It took one little, empty room to make me realise how much I hate myself.
An I wasn't even locked there, I just haven't tried leaving. Why would I leave… Who would I go to if I left.
Everything was easier to just be there.
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My room had no windows, just door, my chair and wooden walls. There weren't even any pictures. Just me sitting there and… doing nothing. Existing. But can we call it an existence?
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Sometime later I realised what this room was – my hearth.
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Somewhere at some time, maybe even in different dimension I heard that you can't love someone if you don't love yourself…
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Bullshit…
I never loved myself. Sure, existing was fun. And tormenting mortals was too… But there was always this emptiness in me. In this little room of mine.
No matter what I have achieved, no matter what grand achievements decorated these wooden walls I felt empty.
I hated this empty existence of mine…
… I hated it with burning passion.
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But at some point I forgot how it felt to hate this empty me.
And it was YOUR fault.
It was you, who made me forget how empty eternity was.
It was you, who made me want to live… to love… to be me…
It was you, you made me forget what it felt to hate myself…
It was all your fault…
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So, tell me if you can.
Why?
Why have you made me love you?
Why have you…
WHY?!
Why have …
Why…
One word from you used to be enough… One word and I would do anything for you… Anything to make you smile. Laugh… Scream… Shout… Curse my existence….
I wanted nothing more but for you to look at me…
I was fine with this little room being empty. I never felt need to have more than myself and some achievement from time to time…
But then you came… And it shocked me how much I needed you.
I always took love at the first sight bullshit, a blunt lie of life.
Meeting you changed my mind.
I loved you from the very moment my single eye spotted you. It was so strong, so different from anything else I ever felt. It took me a while to realise what it was.
And when I did I already forgot what hating myself was… There was just you… and me in this little, cosy room of my hearth.