Disclaimer: All Japanese locations and upstairs characters belong to CLAMP; all British locations and characters save one are the property of the BBC. One new character is reminiscent of Dr. Who.
Sendai kara Osaka ni
Anata ka mo shirenai onaji
Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,
'Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'
Machi e dete iku
Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,
Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo.
'Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'
Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan
Kinomoto e to ai,
Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,
Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii.
Wakai aijin suihei uwagi kiru,
Senpai no burifukesu.
Ingurando-jin wakaru ha-aku suru hanasemasen!
'Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'
The Meldrums were partaking of lunch, while two were in good spirits the rest were anything but; as James refilled Lord Meldrum's tea-cup he glanced at the financial section of The Times and said to the others.
"This is very serious, not only are we losing out in the market but all the other companies are putting prices up." He flung down the newspaper and turned to his eldest daughter. "How long will it be before the factory can start production again?" Cissy looked up from her George Bernard Shaw book, thought for a moment and answered.
"I expect it'll be up and running in about a week, it all depends on how long it takes to fit the extractors." George Meldrum puffed up in shocked annoyance and exclaimed.
"Good God!" Before he calmed down. "I fear we'll have to make some more household cuts." Now Teddy looked up from his kedgeree and said.
"Don't be so hasty, George. You know that your new acquaintance, from that mortgage company, is coming round for lunch." George looked at his brother for a while before saying.
"Well, he's something of a realist; I think I can put it to him what I have in mind."
It had only been a week since they met. George was partaking of elevenses in a high class café when this young social climber joined him at the table; he introduced himself as Colin Bakewell, a man who had worked hard to make his name in society, even though he was hardly known. But Lord Meldrum recognised the business intuition in the lad and began to strike up some kind of friendship with him.
"You're really becoming something of an embarrassment to me, daddy!" Poppy exclaimed. "First you close all my shopping accounts, then you suggest I have a double wedding with a servant, then you make me sell some of my best summer dresses and now you're inviting every Tom, Dick and Harry round for dinner just because they're businessmen."
"Daddy wants to take every opportunity to save more money." Cissy told her sister, who just pouted while George frowned that he was being referred to in the third person.
---
Downstairs, only a few minutes later, Mrs. Lipton was making some tea for everyone (except Mabel of course) while Henry was polished the tea things. Just as Mrs. Wilson (formally Mrs. Lipton) took the kettle of the gas Ivy, James and Mr. Stokes walked in carrying a few of the dirty dishes.
"The rest are in the lift." Stokes commented. "Pull them down, Henry."
"Yes, Mr. Stokes." Henry replied miserably as he went over to the dumb waiter to bring the rest of the dishes down to the kitchen.
"Cor," Mabel commented, "Even when they've got financial trouble they still eat like horses. It seems like the dishes just keep on coming."
"That will do, Mabel!" James told her. "By the sounds of it his Lordship is going to make some staff reductions." He said as he moved on the conversation.
"Well, I'll be glad to get out of this kitchen." Mrs. Wilson said. "I've been married for nearly a week and I've still not been allowed to resign."
"Well, his lordship couldn't find another cook." Mr. Stokes responded. "Anyway I've already started preparing for that event. I'm going back on the boards!"
"That's all very well," James commented, "But I don't know what to do! I could start my own business but I like my work, I'd prefer to carry on in service but I don't know where to go."
"I know how you feel, Mr. Twelvetrees," Ivy answered, "I like providing good service for people. It makes me feel so warm inside."
"Yes, you're a very kind girl Ivy." Mrs. Wilson added as she mashed the tea. Just then, PC Wilson came in through the tradesman's entrance.
"Morning all!" He greeted them, and then he turned to Mrs. Lipton. "And how's my lovely rosebud?" Mrs. Lipton giggled and replied.
"All the better for seeing you, darling."
"Is there a pot of tea on the go?" PC Wilson asked.
