Me: BoO is out now and I haven't gotten to read it yet! *Hangs head in shame*
Khione: Oh go cry me a river!
Me: No. I must save my tears for whoever is going to die. And you'd just freeze it with your icy heart anyways.
Khione: Quite possibly. But don't get a big head because you were right once, you still don't own PJO OR HoO.
Me: *curls up in ball and cries.* WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT?
(If you were dumber than a dead drakon that was my disclaimer.)
Clarisse Pov
Still, I thought bittersweetly as my head hit my pillow in the Ares cabin, although it doesn't really matter now…
I was an idiot. A fool. I could never make up my mind. I was loyal to Camp Half-Blood- still am, probably always will be- but when my cabin needed me to train them, to lead them, when the whole camp needed a strong warrior to push them along to victory whole Prissy and Princess were off saving the world, I was collaborating- meeting up with, (peacefully no less!) a traitor. Someone from the enemy side.
I can't believe it; that I got so far without being caught or called out, attacked, disowned, or killed. It went on for almost half a year, every few weeks. I got so far behind on my training, on my cabin leader duties, everything, because of my love for a stupid traitor.
I used to think that love was weak. Traitors were worthless punks. It was best to stay emotionless when fighting, because even anger could get you killed. Emotion was weakness, and warriors did not show weakness.
Just because they didn't show didn't mean they didn't have it though.
"You use me and I use you." That's what I used to tell him. We used each other and our secret visits to get away from our harsh reality, one forced into being a fearless warrior 24/7, and one nothing more than a number in an army.
"I; your savior, you; my muse." Was how he'd describe us. I told him to stay in the army, to not leave and just be killed for leaving; I apparently inspired him to make new plans, new pranks, hide his degenerating faith in Kronos.
He was my savior. That's right. Clarisse, Drakon Slayer, daughter of Ares and leader of cabin five, the girl who rescued the Golden Fleece from the Sea of Monsters when she was only thirteen, had a savior. He caught me when I fell away from camp from stress, cracking under pressure. He never breathed a word of it afterwards, not even to his side.
The best friend that you've been to me... I'd think bitterly as we sat in the little cafes and stores together, talking about nothing important. But I wanna be your enemy!
(But I wanna be your enemy!) I'd scream it internally whenever I saw his scythe pendant, attached to his shoelace, whenever he mentioned Luke, whenever he asked if Camp was fine and what pranks Travis and Connor had been pulling lately.
I hated myself for loving him. I hated him for turning away from camp, form me, when I cared about him.
You stare at me with omnivorous eyes, I'd think later. Omnivorous eyes, slightly crazy eyes, mischievous eyes, the eyes of a survivor- at any cost. I couldn't bring myself to trust those deep brown orbs whenever I looked into them. He'd say things sometimes, asking about someone- normally a demigod who'd recently disappeared or someone close to me (The amount of times he asked how Silena was doing made me want to strangle him, even today), or even someone I hated but was important, like Prissy or Princess, and my first thought would always be on guard, thinking you want a reaction, want a reaction.
"You wear a red dress when you're in a bullfight." He'd tell me time and time again. "You put yourself in danger every time you get the chance, you push everything too far. You're going to get killed."
"You're drawing attention to your double life, the fact that you meet me here." Was another thing he always scolded me on by the time October rolled around. "Even Luke has heard reports of how you disappear every week or so, and he's the one I'm reporting to and asking for time off in the city."
My eyes flutter closed in the darkness of the cabin and tired from the day's extensive training, my mind slips from thoughts to sleepy memories.
I remember clearly how I felt when I woke up the first morning in November of that year, having not gotten a hidden message from him in weeks. I'd stayed at camp, and woken one morning with the image of my demigodly dreams still fresh in my mind- Myself, in the Arizona desert where my mother lived, searching for Chris.
I woke to the same dream every morning afterwards- Searching the desert until my throat was dry from heat and raw from shouting, before tripping over a piece of string that glowed purple and gold and falling down a long, dark, never-ending tunnel while shouts and screams echoed around me- Chris, Luke, Annabeth, my mother, Silena. Always Chris and Silena.
