I had this idea just come to me this morning and I thought it would make for a good fic. Enjoy this one shot!
Note: This is through Robin's eyes it's her thoughts on Barney and how she really feels through the years.
When he's strong I'm weak sometimes I'm strong and he's the weak one but when I need him he's always there. I sometimes don't understand my own self enough to make the decisions I make and on some occasions I forget that he's there for me. Barney might understand me better than I understand myself and most of the time I understand him maybe that's why I''m so confused lately. I used to think I can be this independent and awesome chick that Barney sees me as but other times I feel like I need someone there to just be normal with and talk to and sometimes have that co-dependent but still be independent relationship Marshall and Lily have with each other.
He's my weakness, he's my soul, he's my heart, he's my mind, he's my best friend, he's challenging and independent like myself. He's my everything... So why can't I realized how deep my soul burns to be with him, to be near him, to have him tell me he loves me and why can't my brain function normally when he's around me. I love him but am so terrified of him hurting me. I let him him, I let him see me for who I am and he doesn't care, he doesn't run away when I come to him. I have this magnetic pull that only is pushed by him and each time I get to spend with him the more I lose all senses of what he likes about me. I am strong, Scherbatsky's are strong my father had told me this so many times when I was a kid and it was so engraved in my head till adulthood that it slowly messed me up to the point of not trusting people.
When did I become this cynical un-trusting person? And when did I stop trying so hard to fight my own battle with my heart versus my brain? The answer to that last question is the guy I can't seem to be in control when he's near me.
"Haha" I burst out laughing at this lame kind of male centered joke. That's the problem with me, I can't help myself when he's around me I don't know what it is but the way he's looking at me makes my heartbeat faster to and unworthy/ not normal amount of time. Even when the joke goes too far I can't help but laugh.
"So, I told them that I can't retell this joke to any of my female friends because none of them will get it. Then, I said to myself that 'hey you know who would like this joke?'"Robin!" He says sitting across from me.
It's true I do like this joke, it's dirty and lame but it's quite funny. That's what he does to me, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel like the kid I once was that my dad slowly grilled out of me. Every time, he does something to make me feel like I'm that sixteen year old going to malls flirting with almost every guy I meet. I was Sparkles, I told myself I could do that and get away with it but when it came to my dad and the stuff he put into my head it all completely mixed together to slowly make me the cynical, lonely, sad, independent woman but I am still that young naive girl who thought my boyfriend was straight, enough so I can sleep with him. And, look where that got you.
And, then there is that other side to Barney that nobody gets to see but me and maybe our friends sometimes. That's the guy I know so well that it's scary. I know him better than he knows himself and I know myself. It's scary to think how well he knows me that I tend to forget that he's the only one I can see myself in. As cheesy as this might sound he knows the best of me and I think he loves me just as is.
Does he love me though? I do notice how he looks at me it's with a such softness in his eyes. Those gorgeous baby blues that are brighter than the sky above that are most tender and sincere when he's looking at me or says something that I know is true, my heart knows it's true but my brain knows it might not be true. That's my other problem, I'm not sure if he's sincere in the things he says but each time he says something that comes from his heart I know it's true.
"When I let a day go by without talking to you that day is just no good." His eyes are so warm and sincere in this moment I realize that he truly is sorry about that phone call earlier. He knows it was wrong of him to make that call as my father and piss me off but those eyes and that smile and that beautiful shapely chiseled face makes me weak again when I was so strong before.
I'm so in love with him that my brain goes into over thinking things and then my heart explodes when he looks like me the way he is right now. I've never felt this way before about anyone, I'm supposed to be a Scherbatsky, we aren't weak, we are strong and keep things from getting to emotionally connected to our hearts. I am a Scherbatsky but when he's near me I'm that little 16 year old girl obsessing about how a guy would give me one look and I am weak again.
