A/N- I know this is over done, but I like to think that he joined her in the end. He was after all one of the more complex characters in the series.
The pain ebbed as he found himself slowly sinking into the comforting white light surrounding him. For the first time in over twenty years, he was no longer surrounded by the suffocating presence of darkness. Of pain. And most of all sorrow. For his life had been nothing but sorrow.
In life, he was a selfish man despite how hard he tried in the beginning perhaps to remain selfless. It was one of his failings as a Jedi because Jedi were strictly forbidden from having attachments. There was a reason, he darkly mused as his son continued to encourage him to stay. He couldn't though. The Empire had to die, and that included him because without him, it would never have existed. He didn't belong anymore, and he accomplished what he was meant to. His life's purpose was complete. He wanted freedom from this life. He may end up in purgatory for all of his sins, but it was alright. It was no less than he deserved for all the atrocities he committed across the galaxy, against his own children.
Fear. It followed him from the time he left Tatooine as a young boy, leaving the only family he had ever known to venture off into the unknown, and it continued to follow him as he broke the rules. He did everything wrong. He should've never loved her. He should've never revealed the true depth of his feelings to her. Most of all, he should never have married her. That only furthered his descent into darkness as his secrets grabbed ahold of him. It was his fear that swallowed him whole and turned him into the mechanical monster he became, the cyborg that terrorized a galaxy for over twenty years.
She was his angel, his salvation, but she was also his temptation, his falling grace. She was the dark whisper over his shoulder beckoning him into the darkness, while she was also the light begging him to stay . She was the embodiment of the darkness inside of him because he was selfish. He feared that which he could not control, and he let the light inside of him be snuffed out because he couldn't bear to lose her. In the end what did it matter because she died, and he was responsible. He broke her heart and crushed her windpipe. He had sworn to protect and love her, but all he ever did was hurt the ones he loved.
It was as he departed his mortal body that he understood Yoda's words all those years ago. He had to let go. He should've let go. If she were meant to die then, it was the Force's will. Turning to the darkness was the wrong choice. He ruined and destroyed millions of lives because of his unwillingness to let go of her. Maybe it was his fault all along that she died, obviously she had not died immediately at his hand as his master insisted, but she was one of the first casualties of him embracing the dark side. She was one of his consequences to choosing wrong. He wanted to save her but instead he destroyed her. He eradicated her light from the galaxy. She still lived on in their children, but her life should've been much longer than the twenty-seven years she did live.
He awoke in a strange place. There were trees and flowers, beauty he had not seen in many years. It was the first time he had seen actual color in twenty-three years, the first time he was able to breathe without the use of a respirator, and the first time he could walk with the use of his own limbs. He was whole. He marveled at the sight of the unmarred golden skin, his hands, and most of all his face. It was as if Mustafar never happened. It was as if everything after Geonosis never happened. He was not washed of his sins, but he knew he had been reborn again.
I have made some grievous mistakes. He thought as he seated himself at the base of a tree. Trees were uncommon to him except in the one place that held any sort of meaning to him, a place he avoided at all costs, because he wanted no reminders of her in his new life. He didn't deserve to think about her, much less love her. How could he love her when he didn't love himself? How could he claim to love her when he killed her? She loved him and he broke her heart because he went down a path she could not follow. He became a man she could not love because he listened the temptation of the dark side. He gave into the dark, sinister whispers that beckoned him abandon the light for it was the side of the weak. The whispers called to him from the moment he slaughtered the Tusken Raiders. Yet he yearned for the overwhelming brightness of the light.
He was jealous, possessive, and angry in those last few moments of being an actual human. Truthfully, Darth Vader wasn't human; he wasn't anything. He was a slave, a beast, a destroyer, a betrayer, and everything that Anakin Skywalker swore to defeat. He didn't love. Only humans loved, and he wasn't that. Maybe she knew all along what he would become. He grew into something that was unlovable. His mother and his wife would be ashamed to know of everything he had done.
"Old friend, I always wondered how I missed it?"
