Author's notes: I'm in a funny mood this morning. Has anyone else noted that submitting a new chapter to an existing story doesn't appear in the just in section unless there has been a new story added as well? At least this seems true of the 'Hellboy' category. So here's a funny new story to fit my funny mood.

Hellboy's New Story

Kate Corrigan pulled open the solid metal door into Hellboy's room. It was as she expected: Hellboy, Liz, and Abe were huddled around Hellboy's new computer.

"Hey, guys, look; I've been put in charge of operations ever since the long-lamented death of Professor Broom and I'm sick and tired of finding you constantly logging on to that fan fiction site instead of getting your work done."

There was a burst of laughter from the three BPRD top operatives. "Aw, but Katie, this crap they write is just so funny. I mean some of it's okay, but some of it… I mean, look at this, here's one more of these things where Liz and I have a big fight and break up just so's some new really completely perfect chick can turn up, save the day, and steal my big, broken heart."

Kate shook her head, "But you guys haven't been writing up any of your long overdue reports. If the stuff's as bad as all that, why bother reading."

Fish-man Abe Sapien was trying to slink out of the room, but Hellboy stopped him. "And Blue here won't admit it, but he loves reading all this hot and sexy stuff they write about their favorite fish stick. Me, I get a little hot and sexy stuff too, but here's one where I'm not even a character in the story because the teenage chick writing thinks my character is 'fat and ugly'; me, maybe I'm a bit on the 'ugly' side, but certainly not 'fat' with all the weights I lift."

Abe poked at Hellboy, "It seems obvious to me, Red, that the girl who so objected to you found Kroenen's character hot and sexy. I would suppose if you think a Nazi who almost looks like a skeleton is sexy, that might affect your taste."

Liz shook her long raven locks out of her face. "I think the stories are funny that make out some romantic relationship between Red and you, Kate. I mean, isn't it obvious that I'm the only love of his life and there wasn't anyone else and there never will be?"

Kate reached down and flipped off Hellboy's computer, "I want you guys to get started on writing those reports." Before she left, she leaned down and kissed Hellboy's cheek, whispering loud enough for Liz to hear, "Hey, sexy guy, maybe you should remind her that you've known me for a very long time and there was a whole lot of your life you lived before she came on the scene."

Liz stared at Hellboy as Kate left, winking at Hellboy just before she pushed his large door closed.

"Hey, Red, what in the hell was that supposed to mean? I thought I was the girl for you and that you never, ever loved anyone else."

Hellboy shrugged, "You are the only one for me, Lizzie. But Katie's right, you know; I was around for a really long time before I met you and a guy does get bored and Katie's not bad looking and…"

Liz stuck her tongue out at him and stormed out to her own private quarters to write her long-overdue reports and maybe sulk a little.

Hellboy laid himself down on the mattress in the back of a pickup truck that functioned as his bed.

"I think I'll take a nap, Blue. You better get busy writing those reports and make sure you don't make mine sound too good. Kate is starting to suspect that I'm cheating, so to speak."

Hellboy rolled over and fell asleep, never admitting to anyone that his most favorite fan fictions were the ones about Professor Trevor Broom, his late adoptive father; especially the ones that found ways of keeping him alive instead of ending up murdered by that skinny Nazi, Kroenen.

Thanks for reading, Beth Palladino