The First Times

Chapter 1

All about the Boy

Prologue

I never thought that at the age of 30 I would be waiting for my husband to sign divorce papers. I was well on my way to joining the single womens' club. I have not been single since I was 17. I am one of those women who got knocked up, married their high school crush and ended up wishing I could go back in time. Of course it was not all bad. In fact, Syaoran Li made me the most happiest woman in the world. I cant remember when things became bad. I cant remember why and when we started fighting but we grew apart everyday for the past year. This is a story about love. Its is the story about how I met the man who brought joy to my life which evolved to misery.

I was 15 years old when I met Syaoran Li. We had been in the same class for years but never spoke. I was more aware of his existence more than he was aware of mine. He was the golden boy of the school. A stubborn overachiever ready to conquer the world. He was kind to everyone, though I never really noticed this about him until we became friends. I on the other hand, I was the awkward teen. Your typical awkward teen. I had braces, I was too thin and slouched when I walked. My father always cut my auburn hair short because my mothers hair was short and I reminded him of her. I could never find the courage to tell my father that I wanted to grow my hair out, remove my braces and perhaps get nicer clothes. I felt like I would be asking for too much. He was trying his best. Unlike Syaoran Li, I was out of tune, never really fitting in anywhere. My silence was often mistaken for arrogance. So for the most part of my teenage years, I was alone, with a notepad where I would draw manga characters and create my own imaginary world. This form of seclusion was what eventually led me to Syaoran.

One afternoon in algebra class, I was scribbling in my notepad. My mind was on overdrive with ideas; I even forgot where I was. I focused on every detail of the new character I was creating, her super powers and back story. Suddenly, I heard heavy breathing. When I looked up, Mr. Young was standing in front of me. His golden eyes piercing strictly through me. He was one of the worst teachers Tomedea high school had to offer. He did not love young people, it was almost tragic that he was a teacher.

"Do you mind explaining why you are drawing in my class?" he asked me sternly.

The entire class turned to look at me. I specifically noticed Syaoran who appeared sorry for me. I choked for a moment as beads of sweat gathered on my greasy forehead.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I said bravely wishing I could take back my words.

My. Young raised an eyebrow surprised. I think he thought that I was a mute all this time.

"Excuse me?" he said. A few of the students laughed including Syaoran, who kept meeting my eyes.

"I don't see the point of me learning algebra. I'm into the arts and your class is boring." I said to him terrified in my mind. I imagined what my father would say when he was to find out that I was kicked out of school.

"DETENTION! AFTER SCHOOL" Mr. Young yelled at the top of his voice "this generation is rude." he muttered coldly to himself and I was pretty sure I heard him say "f**k this school, f**k this job."

He returned to his desk and said "Put that nonsense away."

I smiled to myself. I wanted to seem brave. I wanted to be that rebel chick you see in the movies.

"Thanks to miss ...miss...the lady over there, the entire class is going to write a quiz. The grade will go towards your semester mark."

The class scolded me with their eyes but Syaoran just smiled at me then turned away to look at the board. I could feel my cheeks turn crimson. I was in trouble and my father would find out. I was a bad child. I wanted to cry now, immediately regretting what I had done. Who was I trying to impress? Syaoran Li...was that it. Did his gaze lead me to loose my senses.

When the class ended, I could hear the other students say harsh words about me. I decided to walk out fast so that Mr. Young does not keep me for a lecture. I could still see Syaoran from the corner of my eye as he packed his books. His hair looked soft against the beams of the sun that escaped through the shutters. Suddenly, as I stood there, caught in infinite embrace, a girl with jet black hair, swept across the room and grabbed him by the wrist. They started talking and laughing...and I slowly walked away.

That afternoon was my first high school detention. We had to sit in a classroom and write words from the dictionary. I was the last person to enter the class. There were three other students, seniors and then there was Syaoran. He was sitting in the front role. He stared at me and my heart did a back flip. I pretended I did not see that. I was on my way to the back of the class when when the teacher taking detention, Mrs. Kamiya ordered me to sit on the desk next to Syaorans. I settled there and decided I was going to focus on the detention itself then go home.

