A lot had changed since then. I wasn't a national or worldwide hero or sensation or anything. Things certainly weren't better. But they were different. I was wrong to assume ZIM hadn't made it through high school. He very well could have. But I hadn't encountered him in any of my classes yet, and knowing him he would have ended up hunting down me and Gaz wherever we went in our lives.
I spent most of my time in solitude, capturing UFO's over campus on my smartphone camera and uploading them to GlueTube. No one else seemed to see them. I even pointed one out to Gaz and she just kinda gave me this look and said in that classic tone of hers: 'Yeah...so what...Dibb!"
Heh. Yeah. Anyway, then it happened. One day when I was walking out of the Human Resources building I saw that dreadfully all too familiar face. ZIM!
"It's...you!" I said. He was wearing a dark cloak or a hoodie or...something I couldn't even tell. And he just said nothing for almost a whole minute.
Then he finally spoke. Yeah, FINALLY.
"I have seen it! This is the HUMAN resources building! The resources that humans use to battle Irkens. I know it. I AM STILL ZIM!" said Zim.
"Yeah, Zim, look I figured you'd show up in my life again. Aliens have ways of occasionally reminding us all that they're real, then they vanish for what seems like forever, then come back again briefly to be like 'Yeah, you weren't crazy' but guess what? Everyone on my planet still thinks I'm crazy Zim!" said Dibb.
"You are crazy Dibb. Can't you see I am a weather balloon?" said ZIM.
"That stuff isn't funny anymore ZIM!" replied Dibb.
"What are you going to do about it? You think just because you're in college people will believe you?" asked ZIM. Dibb looked around at all the people.
"Good point, I guess" said Dibb.
"I think we ought to...start over!" said Zim.
"You mean become friends? I've never even had a friend before. Except my sister, I like her but she's..she's plotting to slowly torture and kill me, literally!" said Dibb.
"Yeah, you can't trust anyone. But you can trust ZIM! We can be bros, seriously!" said Zim.
"You're plotting to conquer Earth. I can't let that happen!" said Dibb.
"No, join me. Join me Luke and we can end the destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy!" said Zim, taking a puff from a vape pen.
"I can't let you take over Earth! Even if you are a Star Wars fan" said Dibb.
"Come on Dibb. You really think I could possibly SUCCEED? I am ZIM! I can only succeed at failure! It extends into my slimiest pores and then I eventually almost succeed! TRUST THE PORES OF DESTRUCTION, DIBB!" said Zim. Zim guided Dibb to the basketball court and shot a few hoops with him. Then he took him to the indoor table tennis area and played table tennis with him. Afterwards, they shared some sole fish sandwiches.
Later in the day...
"Now, wasn't that fun?" asked ZIM.
"Umm...well...I don't know!" said Dibb.
"Come on DIBB, you just don't want to admit it, it was something you never considered doing before" said ZIM. A guy in a rainbow shirt came up to ZIM and Dibb.
"You guys wanna join our club?" asked the guy.
"Um..no" said Dib.
"No, we're...we're good!" said ZIM.
"Anyway, this isn't going to work ZIM" said Dibb. Zim started laughing.
"I now know basketball. I now know table tennis. I now know the world!" said ZIM.
"Maybe I WAS crazy to be worried about you taking over the world for so long" said Dibb.
"Yes, indeed you were. I am only interested in jelly, Dib. Jelly and peanut butter" said Zim.
"Maybe I am insane" said Dibb. Zim wanted to say something witty, but realized Dib never had a mother.
"Tell me about your sister!" said ZIM. Gaz walked by.
"Zim! Dibb! I never thought I'd see Zim ever again. This is truly disgusting!" said Gaz.
"Yeah, you're looking at him. I'm an old old ET and I never even got to phone home" said ZIM.
"Why don't you join us Gaz?" asked Dib. Gaz looked at her watch.
"Well, okay, I guess I have some time" said Gaz.
"What classes are you taking Gaz? I am taking religion. Did you know that in the Inquisition people were killed just for thinking I might exist?" said ZIM.