But, then I remember being weak isn't a bad thing it might kill me but it isn't a bad thing to be. But, when I'm strong and he sees my weakness I can't hold back from exposing that weakness, like the time Simon broke up with me again for the same girl he did when I was that young naive girl. He just stopped everything he was doing to comfort me. Who knew that Barney Stinson of all people could make all the walls I built up around my heart come tumbling down so fast that I couldn't stop myself from kissing him that night, I couldn't even stop myself from sleeping with him that's how weak I am when he's near by, when he looks at me with those sincere but slightly devilish blue eyes, when he holds me in his open, comforting, kind, arms. When he puts his arm around me at the booth or the way he kissed me while watching my Sandcastle In The Sand video, and boy is he one heck of a kisser no wonder every girl falls for his tricks... I used to think he's this womanizing ping but then he opens his heart and I'm completely and utterly putty in his arms.
He's proposing, my thoughts, my anger, my frustration it all comes out when he's standing in front of me with the devilish grin but those sincere looking eyes and once again I can't feel my legs. He's down on one knee, my hands are shaking, tears keep falling down my face so fast I can't stop them because where is the damn tissues when I need them. After everything he put me through, after everything we been through it all came back to that night in my apartment when his hands are all over my body, my hands were shaking and sweaty, but he holds them down as he lays me down on my bed and then kisses down my neck to one side to the other. Damn, he's so perfect with his lips I can't even begin to have what's going to happen sink in and I don't want it to.
I've been wanting him for so long that as wrong as this might be I don't want it to stop. His hands begin to roam over my stomach and down and then up my left pinning my hands back out of reach from touching him. Damn, I want to feel him. I try to tell him I want to touch him but he doesn't hear me because he's too focus on feeling my boobs up. After a while I gave up saying anything and he continued using his hands for the most amazing/thrilling minutes I've ever had in my life.
I can't help but say yes immediately... God, all my logical reasoning for not being with him went out the window when he starts kissing me I feel my legs start to buckle, he has to literally hold me up from falling down.
When the shock, anger, tears and nerves all went away everything started to become more real than I dreamed of. Everything stopped around me for who knows how long and now he here holding me the way he did all those years earlier at Maclaren's in our booth. The way he always holds me, sometimes it's scary how perfect and strong his arms are when they're wrapped around my body.
"Are we engaged?" I had to say this out loud because it all seems like a dream that she never seemed to wake up from.
"Yes, we are." He tells me whispering then kissing my ear.
"Wow, I'm still in a shock and still mad at you for playing me like that." It starts to all come out once everything finally sunk in.
"Sorry, I had to do it. I had to make you see how much you love me and it was the only way to wake you up from your ever running from me again dream." I shake my head laughing as he turns me around to face him.
I hit him playfully then look up into those deep but devilish and loving eyes that always pulled me back into the world of Barney Stinson and those amazing hands of his.
"I'm very awake now. I know I've been running, I've just been so scared that if we tried again that I would lose you are that you didn't want to commit to me." He gently slips his hand through mine and it feels like home again. His hands are magic, I don't even know how to explain those hands of his but they are.
"I had to do so much soul searching before I figured out what was setting me back to forever committing to anyone. The reason I couldn't make anything work with other people is because I couldn't get over you." That honest, sincere look is back and I know he's being truthful about what he's been thinking and doing the last two months. It all makes sense now, the running, fight, uncertainty all came back to him and for him it was me.
"I haven't stopped thinking or loving you Barney. You have to know that, I was just scared and unsure of what you want or what I want but now I know. I think I knew all this time and now I realize how important you are to me. I love you, I have never felt love before you and I tried so hard to believe that it won't work out again if we tried again." He shakes his head no then says.
"I was terrified, I thought I couldn't make you happy enough so I told myself so many times that I wasn't still in love with you but each time failed me. Anytime you looked at me it all brought me back to the way I feel about you." In this moment I had to kiss him because he just explained to me how I've been feeling this whole time.
"I love you Barney Stinson." I say after we kiss.
"I love you too Robin Scherbatsky."
And, that's what Barney Stinson does to the girl who once stopped believing in things.