"MADNESS!!!"
-Vx Tao Ren xV
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Takei Hiroyuki.. last time I checked, that.. wasn't.. me...
Author's Notes: I.. am.. ALIVE!!! ::blinks:: Yes.. Anyways, Tanjoubi Omedetou Hao-Sama!!!! And uhm.. Yoh.. ::blinks:: And if you didn't know that today was their birthday.. I shall rain some DOOM upon the heads of your DOOMED existence!! ::blinks:: Yes.. don't mind me.. I just completely flipped out when I realized that I forgot to write a birthday fic for Yoh and Hao-Sama today.. so yes, 'tis a one-shot! Enjoy!
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"MADNESS!!!"
Ren's P.O.V.
I don't get what the bug deal is. I mean, it's just a birthday, after all. Why do we have to have this giant, annoying party? Gifts are fine, but a party? Neesan and I never had parties on our birthdays. Grr. Not everyone wants to do this anyway. The whole thing was Horohoro, Ryu, and Manta's idea. "A surprise party", they said. It's not like I had any say in it. Of course not, otherwise I wouldn't be hiding in a closet with that dimwit, Horohoro, waiting for Yoh to walking into the friggin' room. Not even Anna objected to this pointless thing! She said something like, "If you make a mess in the house, then you won't live to see your next birthday!". Now she's underneath the tea table with Manta. Ryu and Lyserg, well, I'm not sure where they're hiding, and I don't really care, either.. Anyway, it's pitch black in here, and I'm stuck... in this stupid closet... with Horohoro. How the hell are we going to know when Yoh comes in, anyway?!! We're stuck.. in a closet!! Arghhh!!!!!!!!
Lyserg's P.O.V.
This is absolutely ridiculous. I can understand that we aren't supposed to be seen by Yoh-kun, but... is lying on the blades of a ceiling fan really necessary? What was Ryu-san thinking? How will we even get down from here?! Come to think of it, I don't even want to be up here! Ryu-san just took me by surprise and threw me in the air! I don't even know how Ryu-san got up here, too! Well, we do have the best view of the door.. but that's not the point! Ugh!
Normal P.O.V.
Footsteps were heard approaching the sliding door of the tea room, of course, the only ones not aware of this were Ren and Horohoro, since they were hiding in the closet, and for some reason not able to hear anything. Anyway! The sounds of footsteps were getting louder, presumably because the feet that were making the sounds were approaching closer and closer to the tea room. When those aforementioned feet have reached their target, that is, the tea room, the owner of those feet opened the sliding door...
SURPRI---
...
NANI?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [A/N: The ceiling fan from which Ryu and Lyserg were hiding just crashed to the ground, creating a pile of.. ceiling fan debris which buried Lyserg and Ryu..]
Now, the problem was not that the owner of those feet was not Asakura Yoh, but the problem was in fact, Asakura Yoh and—
Voice underneath the ceiling fan rubble: HAO!!!!!!!!
::silence::
Yoh: Naa... why is there debris in the tea room..?
Voice underneath the tea table: RYU!!!!!
::Anna comes out from under the table::
Anna: I told you not to get the room DIRTY!!!!
::Anna walks up to the pile of rubble and digs out Ryu and starts shaking him by his ridiculously absurd shirt collar::
Ryu: Okami! I'm sorry! How was I to know that the ceiling fan was going to fall!
Anna: Oh, I don't know.. maybe the fact that you and Lyserg were both lying on top of it for several minutes!!!
At this moment, the closet door opens and Horohoro sticks his head out form the gap.
Horohoro: What's going on? I heard a loud noise. Is Yoh here ye— ::blinks:: Hao!!
Ren: ::blinks:: ::walks out of the closet:: Are we finished yet?
::silence::
Hao: Yes... should I ask why Tao Ren and Horohoro were in a closet, Lyserg and Ryu were on a ceiling fan that I never knew that you had, and why your gorgeous fiancée was underneath your tea table?
Yoh: ::shrugs:: Hey, where's Manta?
Anna: He's petrified in fear underneath the tea table. I'm not sure whether or not it was the deafening crash, or the sudden burst of his name.