Anakin's head snapped up, blue eyes narrowed at the presence of his old master. His blonde hair fell into his face. He wasn't sure what to say after all this time. The last time he had seen the man, he once called master, friend, and brother, he killed him. Before then, the man had left him mutilated on a sulfuric, volcanic planet where he was burned beyond recognition. He was left only half a man, and it wasn't just physically. His body and soul were scarred. That was the day that Anakin Skywalker actually died.
A weary sigh escaped as he knew a confrontation between the two of them was inevitable. He wronged many his life, but his betrayal started long before his final descent into the darkness. It started with his resentment towards Obi-wan when he prevented him from checking on his mother, and then when he began keeping secrets that burdened his very soul. His anger festered and brimmed beneath the surface, but it all came to a head when Obi-wan walked off of his wife's ship. His anger boiled over, and he was unable to hold back.
Obi-wan was young once more instead of the old man he encountered on the Death Star. His hair was auburn and his face was not lined with wrinkles. "Oh Anakin," the man breathed softly. "I think we both have made a lot of mistakes." He hated that his mentor was being nice to him. He deserved his rage and hate, and yet there seemed to be none. It annoyed him that even in death Obi-wan continued to be the perfect Jedi, while he was still the one feeling entirely too much.
Anakin furrowed his brows though as confusion set in. He wasn't sure what mistakes besides maiming him, Obi-wan had made. "I should've looked out for you. It was I who knew you best, and yet I was blinded by love to see how burdened you were. I underestimated the strength of your feelings for Padmé, and I was not the friend I should've been."
The younger man closed his eyes at the mention of her name. Twenty-three years had passed without a mention of it. "No, stop, you didn't do anything wrong." He responded as his eyes opened, revealing sapphire colored eyes. The intensity of the blue reminded the older man of the days they spent fighting the darkness. "A lot of what happened started because I needed something to hold onto in life. I tortured the universe because my own soul was tortured and broken. I destroyed so much of the light because my light was gone. I never deserved her, and I sure don't now." He didn't intend for it to sound as pitiful as it did. He certainly earned his fate to be alone for the rest of eternity.
The tears flowed and soon enough the hero with no fear, Darth Vader, whoever was sobbing into his knees. "I wanted to save her, but it was my own actions that caused her death. I never had the whole picture of the future, but I do now. She died because I killed her husband from a certain point of view." Obi-Wan cracked a smile at his former padawan's attempt at a joke. "Everything good inside of me died that day on that force forsaken planet. I lost my mind. I was blinded by the Sith." He spat angrily. "I Force choked my own wife who was carrying our children. She may not have died immediately, but I was the cause. I brought nothing but secrecy, lies, pain, and heartache into her life."
Obi-wan took a seat beside his brother. "You've always been hard on yourself. You judge yourself as unworthy of everything including love and friendship. You became your own worst enemy, and maybe as your master, I should've seen how much you struggled to release the attachments you had to people. Your mother was the only presence in your life from the time you were born until you were nine. We stripped you of her love and guiding presence, and we tried to indoctrinate you as we were. But the problem was that you were never fully one of us."
Anakin dropped his head in disappointment. He was different, and in death he still remained so. "But I don't believe Qui-Gon made a mistake. You were meant to be a Jedi just maybe not taught in the same capacity the rest of us were. Maybe we should've been like you. It is a misconception to say that we lived a life without attachments. We attempted, but we all cared for each other. I loved you first as a son then a brother. It was a crushing blow to know that the man I helped raised succumbed to the darkness. I never would have believed that you could commit such atrocities, and maybe if you felt that you could confide in me, you never would have."
"It had nothing to do with your teachings master." Anakin protested immediately, not wanting Obi-wan to blame himself for his mistakes. "I felt unworthy of the title bestowed upon me. But more than that I believed that I was truly greater than everyone else in that Temple because I had the highest midchlorian count ever documented. I was stronger, and I learned faster. I thought I deserved more than what was given to me, but the council was right when they refused to make me a master. I had not earned it. I was not prepared for the responsibilities; I did not know what it meant to truly be a man of the people." He leaned his head back and felt the soft bark of the tree. He missed the feeling of touch more than anything, and knew he would never take it for granted again.
