't even mention it," I said, cleaning my mouth with the sleeve of my hoodie and ignoring Gale's disgusted face. "She's really scared. She doesn't do well in places full of people she doesn't know."
"Poor girl," she agreed, filling another bowl of soup for another customer. "But I'm sure she will be alright, with you and Gale next to her."
Gale took a long sip of soup, his cheeks swelling comically with so much liquid. After he swallowed with a loud 'glup', he spoke. "Yeah. I'll be sure to beat up anyone who makes fun of her. Or tries to date her."
I laughed, even though I knew it was possible and Gale would surely get in trouble. But it was nice knowing someone else was helping me protect my sister. "I'm sure Prim would be delighted to know that."
"Oh, hush," he replied, rolling his eyes. We finished the soup quickly and got our goods from Sae. She usually left a few things separated for us, like meat, rice and a few vegetables she grew by her house. I took it all, because Sae had already helped me so much, and I couldn't afford cutting down the things she gave me in order to fulfill my promise to Prim.
When Gale suggested we went by the bread stand, I hesitated slightly. "I'm not sure I'll be able to get bread today, Gale."
"Why?" He asked, turning around to face me.
"Prim woke up this morning, and asked if she could come along. You know she can't come here, it would freak her out. And she hates being alone… And with school starting today, you had to see her face, Gale, she looked like an animal face to face with a car at 100 miles per hour! So I said I'd get her a cupcake if she stayed home and waited for me to come back. You know how she loves those things…"
Gale sighed heavily, fully turning to face me. I knew what was coming. And I also knew Gale was the only person allowed to give that speech to me. I owned him that much. I cupped my elbow with my left hand, my right hand carrying the plastic bag with Greasy Sae's things. My eyes darted to the floor when he began speaking.
"You can't do this forever, Katniss. You try to keep her from everything you think it's bad, that's why she's so afraid. She can't keep on being like this. And this cupcake, it cost you food for the week." He said sternly, gray eyes matching mine.
"Ugh!" I grunted, covering my face with my free hand. "I know, Gale! But what could I do? I'll figure a way out, later, but not now! Let's just go. Please? Let's grab whatever we can and stop by the town's bakery quickly and get home on time."
"You can't avoid confrontation forever, Katniss." Gale insisted, still not moving even though I brushed just past him.
"No," I agreed, still walking. "But we won't discuss it today."
Gale, to my relief, didn't push, though he kept moody for the next thirty minutes while we finished our shopping and walked over to the bakery. I asked him to keep outside since he would surely complain about the cupcake and, kindly, he offered to hold my plastic bag with food, saying it would only infest the place with its smell.
I found out he was right. The bakery was a lovely place, with walls painted white and decorated with wooden logs in elegant shapes, marble topped tables and a full display of all kinds of sweets imagined. My ears instantly picked up a soft French music playing in the background and I couldn't help but smile. We always passed by the front of the bakery on our way to school, and Prim would always ask to stop and admire the cakes. I knew why she loved it so much, and even I wanted to try them. I have never come inside of it, but I knew the inside matched exactly the feel the cakes passed on to the customers.
There was a blond man by the counter, his hair a little thinned and a few lines across his forehead. He looked younger than he probably was, because I instantly recognized him the father of one of my classmates, though I have never seen him up this close. He smiled at me when he saw me, the bell jingling by the door just enough to get his attention. I was amazed at how kind that smile came, and saw recognition crossing his blue eyes, and I thought then, He must have been very handsome when he was young.
"Hello. It's nice to see such a young lady up so early." His voice was soft and low, audible enough only for me to hear it.
"Hi," I answered, suddenly feeling shy. My eyes darted over to the cupcakes stand, and he followed the movement.
"Oh, you'll love these. My son baked them, and I assure you those are the best you'll ever taste." He wasn't being pushy, and I felt I could decline if I wanted to. And maybe I did, because my plastic bag felt lighter this week. But I had promised Prim, and I was already here. So I swallowed hard and looked back at him.