"It's just mashed." Mrs. Wilson answered. Everyone else just rolled their eyes.
"Ivy." Stokes commented. "If we both get the sack why don't you come on the boards with me? It's a wonderful life."
"No thank you, Mr. Stokes!" She replied sharply.
"Well," James commented as Stokes poured himself a cuppa, "I don't wish to make an issue out of this but, Ivy, you're rather naïve. I think it would be best if we stuck together."
"Really?" Ivy asked him, "You'd really like me to be with you?!?"
"Purely on a professional basis, Ivy." He replied while Mrs. Wilson poured him a cup of tea. "I don't want you being led astray by some of the more scheming members of the working class."
"There you go again," Stokes commented, "'The more scheming members of the working class.' Don't you realise that the upper class can be just as scheming?!?"
"Don't start, Mr. Stokes!" Ivy snapped. "Anyway Mr. Teddy's gonna start work tomorrow, isn't he."
"I just can't understand him." Mrs. Wilson commented. "Giving up a life of luxury to marry a maid!"
"Least said, soonest mended." James commented before the conversation went too far.
"You know that better than anyone, don't you, Mrs. Wilson." Henry added.
"Don't be cheeky!" She responded before giving him a clip round the ear.
"And on top of that the Honourable Teddy and Miss Poppy are both getting married on the same day in different churches!" James commented.
"I've been talking to his lordship about that." Mr. Stokes replied. "He said that you're invited to Miss Poppy's wedding but no one else downstairs has any part in either of them."
"I hope you can resign soon, dear." PC Wilson told his new wife. "I'm retiring soon and I want to get that house as soon as possible."
"Don't worry," She replied, "His lordship said that we'd better be prepared for a staff meeting at any time in the next few days."
---
Later on the family were in the drawing room waiting for lunch when the front doorbell rang.
"Good evening, sir," James announced as he answered the door, "You are expected." Then Colin Bakewell walked in, he was a 5' 10" moderately-built man in his twenties, he seemed to be constantly half-asleep and stooped forward a bit like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
"Would you mind putting my coat up, please, Mr. err…?"
"Twelvetress sir," James answered as he took Colin's coat, "I'm his lordship's footman."
"Well I never would've guessed!" Colin commented sarcastically. Then James announced him to the family.
"Ah, nice of you to come, Mr. Bakewell!" Lord Meldrum declared.
"I don't think I could've refused your generous offer." Colin replied. 'It's better than eating out every lunchtime.' He thought to himself.
"Excuse me, sir." Stokes commented as he entered the room. "Lunch is served."
"Thank you, Stokes." Lord Meldrum answered. "Cissy, show where Mr. Bakewell's sitting, would you." Then they moved into the dining room, the family all sat in their usual spots with Colin on Lord Meldrum's left-hand side.
As they started on the main course Lord Meldrum got the ball rolling.
"Mr. Bakewell," He addressed, "I must confide in you, I'm in a bit of financial trouble."
"Oh," Colin replied, "I see."
"Don't get me wrong," Lord Meldrum continued, "The family business will be back on it's feet soon, but I fear it won't be soon enough to make further cut-backs."
"Err," Colin paused, "What sort of cut-backs?"
"That's why I'm talking to you about it." Meldrum responded. "I might have to make staff reductions, but I don't want to leave the servants in the lurch!"
"Well," Colin commented as he pondered on the possibilities, "It all depends on what they intend to do if they have to leave your service!"
"Why do you say that particularly?" Lord Meldrum asked.
"Well, you see," Colin replied, "If any of them wish to continue in service I think I know someone who'd be happy to take them on."
"Well," Lord Meldrum pondered, "Our cook recently got married so she won't need to look for another job. But as for the others, they might be interested. I tell you what," He said finally, "I'll leave them with a standing offer, so if I have to give them the sack they can come to you."