"I hid my secrets. I married and formed the worst sort of attachment. While in many ways she saved me, she also ruined me. I destroyed a whole universe because of my unhealthy attachment to her. I was a mad man because I could not accept fate. I thought I could change it." He failed in the worst ways possible. He obsessed over her, and maybe he should've forgotten about her after their very first encounter. Their lives would've taken drastically different paths if they had never met that second time.
They both sat there not speaking for an undeterminable amount of time. Years could've passed during the silence between the two. Time was different and immeasurable after one joined with the Force. They merely sat there absorbing the impact of the other's words.
"Sometimes I wish I had never left Tatooine." He admitted for the first time. "The galaxy would surely be a different place."
"Perhaps," Obi-Wan considered, as he rubbed his beard. "But Sidious' plans were in effect long before you arrived on the scene. While controlling you allowed him to take over, he would've found a way. Queen Amidala had given him the seeds, and the rest of the senate allowed them to root and grow. It would've happened whether you were there or not. You might've lived the rest of your existence in ignorance, but the Empire would've happened. You were merely a pawn in a much larger game."
Anakin had never considered it from that particular view before. He thought he was completely instrumental in the formation of the Empire. Maybe that was narcissistic of him to believe, but he helped Sidious' plans for the galaxy come to fruition. He killed everything he once loved, and nearly ruined the only source of light left.
"I would've been a terrible father." He said softly, realizing he had no claim to that title. He merely contributed some DNA. He maimed and tortured his own children. What sort of father did that?
Obi-wan hummed. "I don't believe that. Your greatest strength was your ability to love. The rest of the Jedi, we don't understand love the same way others do. It was something learned for us, quite unnatural if you will. We didn't grow up surrounded by parents. Most of us were taken before we could understand what was happening." The older man's eyes dimmed briefly. "We grew up in controlled environments and learned to separate ourselves from attachments. It's not wrong though to want a life outside of the Order. Perhaps that is why the Order was destroyed and people turned on us easily."
"Changed you have." Grey and blue eyes snapped up to meet large green ones. "Sense a peace, I do, inside of you." The grand master stepped forward. "Learned lessons you did. Fought the dark side you have. Returned to the light."
"Yes Master Yoda, I learned you were right. I should've never interfered. If she was meant to die, then she would have." His face turned solemn because so much of what happened was a result of his fall from grace. "It doesn't matter anyways. She still died." His jaw clenched tightly. He wasn't angry. He hadn't felt that particular emotion in a longtime. He just still felt the pain of her death and the mark on his soul after all these years.
Yoda considered the man in front of him and compared him to the half man that terrorized the galaxy. There was a striking difference between the three different versions of young Skywalker. "Repentant you are, redemption you gained. Youngest Skywalker loved you. Saved you from your darkness, he did. Love him you do. Became a Jedi to be like you his father. A hero to him you are."
Anakin blinked confusedly at the green Jedi. "But my attachments led to the Empire and the end of it. I don't understand what is heroic about that. How could he love me?" It was mostly said to himself.
"Young Skywalker, a Jedi you are once more. Banished the darkness you have, accepted the light you did. Proud of you, we are. Changed you have from the selfish and fearful boy you were."
The blond man turned his head to wipe away his tears. Jedi did not cry. "I'm not sure if I want that. When I was young it was all I desired, but I was the biggest fool. I was pompous and arrogant, I was righteous. I was determined to prove that I was the best, and I only proved that I was the worst. I let my fear control me as you warned me it would."
"Clouded your future was, much darkness surrounded you, but yearn for the light you did. Actions define us, they do, and forged a new path you have young Skywalker. Must be going, see you again I will." And then he was gone.
"See even Yoda is proud of you. He believes you redeemed yourself. Sith's do not love Anakin, which is why I believe you never truly were one. For twenty-three years you mourned. That is a form of love. Darkness does not accept love because they cannot understand it. It burns their very souls. The only thing you can be accused of is loving perhaps a bit too much that you allowed it to cloud your judgment. It is something I admit to as well. I loved you and instead of killing you, I left you for dead. For that I must apologize. I should've had mercy on you, and put you out of your misery. I must take my leave now, there is someone waiting for you."