Hao: Aww.. I feel unloved. It's my birthday too, aren't people supposed to feel loved and showered with friendship and happiness, and most importantly, presents, on their birthday?
Anna: No.
Horohoro's P.O.V.
Stupid, stupid Hao! He ruined our surprise party! Why is he even here?! Oh, right, it kinda is his birthday, too. Because he and Yoh are twins... so.. they were born on the same day and stuff.. But he's evil! Evil people shouldn't get presents! Because.. well.. they're evil! Stupid, stupid Hao! Plus, I didn't even buy him a present! Well, not like I would have because.. he's evil! And evil people shouldn't get presents! Because.. they're evil! Uhm.. yeah...
Hao's P.O.V.
Stupid humans!!! Don't they know it's my birthday?! Where are the presents!? I see no presents! Oh! There they are! Oh happy day! Wait.. those presents seem.. peculiar... What is that card! "To: Yoh'? NO! Evil card of DOOM! I am the only one to rain DOOM upon the humans! Wait.. Yoh got presents, and I, the almighty Hao, did not? Stupid, stupid Yoh! Yoh gets everything! He gets love, he gets affection, he gets friends, and he gets PRESENTS! Why can't I have presents?! Oh I see.. it's because I'm.. evil... What does he have that I don't have?! I mean—I have majesty!... and... floofy pants! I bet if I were a pansy, with regular, non-majestic pants, like Yoh, then I would get presents, too!
Yoh's P.O.V.
Aww.. I was hoping that this wouldn't happen.. All I did was invite Hao to the birthday party, because ya know.. it's his birthday, too.. I don't even think they got him presents, either... just because he's evil, tried to destroy humans, killed hundreds of shamans, and pretty much ruined the Shaman Fight... but still! It's his birthday! Everybody deserves presents on their birthday! Poor Hao...
Normal P.O.V.
Yoh: Uh.. be right back!
::Yoh runs out the door, dragging Hao with him::
In some other room
Yoh: Sumanai [A/N: "I'm sorry"], Hao..
Hao: Hn?
Yoh: They didn't get you any presents.
Hao: Why would they? Did they yell, "Surprise", when we walked in? I thought you said that it was just a party, how did you know about it if it was supposed to be a surprise?
Yoh: Oh! Well, I was in the kitchen getting myself some oranges when I heard Ryu and Manta talking about it. I guess they didn't notice me there..
Hao: Right..
Yoh: Hey! I got an idea!
Hao: What?
Yoh: Why don't we switch places for today?!
Hao: And why would we do that?
Yoh: So that way, you'll get presents!
Hao: Uhm.. even if we did, we don't exactly look alike..
Yoh: What are you talking about?! We're twins, aren't we?!
Hao: Yes, however, my hair is considerably longer than yours...
Yoh: Aww.. it's not that long! No one will notice!
Hao: You've got to be kidding.. Now could they not no—
Yoh: Okay that settles it! Give me your clothes!
Hao: What?
Yoh: If we're going to switch, I have to wear your clothes, and you have to wear mine.. so that they won't tell the difference..
Hao: I'm telling you, they will—
Yoh: Aww, don't worry so much!
Hao: ...
So, Hao and Yoh switched clothes and everything, although Hao just did it to make Yoh happy. The both of them then returned to the tea room.
The Tea Room
Yoh [as Hao]: We're back!
Hao [as Yoh]: ::mumbling to Yoh:: You dirty the pants, I'll kill you..
Yoh: Eheheheh... ;;
Everyone: Wha??....
Ren: I don't even wanna know..
Anna: ...
Lyserg: ::Finally emerges from the rubble:: HAAOO—Huh?
Ryu: Danna... ::runs up to Hao (dressed as Yoh):: Where did you get your hair done?! Tell meeee!!!!!!
Everyone: --;;
Hao [as Yoh]: Uhm..
Ryu: I know! It's those new-age hair extensions, right?! It seems so real! And shiny!
Hao [as Yoh]: Well of course it's shiny! That's because it is real!
Ryu: What? Danna.. you're wearing.. a wig?
Hao [as Yoh]: Wha?
Ryu: And come to think of it.. uhm.. Hao? Where did you're hair go?
Yoh [as Hao]: Oh! I uhm.. got a haircut! And.. gave it to Ha—Yoh! For a birthday present!
