They said their words patted me on the shoulder and left me and his family there to pick up the pieces...
I don't know who everyone was more concerned about...
Me or them...
Sure they had their tears and his mother freaked right the fuck out as the coffin passed.
But I couldn't feel...
Physically couldn't fucking shed a single tear for him even though I felt like I was dying inside.
It took me three days to get over the initial shock...
And at about the same time I came to a further conclusion...
That this is all my fault.
I think I've been alone now for a few days...
He was pretty much all I had.
Mom's got her new family...
And dad's got his alcohol...
I'm an only child.
Which is probably a good thing.
I wouldn't subject even my worst enemy to my 'family' let alone any unfortunate siblings.
But I'm avoiding the main subject here...
He's gone...
And theres not a damn thing I can do to bring him back.
I can hear him storming up the stairs now and I'm gonna scramble quietly into the top of my closet maybe I'll be lucky and he won't find me this time...
"Axel I know you're in here... Get the hell out of wherever you're hiding and explain to me why the hell you wern't at school..."
His feet are shifting about the room...
"I'm giving you to the count of three to get out here and explain yourself."
I can feel my heart beating faster which is the only thing keeping me awake I feel otherwise...
"One..."
Pretty much...
"Two..."
Almost like I'm...
"Three!"
Dead.
I know he's gonna throw everything around the room if I don't come out...
Which will in turn create more work for me...
So I reveal myself and he has his fists at the ready.
"Axel why was I getting calls about you not being at school today?"
I know I shouldn't talk back and everything thats about to come streaming out of my mouth shouldn't be said...
"Because Roxas' funeral was today you inconsiderate drunken FUCK!"
Before the sentence is even finished hes swinging for me...
It's been happening years but everytime it does, it seems to go in slow motion and my heart always races and I always feel sick to my stomach and then the pain comes.
Right across my face...
Another black eye that one of my teachers might comment on...
I'll say I got into a fight...
Walked into a door...
Fell down some stairs...
Or that my father punched me in the face because my friends funeral prevented me attending school.
They don't really listen and they don't really care.
Maybe if I lay still he'll leave me alone...
His foot nudges me over onto my back I lay motionless eyes closed he simply grunts and then my door closes behind him I'll wait until hes downstairs and the tv is on to move...
That way he won't hear me...
That way he won't return tonight...
The tv's humming away, I can hear it drifting up through the floorboards and he's drunk and amused by something probably as fat dumb and prickish as he is.
I walk to the mirror in my room to see the damage.
My eye is swollen...
Red and blue...
Great.
Lucky for me I know how to treat most wounds...
From experience...
And a little know how.
Whoever thought the first aid course they made us do in school would be some of the most useful information I'd ever process.
I go to the bathroom leaving the room in darkness just in case he notices and run the cold water over my hands and splash it over my face its gonna bruise badly I can already see that.
Wetting a towel I go back to my room I lay on my bed holding the towel over my swollen eye and for the first time since it happened, I actually cry...
Not just a few tears full on sobbing like I haven't done since I was a little kid.
And the pain sweeps into me around me and inside me, until it is me...
We're one and the same yet apart and it curls up beside me like a faithful companion and holds me closely until I fall asleep.
My alarm wakes me at 9am I'd take today off if I thought I'd have somewhere to go hide for the day and then once again it hits me.
/No Axel he's gone and theres nothing you can do about it.../
Roxas would've brought me to his place and gotten ice for my eye and made me hot chocolate and we'd have eaten ice cream and watched movies all day...
Maybe his parents would feel sorry for me and let me sleep over.
They usually did, not that I appreciated being pitied, just the safety it brought me...
All my stuff is still in my bag because my dad didn't get a chance to wreck my room last night.
Books, pencil case, journal...
My hair is all over the place in its usual array of bright red spikes...
No one believes its my natural colour...
But it is.
The tattoo under my right eye is almost blending into the bruising.
I'm just gonna grab a hoody with a really big hood and hope that the hood overshadows my face enough so that no one will question me.
If I keep my head down no one will notice...
Thats exactly what I tell myself as I pull the door closed behind me.
People stared at him as he walked through the corridors he knew they knew what had happened to Roxas and now he had a black eye to attract even more attention...
/Just keep walking and keep your head down... Just keep walking and get to history class.../
His hands were limp and useless at his sides and his messenger bag was banging against his thigh.
He wanted nothing more than to crouch down and hide but at his height it was hard to blend in with the high school crowd unruly red hair didnt help much either, but even with that hidden people still stared...
All his books for history were in his bag so he had no need to stop at his locker.
He walked towards his classroom and pulled the door closed after him.
Sure he was early but it was better being in the classroom where less people would stare than out in the halls where he seemed to have once again over night become a spectacle.
He took his bag off his shoulder and put it on the floor beside him and laid his head down on his desk, he could feel eyes on him but didn't think anything of it...
His 'odd' sense of fashion was usually noticed no matter where he went...
People seemed to think he was some kind of 'emo-goth' and liked to make him feel different because of it.
Usually it didn't bother him too much, just after his loss of Roxas his exclusion from the other students made him feel even more alone...
He was deeply lost in thought when he was tapped on his shoulder.
Lazily he lolled his head over to make eye contact with a blonde haired boy.
"Uhm... Is this history?"
Axel nodded without really thinking.
"Thank you. Uhm..."
Without saying anything else he took a seat in front of Axel.
/He's probably trying to hide too.../
Shyly the blonde teen turned back around holding out his hand.
"Oh... Uhm... I'm Demyx by the way."
The redhead raised an eyebrow and took his hand.
/No one in this school is ever this friendly.../
"I'm Axel... You're new arn't you?"
Demyx blushed pulling his hand away.
"Oh... Uh yeah... Is it that obvious?"
/He's so like him.../
"Kinda yeah... But don't worry about it..."
His hood fell back a little bit and Demyx gasped.
"What happened to your eye?"
Axel self consciously pulled his hood back up.
"Nothing..."
With that the door clicked open and the teacher walked in followed by drones of students.
Axel lowered his head and Demyx furrowing his brow for clearly saying the wrong thing turned around and opened his book.