Summary: Let the record show that this was all Tony's idea. SHIELD was carefully monitoring whatever event Mr. Stark had planned, because it would be the first time in months that all the Avengers would be in the same room/building together. What could possibly go wrong? Posted on behalf of my sister. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: We own nothing!
Author's Note: This story concept and the majority of the writing were accomplished by my sister, Hannah. I just helped with the brainstorming, fine-tuning, and publishing. Enjoy!
Avengers: Scavenger Hunt
It was the holiday season, and Tony had invited each of his old comrades to Avengers Tower for a private get-together a few days before Christmas. Inside, he had just finished restocking the bar (and filling his own glass) when Jarvis announced the arrival of his first guest – Dr. Bruce Banner.
"Bruce, my main man!"
Tony's boisterous greeting caused Banner to take a slight step backward, yet he was not overall surprised, being now accustomed to the other's eccentric mannerisms. Despite his friendship with Stark, Bruce continued to wring his hands and constantly sneak glances over his shoulder, even in the familiar apartment.
More time passed with just the two of them, and Tony began to wonder if anyone else would be showing up at all. Just as he was about to make some nasty phone calls, Jarvis interrupted his plans with the proclamation that Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers, and James Barnes had just arrived.
As the new trio filed into the room, Stark bellowed in his best announcer voice, "Behold, the Icemen cometh!"
"Very funny," Steve countered with a sardonic smile. "Since when do you read Arthur Miller?"
"I don't; I just watched the movie." Tony went to shake his "old" friend's hand and at once turned his attention to the man peering warily over Steve's shoulder.
"Hello! You must be Steve's friend Bucky – and I use the term 'friend' loosely, considering you almost killed him a while back. I'm Tony Stark, but you might also know me as Iron Man. So long as you know I'm in charge here, I don't care what you call me – 'my liege' would be great, though. By the way, is it okay if I call you Bucky, or is that reserved only for Cap?"
The befuddled Winter Soldier said nothing, only stared incredulously at the Man of Iron before turning to Steve with a silent plea in his eyes.
"Who else is coming, Tony?" Rogers asked as a means of changing the subject. "The other Avengers?"
"That's right," Stark answered proudly, "and I've got a real treat planned for you guys. I figured it's been a while since we all got together, and what better way to celebrate the holidays than to bask in my artistic, Christmas-themed genius?"
"Genius?" Sam raised one eyebrow. "And what exactly do you have up your sleeve for tonight?"
"Ah, ah, it's a secret! You'll just have to wait until the others show up and find out along with everyone else." The billionaire swallowed the last of his whisky and immediately went to the bar for a refill. "All we need now are Clint, Nat, and Thor. Then again, Thor did say he was bringing a guest when he RSVP'd. Maybe it's one of those Three Warriors he keeps talking about."
Bruce suddenly became very pensive. "How in the world did Thor RSVP? He doesn't have a computer or a phone!"
Tony rolled his eyes. "Our technologically-inept God of Thunder actually sent a raven, if you can believe it, and the stupid bird bit my hand twice. But at least it was easy enough to invite him; all I had to do was stand on the roof and yell up into space. I knew he'd gotten my message after he sent back the raven with a little scroll tied to its leg. How grotesquely archaic is that!"
"Archaic, but not surprising," laughed Steve.
Amid the sea of shaking heads and not-so-subtle sniggers, Jarvis announced that Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff had at last arrived.
There wasn't much to report from SHIELD, so the two agents claimed; apparently even crime had taken a break for the holidays, leaving several empty hours for the world's most covert spies. Barton declared he'd only come to Tony's party because there was nothing better to do. When asked why he wasn't spending time with his family, Clint merely replied that Laura and the kids were visiting her parents in Lake Tahoe for a few weeks. And while he loved his wife and enjoyed the mountains, spending almost a month with his in-laws was quite a different matter.
Thor arrived next with his usual flair; the only thing more dramatic than his entrance was his companion. No surprise, Tony was first to break the ensuing silence.
"I take it you're here for that drink?" he remarked nonchalantly before addressing the ceiling. "Jarvis, please notify all authorities within a million miles that our favorite Rock of Ages is back on earth."
Thor's charming smile turned into a frown. "Man of Iron, I forewarned you to expect another guest with my coming."
"Yeah, but you didn't mention it would be him!"
Loki sighed as they debated and lifted his eyes heavenward. These mortals (and Thor) could be so tedious. If his pride didn't universally forbid it, he might have called out for Heimdall to simply whisk him back to prison.
He drawled smoothly, "I assure you, Anthony, my visitation here will be mostly harmless. My magic is securely bound, and our Gatekeeper can spot me anywhere within your pitiful little Realm."