"Sounds nice. I want to get one for my sister, actually…" I started, feeling lost on what to do next. I hadn't even bought a cake before in my life. What should I do now? Would he notice? Was it pathetic that, at age 16, the only cakes I had ever eaten were the ones at Gale's and Prim's birthdays, made by Gale's mother?
"Oh, the little girl with the blond hair?" He asked knowingly and my eyes grew wide with shock, and I completely forgot how to hide my fear because how could he know my sister when I tried so hard to hide her. He chuckled, though, gently brushing off my anxiety. "I see her often looking at our cakes by the front of the shops. You're always with her."
I nodded slowly, thinking that his explanation was plausible enough. I licked my lips, eyeing the intricate designs on top of the small cakes. I could see flowers, houses, animals, all kinds of cute things Prim would surely like. I mean, she would've liked it even it was a plain piece of vanilla cake, but I wanted something special. And so I asked for it. "Can I… I mean, can I ask for a different drawing on top of the cupcake?" Was I even allowed to do that?
He nodded eagerly, looking back over his shoulder for the blink of an eye. "Actually, today is your lucky day, young lady. My son makes the decorations, as well, and he works here on Mondays mornings. I'll ask him and he'll fetch something right up for you. What drawing would like?"
"A primrose." I asked without hesitation, only later noticing that he might not know how it looked like.
"I see. Well, I'm sure we could accommodate that. I was thinking maybe a chocolate cake with orange topping. How does that sound?"
It sounded delicious, and I nodded dizzily. He smiled at me again, promised he would be back soon and, just before going in the kitchen, he said kindly. "Your friend can come in, as well, if he'd like."
I looked over my shoulder and saw Gale outside, his back to me, bags balanced in both arms. I was sure there would be no problem if he wanted to get inside, but I highly doubted he would. Gale never liked people from downtown, with their fancy shops and carefree smiles. But I, I didn't blame them. And I didn't resent them. Maybe, just maybe, I longed for what they had. Warm food on the table, easy relationships, the certainty of tomorrow. I pressed my lips together and, in that moment, I longed for Gale as well. For him to be with me, sharing this moment. But I knew clearly well the difference between fantasy and reality.
The clock ticket softly behind me, the steady pace mixing with French words. My eyes kept glued on Gale, and his eyes kept glued far away from this place. I realized that he was looking at the direction of our house, and it hurt me deeply that he was not entirely here, just his body, while his mind was fair away, with his brothers, the hog, the dirt in our shoes. I sighed deeply and was considering reaching him when the kitchen door opened.
But the man who was with me just before didn't come out, and instead I was face to face with a younger version of him.
And I knew who he was.
"Hey! My father is still in the back, but I had to see who requested a primrose cupcake. It's a lovely flower, really." Peeta started, chatty and friendly as ever. I notice a small cardboard bag in his hands, painted in beautiful tones of orange, blue, red and yellow, the name of the bakery written in elegant cursive letters. Cannelle et Rêves. "It's nice to see you here, Katniss."
I looked back at him, gray in blue. He was smiling, even friendlier than his father. I was starting to feel really embarrassed. "Yeah. My sister wanted one…" I started, feeling my voice fail me. I noticed then that he was unconventionally handsome. It made me feel intimidated, and I didn't know where to look. His eyes were too blue, I wanted to touch his hair and then die, his lips looked soft and his pale face looked like snow. I just looked… into his general direction. Trying hard not to blush. Because I have never seen him this close. Ever.
He nodded confidently, as if he knew what I was talking about. "Blond one, right?" I pressed my lips together and nodded, hesitantly. Maybe he was the same as his father, he saw her walking by with me. "She looks really sweet. I hope she enjoys it. It was a good pick."
Was this small talk? I didn't like small talk. I didn't say things that weren't necessary. I stared at him, his blue eyes caught mine, and I looked away. "Yeah. I think she will."