"Yeah...I knew that, Zim," said Gaz. "I didn't know that!" said Dib, looking horrified.
"Dib, are you telling me I've actually seen more episodes of Ancient Aliens than you?" asked Gaz.
"Um...maybe!" replied Dib. Zim chuckled.
"If only that custom still existed and everyone was just like Dib. Then there would be no more humans!" said Zim in a tone so disturbing even Gaz was bothered.
"Don't say things like that. Why do you say things like that if you aren't plotting to kill us all?" asked Dib.
"I don't know. Effect. I'm a weird kind of a guy. I was plotting to kill you all for a while but the Tallest just didn't take me cereal! Wouldn't send me enough weapons!" said ZIM.
"I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful trio. NOT!" said Gaz.
"Yes. We should start a band. Call it two siblings and an alien. We'd sell millions, MILLIONS!" shouted Zim waving his arms frantically.
"Somehow I doubt that" said Dibb.
"I wouldn't mind starting a band," said Gaz, sipping juice. "But it sure as hell wouldn't be with you two doofuses" she added.
"You two don't realize it, but Dibb? You and your sister are and always have been the poster children for Irken galactic rule. Your memories were ERASED and covered in goo!" said Zim.
"Haha, yeah, like I'd believe that!" said Gaz.
"NO. It's true. There aren't any other kids in the world like you two. NONE!" said Zim.
"Well, Dibb does have a huge head" said Gaz.
"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" shouted Dibb. Gaz rolled her eyes.
"This stuff would explain why I'm so vicious and Dib is such a screwball. We're part Irken. I kinda like that idea, makes me view things different!" said Gaz, smirking.
"Um, change of subject, I think we should all go into a building. Buildings are...cool!" said Dibb.
"Oh yeah, my brother is one hundred percent Irken. Only an Irken walk-in would even say something like that! Architects sound more sane at times" said Gaz.
"Is there anything more fascinating than buildings? Buildings have letters on them! They are beautiful. BEAUTIFUL!" said Zim. Gaz poured her juice all over Zim.
"That...that was uncalled for! You shall suffer my wrath of jelly!" said ZIM. Gaz almost laughed but contained herself.
"Just...give it up...ZIM" said Gaz.
"Give what up? What are you asking me to give up to you, woman?" said ZIM.
"I know you're an alien, it's just that my brother makes such a huge deal out of it. I had a pet werewolf once this stuff is nothing!" said Gaz.
"OH REALLY? Did it try to gobble up your beautiful brain juice?" asked ZIM.
"If you don't shut up, I might kill you. Brutally!" said Gaz.
"Did you hear that Dib? Your sister, she wants to kiss me!" said ZIM in a dramatic voice.
"I don't think that's what she said," said Dibb.
"Well then what did she say?" asked ZIM.
"She said she wanted to kill you" said Dib.
"I KNEW IT!" shouted ZIM. Gaz burst out laughing.
"Aha-hah. Oh god, I can't believe this. The whole gang is here again! This is almost making me feel sentimental. I can't take it!" said Gaz, marching away.
"Don't forget to write me love poems!" shouted ZIM.
"Yeah, that's Gaz. She has a lot of built up...stuff!" said Dibb.
"Anger? Resentment? Love jelly?" asked Zim.
"All of the above probably. ZIM, why does no one else realize you're an alien?" asked Dib.
"Because of banana poison!" said Zim.
"WHAT?" yelled Dib.
"You heard me! The poison of the banana!" said Zim.
"Well, I've gotta get to class now ZIM!" said Dibb. A person walked by ZIM overhearing him.
"Dude, you're crazy" said the person.
"You call ZIM crazy? You will suffer the Irken Armada! Oh wait, no, he won't. Man, it DOES feel bad to be called crazy" said ZIM.
"Yeah. Human emotion. Learn about it, Zim! Learn about it!" said Dib, briefly passing by ZIM yet again.
Later that day...
"In conclusion you folks better check blackboard as soon as you get home and do every listed assignment in one night or you're all just...doomed. DOOMED!" said the geology professor. A student walked in. But this was no ordinary student. It was ZIM.