After Thor had confirmed the truth of this, Tony grudgingly called off the million-mile alert. "It'll mean a few changes in my master plan for the evening, but I suppose I can make it work," he groused. "And speaking of that, I think it's finally time to get down to business."
"Yeah, finally," Sam muttered under his breath while Stark gestured grandly.
"My friends…friends of my friends…and even psycho adopted brothers of my friends…it is my pleasure to officially welcome you to the first ever Avengers' Scavenger Hunt!"
Rogers blinked. "A what?"
"You know, Steve," Natasha chimed in. "It's a series of riddles and clues that lead you to a prize at the end."
"What kind of prize?" Barton's eyes lit up eagerly. "Is it a Ferrari?"
"The prize is also a surprise," Tony evaded him. "And now, here are your teams. I had Jarvis assemble them based on compatibility…and on sheer entertainment value for me.
"Bruce and Thor are The Hammerheads.
"Clint and Sam are The Birdbrains.
"Steve and Nat are Beauty and the Beast – you guys can decide who's who.
"Which leaves Bucky and Loki as The Abominable Snowmen."
That last one earned their host a bitter glare from Rogers, but others interpreted it quite differently.
"You mean I'm not to be on a team with Loki?"
"You mean I'm not to be on a team with Thor?"
Although spoken simultaneously, the two questions could not have been voiced more differently. Thor looked positively crushed to not be paired with his brother, whereas Loki had grown alert with sudden interest. He had a new glorious purpose now: to beat Thor at Stark's juvenile game!
Tony then gave each team a credit card for incidental expenses and a high-tech walkie-talkie that would enable him to stay in constant contact with all of them. It was also through these devices that Jarvis would be monitoring the entire affair from start to finish.
"Remember, Daddy is always watching…"
And with that, they were off!
The Scavenger Hunt began in the Tower, with teams rushing into separate rooms to find a white board with a long division problem. "No phones!" Tony admonished before Clint could access his calculator app. Loki and Bruce each did the complicated math in their heads, only to have Jarvis fail them because they must "show their work." So long-handed it was.
"Hurry, Nat," Steve urged his partner. "Remember, there are people slightly smarter than you in the other rooms. I said slightly!" he amended hastily when Natasha sent a death glare over her shoulder.
Over the walkie-talkie, Stark was laughing. "I guess we already know who's Beauty and who's The Beast!"
The answer to the division problem was also the combination for the lock on a small box at their feet. Inside the box, they found the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and a sticky note stating: "Avengers: Assemble!"
Falcon shook his head and snorted. "Very cute, Stark."
Once "assembled," the puzzle revealed a picture of Tony's garage, with four distinct vehicles housed therein. The Scavengers' next stop was obvious.
When Natasha and Steve got there first, he grabbed her hand and made a straight line for the Harley Davidson motorcycle. Sam and Clint claimed the Audi sports car, and Bruce and Thor piled into a massive pickup truck. That left Loki and Bucky cramming themselves inside the Mini Cooper. The Snowmen were last to the garage because Barnes' metal hand didn't do too well with the tiny puzzle pieces; still, he had insisted on "helping," no matter how many times Loki batted his hand away.
The GPS navigator screens in each vehicle directed teams at once to Park Avenue in the heart of New York City. After the drivers had found a public parking spot (a daunting task in and of itself), a new clue scrolled across the screen, instructing them to comb the surrounding area on foot to find one particular street vendor. Each team member must then order a gyro from the proprietor and eat the entire thing to reveal their next clue.
"Man, I just want to beat Steve at something," Sam panted as they sprinted down streets, weaving around cars and pedestrians alike. "I swear, if I hear the words 'on your left' at any time during this game, I am gonna kick his ass when he runs past me!"
Clint's sharp eyes identified the correct vendor, meaning the Birdbrains got their gyro order in first, but the other teams weren't far behind. Steve was pleasantly impressed when Natasha finished her gyro and even ordered baklava to-go. Meanwhile, Thor had demolished his gyro in two bites, then marked Bruce's progress and wondered aloud, "Perhaps the Hulk would eat faster?"
Bucky likewise wolfed down his food, prompting Loki to snidely remark, "Really, your table manners are bad as Thor's! On a more positive note, at least you don't talk too much – unlike my brother. Even when we're supposed to be stalking our quarry on a hunt, he simply won't close his mouth for two seconds! Do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck with a partner who doesn't know when to shut up?"
The Winter Soldier ground his teeth. "I'm beginning to…"
Unfortunately for The Abominable Snowmen, the gyro had only roused Bucky's super appetite, and now he started wandering off to buy generous samples from every other vendor in their path: soft pretzels, falafel, pizza, churros, and of course, hot dogs. He would buy two of everything and then offer the extra to his increasingly frustrated partner.