I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking instead at the cakes displayed by my right side. He didn't say anything for the next seconds, but I could feel his stare on me. The French song ended in the background and a new one quickly started. I licked my lips quickly, and just knew I had to get away from there. "How much do I owe you for the cupcake?"
"My treat. To celebrate your first purchase in the bakery." He was trying to be friendly. I knew it, and understood it. But something deep inside me stirred violently. How could he be so carefree, so blind to the rest of the world, to not know what I had given up in order to get that one thing for my sister. I saw red, and took a deep breath in order to clear my mind. My hand went violently in my jeans pocket, and I slammed four one dollar bills on top of the counter, hoping with all hopes that it was enough. He was reactionless for enough time for me to get the cupcake from his hands (gently, trying not to shake the box and ruin the thing).
"Thank you for the cupcake," I replied expressionlessly, turning back around and leaving the shop as fast as I could. The only answer I got was the bell jingling softly over my head and Gale's curious stare on my face.
"What?" He asked, his eyes darting quickly to the inside of the bakery and settling on Peeta.
"Nothing," I answered as fast as I could and trying to keep a calm face. I was so bad at lying. It sounded weird even to my own ears, and surely Gale noticed as well.
His eyes looked at the box in my hand and back to the bakery. I could see him calculating things in his head, like how long it would take him to beat the crap out of Peeta and run off without being seen, and if it was worthy it or not.
"Gale, let's just go. We're late anyway, right? I'm just thinking about what I had to give up in order to get this," I said quickly, walking before I finished what I had to say. I found it was better to divert his attention than to tell another lie. And I wasn't lying, because for the rest of the week I would regret this decision. That is, until I saw Prim's smile.
Gale, as always, seemed to understand me. "Hey. It's for a good cause." He said with a shrug, walking casually by my side. "I'd do the same, but then I would have to get three because Rory, Vick and Posy would never stop fighting if only one of them got a treat."
I chuckled at that, and could only agree. Gale's younger siblings were lively, and had way too much energy. They would surely get the house upside down if a cupcake were found within its walls. I was quite fond of them as well, and thought that maybe if Gale and I tried enough and saved for a couple of weeks, we would be able to do the same for them. "I'm sure they would."
We immediately notice the change in town as we approached the seam. Lovely name for our neighborhood. I thought it would be nice to live in town, and that feeling only grew stronger whenever I walked over by there. God, I would never have kids, if it meant keeping them in this place.
"Up for a few shots before class today, Catnip?" Gale asked after a few minutes of silence, looking at me out of the corner of his eyes in a secret challenge.
I rolled my eyes and let out a small "pfff" sound, a smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, only if you feel like losing," I teased lightly, and was met with a loud laugh, half mocking me and half enjoying the situation.
"As if. I bet I can hit the bull's-eye nine times out of ten."
"I bet I can get a perfect score." I replied, raising one eyebrow. He looked at me then, and I knew he had gotten me.
"Deal. Loser's gotta do whatever the winner wants?" He raised one eyebrow, as well, challenging me the same way I did. Doubting me. He definitely knew he had me in the palm of his hands.
"You bet. Meet you at the gate in thirty minutes?"
"Of course," he replied with certainty, and disappeared in the direction of his house.
Prim was awake when I got home. The good thing, though, was that she was obediently waiting in the bed, still tucked in like I had left her.
"Hey, little duck. Why up so early?" I asked, setting my plastic bag by the table near the door and going over to out bedroom.
"Couldn't sleep," she replied faintly, rolling over to face me. "You weren't here when I woke up."
I smiled softly at her, stroking her hair away from her face. "No," I agreed, lifting the bakery box up to her eye level. "I was getting you a surprise."
The moment I saw the slow transformation of confusion to curiosity to happiness and finally, utterly endless joy, I knew it had all been worth it. And it would all be worth it. Prim got the box first, setting it gently on the bed, and then she hugged me, her skinny arms squeezing delicately around my neck. I hugged her back, all the while hearing she say 'Thank you, thank you, Katniss!'.
