Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 7
EPISODE 19
Airdate: February 17, 2019
"Tricknology"
Special Guest Stars: Dorien Wilson as Mr. Frax
#TYH717
SCENE 1
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
The kids are at their lockers one morning.
SPARKY: Wow, I can't believe it's already Black History Month. Life is going by so fast.
RK: I know. Pretty soon, the leaves are going to change and we're all going to die.
SPARKY: Dude, do you actually know what you're talking about?
RK: It's been a long morning.
SPARKY: We just got here.
JAYLYNN: I don't really know what you guys are doing.
WADE: Well, I'm just ready to crush the report Mr. Frax is going to give us. I already know who I'm going to do.
BUSTER: Augustus Jackson?
WADE: No.
BUSTER: Oh. Well, I'm doing him so don't get any ideas.
WADE: My report's going to be on Cornelius Marsalis, the first black scientist to win a Nobel Prize. I love that man. He's my whole inspiration for getting into science.
RK: Didn't you write about him last year?
WADE: I did, but that's when I was taking it easy. I barely scratched the surface with the guy. This year, things are gonna be different.
JAYLYNN: I don't get why we need Black History Month.
Beat.
RK: I guess your white side is finally flaring up, isn't it?
SPARKY: Jaylynn, what do you mean, you don't get why we need it?
JAYLYNN: I mean, black people have done all this amazing stuff. How come we have to tell everyone when to celebrate it and how long?
WADE: Because everyone forgets black history during the other eleven months.
JAYLYNN: Well, it doesn't make any sense. You know what I could do? I could start up a black history class. You know, get signatures and shit. It will be great.
WADE: That's a fantastic idea.
JAYLYNN: It is, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it.
SCENE 2
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Later that day, RK is watching TV when KG walks downstairs.
KG: Hey, bro. What's going on?
RK: Nothing much. Just checking out these shows here.
KG: Oh. You know, we saw the weirdest movie in school today.
RK: What about?
KG: Eh, it was about this guy that turned out to be a sociopath and they sent him to some insane asylum.
RK: And this class was...
KG: We had a substitute. There wasn't much he could do in that situation.
RK: So, how were they able to figure out the guy was a sociopath? I mean, what did he do?
KG: Apparently, there's a certain amount of signs to know for sure that you're dealing with one.
RK: Well, I don't believe it. My philosophy is, you're either about that life from the day you're born or you're not. It's not like some disease.
KG: Yeah, probably not. So, how was school?
RK: Huh?
KG: I said, how was school?
Beat.
KG: RK!
RK: What?
KG: I'm asking you a question, man!
RK: I'm sorry, I just don't care about the question. School's gonna be there tomorrow, who cares?
KG: I mean, you could have a conversation with me.
RK: Right now? This is my quality time, my opportunity to become one with the soul and the mind.
KG: You're watching advertisements on the public access channel.
RK: There's a lot of information here. Did you know that there's a French play being performed at the community center next week? If you were watching this, you would find out.
Cut to KG looking curious while rubbing his chin.
KG (V.O.): Is he...no, no, he couldn't be. Come on, KG, don't be an idiot. Wow, my voice sounds better than I thought! If comedy doesn't work out, I'm definitely doing voiceover work.
SCENE 3
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
The next day, Wade is walking to class when he runs into Mr. Frax.
WADE: Hey Mr. Frax, I wanted to talk to you about my report for Black History Month.
MR. FRAX: Wade, I already told you. I can't just give you an A because of the outline. You have to write the paper.
WADE: I got over that, sir. I wanted to know if I could write my report on Cornelius Marsalis.
MR. FRAX: Sure, Wade, Cornelius was an inspiration to many African-American scientists. You don't need my permission for that.
WADE: Really? Because I wrote about him last year. I thought I could do a better job this year, but I didn't want to break any rules.
MR. FRAX: Nonsense. As long as your report presents newfound information and doesn't rehash ideas, I don't see why that would be a problem.
WADE: Great. I'll see you around.
MR. FRAX: Actually, Wade, since you're so interested in Cornelius, I thought you might want to watch a documentary on his life tomorrow night.
WADE: They're making a documentary about him?!
MR. FRAX: Yeah, it's coming on CNN, 9:00 sharp. The director was really hush hush about the content, but from what I've been hearing, it's going to challenge viewers to look at Cornelius in a different way.
WADE: That sounds really interesting. Maybe this will help people stop overlooking his contributions.
MR. FRAX: I hope so. Plus, they're honoring him at this year's festival at the community center.
WADE: Kinda makes me wonder why we don't learn about him here in school.
MR. FRAX: A long time ago, the administration ruled that he was too specific to be taught.
WADE: What?
MR. FRAX: Yeah, I went bald, lost a tooth, and divorced my wife trying to fight it.
SCENE 4
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
The kids are all eating lunch together.
WADE: So, as long as the report is different from last year's, I can write about Cornelius again.
SPARKY: You're lucky, Wade. I can't decide who I want to do for my report. I was thinking an athlete like Jackie Robinson, but that's too predictable.
WADE: You could always write about someone from the Negro Leagues.
JAYLYNN: That sounds kinda racist.