"Hello meat buckets I am just observing!" said ZIM.
"The class is over," said the Professor.
"I just ate at Arby's. It was DELICIOUS! I love Arby's sandwiches they're...good! Lisa Simpson was wrong about them!" said ZIM.
"Yes, they certainly are. Why are you telling me these random things? WHO ARE YOU?" asked the Professor.
"Well class, that is exactly what I wanted to show all of you today. I...am an alien!" said ZIM. Everyone in class laughed.
"No really, I am an alien. I have a gasplookah, what do I have to do? Start streaking?" asked Zim. The class laughed harder.
"Okay, the clothes are coming off!" said ZIM. Dib and Gaz tackled Zim to the ground, shocking him with a device given to them by the Professor.
"You're INSANE! What makes you think you're an alien?" said Dibb, kicking ZIM.
"Yeah, you little crud bucket. What makes you so special?" said Gaz, mocking ZIM. "Oh my god...I get it now. The crazy...it KILLS!" said Zim.
"Yep!" said Dibb.
"Dibb, your sister...she's rejecting me! The pain! If she rejects me, she'll never even get through college. She'll grow up to host a bizzare internet cartoon show and have a most unusual friendship with an octopuss! And also a fowl mouthed squirrel who hates Starbucks!" said Zim.
"Yeaaaah…two different shows and...I don't think so!" said Gaz.
"You sure do sound like that freaky news hostess with the purple skull shirt!" said Zim. "She is you, you are her!" he added.
"Wait you two. Come back!" said Zim.
Zim was taken to a therapy room.
"Hello, I am your therapist today. My name is Ryan what seems to be the problem?" asked the therapist. Zim was twiddling his fingers together.
"I think I'm an alien" said ZIM.
"Well sometimes we all feel alien to the world we're in. We all go through that" said Ryan.
"Yeah, but I really think I'm an alien. My earliest memories come not from a mothers womb but from a test tube.
And I could probably convince you I am indeed an alien but I don't want to blow my ingenius cover!" said ZIM.
"We all invent identities sometimes!" said Ryan.
"Ryan you fool, don't you see? LOOK AT YOUR PEN! It is FLOATING!" said ZIM.
"Oh yeah, I see that. Well that's probably just a biochemical response in my brain" said Ryan.
"WHAT? NO! I JUST MADE THAT PEN FLOAT!" said Zim.
"No, probably just a biochemical response. You see we can explain things like aliens now thanks to modern day science!" said Ryan.
"What do I have to do to convince you I'm an alien?" asked Zim.
"What am I thinking of right now?" asked Ryan.
"You're thinking about football. You want to get home and watch it with your hot wife but you can't because of ME!" said Zim.
"Okay, that was a little weird, but still...probably just...something in my brain" said Ryan.
"You realize I am starting to think maybe YOU are the crazy one. Thank you for your therapy it made me realize I am not crazy and I AM IN FACT AN ALIEN!" said Zim. "Okay, have fun!" said Ryan, racing out of the room putting on a football helmet.
"DIB! I REALIZE I AM AN ALIEN!" said Zim, as he passed by Dib in the hallway.
"Why do you want other people to think you're an alien all of a sudden? Is this some elaborate plot?" asked Dib.
"It was Ryan. He showed me the light. THE LIGHT!" shouted Zim.
"That guy? He had me convinced I was a radioactive moose once. The guy's got issues!" replied Dib.
"Listen Dib monkey, there's no point in hiding it anymore! NONE! All the upper echelons of your society are becoming open to the idea that we aliens might exist. The only way to take over now is to take the gloves...OFF!" said Zim.
"You don't wear gloves. At all," replied Dib.
"TRUST THE GLOVES OF POWER DIB! TRUST THE POWER GLOVE! You know, like in...Zelda. BYE DIB!" screamed Zim
running down the hall. Gaz came walking up to Dib.
"Dib, I have a problem," said Gaz.
"Gaz, Zim is still wanting to take over the world" said Dib.