We sat side by side on the bed (after me quickly kicking Buttercup out of it) as Prim slowly opened the box. This is better than Christmas' morning, I thought to myself.
Her eyes lit up when she saw the small cake, and I had to admit, it was perfect. There were two delicate primroses drawn on it, the yellow topping looking so much like paint. It was beautifully traced over a white background, no flaws in sight, and a cute purple paper around the chocolate cake. If it tasted as delicious as it looked, I should have paid even more.
But it wasn't Prim's cupcake that got my attention. It was something right beside it. I was pretty sure I hadn't asked for it, because I could never have afforded it, but my eyes told me that the single purple katniss drawn in white canvas, much like Prim's cupcake, was indeed real.
Prim noticed the other cupcake as well.
"Oh! Did you get you for yourself as well, Katniss?" She asked innocently, blinking up at me.
I was without reaction for three seconds until my brain made me work. I smiled at her, as natural as possible. "Yeah. They look good, right? I really wanted to try one."
I picked up the delicate cake in my hands with shaky hands, a simple orange paper around it. My nose smelled strawberries and vanilla and my mouth was unconsciously longing for it. But I was so afraid to eat it, because it was so much easier to deny something if you had never known how good it was. I was scared to grant myself that one moment of calmness, of getting something new. I hated the unfamiliar. And that cake weighted like the whole world in my trembling fingers. I thought about Peeta's skilled and steady hands drawing myself in the small cake, how he was so used to it, how he could get almost anything he wanted. It was the loveliest thing anyone had ever given me.
And I hated him for it.
I was late for school.
I could barely function after the surprise I had gotten from the bakery, and Prim took a while choosing her clothes. She wanted to wear something nice for her first day, but all my clothes were much too big on her and everything she owned was worn out.
She finally settled on a pale blue dress that I once remembered being navy blue. She looked so cute in it and, when she smiled up at me asking if I wasn't going to get changed, I finally moved again, setting the uneaten cupcake back on the box and putting it aside for now.
I showered as fast as I could and put on whatever clothes I found near me, throwing my bag over my shoulders and grabbing Prim's hands, half running, half walking through the streets.
Gale, of course, was already waiting by the school gates, a smug expression on his face. He softened, though, when he caught Prim's figure trying to catch up with my quick steps.
"Hey, Prim. What did Catnip do to you? I thought she had given up coming over today," he said teasingly, his eyes catching mine for just a split of second before going back to Prim.
"Hi Gale!" She said excitedly, a big smile on her face. I guess that, because Gale was the eldest son, he had a special way with kids. Prim always seemed calmer near him, and for an instant she might have forgotten what today and the big gray gate represented for her. "We were just a bit late. Did you know Katniss got me a cupcake today?" I saw her smile, and thought that maybe I should do this more often.
"Yeah, I heard about it. So, did you like it?" We started walking then, Gale's arm around Prim's small shoulder. We would take her to the opening ceremony and then ditch our ceremony to shoot some, as promised. I felt bad for not being there with Prim, but junior's entrance ceremony were not in the same place as senior's.
"Yup! It was really, really good. Katniss got one for herself, too." Gale shot me a surprised look, his gaze lingering on me for a few seconds before Prim pulled his shirt's sleeve and got his head down a few inches, her voice low and secretive. "I think she will eat it later, because she says she doesn't like sweets, but I think she's lying."
Gale chuckled, easily, in a care-free way, as if nothing was wrong in the world. He was so much better at lying than I was. "I'm sure she does like it. She just doesn't want us to know she enjoys something other than shooting deadly weapons."
Prim laughed, too, and Gale kept on distracting her until we were much too close to the auditorium and her too blue eyes got wide and her breath a little too fast to be natural. Gale stopped instantly, and I crouched in front of her.