BUSTER: No, the Negro Leagues were a way for black people to play baseball since the MLB didn't let them. There were a lot of great players in it.
WADE: Buster's right. Like Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, James "Cool Papa" Bell. They say "Cool Papa" was so fast, he could turn off the lights and be in bed before it got dark.
SPARKY: That's unbelievable. I could do him! Thanks Wade.
WADE: No problem. Hey, RK, could you...
RK has on his headphones. Wade takes out one of them and yells in RK's ear.
WADE: RK!
RK: Ah, shit! Wade, what's wrong with you? I'm watching a reaction video here!
WADE: I just wanted to know if you could come with me to the history museum after school. I want to do some more research on Cornelius.
RK: Why? I thought you knew everything about the guy.
WADE: Well, most things, but I have to make sure everything's accurate. Besides, they have his journal where you can check out some of his thoughts at the time.
RK: Alright. But if this is part of your secret plan to inspire me, you can forget it.
WADE: It's not.
RK: Wait, it's not? Because...you know, I could walk in there, find something to inspire me and then you'll be like, "Haha, that was part of my plan."
WADE: No, not this time.
Beat.
RK: Wade, you don't want me to succeed anymore?
SCENE 5
Seattle History Museum
Interior Lobby
Seattle, Washington
RK and Wade walk inside the museum later that day.
RK: Look, if I did something to piss you off, I'm sorry. You know, sometimes, I'm an underachiever because I have a reputation. I can't just change all that in one day.
WADE: RK, not everything is about you.
RK: Good, because I didn't mean anything I just said.
Wade walks up to the front desk.
WADE: Excuse me, ma'am, but I'm looking for the black history wing.
LADY: Oh, that's located on the fourth floor.
WADE: Thank you.
RK and Wade go in the elevator. Cut to them walking into the black history wing, with displays honoring several African-American politicians, inventors, entertainers, civil rights leaders, and organizations.
WADE: Feast your eyes, RK. This is pure, unadulterated history. People that have made a difference in this world and were never given the credit they deserved.
RK: So kinda like television writers?
WADE: Yeah, but the difference is, these guys had real jobs and weren't paid for them. Hey, look, Cornelius' plaque!
Wade runs to the display for Cornelius Marsalis. RK quickly follows him.
RK: So this is it? The guy that turned you on to science?
WADE: You know it. He was my hero before I even know what heroes were.
RK: Wait a minute. Is that him shaking hands with Einstein?
A picture is shown of Marsalis shaking hands with Albert Einstein.
WADE: Yup. Turns out they were pretty good friends.
RK takes the journal off the display case and begins reading it.
RK: And this must be his journal. Probably nothing but crap about...thermodynamics and nuclear power and...continental drift.
WADE: Marsalis never studied Earth science.
RK: The fact that you needed to point that out is really irritating. Holy shit, this is gold.
WADE: What did you find? He's probably talking about one of his theories, isn't he?
RK: No, but he is talking about his very first visit in a mental hospital. "I never believed that I was clinically insane, but the doctors had other ideas. Everyone wants to pick my brain and pigeonhole me as some mentally disabled savant, but I refuse to let them do it. I have other plans."
WADE: Wait, what?
Wade looks through Marsalis' journal.
WADE: He was in a mental hospital nine times? How did this happen?!
RK: Well, maybe he couldn't handle his genius, so he lost his mind and he was never the same. Or maybe, just maybe, he was never insane at all and the government spread nasty rumors about him to keep him from kicking Jim Crow's ass.
WADE: Then explain this journal, with his handwriting.
RK: Wade, anybody with money can afford a good ghostwriter. He paved the way for everyone.
WADE: This is unbelievable. I've been researching this guy for years and I never knew any of this.
RK: You should take this journal home with you and see what else you can find. Maybe you can use this stuff for your report.
WADE: I can't steal this journal. It's museum property!
RK: Technically, it should belong to the man's estate. It's not their fault the museum is exploiting a dead man's legacy. You would be doing him a favor.
Wade takes a closer look at the journal.
WADE: You know what, RK? You're right. I'll just take the journal, pick out the important information, and bring it back without anyone knowing.
RK: Exactly. Unless this place has, like, hair-trigger sensors or something, you should be okay.
SCENE 6
The Saltalamacchia Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Wade is in his living room looking through the journal.
WADE: I can't believe the stuff that's in here. "I may have struck my wife a few times in my life. Whatever I regret doesn't really help me with my career, so it's not something I constantly think about." I just don't get it. The last time I went to the museum, there was nothing in his journal about this.
Beat.
WADE: Wait a minute, of course. This is a different journal. Maybe some stuff here was fabricated to sell copies, or someone replaced the real journal with this bootleg version. I just won't use it.
RK walks in at that point.
RK: Hey Wade, when you're done with that journal about the scientist, could I have it? I'm really trying to get into reading.
WADE: What brought that on?
RK: Eh, you know, the basic stuff. Going to the library, hearing the Reading Rainbow theme song playing out of a Hyundai that drove past me. That kind of thing.
WADE: Well, you could borrow it today, but remember, you have to bring it back to the museum tomorrow.