"My uncle wanted to take over the world. It didn't work out too well for him either" said Gaz.
"I suppose you're right but...GAZ WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR BACKPACK?" asked Dib.
"It's the little robot guy. He just goes 'I gonna ride in your backpack' and he hops in like an entitled little ferret!" said
Gaz.
"Gaz, meet me in Speech 301. Zim is heading to that classroom. We've got to follow him!" said Dib.
"How do you know that?" asked Gaz.
"I saw him heading upstairs let's go!" said Dib, dragging Gaz along. He dragged her so quickly that she briefly went flying through the air, and she landed on the floor against the wall, staring into the eyes of GIR.
"You like chex mix? Course you dooo! Course you dooo!" said GIR spraying Gaz with chex mix snacks.
"Uhhh….yeah, I do actually, is this a near death experience? I try to get one all the time!" said Gaz, gobbling it up.
"YES!" screamed Gir.
"Gaz! What the heck is GIR doing to you?" said Dib.
"Feeding me. What's it to you?" said Gaz.
"Na-nothing, it's just...ZIM. We have to stop him" said Dib.
"Oh, okay" said Gaz, getting up off the floor and brushing off her snack covered skirt.
In Speech 301:
"You cannot speak powerfully without speaking in Irken. Only the Irken alone has the power to influence many. When one Irken speaks it is as if a thousand earth monkeys have spoken!" said ZIM. He had tied up the speech professor.
"I told you, we have to save the speech professor. Look at those students, they're being hypnotized" said Dib.
"They look kind of...bored actually" said Gaz.
"That's the first step to enslavement. BOREDOM!" said Dib.
"Hey, I've got an idea," said Gaz. She went into class and watched Zim.
"ZIM!" shouted Dib.
"I'm an alien. The Dib pigeon and his sister know who and what I am. They are aware! As every college knows, awareness is sexy, and that is why you must all be aware that I am an alien! Gaz, Dib, come up here and be my assistants!" said Zim.
"Ewww!" said Gaz.
"I'm gonna save you Professor Victor" said Dib, cutting the professors ropes and setting him free.
"Get away from me, I'm calling security!" said the Professor, running out of the room.
"See the turmoil you're causing?" said ZIM.
"You need to leave these people alone" said Dib. Gaz suddenly jumped onto the table.
"I can...twirl batons, I guess!" said Gaz, moving back and forth twirling batons.
"Keep twirling batons Gaz, that's excellent" said Dib.
"No, don't watch the bacon wielding clam potato princess. Watch me! Watch ZIM!" said Zim. Zim dropped a fish sandwich on the floor, and Gir jumped on top of it, beginning to dance.
"Watch meee! I can sole dance!" said GIR.
"I don't like where this is going," said Dibb. He picked up a water bottle and threw the water into Zim's eyes. He ran racing out of the room. Then security showed up and entered the classroom.
"Alright, what seems to be the issue here?" asked a guard.
"Oh, there's no issue here" said Gaz.
"Yes, there is. Somebody in this class tied me up!" said the Professor.
"It was the baton girl wasn't it?" said the security guard.
"I don't know, go over the footage" said the Professor. The security guard looked over the footage and saw that Gaz
had indeed tied up the professor. But wait, Zim did. ZIM ALTERED THE FOOTAGE?
"You goth kids make me sick. Alright baton girl, you're going to Campus Jail!" said the security guard.
"Wait, she's innocent. I DID IT!" said Dib.
"Okay, you're both going to Campus jail!" said the security guard.
"I DID IT!" said GIR as he flew on into the room.
"No, it was me. I edited the footage to make it look like the professor tied up himself, then there was a glitch and it looked like Gaz the Bacon Queen did it. In reality it was all an elaborate deception caused by...by...DONUTS!" said Zim.
"To be on the safe side, let's throw them all in Campus Prison" said the security guard.
Later, in Campus Prison:
"Way to go Zim, you got us all in trouble, including yourself. Everything would have been fine if you hadn't gone all loopy on us" said Dib.