"My lord," Colin commented, "I do a lot of travelling. If you give them a day's notice I can pop round the next day if you give me a ring and escort them to their new employer! Here is my card." He handed Lord Meldrum a small business card with one of his phone numbers on it.
"Thank you, Mr. Bakewell!" Lord Meldrum responded. "It's a fine idea!"
---
Later on that night Colin was slinking through the streets, he was wearing a dark cloak so as to elude any nosy pedestrians.
'This'll work,' He thought to himself, 'I'm sure only James and Ivy will take any interest in this offer, demo I don't know if Stokes will be with them. I'll be ready for when the time comes.' He ducked down an alleyway and toddled up to a police phone box. He removed a key from under his jacket and unlocked the door, and then he placed his hand on the panel at the side that looked a bit like a combination lock before the door opened and he slipped inside.
---
Two days later Teddy had started his work in the motor trade and both he and Poppy were to marry the next day. It was 10:30 and the staff were taking a tea break after hearing that Lord Meldrum wanted to speak to all of them in five minutes.
"This looks like it," Mr. Stokes commented, "He'll either dock our wages again or he'll give some of us the heave-ho."
"I'd hardly think his lordship's the type to give his staff the heave-ho just because of financial trouble," James notified, "But he will probably have to dismiss some of us."
"Well," Mrs. Wilson commented, "I'll be glad to get out of this apron after all these years."
"Better get your night-things ready, Blanche," PC Wilson told her, "The sooner we get into our own house, the better!"
"Well," Stokes announced upon glancing at the clock, "We'd better get on with it." He rose from his chair as the others got moving, Mabel didn't rise from a chair because she wasn't sitting down and PC Wilson didn't budge as he was not on the staff. "Once more unto the breach; James, Ivy, Henry, Mabel," He looked to see if PC Wilson was watching before he finished, "Blanche." He then opened the kitchen door and exited with the rest of the staff tailing behind him in order of seniority.
Lord Meldrum was waiting in the study with Cissy and Poppy seated in the background.
"I suppose James'll have two job offers," Poppy commented, "He could go with that mysterious Mr. Bakewell for that job he was talking about or he could get a place with me and Jerry once we get married." She smirked with the thought of the footman continuing in her service.
"That is entirely up to James, you know, Poppy!" Lord Meldrum told her.
"Well," She responded, "It's still an offer, daddy." Just then there was a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Meldrum announced, the servants all filed in.
"You sent for us, my lord?" Stokes addressed him.
"Yes," Meldrum replied before he began to really speak; "Now you all know I've had some severe financial problems and I've done all I could to keep us all together, but the fact remains that the time has come. I can no longer afford for all of you to remain in my service, so some of you will have to go." There was a pause as a look of dread spread over nearly every servant's face. "But I'm a fair man and if any of you wish me to give you a reference I'll be more than happy to write one out for you; I would also like to note that you can save packing your bags until tomorrow if you're to leave."
"Thank you, my lord." Stokes commented.
"I've always thought of you as a most considerate employer, my lord." James added.
"I've never had better employment before I came here, my lord." Ivy commented.
"Well, I think it's fair if I stop beating about the bush and got straight down to business." He got out some references he had drafted the previous evening.
"Mrs. Wilson." He addressed the cook.
"Yes, my lord." She replied.
"You are to retire soon, aren't you?" He commented.
"The sooner the better, my lord. My husband is starting to lose his patience."
"Well, you can wait no longer. You may resign if you sign this." He handed her a piece of paper that contained a legitimate resignation and a fountain pen, which she signed gratefully. "Stokes." He addressed the butler.
"Yes, my lord." He responded.
"I'm afraid I shall have to dismiss you. Will you require a reference?"
"I would be grateful of one, my lord," He answered, "But I think I'll be going back on the boards."
"Oh," Lord Meldrum responded, "Well I hope I'll be able to see one of your acts. As a matter of fact, I've never really thought of you as a comic."
"One has to keep up appearances as a butler, sir." Stokes commented as he received his reference.