RK: Damn, you're right. You know what I'll do? I'll take certain parts of the book I really like, and write them down so I'll always have them. Then, I'll sneak in there tomorrow and return the book.
WADE: Okay. Just hope that you don't get caught like last time when you tried to sneak that Xbox One back into Gamestop.
RK: Hey, I might have stolen it, but I brought it back after I got bored with it. I kept my word!
SCENE 7
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That night, RK is writing down passages from the supposed Cornelius Marsalis journal.
RK: This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. "I shot at some birds when I was in the second grade. My father wanted to show me the proper way to be a man. The only thing I regret about the events was that there weren't more f***ing pigeons in the area."
RK begins laughing and then falls on the floor while cackling. KG walks into the house and sees RK laughing.
KG: Yup, I get to tell everybody that you're my little brother.
RK: Hey, you think it's a cakewalk in Vegas having to tell people that you're my big brother?
KG: A cakewalk in Vegas?
RK: I don't know, I just think things sometimes. Oh no, that doesn't feel good.
KG: What happened? Did you eat Chipotle again?
RK: No, I just thought that what I wrote was so damn funny, I have to pee now. Nature, I'm coming!
RK balls up his fists in an exaggerated fashion and runs upstairs to use the bathroom.
KG: What he wrote? The hell is he talking about?
KG walls to the coffee table and begins reading the passages that RK took from Marsalis' journal.
KG: What kind of demonic shit is in this boy's head? Shooting birds, snorting cocaine with Frank Sinatra in a diner bathroom? What, is he taking some creative writing class? No. No, he can't be a sociopath. RK's a lot of things, but he's no sociopath. No, sir.
KG takes a look inside the kitchen and sees garbage bags near the back door.
KG: Oh, come on, I told RK a hundred times to take out the trash! It's like I can't rely on him for anything.
Beat.
KG: Lord, my brother's one of them!
SCENE 8
Ike's Ice Cream Emporium
Seattle, Washington
The next day, Wade walks into Ike's and sees Woody removing a picture of Cornelius Marsalis from his wall.
WADE: Woody, what are you doing?!
WOODY: Taking this Cornelius bastard off my Wall of Fame. He doesn't deserve it.
WADE: How? He won a Nobel Prize, he was a trailblazer!
WOODY: Yeah, like that matters when I know how he felt about black folk. If he thinks we're too dumb to take care of our community, then f*** him, f*** his family, and praise the white people that will take everything from his estate. To hell with him!
Woody throws Cornelius' picture in the garbage.
WADE: Woody, where are you getting all this from?
WOODY: I heard they're paying tribute to him at the black history festival this year. Then I started hearing all these awful things about him, and I couldn't believe it. He doesn't represent what I stand for so I hope he's in hell where he belongs.
Woody goes to the counter while Wade looks dumbfounded.
WADE: Am I in a parallel universe where I don't know anything?!
SCENE 9
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Later that day, KG is watching TV when RK returns.
RK: I tell you, returning something you stole is a lot more exciting than stealing it in the first place.
KG: Wait, you stole something?
RK: Yeah, it was a jour...jerk...jerky. Beef jerky, a whole box of Slim Jims. Barely made it out of the gas station alive.
KG: Dude, you can't just go around stealing things. Especially when you have money. That's like being a famous rapper still selling drugs.
RK: Hey, you can take the rapper out of the game, but you can't take the game out of the rapper! I'm going upstairs.
KG: Wait, hang on a minute. Let's talk for a while.
RK: A while? How long is that? I don't like where this is headed.
KG: It's okay. I'm your brother. Come on, take a seat, it won't kill you.
RK shrugs and walks over to the couch.
KG: So, it's February. Lot of important events this month.
RK: I guess. The Patriots are Super Bowl champions again so in a way, we're all one step closer to death.
KG: One step closer to death?
RK: Yes. The Patriots winning the Super Bowl for the millionth time makes me wanna die. I'm sick of them acting like everybody was counting them out. You're the Patriots, if you make it to the playoffs, there's at least a 75% chance you'll win the title!
KG: Interesting.
KG crosses "suicidal thoughts that he won't follow through on" off his "Is My Brother a Sociopath?" list.
KG: Okay. Do you feel any shame?
RK: About what?
KG: I don't know, a lot of things. Stealing, not doing well in school, sitting around watching TV instead of doing your chores on time?
RK: Nope, not really. If I spent time focusing on everything that's wrong with me, I would explode. Things are a lot better when you don't have to deal with them.
KG crosses "lack of remorse or shame" and "failure to learn by experience" off the list.
KG: Is there anything else you want to talk about?
RK: Nope, I don't think so. Actually, you know those chocolate covered strawberries that Aunt Patricia sent us?
KG: Yeah.
RK: Turns out Mrs. Tuxedo Pants ate them all. What a shame. I know you're thinking I ate them since they disappeared so quickly, but I couldn't even dream of getting one. My own cat has a sweet tooth.
KG shakes his head and crosses "untruthfulness and insincerity" off the list.
KG: I'm glad we had this talk.
RK: I'm about 42% glad. Now, could I go? I don't like being interrogated.
KG: Sure.