The first 30 minutes were uneventful. Everyone was quiet writing down words from the dictionary. I kept raising my eyes to look at the clock that hung above the black board. Suddenly, Mrs. Kamiyas phone rang. She rushed out of the room quickly as though she had been hit by a wild case of diarrhea.

"That was really ballsy of you today." Syaoran spoke.

I looked around me. I suspected he was talking to someone else.

I was quiet.

"Not much of a speaker." he said running a hand through his soft hair. He looked straight into my eyes. For a moment, it felt like he could see my soul.

I blinked hard and replied "I speak."

He smirked "Good to hear that."

I nodded awkwardly.

"I wish I had the guts to talk to Mr. Young that way. He is a real dick ya know." he said casually like we were old friends.

"Yeah. A dick." I had never said the word 'dick' out loud before.

There was a moment of silence. I took a deep breath, tuck the short bangs of my hair behind my ear and said coherently "Why are you in detention?"

"I was late everyday this week." he said.

I nodded and since we were having a conversation going,I did not want it to end, I said to him "I'm never late. My Dad is such a dork about time."

He smiled, he seemed amused. I was sure that I had convinced him that I was interesting enough.

"My parents are the opposite. They are always dragging me in their tardiness."

We smiled at each other meaningfully.

"So why do you hate Mr. Young?" I asked now with more confidence.

"I hate the fact that he wears a taupe...and he keeps failing me in his class on purpose."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised at the wild accusation.

"My father and were buddies in high school. Mr. Young was the most intelligent student in their class. In the end, my father invented a computer program which turned him into a millionaire and Mr. Young ended up teaching at his old high school." Syaoran raised his shoulders and thought for a moment "at least that is my theory."

"Wow. I didn't know it was so tough being rich." I said worried that I was overstepping the boundaries.

He laughed "You have no idea..."

"Hmmm, let me guess. Your parents are jerks and you were raised by a nanny and they give you everything you want to make up for it"

He shook his head "No. My parents are nice people, who raised me and never let me have anything despite the fact that they can afford it."

I nodded "Not the typical rich boy."

His eyes smiled at me "So, whats your story?" he asked me.

I blushed "I am your typical outcast with a sad backstory and wild dreams."

"You are really grim." he said.

I was quiet for a moment. I just turned a fun conversation into a pity party. I had to redeem myself. "I also have a ginger cat called Kero. I work as an entertainer for kids parties for my uncles company and...I draw. All the time..." I stopped when I realized I was trailing off.

"You're interesting. I like that."

We smiled at each other before Mrs. Kamiya walked back into the room.

After detention, Syaoran offered to walk out of the school halls with me. We chatted about our lives like we were best friends. We complained about the school and its dumb rules. Before I knew it, my father was at the drop off with a discerning look on his face. I jumped into the jeep and waved Syaoran goodbye. I imagined we would never talk again. It was just one of those things. He was too popular and there was nothing special about me. How would I keep him interested in wanting to know me.

As my father drove off I silently thought about him. I knew instantly then that I loved him. Every being of him with everything in me. I needed him in my life. I needed him to come back.

"Whats the matter?" My father asked when we got home "You have been quiet. I know you had detention and I am disappointed."

"Um, sorry about that." I said.

I did not want to tell him that I was in love and it was hurting me. It caught me out of the blue and I was not sure how I was going to go about living knowing that Syaoran and I will never be together. I locked myself in my room and listened to music about love that was not meant to be. My self esteem was so low that I had made my mind up that Syaoran would not want me in that way. I thought of all the beautiful girls in my class and suddenly, I felt insecure even more. I hated my braces, I hated the fact that my breasts were still very small and I worried puberty was done with me. I did not wanna look like I was 12 forever.