Hao [as Yoh]: Yes, because my hair was sooo brittle, dull and ever-so-lack luster! ::smirk::
Yoh [as Hao]: Yeah! And I decided to quit looking like a woman! ::glare::
Horohoro: Uhm right.. er.. LET'S HAVE CAKE!!!
In the Kitchen
Horohoro is splurging on the birthday cake. Ren is drinking his milk, Anna is drinking tea, Ryu is also eating cake, or rather, attempting to feed it to Lyserg, and Manta.. is still underneath the tea table. Yoh and Hao, are also… nowhere to be found..
Horohoro: ::while eating massive amounts of birthday cake:: Hey.. where's Yoh.. or Hao.. or Yoh.. or.. whatever...?
Ren: Who cares?
Anna: You better not get cake on the floor.
Lyserg: What were they thinking? Don't they know that it's completely obvious?
Anna: Hao probably knows, Yoh probably doesn't... either that, or doesn't care.
Ryu: What are you talking about?
Horohoro: You mean you can't tell?
Ryu: Tell what?
Lyserg: That Yoh-kun and Hao switched places, or clothes rather.
Ryu: They what?! You lie!
Horohoro: Uhm no.. not really.
Ryu: Wow...
Anna: Right..
All of a sudden, Yoh, or rather, Hao, bursts into the kitchen, looking rather, strange, to say the least. He was wearing Hao's clothes, but in addition to some other things. He was holding a broom in his hand, upside down, and wore upon his head, a paper crown, much like the kinds that would be distributed at Burger King, except this one was from a Japanese McDonalds.
Yoh [as Hao]: I am the almighty Burger Lord! Since I have failed three consecutive times to become the Shaman King and rule the world, after annihilating all of the FILTHY humans, I have decided to rein my mighty-ness upon something less.. living!
Everyone: O.O
Then, Hao, or rather, Yoh, also burst into the kitchen, also wearing Yoh's clothes, but also wearing many, many, many wreaths, made of pansies. There were pansies on his head, pansies around his waist, pansies on his arms, pansies on his legs, and he was even wearing a towel around his neck with an image of a pansy on it.
Hao [as Yoh]: I, am PANSYMAN!! Fear not! For I shall filled the world with my PANSY-NESS! ::starts prancing around the kitchen throwing pansies in the faces of Ren, Anna, Horohoro, Ryu, and Lyserg::
Lyserg: Oh, My, God.
Anna's P.O.V.
Will the stupidity never end? I never even wanted this stupid party. I just thought that it was a good way for Ryu to cook massive amounts of food, for those days when Yoh has to cook. But no.. Yoh just had to bring that damned Hao, and they just had to commence in this ridiculous act of EXTREME IDIOCY!!! I don't care what they do, what they wear, or who they kill, just somebody make them SHUT UP!
Normal P.O.V.
After a glare-fest between "Burger Lord" and "Pansyman", the two of them ran out of the room and parted their separate ways.
Ren: What the hell was that?
Horohoro: Even I don't wanna go there..
Anna: At least they're gone.. for now anyway.
With that, Horohoro continued to splurge on the birthday cake, Ren continued drinking his milk, Anna continued to sip her tea, and Ryu tried to feed Lyserg cake again.
Approximately 10 minutes later, Hao, or Yoh, or yeah.. whatever, ran into the kitchen, again. However, he was back in Yoh's clothes, just Yoh's clothes. No towel, and no ridiculous amount pansies.
Hao [as Yoh]: Anna!!! Come run away with me!!!!
Anna: What?
Hao [as Yoh]: Let's run away and get married at a Las Vegas drive-in wedding chapel!
Anna: What?
Hao [as Yoh]: Yeah! We're supposed to get married anyway, right?!?! Why not right-now?!? Think about it!
Anna: No.
Hao [as Yoh]: Well, I already bought the plane tickets! So let's go! ::grabs Anna by the arm::
Just as Anna was going to slap Hao, or Yoh, or whatever... Yoh, or Hao, or whatever... also ran into the kitchen... except, he wasn't alone.
Yoh [as Hao]: ANNA!!
Horohoro: Oh my God...