"Shhh. It's ok, Prim." I gently stroked her hair, putting a golden lock behind her ears. My touch seemed to get her attention, and she focused on me. "It'll be ok. You'll make friends soon, and you won't feel lonely anymore. We'll meet at the gates after school is done, remember? I'll be there waiting for you."
She nodded quickly, not agreeing with me, just trying to convince herself. I smiled, trying to look reassuring. I hugged her tightly, and Gale patted her head.
"I'll see you later, ok?" I asked, gently squeezing her hands and getting up.
"Okay." She said, unsteady, looking at the double doors for a few seconds. "Ok." She repeated, looked at me for a few more seconds, and then went to the hall.
My eyes were on the doors as they opened and closed, until Gale's deep voice brought me back.
"Do I need to say 'I told you so'?" He asked sternly, walking towards our training room. I followed him.
"No, you don't. Don't even start, Gale." I sighed heavily, looking towards the floor. I was so tired, so exhausted. Had I made all the wrong choices while thinking I was helping Prim?
"Fine. I won't. But I will ask this. About the other cupcake." He looked at me out of the corner of his gray eyes, steady steps showing nothing different. We looked like two friends just talking about maybe the latest movies in theatres.
"Ugh, I don't know. It was a surprise to me as much as it was for you. I order just one, for Prim, but when I got home, there were two in there!"
"But did he charge you for two?"
I bit my lips, embarrassed now that I thought I got that one for free. And I would have gotten another one, as well, if I hadn't had my pride. And I couldn't tell Gale that Peeta offered the two of them for free to me, because he was as proud as I was. So I just shook my head, staring at the floor. "No. I paid for one. Ugh, I hate this. I feel so bad about it. I even thought about returning it."
"Why didn't you?" He asked, fishing his backpack for what I thought was the key to the training room.
"Because it would be awkward! I don't even know what to think of it. I mean, I haven't even talked to Peeta in my life. Ever. And then all of a sudden he gives me something out of the freaking blue." I was exasperated. I was pretty sure Peeta was pitying me, the poor girl from the seam who had to work her ass off every day just to barely make it through the month. I knew what people said behind my back. I knew how they saw me. And I didn't hate it as long as they kept their distance, because I didn't owe them anything. But now I did, and I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had to pay Peeta back in some way.
Without even knowing it, that baker had unbalanced my whole world.
"It wouldn't be awkward. He gave you something. You didn't like it. You give it back." Gale said simply, finally finding the key and opening the door. I turned on the lights as we got in, and the familiar smell of wood and hay.
I started setting up the targets as Gale picked up the bows and arrows. I huffed to myself, getting more upset as the minutes passed by.
"I just really wanna forget it, Gale. You know, only two more years and we're so out of here. In two years, it will hardly matter anymore."
Gale looked at me in a weird way when he handed me the bow and a set of ten arrows. From the day we met, I had always been able to tell what he was thinking, what he was feeling, what he wanted to do. But now, in this stare, I saw… nothing. I couldn't decipher what was going on in his head, and for a while I felt like stepping off a cliff and falling into something I had never seen before.
I clutched the equipment and he turned his back to me before speaking, setting up his own things as well. "You're right. In two years, we'll get away. It's a whole new world out there."
I didn't know exactly what he was talking about. Gale and I never really spoke about the future, because we didn't really have big chances of going into college unless we got a full time scholarship. And though Gale was smart, he wasn't that high on top to get a study scholarship, and I barely got enough grades to pass. Our only chance was archery, and not many colleges were big fans of it. But I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I decided long ago that I would be happy as long as I got a stable enough job that helped save up for Prim's university, because she was going no matter what I had to do.
"So. Remember: winner's pick." Gale said suddenly, getting into position in front of his target. I straightened up as well, taking my position.
"Yeah. Just don't choose something expensive," I said teasingly, because we have had competitions like these thousands of times, and we never chose material things. I often asked Gale to polish the tips of my arrows or help me clean the house, and he usually got me to carry his groceries for the week or get his brothers ready for school (it was far more challenging than it seemed).