RK leaves the couch and begins walking upstairs. KG crosses "unmotivated antisocial behavior" off the list.
KG: I can't believe I never noticed this stuff before. But I can't jump to conclusions yet. Maybe there's hope for RK.
At that point, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants meows, which gets KG's attention.
KG: Hey stupid, your owner might be a sociopath. How do you feel about that?
SCENE 10
The Saltalamacchia Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Wade has a big bowl of popcorn as he watches TV that night, ready for the Cornelius Marsalis documentary.
VOICEOVER: CNN presents the special one-hour documentary. Welcome to Deconstructing Cory: The Cornelius Marsalis Story.
WADE: Deconstructing Cory? Splitting an atom, atoms are related to science. Either that's the biggest stretch of all-time or I need to give the analysis a break.
VOICEOVER: Cornelius Marsalis broke ground at a time when African-Americans were considered intellectually deficient, and unable to thrive in the world of science. But there is a reason his achievements have been overlooked through the years.
Cut to the television showing a depiction of James Robeson, a credited historian.
JAMES ROBESON: He was someone that often took credit for ideas that weren't his. He would steal money to fund experiments and never complete them, but besides that, he let the fame go to his head. He was a massive egotist.
WADE: What the hell are they talking about?!
Dissolve into Wade continuing to watch the documentary later on.
VOICEOVER: In 1958, Marsalis experienced a homosexual encounter with one of his trusted assistants named Thomas Gardner. He would later proceed to sodomize the young man, and ignore him after a whirlwind romance. Marsalis spoke out against homosexuality in public interviews, and believed that African-Americans who identified as such should be executed.
Cut to the television showing a depiction of Jacob Gardner, Thomas Gardner's grandson.
JACOB GARDNER: He supposedly hated gay people because he could never come to terms with his sexuality. He abused my grandfather and it was swept under the rug because of how influential he was.
WADE: Cornelius has never talked about gay people a day in his life! What the f*** am I watching?!
VOICEOVER: Cornelius may have been an inspiration to many African-Americans looking to pursue a degree in science, but he hated his skin color, and yearned for the opportunities and privileges of white people.
Cut to the television showing a depiction of Vanessa Garrett, an ex-wife of Marsalis.
VANESSA GARRETT: He always hated black people. He got it from his father. One day, we were having dinner, and he says to me, "Honey, I have all this fame and success. Why can't they look at me as a white man? Why is my skin color always getting in the way? I want the things they have." And I said, "Well, sugar, you want to be white?" And then he said, "I'll buy some makeup. I'll look as white as vanilla ice cream."
Vanessa starts laughing.
WADE: Alright, that's it!
Wade turns off the TV, then slaps the bowl of popcorn on the floor, and goes upstairs as the instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays in the background.
SCENE 11
The Jennings Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
RK is preparing some cereal for himself when his phone vibrates. He takes it out and sees that KG has texted him.
RK: "What's your life plan?" *texting* Watching my favorite shows and making sure my haircut looks like everything.
RK sends the text. Cut to KG in his room, contemplating on whether or not to cross "failure to follow any life plan" off his list.
KG: You know what? He's doing what he said he would. I have to give him credit.
Cut back to RK pouring the cereal in his bowl when the doorbell rings. He scratches his head and leaves the kitchen to open the door, revealing Wade.
WADE: I'm not doing well this morning.
RK: What's going on, buddy?
WADE: My whole life, I've idolized Cornelius Marsalis. He was the reason I became interested in science. Just the fact that a black man was able to do it inspired me, and that documentary made him look like a devil.
RK: Oh yeah, that CNN documentary? Everyone's losing their minds over it on Twitter.
WADE: You have a Twitter account?
RK: Yeah, but I only use it to see what other people are saying about the world. You want some hot chocolate to make you feel better?
WADE: No, I don't really like hot chocolate.
RK: Yeah, but I can make you the hot chocolate.
Beat.
WADE: Okay, make me the hot chocolate.
SCENE 12
The Jennings Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
RK serves Wade his hot chocolate.
WADE: This is a nightmare. If all of that stuff is true about Cornelius, how come I didn't know any of that before the documentary? This is going to ruin him.
RK: Come on, Wade, it was made for TV. Just because it's on TV, doesn't mean it's true. If I was a TV character and I said the Earth was flat, that doesn't mean it's actually flat.
A caption appears on the screen that says: "The Earth could be flat, we don't know. We're just a TV show."
WADE: Yeah, you're right. But you know how crazy people get about this stuff. It's not about whether or not the story is true. As long as it sounds exciting, it's going to catch on.
RK: I think it's just easier for people to think the worst about everything. But no stupid TV documentary is going to change what that guy did. He inspired you to trick out your basement. If it wasn't for him, the RK & Wade era would have never happened.
WADE: So, what? You think I should just continue believing in Cornelius even when everyone else is turning against him?
RK: I think so. It shouldn't be about following the crowd. If you think he's innocent, you should believe in him. Who cares what everyone else thinks?
WADE: You know something, RK? Every now and then, I learn something important from you.
RK: I'm glad I can be around when you need me.
WADE: Oh, damn, this hot chocolate is fantastic. Could I have the recipe?