"Enough of these distractions!" Loki snapped. "We have work to do."
Bucky just held out his latest finding. "Snow cone?"
Loki took the treat from him, fully prepared to try one bite and throw the rest immediately away (as he had done with all the other food)…but this time he hesitated.
"Why is it blue?"
"It's blue raspberry."
"But raspberries aren't blue. It makes no sense." Nevertheless, Loki tried the snow cone, only to find it strangely pleasing. He ate the whole thing.
Their next clue was written on the inside of the gyro wrapper, directing them to drive to Rockefeller Center.
"Congratulations, one and all, on making it this far," Tony's voice lauded through the walkie-talkies. "Now you've all had shawarma and gyros! I really should become an ambassador for Mediterranean food at the rate I'm going…"
"Shut up, Stark!" eight voices echoed in unison while all teams dashed back to their cars. Or at least, tried to remember where they had parked.
Loki did remember, but his progress there was halted by a sharp tug on his sleeve. Barnes stood behind him, pointing at a familiar vehicle across the street.
"Isn't that Barton and Wilson's car?"
It was indeed the Birdbrains' Audi, and Loki felt a sinister smile curl his lips. "I assume a lack of keys is no detriment to the fabled Winter Soldier."
Two minutes and one quick hot-wiring later, the Snowmen sped off in the confiscated Audi just as Clint and Sam came running into view and shouting. It's probably just as well that the two recovering villains couldn't hear what was said.
"I knew it was a bad idea letting Loki into the game!" Hawkeye exclaimed after a few choice expletives. He snatched up the Mini Cooper keys, which had conveniently been left behind on the parking meter. "Now we have to waste even more time finding their car."
The giant Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center marked their next destination. According to the wrapper, there were four identical Iron Man ornaments somewhere on this tree. The Scavengers would need to find one, fetch it down, and break it open to reveal their next clue.
Thor's ability to fly gave The Hammerheads a ridiculously unfair advantage, and Falcon instantly regretted not bringing his personal wings. Still, the other three teams made do with scopes or binoculars for searching. Then Clint shot his ornament down with an arrow, and Captain America threw the shield to knock his down. Loki coaxed a stray black cat into climbing up the tree to retrieve his, while Bucky again vanished in search of food and this time returned with a green kale smoothie.
The God of Mischief turned up his nose with distaste. "What is that?"
"I'm…not really sure. They said it's supposed to be healthy."
"It looks like a cow regurgitated some grass! What does it taste like?"
Barnes took a sip and made a face. "Like grass." He threw the rest away and stalked off, stating, "I need to wash that down with something." Something proved to be fish tacos.
Loki rolled his eyes. "Where do you get your Asgardian-like appetite?"
"Hey, I was living off plums for two years!" Bucky explained around a full mouth. "You should try it sometime and see how hungry you get."
The most effective means of opening the Iron Man ornament was to rip its head off, which all of them (especially Loki) did with vicious pleasure. This clue directed them to Saks Fifth Avenue and contained an unmarked sample of women's perfume, which the teams would have to match at the store by sense of smell alone.
"Are you kidding me?" Sam protested in disbelief. "Nobody's nose is that good!"
Fortunately for him, Barton did eerily well at this challenge – as did Natasha, with her highly attuned spy senses and feminine intuition. Poor Steve was wholly dependent on her this time, and Bucky similarly allowed Loki to take control yet again for his team. The Hammerheads struggled mightily inside Saks, and Thor accidentally smashed several delicate bottles before Bruce finally used chemical comparison and analysis to isolate the correct perfume.
The petite sales assistant then gave them the newest clue, which tasked them to have their perfume bottle gift-wrapped at the store and then to deliver it to Stark Industries, level 48, office number 27.
"Three guesses to whom," Bruce sighed. "Tony really has sunk to new depths this time."
Pepper Potts was by no means prepared for the crowd of Avengers who came storming into her office – some of them literally, in Thor's exuberant case. Agent Hill was with her, and both women watched dumbfounded as the Scavengers deposited the wrapped perfume on her desk with words like:
"From Tony, with love. Merry Christmas!"
"This is from your stupid boyfriend who uses his friends as errand boys."
"A lovely lady like yourself deserves this wonderful gift, but not from the likes of him."
"He may be rich, but seriously, what do you see in that guy?"
An extra tag in the gift wrapping instructed the teams to search Pepper's office for miniature replicas of Mjollnir cleverly hidden throughout. The God of Thunder's joy at this task surpassed all mortal description, and Pepper's unfortunate belongings felt the intensity of his enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Bruce stood awkwardly in the center of the room and attempted to distract the ladies with polite, meaningless conversation about the weather.