He didn't want to see anyone including the love of his life. He could handle everyone's disappointment except his mother's and Padmé's. But the two women of his life, he failed them. He wasn't the man his mother raised him to be, and he sure in Sith's hell was not the man his wife fell in love with. He was another broken, lonely soul.
"Ani, please look at me." She commanded, and he was not apt to ignoring her. Her presence made everything disappear. It filled him with hope, and the longing he suffered through was gone.
His eyes slowly lifted to meet her chocolate colored ones. Her hair was down with her mahogany curls trailing down her back. She was more beautiful in death than he remembered her in life. The last time he had seen her, he almost choked the life out of her. He certainly choked the love she had for him. He was a monster. Everything he touched, he destroyed.
He averted his eyes to avoid eye contact because he still wasn't ready for this. He spent twenty-three years wondering what he would tell her, and yet even in this moment words continued to fail him as they had for much of his life. He was not a well spoken person. He was not verbose like politicians, and his words were usually clumsy.
"Is that how it's going to be?" She demanded angrily as her arms folded over her chest. He winced at the tone of her voice. It was one he was all too familiar with. "The last time we spoke I told you that you were breaking my heart, and then you all but killed me. Now you won't look or talk to me." It was the way that her voice caught at the end that he finally redirected his gaze to her.
She was breathtaking. Her cheeks were flushed with anger and her eyes were dark with passion. She was simply perfection. He had chosen wrong all those years ago. He knew that now. "I'm not sure what you want me to say. I can't apologize for what I've done because there is no forgiveness for my actions. You missed out on our children's lives because of my selfishness. They grew up not knowing who they truly were."
Padmé kneeled before him as she gently cupped his face. He traced the features of her face as he memorized her face for what seemed like the millionth time. He did not know how he survived so long without her. Sometimes while she slept he would stare at her, and wonder how such an amazing woman could choose him. "That no longer matters. It's all semantics now sweetheart. I've come to terms with my loss. I'm at peace. I will meet Luke and Leia again. There will always be an ache in my heart, but it was the will of the force. All of this was supposed to happen, and there's no changing what has passed."
Hesitantly with caution, he wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer. He inhaled the flowery scent that followed her everywhere even death. It relaxed him, and slowly he uncoiled at the peace that followed. He was comforted by her presence.
"I missed you." He swallowed nervously, unsure of her reception to that comment.
"As I missed you, my love." She gazed at him lovingly, and he was reminded of her kindness. She had such a beautiful soul. "I love and forgive you. But it was never my forgiveness you required. It was your own." She knew him better than anyone. It was ironic truly because she had spent the least amount of time with him, despite the fact that they were married.
His arms tightened around her. "I spent so much time hating who I am or was. I loathed the suit. It reminded me of my daily penance. It was my punishment for becoming someone you could not love. It was constant pain and torture, and there was not day that passed where I did not experience some form of pain." He clung to her as the dam burst and tears fell from his eyes. They burned as it had been years since he was able to cry, the darkness did not allow for that type of weakness.
"Ani, I always loved you whether you were Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker. I knew something was wrong, but you refused to open up to me." He felt her sigh ruffle his hair. "While it broke my heart to watch you become a monster, I still loved you. I'm in love with you. Loving you is unconditional, not circumstantial. I may have problems with the way you've conducted yourself since my passing, but we can talk about that later." He knew she was teasing him. Undoubtedly there would be talks, but she made the moment much lighter.
Her fingers played with his hair. "I'm sorry that we never got our happy ending. We were doomed from the start." Her breath drifted over his skin. He missed being this close to another human being.
"Star crossed lovers," he murmured against her collar bone. "It's like one of those holo-vids, the two of us had other lives that could never join with our secret ones." Anakin gently nuzzled into her. Her skin was soft, it was like silk. He had missed just being with her. "I can't be upset though because I don't regret a moment of the time we shared. I was born to love you, and I knew that from the moment we met in Watto's shop all those years ago. I never gave up hope that we would meet again. It was only a matter of when."