"James." Meldrum addressed the footman.
"Sir." He replied.
"I fear that our working relationship will end here, too. Would you like a reference?"
"I would be truly grateful, sir." James answered. "I would really like to continue in service."
"Well," Meldrum commented as he handed James his reference, "I'm sure you'll do a first class job." James thanked him as he received his reference. "Ivy."
"Yes, my lord." She responded.
"You will also have to go, I'm sorry."
"Oh, no need to apologise, my lord."
"You're a good girl, Ivy. Would you like a reference?"
"Oh, yes please, my lord!" Meldrum smiled at her chirpiness and handed her her reference.
"Any idea what you'll be doing next, James, Ivy?"
"Well, my lord," James answered, "I promised Ivy I'd help her through. She's a rather naïve sort of girl and needs protecting."
"You're a good man, James. And you, Ivy, are very keen. If you're interested, Mr. Bakewell knows of someone who'll be glad to employ you; I can call him if you like and then you two can meet him tomorrow."
"Thank you, my lord." James responded.
"Or, if you prefer, Poppy's getting married to Jerry tomorrow and she'd like you, James, to consider employment with them."
"I was nice of her to offer," James answered, "But I feel that I'd be better off if I assisted Ivy." He turned to Ivy. "Would you like us to consider Mr. Bakewell's offer?"
"Oh, yes please, my lord!" She answered.
"Very good." He answered. "Oh," He added as he picked up the telephone, "Henry, Mabel, you'll have to fill their shoes now!"
"Yes, my lord." Henry responded.
"When Ivy moves out, Mabel, you can move into her room."
"Oh," She commented, "That'll be nice! But what about my husband, he's flat on his back all day."
"Well, I'm sure we can come to some arrangement." Lord Meldrum finished off. "That'll be all!" They all bowed or curtsied before leaving.
---
"Well," Stokes commented as they returned to the kitchen, "Things can only get better now. Just so long as we can find employment where necessary."
"I'm disappointed," James informed them, "Having to leave his lordship. But there's one consolation, this'll hopefully be the last time I see you, Alf Stokes!"
"Really, James Twelvetrees," Stokes replied, "After all we've been through together; sharing our rations in the trenches, enduring the hardships of the war, when we fought the Jerries together, when we ran away from them together."
"You're the one who had the biggest share of our rations!" James told him. "And you were the one to first suggest we retreat!"
"Well," Stokes pondered, "We might as well start packing. We're gonna be outta here by tomorrow morning."
"Is this true?" PC Wilson asked. "Are you all going?"
"Except for me and Mabel, yes!" Henry answered.
"Well Blanche," He addressed the cook, "Looks like we can finally settle down and take life as it comes." She giggled and tossed her head in a floaty manner. "So, what about the rest of you?" He finally got round to asking the others.
"Well, I'm going on the boards!" Stokes told him.
"Oh," Wilson replied, "I hope I can see one of your numbers. What about you two?" He finished as he turned to James and Ivy.
"We'll stick together." James told him. "Apparently Mr. Bakewell knows of someone who could use our services as footman and housemaid."
"That Bakewell's a funny sort." PC Wilson commented. "He has this tendency to duck down alleyways at night while wearing a dinner cape."
"Are you sure?" James asked him, Wilson nodded and added.
"And even weirder, I saw him go inside a Police phone box when I couldn't get in using my key."
"Perhaps he's in the special branch?" Ivy suggested.
"Search me." PC Wilson answered.
---
Next morning Colin Bakewell entered the driveway of the Meldrum household, the time being 08:30, certain to meet up with James and Ivy. Meanwhile they were finishing their packing, alongside Alf Stokes and Mrs. Wilson.
When Colin rang the doorbell Henry was the one who answered it.
"Good morning, sir." Henry addressed him in a Noel Coward accent. "Whom so-ever do you wish to see?"
