Lorelai was sitting at the table in her kitchen. She wasn't doing anything particular, just sitting and staring off into nowhere. Which in her opinion was much better than looking somewhere, because everywhere she looked these days she was reminded of Luke, and how she wasn't getting married. She was going to be the old spinster lady, living alone telling all the youngsters about the man she had and lost. Her Ashley Longworth, she was going to become a Baldwin sister, or Delta Dawn. She heard her cell ringing, and picking it up she saw that it was Rory calling. She flipped open the phone, pressed it to her ear and said "I don't want to be Delta Dawn."
There was miniscule pause before Rory responded "I don't want you to be Delta Dawn either. Especially with a name like that."
"But I am going to turn into here, or a Baldwin sister, or maybe just a crazy cat lady who some kids kill so that they can have one of my cats cause god knows I am far too attached to let go of even one of my cats." Lorelai finished dramatically
"I knew I shouldn't have let you watch that episode of CSI, and are you honestly making a Waltons reference?" Rory said, slightly incredulous
"Well John-Boy, it's who I am going to turn into, so I might as well start watching the show. I need to make sure I observe proper spinster protocol." Lorelai continued
"Mo-om, you aren't going to become a lonely old spinster" Rory replied
"Well how do you know that, and I didn't say lonely or old. Are you trying to tell me something?" Lorelai joked
"Well to be a spinster you kind need to be old and lonely, and as seeing as I am pretty sure the definition of spinster involves not having any children." Rory finished, unsurely.
"I don't believe that," Lorelai said getting up and walking towards Rory's room. "I am going to look it up."
"You have a dictionary?" Rory asked, surprise in her voice
Lorelai sat down at Rory's desk and was surprised when the computer simply came out of stand-by mode "God, no, I am going to use your computer. Which appears to already be on by the way, aren't you supposed to turn them off? Gotta love yahoo. Hey, why is it on yahoo Canada, we don't live in Canada?" Lorelai said, frowning slightly
"I like the layout of the search page, its prettier in Canada." Rory replied smiling
"That's my girl, pretty over practical." Lorelai typed in her search "AHA" she exclaimed loudly.
Rory jumped at the loud noise, pulling the phone away from her ear. "God mom, that's my ear. I would like to have my ability to hear, it kinda helps out in the lecture halls. And aha what?"
"The definition of spinster according to the Yahoo!Education dictionary is : A woman who has remained single beyond the conventional age for marrying, A single woman, A person whose occupation is spinning. Spinsterhood, spinsterish, spinsterly. I may not be all three, but all I need to do now is buy myself a spinning wheel and I am the definition of a spinster." Lorelai finished, looking around her for a place to put a spinning wheel
"One, you aren't a spinster, you are not old, you are not un-marriageable, and two, where would you put a spinning wheel? Even with the remodel I don't think you have room for it." Rory said with a frown
"You obviously haven't been here lately sweets, cause with the ever growing Luke box, soon I am going to be sleeping in a motel, cause there isn't gonna be anything else left here." Lorelai finished getting up and walking out into the living room
"Mom, you have to stop doing this, you have to...you have to get over him." Rory said with a sigh
"I can't, everywhere I look I see Luke, I think of Luke. How do I just stop doing that?" Lorelai asked, dropping onto the couch
"Write him a letter" Rory replied
"And say what, I am not over you. I want to at least let him get on with his life. One of us should" Lorelai said bitterly.
"I am not saying you actually have to send it, just write Luke a letter, tell him how you feel, what you think. Then when you are done just throw it in the garbage or something. Its supposed to give you a sense of closure." Rory explained
"Where are you getting this from?" Lorelai
"Um, well. I gotta go, class is starting. Talk to you later. Love you. Bye" Rory said, quickly turning of her phone.
Lorelai gave the cell phone in her hand an odd look, shaking her head. She set the cell phone down and went to get a piece of paper. She then rummage through the drawers in the counter, trying to find a pen that actually works. Somewhere in the bottom of the third drawer she found one, it writes in purple erasable ink, but its not like she will actually be sending it to Luke. She sat down at the kitchen table and began to write
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Luke,
Love isn't always enough....but it should be. If you love someone, I mean truly 100% love someone and they love you back then shouldn't that be enough? Enough to keep you together, enough to make things okay. But in the real world it's not. In the real world you are more likely to end up with and if you love them you will let them go kinda situation, and doesn't that suck.
I hate the real world, and even more than that I hate the imaginary one. The one you see in movies, where Mr. Sleepless in Seattle can find his true love on the top of the empire state building on Valentine's Day, where Harry and Sally finally hit it off twelve years later, and where love is never having to say you're sorry. I spent my life believing that love could be like that and it isn't, so here's looking at you kid.
Love is pain, and sacrifice. Love is giving up everything you ever had and then losing it as well. Love isn't a picnic, even if he buys your basket. Love hurts, it isn't rainbows and butterflies, its compromise...apparently I should have been using music as my guide for love all this time.
I couldn't compromise though, I gave you an ultimatum. I poured my heart out to you in the middle of the street and you just stood there looking at me as if you couldn't understand what was going on. So I left with what little dignity I had left and then threw it away sleeping with Christopher. I couldn't compromise and wait for you, and you wouldn't compromise and still go through with it after I slept with Christopher. So here I am sitting in this house, this house that I had renovated with you, because I wouldn't compromise by getting a new house big enough for two.
Compromise, ugh, I hate that word. It has the word promise in it, and I think I hate that word too. We were engaged, isn't that a promise? A promise to marry me, a promise to take two separate lives and put them together. You broke your promise though, you wouldn't marry me. You wanted to keep one part of your life separate, away from me. Your daughter April, I had to find out that you had a daughter from someone that wasn't you, and even after I found out I couldn't be a part of your lives. If that isn't breaking a promise I don't know what is.
I don't have enough boxes. Every time I look around I find one more thing that reminds me of you, and there isn't a box big enough to hold everything you came into contact with. Cause I may not have compromised, but I kept my promise. I let you into every aspect of my life, my house. I let you live here, hell I wouldn't even give max a key; I didn't want to let Christopher sleep on the couch. But I let you in, all in, and now I am trying to figure where I would live if I just put a box over the house. Nowhere in Stars Hollow, cause I see you everywhere I go in this little town. I see you sitting on the bench with the ballerina's at my wedding shower, yelling at Taylor in Doose's, telling of Dean in front of your diner, god, just everywhere.
By this point you have been reading this rant of a letter for quite some time and are probably thinking, god why did she write this? Or more likely, god why did she write so much? It was Rory's suggestion really. She said when you are trying to get over someone writing a letter gives a sense of closure, even if you don't plan on ever sending it. At this point I am willing to try just about anything, cause Luke Danes, you are one hard man to get over. Maybe its cause I don't want to get over you, cause deep down I still love you. I will always love you, but I guess love isn't always enough.
Love Lorelai
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Lorelai was crying when she finished writing the letter, it seemed to have brought back all those feelings right to the forefront of her mind. Rory usually had pretty good ideas, but this one sucked. She looked at the tearstained letter in her hand, and went to throw it in the garbage. At the last second she changed her mind and went to the kitchen counter and got an envelope from the drawer. She folded the letter carefully, and put it in the envelope. She sealed it and grabbed a pen, simply writing Luke on the front. She took the envelope to the table by the front door and shoved it in with the rest of the mail she was never going to read, maybe it would seem like a better idea in a couple of weeks.