It went on for a week and a half before I gave in and asked Chiron if I return to my mother's, explaining my dreams was telling me to. He didn't question me, just said yes and to be careful.
I still had the message I'd written to myself and him, not meant for him to read it or anyone else. I ended up throwing it into the hearth in the commons area the next morning, not even lingering to watch it burn.
Hey punk,
Here's the thing. In my stupid dreams, I'm coming to find you in Arizona. This is why I'm leaving for my mom's place tomorrow morning. And the thing is, when I wake I want anyone else… because I don't love you. We can't go on like this, Chris.
At least, it's what I'm telling myself.
-Clarisse
As her dream self turned away from the hearth, ignoring the little girl sitting next to it, she jogged straight into another memory.
"Just because he hasn't claimed you yet doesn't mean that he doesn't care, Chris, it just means he's waiting for the right time." She heard herself arguing.
This was the moment, this was the place. I remembered. This was the night that everything changed.
"Easy for you to say." Chris spat back, glaring at me. "You lead your own cabin, with your own space, with your little zappy spear as a birthday present from Daddy dearest at your side."
I bristled. The argument only got more heated and when they were sent off to their cabins by the harpies at curfew, Chris' last words to me were;
"You might be following in your dad's footsteps, but I'm going to follow my brother's."
The sharp pain that accompanied his parting words woke me up in my cabin, even though it was only a memory. Already knowing I was never going to sleep properly like this, I searched underneath my mattress for the specific thing I knew was there.
Withdrawing the crumpled piece of paper, I smoothed it out even though I knew I wouldn't be able to read it in the dark. I had it memorized anyways.
I'm hiding from you, hiding from you, hiding from you, because we are the same.
It had his goofy little crooked CHR used to sign things with, even if they weren't his proper initials, scrawled across the bottom. It was the first time he'd contacted me after disappearing.
I, ready to rip him to shreds for betraying us, decoded the random letters and numbers he had along the bottom of the page into a military time and an address for a little tea shop.
I'd found him there, sipping a glass of water at as little outdoor table. There weren't many people around, thankfully, but enough that I probably would get arrested if I attacked him. I ended up sitting next to him, disgruntled to say the least, and he'd asked me what I wanted to drink. That's it. Like we were just some mortal teenage friends or couple sharing a drink outside in the last days of summer.
After I had a glass of water, I asked him why in the name of the gods he was meeting me here. I didn't trust him.
"Just because we're supposed to be fighting each other doesn't mean we should automatically hate each other." He'd told me.
"Actually, yeah it does, punk." I snarled.
"No, I mean…" He waved his hands around in the air a little, as though trying to explain what he meant better. "I mean, okay, maybe we're supposed to. But just because as pawns of the gods our fates are to fight, to be divided against each other in a game of death, doesn't mean that we can't leave that life for a while. We're not just numbers in an army, we are alive. There's more than our big picture here with armies and monsters and the camp, we can have our smaller moments too. We can leave everything behind- training, monsters, stress, everything that makes us demigods or different. We can meet up, be normal. No talk of armies or death, just food and the weather and which movies are dumber. You in?"
I paused for a moment, letting what he was saying sink in.
"You want us to go behind everyone's backs."
"We deserve peaceful lives, Clarisse, but we're not going to get that. But we can make peaceful moments for ourselves."
And I, like the fool I'd become, agreed.
Every few weeks, we'd meet up in New York, at some café or small store. Every time a monster found us or something else happened, a note would find me, and I'd kept every single one. I still even had the very last one I'd gotten from him before he disappeared.
A digital haunt in an analogue life… I'm hiding from you, hiding from you, hiding inside you.
'Cause we are the same.
-CHR
It had been even more cryptic than most of the notes he'd gotten to me. The hiding part was something he always repeated in his notes, and never told me why. A digital haunt in an analogue life, though?
I pulled a Princess. I spent all my spare time researching the possible meanings. I found a pretty nice metaphor at one point, something about how digital was permanent as long as it wasn't damaged badly but analogue was unsteady and difficult to work with. A haunt could be like a ghost or a memory, or even a place to visit often.
Based off that I managed to find the name of a small cybercafé just outside New York called Digital Haunt. I went at the usual time and date.