Padmé was reminded of the nine year old boy she met a longtime ago. "Well I didn't possess those feelings for nearly as long as you, but I can't deny that there was certainly something between us when you were ordered to protect me. I rejected you because it would get messy. You were a Jedi, I was a senator. There were about a million reasons why it wouldn't work out and why we shouldn't have been together." He could sense the words on the tip of her tongue before she spoke them.
"And yet, I couldn't resist. The events of Geonosis put everything into perspective for me, and I didn't want to fight. I loved you and rules be damned." His brows lifted at the expletive. Normally she was the calm and collected senator who rarely displayed any sort of emotions outside of the senate. "Oh hush you," she reprimanded before he could make a comment.
"How did you know I was going to say anything?"
She smirked and pulled back to stare into the depths of his sapphire eyes. "I've known you for a longtime. More years than I prefer to count." She joked, her eyes full of mirth. She was playful, and it reminded him of their days back on Naboo. He was Anakin and she was Padmé, no titles existed. They simply were a man and woman in love. "You're predictable love."
"Hmph," he glowered at her and rolled over so that he was on top.
"It's been a while since we were in this position." Her leg hitched up to his waist.
His eyes darkened as he took in the seductive, predatory look in her eyes. She sensually rubbed her leg up and down his calf, and he purred at the sensation of her touch. It was remarkable that after so long he was able to feel the heat and softness of his wife once more. "I think I remember where this goes." His lips collided with hers and the two started a dance that was more than familiar.
It was many years later before they "officially" met their children. It was Luke who passed first. He was his usual jovial, happy, optimistic self. His hair was that dirty blondish color that belonged to him and his father. Most of all he was whole, where once a robotic arm, there was a flesh one.
Anakin and Padmé kindly awaited for their son to come to them. They preferred for him to meet with those he was more familiar with as they were practically strangers. He simply knew them as the people who contributed to giving him life.
Sometime had passed before he finally found the two souls he searched for and had spent much of his life yearning for. Luke watched as they stood on the shores of a lake with his father's arms wrapped around a woman he supposed was his mother. There was a sense of peace that enveloped him as he sensed their two signatures in the Force. His father's soul was no longer submerged in darkness. All that surrounded him was light, the likes of which he had never seen before.
He slowly made his way to the two figures, and before he could utter a syllable, they turned around to face him. Brilliant smiles covered their faces and tears streamed down his own. These were his parents, two people who gave up everything for him and his sister. "Father," Luke cried hoarsely. Anakin held his son to him as the man sobbed like a child in his father's arms. "You're no longer in the suit. We look so much alike." He blurted out what immediately came to his mind. He waited so long to be reunited with his father.
Anakin ruffled his son's hair. "No here I am quite whole. But there's someone who has waited to meet you, your entire life. This is your mother Padmé." Luke was struck by the similarities between the woman in front of him and his sister.
"You look like Leia." He exclaimed before his face turned crimson.
"Oh you're so grown up. You are the image of your father, although you gained my short genes unfortunately." He felt the warmth of his mother envelop him and he held tightly to her. She smelled wonderful like wildflowers and rain. She was everything he imagined growing up.
He pulled back. "Yes, Leia is quite short as well. But I was only ever able to tease her once before she punched me." Luke rubbed his jaw tenderly as he still felt phantom pain when he thought about it.
"She must've inherited her hot-headedness from her father." Anakin huffed playfully. "He had a tendency to get testy and resort to physical violence."
"Oh so she's my daughter when she hits her brother?" He asked her, his blue eyes that were hidden to Luke during the time he knew him, were alight with wonder.
Padmé smirked and shared a look with her son. "Well I never hit anyone for being rude to me. He told me all sorts of stories from his time in the Temple and how some of the other boys were rather terrible to him. His anger usually got the best of him."