The next day was a Saturday, thankfully. I decided to go to the mall and try to find something that could give me more confidence. I felt stupid for even being insecure. I thought that if I had a mother, things would be different. I walked into a cosmetics store and started looking at the make-up. A woman approached me and asked me if there was anything specific I wanted. I smiled shyly "I just want something that suits my skin tone." The lady suggested a magenta lipstick which I tried on. I looked at the mirror pleased. She told me the price of the lipstick and my jaw dropped. I thanked her and pretended to look around the store for something else. When the woman was not looking, I picked up the lipstick and slid it in my underwear under my skirt. I never attempted stealing before that day. I walked casually out of the shop. My heart was beating very fast. The moment I was out of the shop I smiled. Sure, I was turning to a life of crime. But it was in the name of love. Everything was justifiable as long as it was in the name of love.

Suddenly, a large man appeared in front of me. He was in a security guard uniform. He told me nicely that the manager of the shop saw me take the lipstick and she wanted to see me. Unfortunately, a few girls from class were passing by. They stopped to see what was happening and giggled amongst themselves. I felt humiliated.

I went back to the store with the security guard where the manager was sitting behind the counter. She had a white thin face full of make-up.

"Im sorry." I cried, tears threatening to fall from my eyes "It wont happen again mam."

She raised her eyebrows. "So, you decided to steal and hide the lipstick in your underwear? Why is that?"

"I can't afford it." I said "Im in love with a boy and I want him to like me. I want him to think Im beautiful." I looked down at the floor ashamed. I could only be honest.

She smiled at me kindly "You should want him to love you for who you are and not for how you look."

I was quiet.

"I know it sounds cliche but if he is the type of guy who only likes girls according to how they look on the outside then he is not worth your time. If he loves your heart, he will love everything about you. Even if you dont feel the same way about yourself."

I forced a smile.

She stood up "Confidence will also take you far."

"So, you won't call my father." I said desperately.

"No. You can pay for the lipstick in installments." she said to me. "Promise me."

I nodded.

"I can't let you off easily. Children need to learn to be responsible for their actions."

I was quiet.

"Now get out of here before I call the police."

I wiped away the tear stains on my cheeks and left the store.

When I got home, I locked my bedroom door and wept into my pillow. I felt horrible. I felt like I was loosing my values and my identity. I imagined that everyone at school will be talking about me.

I only left my room that weekend to eat food. My father would look at me worryingly. He seemed confused on how to deal with a teenage daughter. I did not want to look at the lipstick I stole. I threw it in the bin. It reminded me that I was a criminal...and of my imperfection.

I dreaded Monday. I walked through the corridors with my backpack almost forgetting where my locker was. If I could, I would hide in the bathroom all day.

I only saw Syaoran in class. I made sure I looked busy so that he did not approach me. If he knew that loving him was turning me into someone I'm not, what would he do? I could hear his voice as he spoke to our classmates; his smooth laugh and the different tones as he told stories.

That afternoon, I sat by the bleachers alone. I took out my note pad and pencil. When I looked up, I saw Syaoran approaching me. He was wearing his soccer uniform.

I sat still...my heart was shaking.

"Hi Sakura." he said walking up the stairs to where I was.

"Hi." I responded cooly. It was the first time I had heard him say my name.

"So, I heard you got arrested over the weekend." he sat next to me.

I blushed "I was not arrested." I sounded defensive.

"I'm sorry. I really just wanted to see what you are doing." he looked up at the football field seriously "I got this feeling you were avoiding me."

I looked at him "No...Im sorry. It not that. I almost got arrested for shop lifting. I don't know whats wrong with me."

He nodded. "Growing up is confusing."

"I have a feeling you think Im this wild child. Rebel with a cause. The truth is...that's not who I am...Ive never even been to a high school party or drank alcohol" I wanted to say "or kissed a boy" but held back.

"You don't have to explain yourself." he said to me. He looked at my note pad. "Are those your drawings?"

"Yeah."

"Do you mind if I look at them?"

"Sure."

As I gave him the note pad I thought that Syaoran Li was amazing. He would be the first person to see the depths of my imagination. He didn't care about the little things that worried me. He was kind and honest to me. While everyone was trying to fit in, Syaoran had already discovered that standing out is a better trait. He did not feel sorry for me. I was his equal, his friend. And I was going to be his friend until the last day of high school when I first told him I loved him

To be continued.