He wasn't there. At least, not at first, and not physically. The manager found me and directed me to a private computer room, where Chris was waiting for me- on the computer. Skypey or whatever that video thingy is called.
"Why aren't you here?" Was my first response.
"Luke wants me to do an important mission for him, with a few other demigods." He warned, and then winced when he saw my face darken with a frown.
"I thought you said you would quit it soon. You promised me you were leaving." My voice wasn't hurt or sad, just cold steel.
"Just wait, Reese, okay? Just wait for me and I'll come around. I'll pack up, log on to here and we'll run around and live in secret worlds where the war can't bother us and say our secret words and no one could stop us."
"The gods could." Was my monotone answer.
Chris laughed bitterly. "If they wouldn't claim me, they wouldn't care about stopping me from joining you."
I didn't answer that. Would my father care enough if I disappeared to intervene?
"And I'm still encrypted by Kronos; I am a machine in his army." He added as an afterthought of sorts.
"Why do you hate your dad so much, Chris?" I asked suddenly. Curse ADHD. "I mean, he hasn't claimed you officially, but you're so clearly his kid it's stupid. Maybe he thought there wasn't a point in claiming you when everyone already knew who your father was."
Chris practically exploded. "If he's apparently brilliant enough to be the ego behind this computer screen, to have created the internet, then surely he'd realize that just sending me a gods forsaken e-mail would have worked!"
This is a side to my best friend that I've never seen. I remembered thinking. That's it, I'm getting too soft. I have to turn you into my enemy.
The sound of an explosion rings out from Chris' side of the video call.
"I have to go, Reese, sorry." He says hurriedly. "I'll see you by the beginning of December if everything goes well, okay?"
The screen goes dead. I sit there, digesting what he'd said and my own decision to make him into an enemy of mine.
"No, it's all in my mind I feel like he's in love with me." I'd declare out loud, trying to convince myself. "I should save myself from these emotions before this gets too real and I end up helping him in a fight or something, that idiotic punk."
Oh, I used to think traitors were worthless punks.
Now, I question why they turn in the first place. Many people make a bad choice for a just reason.
Chris joined mainly because he wanted to protect Mary, a younger and unclaimed demigod from cabin 11 who was roped into Kronos' army.
Silena turned because she was promised that Beckendorf would be safe if she did.
Mary and Beckendorf both died because of the cause someone tried to save them from. Silena died repaying for the damage she'd done. Chris went insane from guilt and loneliness in a never ending maze.
Like always, emotion is a weakness.
But Chris, you are the only exception for me.
*Cover art drawn by Viria, edit done by someone on Tumblr (Sorry, I don't remember who! If anyone knows I will gladly shoutout to them ;) )
Week 4, complete: Cassandra pt/II, a Chrisse one-shot (PJO)
So, a bit more on this "11 Weeks of Area 11" thing I'm doing, in case you missed the other weeks so far.
I will upload a one-shot every weekend until about late December, when I will be finishing off with an awesome collab with the lovely Mage-Pages.
I already have plans for these songs: Vectors, Cassandra pt. II, Minecraft Christmas, Dreams and Realities DEMO.
Songs I'm still willing to hear ideas for: Homunculus, Dreams and Realities, Go! Fighting Action Power, Bosozoku Symphonic, The Legendary Sannin, Heaven-Piercing Giga Drill, The Strays, Shi No Barado, and possibly Euphemia or Knightmare/Frame as well.
I'm not gonna be picky about the fandom; Minecraft, Yogscast, Sky Army, Uglies, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus, The Kane Chronicles, Warriors, Divergent, they all work.
Yogscast & Harry Potter? A Halloween ball? With the Yogs as witches/wizards? Would you all like to read that?
And also, which songs would work for it? I'm thinking either:
1-Shi No Barado
2-Dreams and Realities
3-Heaven-Piercing Giga Drill
4-The Legendary Sannin
5-The legendary Sannin DEMO
It's now a poll on my profile, so pick your favourite 3! (Guests can review votes if they so wish) And if you want a different song in it, tell me! ;)
Sorry again for the long author's note and have a lovely day/night! -Spirit