"Leia is rather the same way. While she knows much about politics, keeping her temper is not her forte. Her husband Han, I don't know how he's put up with her for so long." It was light and easy, and not at all as awkward as he originally believed it would be. Obi-wan had said it would work out, but that didn't calm his nerves.
"You two are rather mean." Anakin pouted pathetically. "A true Skywalker never walks away from a fight. If someone says something you don't like, well you've got to teach them a lesson. I can't help it if she takes after me. She became a politician like you." He added to alleviate some of the attention off of himself.
The two walked off with conspirator gleams in their eyes. Anakin rolled his eyes and sighed because his wife and son spelled trouble together. "You're here." He heard grumbled behind him. It was his daughter.
"Well hello Leia," he greeted cheerfully much to the disdain of his only daughter.
She rolled her eyes in irritation and crossed her arms. Why couldn't Luke inherit this part of my personality instead of her? She was far too much like him. She was hotheaded and stubborn. She loved lording over other's heads that she was right and by far more superior. And most of all she had a nasty temper like him and could hold grudges until the end of time.
"I really could've done without this." He muttered under his breath, too low for her to hear. He could only imagine what it would've been like to raise this spitfire. "Look sweetheart," she flinched at the endearment. "I would have never hurt you had I known who you were. You're my own flesh and blood, and you are half of the woman I love along with your brother."
She glared at him with the eyes she received from her mother. He wondered how he never noticed it before. She was truly the image of Padmé. "Yeah, cause that stopped you from slicing off my brother's arm." She made a fair point.
He held his hands up. "I admit to doing that when I was I still fully submerged in the dark side, but Luke was right about me as was your mother. There was still good in me despite me wanting to blacken my soul and heart." From her stance, he knew she was contemplating his words, debating on whether or not she believed him. "The dark side does not allow feelings such as love, yet I found myself thinking of your mother, and then loving Luke. When I found out about you through Luke's mind, I loved you as well."
She was lowering her guard, but she still had that stubborn look on her face. "Aw come on, Leia just forgive father already. You've held onto your pettiness for so long." Luke chimed as he and Padmé emerged through the brush.
Leia's attention was focused on the woman before her. The woman who she dreamed about for as long as she could rememver. She was no longer as sad as she was, and there was something strong and warm about her. Her and Leia greatly resembled one another from the dark curly hair to their warm brown eyes. "You're so beautiful. My little Leia," the woman murmured softly.
Leia rushed into her mother's arms and cried. This was the feeling she missed, despite never actually having it. These were her real parents, while Bail and Breha were amazing parents, she couldn't help but feel different. She questioned from a young age who her parents were, what they looked like, who did she resemble… things like that.
Padmé pulled back and cupped her daughter's face. "I remember them holding you and your brother up, and I knew that the names we had chosen were perfect. Your father was sure you were a girl just as I was sure it was a boy. Neither of us knew to expect twins, but the two of you exceeded anything I ever thought of. I've loved you for so long, and I've patiently waited here to meet you properly." Leia held her mother's hands to her face as tears fell unashamedly from her eyes. This woman had loved her from the moment she knew she existed.
It was daunting to finally meet her. "While you resemble me, there's a fire in your eyes that reminds me of your father. From what your brother has told me, it seems you have a lot of his personality." Leia flushed at the comparison. "It is funny how that worked out."
Leia eyed her father and brother out of the corner of her eye. They were caught up in a conversation, and she overheard snippets about the 'force' and 'lightsabers'. She shook her head at them and muttered 'boys' under her breath. Her mother giggled, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. "Come on, I'll enlighten you about your father. He's not the person you knew."
Maybe it was time for her to get rid of her grudge. Her mother seemed to forgive him, and if she could then Leia supposed she could as well. They all needed a fresh start, and what better way than to start off with clean slates. "Fine, but when he meets Han again he better be nice. Han still hasn't forgiven him for freezing him in carbonite." Maybe on some subconscious level, her father had known. He certainly acted like a father, hell bent on keeping his daughter away from the man she was enamored with.
"There's so much you don't know. Let me start at the beginning, it all started with a little boy who met an 'angel'…"
Finis
A/N- I would love to hear your guys' thoughts.