Loki likewise put on his best charm to sweet-talk them while Bucky tore the place apart searching for their next clue. Steve kept apologizing profusely as he and Natasha looked, yet it did nothing to hinder their efforts. Hawkeye was most efficient for the Birdbrains, as Sam kept getting distracted by Pepper's nifty desk ornaments and knick-knacks. More than once, Miss Potts was forced to say, "I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, you can't take that home with you."
Once the agents of chaos had moved on, leaving destruction in their wake, Hill found her voice and asked in full seriousness, "Do you want me to kill Tony for you? I do have experience in that sort of thing."
Pepper mutely shook her head, still stunned, and wondered what on earth she was going to do with four identical bottles of perfume.
The teams' next clue was wrapped around the Mini-Mjollnir's handle, ordering them to return to Tony's lab in Avengers Tower. Upon their arrival, Stark remotely unleashed a FLEA for each of them – a Forced Levitation Energized Apparatus. As the FLEAs buzzed around like demented mosquitoes, the Scavengers had to smash them with their modified Mjollnirs to break open the next clue. Thor tried using the real Mjollnir first, of course, until Bruce pointed out that they didn't want to obliterate whatever was inside.
The contents of the FLEA turned out to be a complicated holiday cocktail recipe – one of Tony's personal favorites. For their final challenge, the teams would have to find an open wet bar inside the Tower (only one team per bar) and create the alcoholic concoction with such exact precision that it passed Stark's approval. If he failed them, they would have to go back and start over.
"Maybe we should let the other teams go before us," Barton strategized while muddling some mint leaves. "Tony's bound to fail the first few tries just for kicks, but with any luck, his taste buds won't be so sharp after that."
Even as Clint finished speaking, Loki and Bucky ran past their station with one failed drink in hand.
"How can that human be so degrading," the God of Mischief fumed. "I improved upon the original, and if he can't see that, then his intelligence is beyond all hope of recovery."
"Maybe his sobriety more than his intelligence," chuckled Sam. "All right, Barton, let's give this a try."
The Birdbrains approached their judge just as Bruce and Thor were leaving him, looking downcast.
"I don't understand," Bruce was musing aloud. "I followed the instructions so carefully…"
Falcon submitted their attempt to Tony's scrutiny and watched his reaction closely. He wasn't disappointed.
"Wow!" Stark exclaimed after one swallow. "It tastes like you guys doubled all the alcohol in the recipe."
"We did."
"And for that, you win! Congratulations!"
"Aw, man!" That was Steve, running up behind them with Natasha for Beauty and the Beast's second try. "No fair, that's practically cheating."
Romanoff folded her arms defensively. "I knew I should have drugged that first drink we gave him."
Tony ignored her. "Frankly, Barton and Wilson, I am amazed! I never gave your team much of a chance."
Sam stood a little straighter, feeling decidedly satisfied at Rogers' defeat. "It just goes to show super powers aren't everything."
Then the Snowmen and the Hammerheads rejoined them, only to learn that the Scavenger Hunt was over.
Loki cast a sour look at his partner. "I should have known your appetite would cost us! Stark, I want you to know right now that I am in no way responsible for the exorbitant credit card bill you will receive from our team."
Although upset that he hadn't beaten Thor after all, Loki could at least take comfort in the fact that he and his brother were both losers this time.
"All right, Stark," Clint spoke up. "We won, so where's my Ferrari?"
"What Ferrari?" their host scoffed. "You couldn't even protect that Audi during the game! No, Birdbrains, your reward – and everyone else's reward – is that you get to drink all the cocktails you screwed up before finally making one right."
"And…nothing else?"
"Nope."
"Nothing at all?"
"Nada."
The collective Wrath of the Avengers broke loose.
"What the – ?!"
"Are you serious?!"
"After all we put up with?!"
"Could you be any cheaper, Stark?!"
Clint angrily shoved Tony aside, grabbed a bottle of very expensive imported brandy from the bar, and dumped it into a carton of cheap eggnog. The billionaire's protests went unheeded.
"Drinks all around!" Hawkeye declared. "We did all the work, so we deserve it."
The others joined him eagerly, more to annoy Tony than anything, and even Loki raised his glass with a smirk. "A toast to Anthony Stark and his abundant generosity."
"What about all the work I did putting this whole thing together? You think that was easy?" he protested, but nobody paid any attention. "Oh fine, what the hell!"
Iron Man finally gave up and went to partake in the frivolities.
The End: great job, Hannah!