Black Angels and Green Dreams



Where are my damn pants? I stumbled across the floor naked, the afternoon sun blinding me and causing me to rub my eyes. After a moment of trudging through the mess i finally found my pants folded on my chair where i had left them the night before. I yawned sleepily as I pulled on my pants and slipped into my shirt. As always it was hip huggers and a tight shirt. What else would I wear? I shook my head and looked at the clock. Shit, I'm late.Good thing I'm working with Ken today and not Aya. I shrugged, running a brush through my hair and putting on my sunglasses. I threw the brush back onto the dresser where I had grabbed it from and made my way through the mess again to the door.

I slipped outside locking the door behind me and with a slight shake of my head I put my keys back into my pocket. Mou why hurry? I'm usually late anyway, they'll just assume I had another hot date. I walked slowly down to the garage waving to the guard who stood by the gate. He nodded in return his disgust obvious in his eyes. My my someone doesn't seem to like how many dates I get. Well what can you expect when someone looks like I do. I grinned at him then slid past him and over to my jeep. I slid onto the cool leather seat letting out a small sigh. Mmm, gotta love cool leather in the morning.

I flipped on the radio and cringed at the happy announcer for a moment before turning the volume down. I started the jeep and pulled out of the garage beginning the short drive to the flower shop. As I drove I noticed it had begun to rain. I wish the rain would just wash everything away once and for all. All the dirt gathered up in my brain and my memories. Why can't the rain wash that away?

I sighed softly as I pulled into a parking spot beside the flower shop. I looked my my reflection in the rear view mirror before sliding out of the cool leather seats and onto the rough grey concrete. I turned my head suddenly as Ken pulled up by the curb behind my jeep. I smiled and waved, winking to him as he took off his helmet. He glared slightly, obviously not impressed with me for some reason.

"Youji, you didn't remember to bring the order list you took home last night did you?" He said as he rolled his eyes at my wink. "Well?"

I shrugged and grinned with a quick look back at my jeep.

"Gomen Ken-ken." I said with a laugh as he glared at me again.

"Youji! How are we supposed to finish todays orders without the list?" He sighed as he walked towards the door.

I followed close behind a grin still plastered on my face. He continued to talk about the list but I wasn't really listening. We walked into the shop only to have Ran nod, then rush by us and out the door. Ken blinked in surprise but I just shrugged and winked again causing him to return to glaring.

Omi waved and greeted us as he finished writing down more orders for us. Ken quickly put his apron on and scuttled into the back room. Leaving me to take control of the till.

Time passed quickly after Omi left since there were no girls in the store at the moment. Hm, well not like it matters anyway. I'd still have to go clubbing to find a date, girls who come here are too damn young. Ken finally came out of the back room but he refused to even look in my direction.

Finally work was over and I could go clubbing and escape this place. I took off my apron and hung it up, ignoring Ken as he yelled at me about not staying to clean up. I left quickly, the door slamming behind me as I walked out into the fading sunlight. The rain from earlier had cleared up much to my relief. The ground was still wet though and the cement glared in the dimming light as I slipped into my jeep for the second time that day.

I slipped the key into the ignition, then closed my eyes with a sigh as I leaned my head back against the head rest. After a few moments my green eyes slid open and sad smile creeped onto my face. I reached under my seat and felt around for a moment before finally grasping hold of a pack of ciggaretts. I quickly pulled one out and put it to my lips, lighting it with a light from my pocket. Deeply I breathed in, letting the mind numbing smoke dull everything.

I sat there smoking until Ken came out of the flower shop, his angry glare falling on me as I flicked my smoke onto the street. He rolled his eyes and sighed before getting on his bike, snapping on his helmet and speeding off down the street. I grinned until he was completely out of sight, then a let my head slump again the steering wheel. Tired...so tired. With another shake of my head I switched the jeep's gears and pulled away from the flowershop.

Gah, I need to change. I smell like rotting flowers, can't have anyone seeing me like this. I drove to my apartment, wishing for some kind of sound or noise to interrupt my thoughts. After parking I quickly clambered up the stairs and into my messy aparment. I stumbled across the room, stripping off my work clothes as I went. I padded into the bathroom, carefully turning on the water and stepping in letting the cool water run down my shoulders.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the shower wall, my damp hair quickly sticking to my face. Why can't I be clean? Why do I have to be flithy like this? I sneered in a moment of self disgust before sighing again and shaking my head.

After I was all showered and dressed, I once again made way way down to my jeep, only this time I didn't go to the flower shop. No, now I went to find escape, freedom from this sickening green dream. I pulled over beside a club I regularly hang out at. Once inside I had one drink before moving onto teh dance floor. I was pushed and pulled between the warm moving bodies, I didn't care who I danced with as long as I wasn't thinking. The heat increased as the night went on, but I continued dancing my senses slipping away from me.

Then I felt a warm body pressing close to mine, I grinned down at the red-haired woman dancing beside me and she grinned back. We continued dancing her soft skin brushing mine, as the music pulled us and intinced us. What seemed like hours passed before, we were both in my jeep and heading for my aparment. Actually, not my apartment but the empty one next door the land lady agreed to let me use. I bring her in, and there's no words there's just heat, sweat and skin. I escape again, away from the memory away from myself and my flith.

Then, suddenly it was over in an explosion of sensation but I still couldn't forget. Asuka, why? No, not Asuka she was Neu. I didn't kill Asuka I killed Neu, a threat. Finally the hight of the moment was over and the red-haired woman curled up beside me her brown flashing slighty in the moon light. She titled her head to the side her perfect pink lips twitching slightly. "Your eyes remind me of an angel, in a sad kinna way..." She mumbled before slipping into a light sleep.

My eyes slid closed and my fingers tightened around the fabric of my sheets. An angel, eh? I'm no angel. Asuka forgive me for I have sinned against you. Why can't I forget? I opened my eyes and looked at the moon, before letting my head drop to the pillows again as I feel into a restless sleep filled with dreams of a blue eyed angel reaching for me. I can't fly, my wings are broken.




It'll all just fall away some day
like a dream in my heart I hold it dear
a bloodly memory, close to me close to me
A dance, your final dance and then you had wings
I'm alone now but I'm to blame and I'll hold it dear
Can't let go, no matter how much i want you
Cause my wings a battered
and all hope is shattered
will this tainted dream never end?

Xella~