Disclaimer: I don't own the show or characters. All I own is the writing and story.
Author's Note: Yes, this too (seven), was originally posted under my other username (HannahMiley1fan). It's a short sequel to Invisible Shadow.
Warning: This is dark-themed, angst-filled, maturity reading material. Contains alcohol abuse/overdose, mentions of drug addiction, another - yet again, failed - suicidal attempt.
Shadows of Misery
The sight in front of her brings a heartrending ache to her chest. Lorna just arrived home from work—had plans to settle the evening with some relaxing TV time with her housemate—but now, she stares in horror at her distressed redhead friend's lying on the floor surrounded by a dozen empty beer bottles. Her heart shatters inside of her. She thought Nicky was getting better these last few months—the two of them spend countless hours going out and doing fun things together. This doesn't make any sense to her. What could possibly cause the woman to overdose herself on alcohol again?
Her footsteps are fast across the living room. She scoops the unconscious woman into her arms and takes her into the bathroom. Leaning her over the toilet, Lorna cautiously sticks two fingers in her mouth to get her to gag the poison up. "Come on, Nicky, throw it up—please let this nasty stuff come back out," she cries out, using her other hand to pat firmly against her back.
Relief instantly pours over her at the sound of Nicky's gagging. She keeps silent while the redhead violently heaves into the toilet, only sitting behind her and holding her hair back. Once the vomiting has settled down enough, Lorna pulls her away from toilet and cradles her in her arms. Her brown eyes stare worriedly into Nicky's, "Why-why did ya do this to yourself, hon? Why would ya do this? Please help me understand, Nicky. What's going on to make ya drink yourself sick again? Please tell me ya didn't take no heroin."
Nicky slowly opens her eyes and peers up into Lorna's. She shakes her head with a sad sigh. "Ya don't understand, kid—I'm a fuckin' alcoholic and drug addict. I need both to keep me alive. And to take me out of my misery, if I so desire. This is why ya shouldn't a helped me; all I'll do is hurt ya like I hurt myself. I ain't worth your friendship, kid," her voice tired and pained.
"I'm not kicking ya out, if that's what you're trying to hint at," Lorna firmly states, tightening her arms around her to make sure she won't run away. Her eyes gaze empathetically down into the other's; she lets her hand caress lightly against her cheeks. "You were doin' so well, though, Nicky…What happened? There's gotta be something that's caused ya to feel this bad and almost fuckin' kill yourself again!"
"It's nothin, kid, okay? Just got lonely and figured I'd—"
"Lonely doesn't mean ya gotta drink so much fuckin' alcohol that you almost die! Ya coulda called me, Nicky. Or even just sent me a damn text. I don't wanna come home to find my roommate—and one of the best friend's I've ever had—dead! There's gotta be something that made ya upset… tell me, please, I wanna know why ya did this. I wanna help you, sweetie. I can't help you if ya don't tell me what's going on!" Lorna practically cries, cupping her hands delicately around the taller woman's face.
Nicky exhales a deep breath. Her eyes are clearly hiding the darkness she's harboring. "Today's the five-year mark of Red's death…and it just doesn't sit well with me. The one woman who was like the mother I never had—she's fucking gone. It hurts me so deeply to not have her in my life anymore—I just wanna die so I can be with her again," she sniffles, closing her eyes at the horrific memory.
The sound of her cries immediately brings a dreary ache to Lorna's heart. She cradles Nicky's head against her chest, trying to embrace away some of the pain she's experiencing. "I'm so sorry, hon! I can't imagine how horrible it must be to lose someone so close—but that doesn't mean ya should end your own life! You still got people who care about you, Nicky—ya can't just leave. She'll be waiting up there for you when it's your time; now is not your time," she pleads, her voice getting louder and more emotional with each word.
"That's bullshit and ya know it, kid. Ain't nobody cares about me. My mother couldn't care less if I ended up dead or not and all my friends are either rottin' in prison or want nothin' to do with me anymore."
Lorna tightens her arms around her, running a hand lovingly through her thick untamed hair. "I fuckin' care about ya, Nicky. I don't want ya to fucking kill yourself—I want you to talk to me when you're upset, I wanna help you through whatever hurts ya. And if being alone makes ya feel worse than I'll just have to get ya a job working with me. I don't ever wanna walk in here and see my best friend lying on the ground looking close to death ever again. Ya hear me, hon? Don't do this shit anymore. Your life is too valuable and precious for you to just fuckin' throw it away, sweetheart!"