Gale shot the first arrow, and he got bulls-eye. I wasn't worried, though, because I was equally good. Ad I loved shooting because I could finally get my head clear, always, no matter how bad the situation was. All that mattered was that arrow and the center of the target, and the whole world was just that straight line.
I took a deep breath, feeling my head clear all of a sudden with the expectation of just shooting, lined my arrow with the target, and let it go.
I hit 9 out of 10.
Gale hit all 10 of them.
So, clearly, I had lost. He teased me about it as we collected the arrows and started putting things away. I tried to ignore him as best as possible, but he was impossibly loud, grinning all over his victory.
"All right, fine!" I said, after we had finished cleaning up the training room. "God, stop teasing me about it! I just barely missed that last shot…" I muttered under my breath. Even to Gale, whom I had known for years, I hated losing.
"You keep telling yourself that, Catnip," he teased again, patting me lightly on the head. I glared at him but couldn't help a smile that tugged gently at my lips.
"Ok. You're the winner, and I'm a woman of my word. What do you want? How about I help getting your bothers ready for school tomorrow?" I suggested, getting my backpack so we could go to class.
"Not this time," he said, also picking up his stuff. I raised one eyebrow at him, but he didn't say anything for a while, and we started walking through the mostly empty halls.
"Fine, Gale. What do you want?" My curiosity was getting the better of me, unfortunately, but Gale didn't seem so unwilling to comply with me, so I started gently poking his ribs, his torso, his arms. He was very, veeery ticklish.
He laughed, uselessly trying to get away. I kept getting near him, and eventually I guess he was tired of laughing so hard and trying to shoo me away, so he grabbed my wrists and pulled my flush against him, one of his hands leaving my wrists and holding my waist to steady me. I lifted my eyes at him, grinning, teasing, but he was so serious, just looking at me, lips so tight against each other they were white.
"I know what I want." He whispered, holding my wrist tighter. I stared at him, waiting for him to say something, anything, and he breathed. "Don't talk to Peeta again."
I fell silent, then. I had no boundaries; everything I did was because there was a reason that I created, a sense deep in me that moved me on and on. I hated being told what to do. I hated feeling attached to someone. And this request from Gale, it was more than I could take, because it was limiting me even though I did have no intention of talking to Peeta ever again. But it had been my choice, and I could do whatever I wanted with it. But now that Gale told me to, I felt uncomfortably stuck, thrown in the middle of a closed fence. My boundaries were closing on me.
I guess he noticed that I didn't like it, because I saw just this hint of sadness in his eyes. But I didn't see regret in them, and it infuriated me even more because he knew what he was doing to me and he didn't do a damn thing about it.
"I know you don't like it. But please? He's no good. He's from town. He's at the top of school, he's in a whole other dimension. Don't get close to him."
I got away from him, pulling my wrist with unnecessary strength because he wasn't really trying to keep me close anymore. I glared at him again, adjusting the straps of my bag on my shoulders.
"Don't ask me this, Gale. You know what you're doing." I warned him, because he knew me better than anyone else.
"I know, but I won't back down. I'm just trying to protect you, Katniss, just like you try to protect Prim."
"I don't need protection," I hated feeling weak and defenseless. I didn't let anyone take care of me. I didn't depend on anyone. I hated feeling pathetic like this. I swore that I would do everything on my own. I would never need anyone else.
Gale tried to talk to me but I walked away. I didn't want to listen to him. I was so angry.
I did my best to avoid Gale for the rest of the day. It wasn't hard, really, because he was a year older than me, so we weren't in the same class. During lunch, I sat a cornered table and, to my relief, Gale didn't try to sit with me.
The annoying part, however, was that this didn't go unnoticed.
"So, what's the big deal between you and Gale?" Johanna asked, stuffing her mouth full of mashed potatoes. I gave her a blank look and she groaned. "Come on. Don't try to play dumb, sweetie. What happened?"