RK: Sorry, man, that hot chocolate has been passed down for generations. You'll have to kill me to get the family secret.
WADE: I just might have to.
RK: No, seriously, you're gonna have to kill me. If someone steals the recipe, I at least want to be the last person in my family to use it.
SCENE 13
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Later that day, Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn are at their lockers.
SPARKY: So, guys, how are your reports going?
BUSTER: Well, I don't want to brag, but I think mine might end up being the best one.
JAYLYNN: Really? What, are you going to have a fireworks show after the report?
BUSTER: No, they'll send me to jail for that. I've been doing a lot of research in honor of Augustus Jackson. Since he was really important when it came to ice cream, I decided to eat as much ice cream as I could to celebrate him.
JAYLYNN: I thought that guy didn't invent ice cream.
BUSTER: He didn't, but while everyone else was figuring out new ways to make it, he beat them to the punch and got millions. I took some pictures of me eating all the ice cream I could buy.
Buster shows Sparky and Jaylynn some pictures of him eating ice cream on his phone.
BUSTER: See, here's me trying all the free samples at Ike's. Eventually, Woody told me to buy something but I left because I wasn't ready. This is me eating at Baskin Robbins. They kicked me out because my credit card was declined. So I just went home and ate all the ice cream in my freezer. This is me sleeping on the kitchen table covered in ice cream.
A picture is shown of Buster asleep on the kitchen table with ice cream all over his face and shirt, messed up hair, and a slightly enlarged stomach.
JAYLYNN: How did you get that last picture?
BUSTER: I don't remember. I wasn't even the one that took it. I think it was Ashley. Maybe Gilcania?
SPARKY: Well, Buster, you're gonna have some competition. "Cool Papa" was so fast, he could be on first base and run all the way home with just one hit.
JAYLYNN: That's impossible. Who can do that?
SPARKY: Apparently, he can. I bet if that guy played in the MLB, he would have broken all kinds of records. They would have named awards after him, given him endorsements.
BUSTER: Yeah, that's what sucks about it. By the time the MLB allowed black players, a lot of them were too old to play. They never had a chance to show the world what they could do.
JAYLYNN: I hate the world. See, this is why we need a black history class.
SPARKY: You're not actually going to get the class up and running, are you?
JAYLYNN: Not at this school. But the community center's interested. Then they started telling me all this stuff that had to happen in order to make a new class and now I'm here asking you guys why I came up with this idea.
BUSTER: Because you like the challenge?
JAYLYNN: That's true. I really do like challenges.
SCENE 14
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Mr. Frax's Classroom
Seattle, Washington
Wade walks into class with the others.
MR. FRAX: Hey Wade, could I speak to you for a minute?
WADE: Sure.
Wade walks to Mr. Frax's desk.
WADE: What's going on?
MR. FRAX: I wanted to talk to you about Cornelius Marsalis.
WADE: Oh, man, did you see that documentary? They're trying to kill his legacy.
MR. FRAX: Yeah, the problem is, there's a lot of negative feedback that he's getting. Many are already turning against him on social media, so I don't think it's a good idea that you write about him.
WADE: What? It's just social media, Mr. Frax. After a week or so, nobody's even going to remember what they were upset about.
MR. FRAX: That might be true, but people are already taking action. The community center has plans to drop Cornelius from being honored at the black history festival.
WADE: I can't believe this. Sir, I have to do this report. Just because some allegations came up, doesn't mean they're true.
MR. FRAX: Wade, it's a matter of safety and avoiding backlash. This school doesn't need it. I'm telling you right now, please find someone else to write about.
WADE: Fine.
Wade begins walking to his seat.
WADE: That's what he thinks.
MR. FRAX: What was that, Wade?
WADE: No, I didn't hear anything.
SCENE 15
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Around the same time, KG, Rodney, and Trevor are talking near their lockers.
RODNEY: Trevor, I don't get it. How did you burn a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
TREVOR: Because I forgot it was in the oven.
RODNEY: But why would you put it in...
KG: Guys, this is bullshit. My brother might be a sociopath and you're over here talking about sandwiches?
RODNEY: Okay, we can talk about that too.
TREVOR: Wait, isn't your brother the really smart black kid?
KG: That's Wade, and he's not my brother.
TREVOR: Oh, so you mean the redhead that's always wearing beanies?
KG: That's Jaylynn, and she's a girl.
TREVOR: Wait, is it...
KG: Trevor, you've been to my house a hundred times. YOU KNOW WHO MY BROTHER IS!
RODNEY: Ignore him. Why would you think that RK's a sociopath?
KG: He shows almost all the signs. I crossed them off on my list here.
KG shows Rodney his "Is My Brother a Sociopath?" list.
RODNEY: Man, are you sure about this?
KG: Why wouldn't I be? I'm a terrible brother. If I had kept a better eye on RK, maybe he wouldn't have ended up like he did.
TREVOR: Come on, it's not that bad. What about having an impersonal sex life?
KG: He doesn't have a sex life. He's ten.
TREVOR: Oh, yeah, you're a terrible brother.
RODNEY: Dude! Look, KG, you're jumping the gun something serious here. Just because we watched that movie about sociopaths, doesn't mean that you can just diagnose anybody.