Ren: Baka.
Yoh had gotten Manta (who is currently knocked out for some apparent reason) from underneath the tea table, and wrapped a bath towel around his neck. The most noticeable thing, is that Manta... had an afro. Where Yoh had gotten the afro wig, is another story in itself, but we won't go there right now.
Anna: When will it end?
Yoh [as Hao]: Anna! I have decided to cut off our engagement, no matter how mandatory it may be, to run away with Ma.. er.. M..opacho! Yeah! Mopacho!
Anna: You what?
Hao [as Yoh]: ::glares at Yoh:: ::runs out of the kitchen::
Yoh [as Hao]: ::starts chucking to self::
Ryu: Is that Manta?..
Everyone: --;;
Within minutes Hao, or yeah.. started heading back into the kitchen,
or more like rolled into the kitchen. You see, Hao, or Yoh, or yeah.., was dressed in this gigantic spherical, thing, shaped like an orange. And he was wearing this hat thingy that had the orange's "leaves" sticking out of it.
Ren: You have got to be kidding...
Horohoro: Oh no...
Hao [as Yoh.. or the orange]: ANNA!!
Anna: What the hell is it now?!
Hao [as Yoh.. or the orange]: I have given up my dream of becoming Shaman King, to pursue a more realistic dream!
Anna: And what, pray tell, would that be?
Hao [as Yoh.. or the orange]: To become the ORANGE KING! For you see, there's no way that I can become Shaman King, with the most powerful Shaman who ever lived after that very same title! I am merely a speck of dirty dirt in comparison to his great power and majesty! Not only that! But he has one of the greatest spirits in existence! So great, that it was born from the Great Spirits itself! Who would've thought! And not only that, but have you seen the guy's pants?!?!? I have never seen an entity so stupendous in all of my being! I mean, the pants alone hold a great, mighty, powerful influence upon everything! They have more influence than you, my horrifying, beast-like fiancée!
[A/N: Note that throughout this whole thing, Anna has had an anime-vein popping out of her head, that bulged larger with every adjective that Hao said.]
Yoh [as Hao]: What?!?!
Hao [as Yoh]: You heard me!
Yoh and Hao: Grrrr.......!!
Anna: Would the two of you shut the hell up!?!?!?!
Everyone then stopped what they were doing to look at Anna.
Anna: It's time for presents!
Everyone (Other than Yoh and Hao): Huh?!
Anna: Yoh, Hao, I both have a little something for both of you.
Yoh and Hao: Really?
Anna: Yes.. ::Anna walks up to the two of them:: ::a pause:: YOUR BIRTHDAY PUNCHES!! ::Anna punches the two of them so hard in the face, that they both go flying::
As a reaction, Yoh also ended up flying with Manta, holding Manta by his.. afro. The two, Yoh and Manta, flew straight out the door and crashed right into the wall outside. Hao, however, due the giant orange.. thingy.. bounced right off the wall, off the ceiling, off the table, pretty much bounced off of everything in the room, splattering all of the cake, that Horohoro didn't eat, all over the kitchen, hitting everyone, even Anna, in the face. When the bouncing of Hao finally stopped, the kitchen was a total mess, and Hao was undoubtedly very, very dizzy. However, Anna's rage was clearly visible, and Hao escaped from the orange thingy and faced a very angry and messy Anna.
Anna: What did I say about getting this place dirty?!
Hao: Heh ;;.. I wouldn't know.. I wasn't here for that announcement..
Anna: Hao...
Needless to say, this was a very unhappy birthday for both Asakura Yoh and Asakura Hao, and definitely one that neither of them will forget.
Hao: Wahhhh!! ::Is heard running around the house::
Anna: Come back here! I need to give you the rest of your Birthday Punches!!!
Things in the Asakura household are seen exploding as Anna continues to chase Hao down for the rest of the day.
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Owari!
Woohoo!!! I finished!! I actually managed to write a Shaman King humor fic! Yay! Go me!!! Anyways, this was really fun for me to write, even though I was under a huge amount of stress to finish this today, since I'm pretty much known to be a very slow writer.
Tanjoubi Omedetou Yoh to Hao-Sama!
Happy Birthday Yoh and Hao-Sama!