"Nothing," I shrugged, looking down at my plate. "We just didn't feel like talking to each other today."
"God, you're a worse liar than Delly, and that's saying much. Remember when she forgot to do her homework and told the teacher that it got thrown in the washing machine? Pathetic." She muttered, filling her mouth with more potatoes.
"You're being mean," Madge said, stifling a laugh. She was the mayor's daughter, but she was okay. I liked her. It was a wonder she didn't sit with the popular kids. I often asked myself what she saw in people like me and Johanna.
"Okay, fine," I said, finally, because now both of them had mutely decided to team up and were expectantly staring at me. "We had a little fight. Nothing big. We'll probably be on talking terms again tomorrow." I said with a shrug, because this was what usually happened whenever Gale and I fought.
"You keep telling yourself that," Johanna started, rolling her brown eyes. "I can't believe how dumb you are. If you keep acting like this, Gale will get tired of you and fetch himself some other girl. He'll have no problem with this, obviously, because he is freaking hot."
I glared at her, but I did this so often that it hardly had any effect. Madge chuckled, but didn't say anything because she knew how that infuriated me and she was nice like that.
But Johanna wasn't nice.
"What? I'm just saying, sweetie, if you don't admit to yourself that you are terribly in love with Gale, he will grow tired of waiting. God knows how that one can be impatient."
"How many times do you I have to tell you? I have no feelings for him! We're just friends."
"Riiiight. Finnick and Annie are also just friends." She teased lightly, grinning somewhat wickedly at me.
"They're different! Everybody knows they have been in love with each other since they first put their sickening green eyes on each other." I said with exasperation, though I really like those two.
"Yes. The same way everybody knows Gale and you have always been in love with each other." She said this and, as if to make it final, got her tray of food and got up. Madge followed her, as well, and I had no choice but to go along.
I gave up on discussing with Johanna, because really, she was as stubborn as I was, and nothing I said or did would change her mind. I didn't care about what others said about my back. It bothered me, though, when my friends didn't believe me. But I just let it go, because sooner or later she would drop it. I was only hopping it was sooner than later.
I just finished putting my tray away, though, when my eyes caught sight of yellow. Not just yellow, plain or dirty or sickening. Sunshine yellow. The kind people paid good money to have in a bottled way. I unconsciously looked at it, though I knew no one at school could have hair that yellow.
Peeta, as always, was sitting with his friends. I usually called them careers, because that's what they were. They were popular, rich, good at anything they did. They were the ones who had chances in life, of getting a good house and great jobs and a perfect family.
When I was young, right after my father had passed away, I used to long for them, for that. But not today. I just hoped I could make it, if only barely, to my basic goals.
I pressed my lips tight together, remembering this morning and how much it had affected me. Peeta's eyes were forward, sharing what I believed to be a funny story with Cato. Clove and Glimmer were laughing together, and in just that split of second I thought what my life would be like if I was one of them. How much easier it would be.
But I didn't let myself dwell on it, and I looked away before his blue eyes could catch a sight of me looking at them. God, I would never survive it if this happened.
The rest of the day was pure torture. Classes were dull. Peeta was in my class. I ignored him as best as possible. It wasn't hard, though, because all I could think of was Prim all alone in a classroom full of people she didn't know, and how it must be hell for her.
When the bell finally screamed through the hallways, announcing that school was over, I quickly packed my things, merely nodded to Johanna and Madge and sprinted through the halls, reaching the front gates faster than I had in months.
When I got there, Prim wasn't there. I got impatient and nervous until I remembered it was her first day and she would probably take a while to leave class and get to the gates. I tapped my foot, anxious, checking my wristwatch every second, my eyes scanning the crowd of students until I saw her familiar head and long braids hesitantly walking to the gates. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and waved my hand up in the air so she could see me.
She smiled, then, relief clearly written all over her face. She ran over to me, giving me a quick hug when she was close enough.
"Hey, little duck. How was your day?" I asked, caressing her cheeks briefly before walking towards our house.