"Finally! We've joined a secret fraternity. WHAT IS GAZ DOING HERE?" said Zim.
"This isn't a secret fraternity!" said Dib.
"Oh. You know there's a beetle on the floor. I'm trying to enter its thought process" said Zim.
"Zim, this is serious. We don't even know what they're going to do to us" said Dib.
"It might be torture. Severe...brutal...torture" said Gaz.
"I just remembered, last semester I took out a loan to order a Warphole Travel Box. We can hook it up to ourselves
and go to a better dimension" said Dib. He pulled out the box. He put the wires around himself, Gaz, ZIM, and even GIR.
SWOOSH!
Zim, Gaz, Dib and GIR were attending a Beethoven concert.
"This is fantastic!" said Dib, grinning and twiddling his thumbs. Then a giant walrus fell down on them.
They were back in jail.
"I SPENT 345 THOUSAND DOLLARS ON THAT THING! IT BELONGED TO AN AREA 51 WORKER! Thank god my dad is the richest man on Earth or I'd have such..horrible..DEBT!" said Dib, crushing the box.
"There is a key in the conference hall. If I put a beetle on my head I can get us the key" said ZIM. He put the beetle
on his head and focused with all his might. Dib and Gaz watched in awe as a key came floating into the room.
"Great, Zim. Now unlock the door" said Dib.
"No. ZIM does not unlock doors. He wears keys for hats! Keys for hats!" said Zim. Zim put a key on his head.
He then backed up from the cell door and then with all his might rushed into it at lightening speed, overcoming the laws of Earthling physics and going straight through the door.
"See Gaz? This situation sums up my entire life" said Dib.
"He...left...us here...to rot. How sweet," said Gaz.
"It okay. You got chex mix" said GIR.
"I think he might be on to something Gaz" suggested Dib.
"You can't be serious" said Gaz.
"No, no I'm not" replied Dib. Dib and Gaz sat against the wall, staring into space with looks of shock and overwhelming confusion.
"Da-Da-Diiiiib. Things seem...so...weird. We look like a Newgrounds cartoon" said Gaz.
"We...kind of always did" replied Dib.
"I think I'll...just...play CastleVania….for eternity" said Gaz.
Three whole days...later...
A guard came over.
"Look, guys, I think we made a mistake. Upon looking over the footage, you're innocent" said the guard in an odd tone of voice.
"Great, so let us go!" said Dib.
"Let us go, or you'll suffer horribly. You'll wish you were never EVER BORN!" said Gaz, going into spasms. The guard began repeating himself.
"Look guys, I think we made a mistake. Upon looking over the footage, you're innocent" the guard said yet again. He
then fell against the bars, and collapsed and exploded against them, electrifying them to such an extent that they were destroyed.
"That...was weird...but we'll accept it. Come on Gaz, GIR, let's get out of here" said Dib.
Suddenly the two of them heard a loud voice:
"THIS IS ZIM! You are now aware that all the faculty and staff are now my loyal pork bot puppets. If you wish to save them you must do nothing. NOTHING! Hahahaha!" laughed Zim.
"Hey, that's an idea," said Gaz poking Dib's shoulder. "We should just do nothing"
"Um..okay!" said Dib.
Later...…...
"GAZ! I had this weird dream. I went to college, and the little green guy was back!" said Dib.
"You are in college Dib. We start orientation for this semester next week. Led by some guy with a name starting with a Z. It sounded kinda familiar" said Gaz.
"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Dib.
The End. (Of Episode 1)
Episode 2:
Two new students had entered Dib and Gaz's poetry class. One looked suspiciously like Tak. The other student was a young blonde girl named Orla who always took a purple crystal with her everywhere she went. She had taken a liking to Dib, but was also attempting to help ZIM turn over a new leaf. The events in the previous episode? Yes, they happened but Dib's machine messed with the reality of the episode a bit. Just a bit. Anyway, Dib was planning to take a trip to the Zoobizayah Mountains in Switzerland with Orla, Gaz, Tak, and GIR. But ZIM was planning to come along.
To be continued...