KG: But sometimes, you don't know until it's too late. I mean, RK was already tested for Asperger's before. Who's to say he doesn't have this?
RODNEY: I don't think those two are related, man.
TREVOR: Bro, it's simple. Just ask your brother if he's a sociopath, damn.
KG: You know what? I should beat your ass with this clipboard until you turn smart!
TREVOR: No, don't hurt me!
RODNEY: KG, seriously, you can't just go around and start thinking that anybody's a sociopath. You have to rethink this before you do something stupid.
KG: Yeah, you're right. I need to talk to RK man-to-man. Then we can figure out the best way to help him together.
RODNEY: Dude, that's not what I meant.
KG: Thanks for the advice, Rod. I'm going to go meet Denise in study hall.
KG walks away from the guys.
RODNEY: You know, I don't think anyone will ever wonder if RK and KG are brothers.
TREVOR: How come you don't want KG to find out the truth so bad? Unless you're a sociopath yourself?!
Rodney stares at Trevor angrily.
SCENE 16
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
The guys are watching TV after school.
SPARKY: Wait, so now, you can't write about Cornelius at all?
WADE: No. Mr. Frax doesn't want the school to get any negative attention. This documentary's ruined everything.
JAYLYNN: Hey, they're just allegations. I mean, it's not like any of this was known information.
WADE: So, what? You think there was an agenda behind it?
JAYLYNN: Maybe. I mean, it comes out during Black History Month? Famous black scientist that everyone thought couldn't amount to anything? I don't know, it's a little spooky.
RK: That's why as much as I love TV, I know it doesn't have all the answers. God gave us the internet for a reason.
BUSTER: So, what's your plan, Wade?
WADE: I'm going to finish my Cornelius report. I mean, all that's missing is the bibliography.
SPARKY: But if you turn in that report, you might get in big trouble.
WADE: That's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm not going to let some idiots keep me from celebrating someone that's not even alive to defend himself.
SPARKY: Okay, I hear you, Wade. But let's just say - and this is just an idea - let's just say, the documentary was telling the truth.
WADE: And?
SPARKY: And what would you do if the documentary was true? Would Cornelius still be your hero?
WADE: I don't know. I didn't think about what would happen if all of it was true.
SPARKY: I'm just saying that because I know what it's like to watch your heroes disappoint you. I still remember when you guys told me about all the horrible things Columbus did.
BUSTER: Yeah, it's always a sad day when the people you love do terrible things. Hey Jaylynn, is that how you felt about Demi Lovato?
JAYLYNN: No. Why would I feel that way about her?
BUSTER: 'Cause, you know, she smoked crack and stuff. I don't think that's something you would be proud of.
JAYLYNN: Look, honestly, as long as she's healthy and the next album comes out on time, I don't care about anything else.
SPARKY: Yeah, I think we're getting off course here. Wade, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't believe that anybody is incapable of doing bad things, especially people you look up to.
WADE: I hear you, Sparky. But I still don't believe for one second that Cornelius was the person they made him out to be in that documentary. I'm going to find out the truth if it kills me.
RK: Wait a minute, when did Demi Lovato smoke crack? Was I out the country when that shit happened?
SCENE 17
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Principal's Office
Seattle, Washington
The next day, Wade is in Principal MacGregor's office, and Mr. Frax is standing near him.
PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Wade, I have to tell you, this is very disappointing.
WADE: Look, Principal MacGregor, I can deal with getting punished. But what I won't deal with is everybody trying to spread lies about a great person. There are plenty of other scientists that actually did do horrible things and no one ever talks about them.
MR. FRAX: Who exactly?
WADE: Names don't come to mind right now, sir. But a quick Google search will prove my point.
PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Bottom line, we can't have people find out about this report you turned in. We'll give you one last chance to turn in a report on someone that's not controversial.
WADE: I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Well, I have no choice. Wade, you're suspended for a week..
Wade sighs.
SCENE 18
Wade kicks a can around after school as he walks by the Northgate Community Center, where people are protesting Cornelius Marsalis and holding up picket signs. Wade shakes his head and continues walking until he notices an ABC News truck in the area.
WADE: That's it!
Cut to ABC News reporter Kirsten Edwards beginning her on-air assignment.
KIRSTEN EDWARDS: I'm Kirsten Edwards, reporting live for ABC News. We're here at the Northgate Community Center where several members of the Seattle area are protesting the inclusion of Cornelius Marsalis in this year's black history festival. This comes just days after CNN's documentary on Marsalis brought up several new allegations on the legendary scientist.
Wade begins tugging on Kirsten's shirt to get her attention.
WADE: Excuse me, Kirsten. Could I get on the camera for one second? I have to say something.
KIRSTEN EDWARDS: Well, little boy, we are in the middle of a live report.
WADE: Please, just one minute to talk about this.
KIRSTEN EDWARDS: Okay, well, I'm now handing over the microphone to a young man named...
WADE: Wade Saltalamacchia.
KIRSTEN EDWARDS: Wade Saltalamacchia, the floor's yours for one minute.