"Lord Meldrum is expecting me." Colin replied, Henry stood aside and let him in.
"May I take your coat, sir?" Henry asked after he shut the front door.
"No, don't bother." Colin replied. "I'm not staying long."
"His lordship is in the drawing room." Henry told him. "I shall inform him of your hereabouts!"
Upon hearing Henry knock on the doors Lord Meldrum beckoned him in verbally.
"Mr. Bakewell is here to see you, my lord!" Henry told him.
"Okay," Meldrum replied, "Show him in, Henry." Upon doing so Henry left as they made their greetings. "They won't be long," He told Colin, "They're all just finishing their packing."
"The early bird gets the worm, I suppose." Colin commented, Meldrum only gave a slight nod in understanding.
Just then Stokes, James, Ivy and Mrs. Wilson all exited their bedrooms simultaneously; lugging suitcases behind them.
"His lordship is expecting us in the drawing room, Ivy." James told her. "He said Mr. Bakewell will be waiting for us." So while Ivy followed James, Alf Stokes and Mrs. Wilson made small talk as they slowly descended the stairs.
"Now," Lord Meldrum asked Colin, "Are you sure this is a suitable job for them?"
"Absolutely!" Colin assured him. "You work hard for ten pounds a week in my experience, but this is a whole new setting for them."
"You know, you're absolutely right!" Meldrum told him. "£10 a week is a very generous wage, so hard work is only mutual. But," He added as he thought about Colin's last sentence. "Does this mean we won't be seeing each other again?"
"I strongly suspect so." Colin informed him. Just then, Henry stepped in and said.
"Mr. Twelvetrees and Ivy are ready to see you now."
"Show them in, Henry." Lord Meldrum told him, whereupon Henry bowed and stood aside as James and Ivy entered the drawing room. "Well James, Ivy, this is where we part ways."
"Yes indeed, sir." James replied.
"I've had such a good job here, my lord." Ivy commented.
"Thank you, Ivy." Lord Meldrum replied. "And I speak truthfully when I say that you're both some of the best servants this household ever had. But, it looks like this is… goodbye."
"Might I explain my proposition to them, Lord Meldrum?" Colin asked.
"Yes, go ahead." He replied.
"Well, Mr. Twelvetrees, Miss Teasdale," He started, "The good news is I can get you a place with a most generous employer where you'll be working alongside some very friendly fellow employees. The bad news is you won't be able to be in contact with anyone you know, aside from myself. I've no time to explain it in detail here, but you'll get the low-down on our way."
"Well," James commented, "I'm sure something is better than nothing, and I'd appreciate employment with someone with the same generous heart as his lordship."
"I'm not that comfortable with not being able to speak with everyone I've come to know around here," Ivy commented, Colin braced himself, "But I suppose there's a catch to everything." Colin relaxed.
"OK," He said, "I'll give you 15 minutes to say goodbye to those whom you wish and then I'd like you to meet me at the top of the stairs leading to the tradesman's entrance." James and Ivy nodded, after saying goodbye to Meldrum they left.
---
"There comes a time in every father's life," Stokes said to Ivy, "When he has to let his kids go. So I'm not upset about this, although I am nervous of what'll happen."
"I wouldn't worry yourself, Alf Stokes," James commented, "I'll be there, and I think she'll be better off with me as I've noticed she's not had much experience of social etiquette."
"Good old James," Stokes responded, "Always sticking up his nose at the littlest faults."
"Well," James finished while looking at the clock, "We'd best be going. We've still got a couple of minutes but I don't think that'll make much difference."
"Well," Said Ivy, "Goodbye dad."
"Goodbye Ivy." Stokes replied. Ivy and James hauled their luggage out the back door and made their way up the stairs leading to the street.
---
"Ah," Colin declared when he saw James and Ivy coming towards him, "You're right on time!" James and Ivy were a bit perplexed, Colin's demeanour had suddenly changed from polite and calm to casual and enthusiastic.