"It was good. The teachers were nice."
"Good. Did you make any friends?" I was afraid that she hadn't, but I needed to know if she was all alone or if someone was able to keep her company.
To my relief, she nodded excitedly. "Yes, I did! Her name is Rue. She's also new to the school."
"Oh, yeah? That sounds great. Maybe we could invite her to spend the afternoon whit us when I get a free day from work." I suggested lightly, running my fingers through her long braids. Prim smiled at this, happy enough, and nodded.
"Yeah. I hope she says yes."
Prim and I chatted about unimportant things on the rest of the way, and I was happy that she seemed calmer than this morning. One last thing to worry about, I thought to myself. When our house came into view, I lightly kissed Prim's cheek and watched as she got inside.
I was glad that I had to go to work in the afternoon, because then I wouldn't have to see my mother. I looked at my house for a second longer than necessary before turning around on my heels and going over to the Starbucks in town, my afternoon workplace for at least two years.
I had been working for two hours and movement was slow. I had only prepared a few blends and was sitting at a stool by the counter, bored out of my mind, when my cellphone buzzed in my pocket. I picked it up and saw that it was a text message. From Gale.
Hey. How was Prim's first day?
I was happy for the light subject, and that I didn't have to pretend that things were good and I wasn't still mad with him.
Really good. She looks calmer now. She said she made a new friend.
I waited for a few seconds until I got his answer, checking it at once.
That's good. Told you you had nothing to worry about.
I smiled to myself despite my anger. I could perfectly picture Gale's smug smile as he typed the words.
Yeah. As always, you're right and I'm wrong. Slow day at work?
Gale worked at a sports goods store, doing whatever he needed to do (sometimes acting as a seller, sometimes as the cashier, sometimes storing things at the back of the store. Whatever he was asked to do), but sometimes he got days like I did, when we had too much free time.
Yep. You?
Same. I just want to get home as soon as possible. I'm tired.
Me too. School feels like hell.
I knew what he meant. We didn't feel as tired when we were on vacations. Plus, we could also work some extra hours. Like we often said to each other, we couldn't wait to be done with it. Gale was luckier, though, as this was his last year. I could barely wait for mine.
But we were just making small talk and, although it was good to get a distraction from a slow day, Enobaria, the psychotic store manager, was starting to give me a very dirty look. So I decided to end this as soon as possible and make Gale say whatever it was he wanted to say. Because, like me, he also wasn't a fan of small talk.
On with it.
I typed quickly, turning my back to her while I looked at my cellphone.
Gale answered quickly.
I just don't want you to get angry with me about today.
I sighed deeply, and carefully chose my words as I typed.
But I am. You know me better than anyone else, Gale. You know what you did.
I noticed out of the corner of my eyes as Enobaria went to the back of the store, and I relaxed a little.
You say careless things sometimes, Catnip.
I huffed at the text message, feeling insulted, clutching the cellphone until the skin beneath my nails went white. I thought bitterly, How could he say that to me. He was the one who said what he shouldn't have. He was the one pushing things. I wasn't wrong. I wouldn't let him make me feel bad about it.
Gale, you asshole. You're saying stupid things now!
I typed furiously, feeling I would break my cell with the strength I was putting into my fingers.
I settled it in my pocket, ignoring the weight it had. To my luck, a new customer got in just then. As I was taking his order, I felt my cell buzzing, and I ignored it.
I took my time preparing his drink, trying to drag every second as far as possible. I gave it back to him and looked expectantly to the door, hoping that another customer would magically appear the second the last one walked out.
But, unlucky me, that didn't happen. I sat back on the stool, already feeling bored, and pointedly ignored the text message waiting for attention.
However, my mind wouldn't go anywhere else no matter how much I tried, and gruffly I picked up the offending thing and looked at the words shinning on the screen.
And my stomach made a suicide jump all the way to my feet.
I just really, really care about you, Katniss.
TBC