WADE: Thank you. Look, I never claimed to know everything about the world. But one thing I know is that Cornelius Marsalis was a great scientist that made it possible for kids like me to think we could do it too. I think the documentary is filled with a bunch of lies and rumors that nobody can prove, and he deserves to keep his spot in the black history festival. Here you go.
Wade gives the microphone back to Kirsten, who looks dumbfounded.
KIRSTEN EDWARDS: At this point, we're going to cut to a quick commercial.
Wade continues walking when he gets approached by a middle-aged white man.
MR. FLAHERTY: Excuse me, kid. You're the one who was just over there talking about Cornelius Marsalis.
WADE: Yeah. And I just want you to know that if you're going to pull a hate crime, there are cameras everywhere on this block.
MR. FLAHERTY: Nonsense. I'm Mr. Douglas Flaherty, a former employee at Northgate and a family friend of the Marsalises.
WADE: Wait, seriously? You knew Cornelius?!
MR. FLAHERTY: Not for a very long time, but I was with him during the final years of his life. Listen, I want you to know that I agree with you. They're trying to destroy Cornelius' reputation.
WADE: So, it was true? The documentary was just some tabloid trash?
MR. FLAHERTY: Exactly. The guy who made it didn't contact anybody in Cornelius' family. He only spoke to people who were willing to say something negative about the man. Look, the black history festival is coming up and I think we can help people see the truth.
WADE: Ugh, my head is spinning right now. Is there a place we could go to discuss this?
MR. FLAHERTY: Sure, let's head to the library. No reporters, no media, nothing. I'm telling you, Wade, this whole thing goes deeper than you think.
WADE: Just for my peace of mind, you do have people that can verify what you're saying?
MR. FLAHERTY: Man, I can get you in touch with Cornelius' kids, are you kidding me? Come on now.
SCENE 19
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK is watching TV when KG walks up to him nervously.
KG: Hey RK. You, uh, watching a little television?
RK: Yup.
KG: Cool, cool. You know, fun fact about that. Frederick Stenberg invented the television show back in 1912. His friends called him "Mr. Pickle."
RK: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
KG: I don't know. Look, RK, I want you to know something. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. You're my little brother, and I will always love you.
RK: Do you have a terminal illness? Because if you do, what a weird way to tell me.
KG: No. I actually wanted to give you this.
KG gives RK a brochure.
RK: This is for six days and five nights in Acapulco.
KG: Oh, sorry, some fat guy in a wife beater gave me that. This is what I wanted to give you.
KG gives RK a pamphlet titled "So You Think You Might Be a Sociopath? Your Weird Brain and You." On the cover of the pamphlet are pictures of John Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Lena Dunham.
RK: KG, is this part of some comedy skit you're practicing?
KG: No, I'm serious. I want you to know that even if you are a sociopath, it's okay. There are tons of online sources here, and a 24-hour hotline that you can call at any time.
RK: Man, will you quit with the public service announcement? I'm not a sociopath!
KG: Denial is part of it. Don't worry, I won't judge you for it.
RK: I'm not denying anything. I'm not now, nor I have ever been, a sociopath.
KG: And you're 100% sure about that?
RK: Yes!
KG: Well, you're going to have to answer to my list because you fit the definition.
RK sees KG's "Is My Brother a Sociopath?" list for the first time.
RK: You gotta be kidding me. You've been acting so weird lately because you thought I was a sociopath?
KG: Well, yeah. I thought you were.
RK: Dude, you can't just diagnose someone based off one or two things they do. If that's the case, I would have stopped talking to Jaylynn years ago.
KG: Oh, man. I'm sorry, RK. I guess that movie made me more paranoid than I thought. I started seeing things that weren't there.
RK: You know what? It's okay, you big freak. This is like when I watched Toy Story for the first time. I started thinking all my toys came to life and had adventures when I wasn't around.
KG: Wait, is that why you installed that security system in your room?
RK: Yeah, the biggest waste of money in my whole life.
SCENE 20
Seattle Public Library - Bottrell
Seattle, Washington
Wade and Mr. Flaherty are talking in a private section of the library, surrounded by books.
WADE: Mr. Flaherty, why do you think people would do this to Cornelius?
MR. FLAHERTY: They didn't like him. They hated the fact that a black man was on top of the science world and they were afraid that African-Americans would start going into that field and dominating.
WADE: But what does that have to do with the documentary coming out now?
MR. FLAHERTY: Okay. Way back in 1982, this autobiography about Cornelius came out. He wanted someone to document his life story, but he found out the guy he hired was trying to get with his wife so he fired him. He released the book anyway and filled it up with lies to get back at Cornelius.
Mr. Flaherty holds up the autobiography in question.
WADE: Wait a minute. That's the same book that was on display at the museum. They must have replaced his journal with it!
MR. FLAHERTY: Exactly. No one took this book seriously when it came out, but rumors spread anyway. A couple years ago, the rumors got stronger, then people started getting paid off to lie about Cornelius and throw dirt on his name. This is all a big operation to make people hate Cornelius. If his legacy is destroyed, no one will ever remember the first black scientist to win the Nobel Prize.
WADE: This is sick. They should throw people under the jail for stuff like this.