"Well," Said James, "It doesn't do to let one's standards slip." Colin made a slight snigger and said.
"In this case you might have to rethink your standards, it's a… foreign opportunity!" James and Ivy were stunned.
"Why didn't you say?" She asked, Colin thought for a bit and answered.
"Because if I had mentioned these details before you probably wouldn't understand how it's an improvement. The country in question isn't reputed for technology at this period in history. Perhaps we could talk it over at breakfast."
"Oh, yes please!" She said, James wasn't too sure.
"I'm not really comfortable with this proposition." He said. "Do you promise that this'll be good employment?" Colin thought for a moment and answered.
"I don't usually make promises, they often get broken. But in this case I swear on my great-aunt's grave that this is an absolutely superb job opportunity! I should know, I've talked with family and servants often enough."
---
"Three pints of milk stout, a vodka and orange juice and mine's a navy rum." Colin was getting himself, James and Ivy some alcoholic drinks after they had breakfast.
"Why are we having a drink at this time in the morning?" James asked.
"Muscle relaxant," Colin answered, "We'll need it for the trip."
"But I'm teetotal!" Ivy told him.
"So was I until I started travelling in this manner." He informed her. "You only need to take something like three pints of beer before each trip. Actually, that's not exactly true; it's only when you're using the electro-photon cloak that you're best of taking some alcohol beforehand."
"There you are, sir." The landlord said as he handed over the drinks.
"Thanks," Colin replied, "How much is that?"
"Seven and sixpence." He answered, Colin handed him a ten shilling note.
"Keep the change." Colin added.
"Ooh," The landlord responded, "Thank you, sir!" While the landlord put the money in the till, Colin nodded Ivy and James over to a discreet part of the tavern.
"How long have you known me?" He asked them, James thought for a moment and answered.
"About a week or ten days, you seemed to have been an upright gentleman to me."
"Right," Said Colin, "How would you react if I told you that I'm not actually a Londoner, but from a large Leicestershire village…" He softened his voice, "In another dimension?"
"Don't know," James responded, "I can't see any reason for such a thing to be true."
"Drink up," Colin told them, "You'll soon see."
"This has been a surprising day," Ivy commented, "I had been wondering why we had to take all our money out of the post office."
"Ivy!" James barked. "Keep your voice down! There are some people who'd be very interested in our earnings and it'd be better if they did not know."
"Well," Colin muttered, "I would've thought it was the obvious move considering I had informed you beforehand that you'll be moving away."
After about five minutes Colin and Ivy had finished their drinks while James was struggling with his last pint; Colin was insistent that they were to get going in less than an hour after breakfast.
---
Colin led James and Ivy through the streets of upmarket London; they were surprised by his navigation as he was going down one street, up another, bypassing some streets only to end up at the other end. James was suspecting that he needed a map. Eventually he decided to jump down an alleyway; James decided to follow first in case any low-lives were lurking in the shadows.
"Over here!" Colin called out as they entered the alley; they were surprised to find him standing beside a police phone box.
"I don't think we should go in there." James told him.
"Things aren't always what they seem, James Twelvetrees." He replied, giving a knowing smirk. "It may look like telephone box, but this is in fact our transport." They were stunned, but looked as though they wouldn't believe him. They observed him adopting some strange procedure to open the box. "Come on inside and you'll be on your way to a great job." Although they were both on edge at the various enigmas surrounding Colin they went ahead and stepped inside, with Colin following, closing the door behind them.
Sendai kara Osaka ni
Anata ka mo shirenai onaji
Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,
'Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'
Machi e dete iku
Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,
Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo.
'Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'
Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan
Kinomoto e to ai,
Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,
Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii.
Kyou keitai-denwa koko ni desu,
Soshite shiyounin kara Rengou-oukoku,
Demo Nadeshiko-san nakunareshite mo.
"Watashi wa Shukujo, totemo kanashii!"