"You're too sweet, Lorna. Ya really shouldn't be bothered with a person like me. I'm not good for ya, kid, really." The redhead exasperates, trying her best to push her way out of the smaller woman's arms but to no avail.
Pulling her closer, Lorna cradles her in her arms as she moves them into the living room. She sits down on the couch and gently pulls the redhead onto her lap. Cradling Nicky's head in her hands, she presses a soothing kiss to her forehead and smiles sadly at her. "I need ya to stop beatin' yourself up, ya hear me? I see so much good in you, Nicky. And I will not stop being a friend to ya. You need someone to be here for you," her voice tenderly soothes.
The Italian woman carefully lays Nicky's head onto her chest and lets her hands run over and over through her main of matted curls. "I refuse to let you leave this apartment just to go back to being homeless and alone—you don't deserve that kinda life, sweetie. I know it hurts ya to not have a person like Red in your life anymore, but that doesn't mean there's no one left to care about ya. I care about ya a whole lot, Nicky; I wanna help ya through all your problems. I wanna be your friend and take care of you."
Nicky feels a few stray tears come out of her eyes. She hasn't felt this much love and affection in years—and she'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. The feeling of Lorna's chest slowly rising and falling underneath her brings a calming sensation over her. She squeezes her eyes shut and reaches for one of the other's hands, "Thank you, Lorna—ya mean a lot to me for this. Ya really do, kid. No one's ever—except for Red, of course—said such sincere words to me before. No one has ever told me they would be pained by the ending of my life. I guess that's why it's always been in the back of my mind…because I knew no one would really give a fuck if I just decided to take my life one day."
"Don't gotta thank me, hon. That's what friends are supposed to do—real friends, that is. Friends are supposed to support and care for each other's well-being and that's why I don't want to hear ya bashing yourself. You are worthy of being cared for, Nicky. You're a good person who just made some wrong choices," Lorna informs her, brushing her fingers lovingly through her hair.
"I give a fuck if ya kill yourself. Ya mean a lot to me, too—that's why it makes me so fuckin' mad to hear ya talking about your life like it's got no meaning! That's a bunch a nonsense. Your life means somethin' to me; I love being with you and havin' ya live with me. Honestly, I couldn't imagine a day without ya in it – even if we only known each other a couple months now – you're one of the best friends I've ever made, honey."
Nicky sighs, stroking her thumb lightly over Lorna's knuckles. She slightly shakes her head as she peers up into the petite woman's gentle eyes. "I ain't real religious or anything…but I don't understand how I got so lucky to have God—if there is a God—to send a sweet angel like you into my life. Ya really saved my life, kid—twice now, honestly. You're my little angelic savior, aren't ya?"
"I'll always be here to save ya, sweetie. Though, it'd be nice if you could maybe try not to kill yourself anymore. Just talk to me instead—tell me what I can do to help ya. Can you at least try that?" Lorna brushes her lips affectionately atop the other's head. Her arms wrap tighter around her, pulling her closer to her body.
"I can't promise anything, kid. I'm not the best at sharing my feelings and shit. But I'll try harder to. You're so sweet—I really don't fucking deserve such a sweet girl like you in my life. But I ain't gonna complain if ya wanna stay in my life. I love you so much, doll," Nicky softly proclaims her affection, cuddling closer into her arms while wrapping her own around Lorna's shoulders.
Lorna takes the blanket—that hangs over side of the couch—and wraps it around the two of them. Her arms hold lovingly around the taller woman, keeping her close to her chest. "You do deserve me and my friendship. You deserve to have someone care about ya. And I refuse to ever leave ya. I love you too, sweetheart—you are so precious and warm-hearted," she whispers softly into her ear.
Stroking her back tenderly with the palm of her hand, Lorna gazes gently down into the other's big brown eyes and gives her a warm smile. "Close your eyes and get some rest, hon. Ya look like ya could use it. Don't worry, I'll be right here. I'll always be here with you; I'll never leave ya, sweetie," she lovingly suggests, delicately brushing a hand through her thick hair. She watches as Nicky's eyes slowly droop shut and then presses a small kiss to her forehead, "Goodnight my sweet one. I love you, Nicky."