MR. FLAHERTY: You would think, but what the media can do is scary. If it tells you the sky is purple one time, you won't believe it. But if they start presenting theories, getting people on TV to talk about it, and little organizations pop up online, it's just as legit as the real thing.
WADE: So what can we do? Even if we tell everyone the truth, there will still be thousands of people that won't believe it.
MR. FLAHERTY: Maybe so, but change can only start small. I was the one that said that Cornelius never did any of the things they were accusing him of, I was the one that said he should keep his place in the festival, but they fired me because they thought I was too biased.
WADE: I think it might be time to crash the festival.
MR. FLAHERTY: You're damn right. We're gonna give 'em hell, whether they like it or not.
Wade and Mr. Flaherty shake hands and start laughing maniacally. The librarian shushes them, then their maniacal laughs become quieter.
SCENE 21
Northgate Community Center
Interior Banquet Hall
Seattle, Washington
The kids are walking into the banquet hall on the night of the festival. Buster is wearing his outfit from "Dumb's the Word," minus the cane. The other four kids are dressed casually, especially Sparky as he is wearing a St. Louis Stars jersey and matching cap, in honor of James "Cool Papa" Bell.
RK: So, this is it. The rest of our lives.
WADE: What?
RK: Nothing.
JAYLYNN: Buster, don't you think you're a little overdressed?
BUSTER: That's what I thought leaving the condo, but I didn't even bring my cane. Now that would have been pushing it.
SPARKY: Wade, you think you're going to be okay? You know, after everything that's happened with Cornelius?
WADE: Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm pretty sure by the end of the night, things will work out.
SPARKY: What do you mean?
WADE: Blind optimism, Sparky. Not much else.
At that point, a middle-aged black woman steps up to the podium.
WOMAN: Good evening, and welcome to the annual Northgate Community Center Black History Festival.
WADE: Hang on a minute, guys.
Wade leaves the banquet hall at that point, and quickly returns with Mr. Flaherty at his side. They then walk towards the stage.
WOMAN: I just want to thank everybody for their attendance. Now, we have so many important members of the African-American community to honor tonight, so let's not waste any time.
MR. FLAHERTY: I agree. Excuse me, sweetie, I just need the microphone here. Attention everybody, my name is Douglas Flaherty. I worked here at Northgate for 26 years, never once had a scandal or incident until last week, when I was unceremoniously fired. And you know why I was fired? Because I spoke up and said that we're missing someone very important. I'm talking about Cornelius Marsalis.
Security guards begin to approach the stage, but the kids try and run interference.
RK: Hey, gents, that's our friend up there with that strange white man.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, let them talk before I bite all of you!
SPARKY: Damn, Jaylynn.
JAYLYNN: Hey, it's not like it's something I haven't done before.
WADE: This man knew Cornelius and his family personally. The things that were said in that documentary were taken from a book that people protested more than thirty years ago. The people that spoke out were paid off by the director.
MR. FLAHERTY: The kid's correct. Cornelius never hated gay people or wished to be white. He was the first black scientist to become successful, and everybody tried to destroy him for it. So they made up stories. The problem is, he's been dead for almost twenty years, so he can't even defend himself. I spoke to Cornelius' kids the other day. They weren't even contacted about the documentary until it came out.
WADE: We should be honoring Cornelius and what he did, not try and find ways to get rid of him for things he never did. If we keep going after innocent people, we're going to ignore those who actually do deserve to be punished.
MR. FLAHERTY: All we're saying is, use logic and know the B.S. that's out there. Cornelius doesn't deserve this.
WADE: Thank you.
Everybody begins clapping after Wade and Mr. Flaherty's speech, including the kids and the security guards. At that point, a picture of Cornelius Marsalis that was covered up on the wall alongside other famous black people from the civil rights era has its covering removed.
SCENE 22
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
A few days later, the guys are on the couch recapping the episode's events. RK is reading the sociopath pamphlet that KG gave him.
SPARKY: Hey Wade, do you think Cornelius' name was cleared for good?
WADE: I think so. Woody put him back on the Wall of Fame, my incomplete report became an A-plus, and Cornelius' kids started a petition to get the documentary taken off CNN. It's doing pretty well so far.
BUSTER: Looks like people are realizing how crazy they were acting.
SPARKY: Yeah. I just hope this doesn't come up again in thirty years.
WADE: It most likely will, but at least there will be people around to shut it down.
JAYLYNN: Hey RK, what are you reading?
RK: Oh, just this pamphlet on how to deal with being a sociopath. KG thought I was one, so he got it from the clinic.
BUSTER: Yeah, you're only 10% sociopath tops.
Beat.
RK: I guess I am.
JAYLYNN: You think I could borrow it?
RK: Don't worry, Jaylynn, you can talk to us. We're here for you.
JAYLYNN: It's not for me. I know exactly who to give this to.
Cut to Jaylynn standing outside Anja's house, about to give her the sociopath pamphlet.
JAYLYNN: Give this to your sister. Let her know it's okay.
ANJA: Why can't you give it to her?
JAYLYNN: Because that's gross as f*** and she needs to hear this from a loved one.
Cut to black.
("Can't Truss It" by Public Enemy plays over the end credits)
©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH