Prologue

"I never imagined I'd be here without you." He avoided the younger boy's gaze.

The second-string lacrosse player swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded; his eyes were aimed at Derek, but they were distant. "Then maybe you shouldn't have gone around making an army of werewolves and banging skanky blonde she-wolfs."

"I said I was sorry for that a million times, Stiles." Derek sighed roughly and ran a hand through his hair. This time he looked at the other male. "I was lost, Stiles." For a moment his eyes flicked away, but they soon returned. "The power of being Alpha…it was different than anything I've ever felt. It was strong. I was strong. And it felt good. The Alpha wanted a pack and I had no choice, but to give in."

Stiles glared, his gaze no longer faraway, but instead it was furious. "Don't give me that crap!" Stiles stepped forward, poking at Derek's strong chest, "Scott had a choice. Scott went from being an average, asthmatic, hormonal teenager to a fucking werewolf! And he handled it pretty freaking well, albeit he's still a hormonal teenager, but he never condemned someone. He never killed someone." This time Stiles gave Derek a push with his right hand, "You, you were born this way! You killed Peter! You made this 'choice', Derek. This is what you wanted." By now Stiles eyes were no longer enflamed, but sad. "You wanted this, the power, more than you wanted us or me."

"You don't understand, Stiles." Derek defended.

Stiles went in for the kill, "You're right. I don't. I don't get how your sister could be an Alpha and be the only one of you three who didn't lose her marbles in the all the crazy. She seemed to handle it just fine."

Derek met Stiles' glare, "Don't." His voice possessed a bit of a growl, but Stiles did not back down.

"I am not afraid of you." Stiles took another step toward the now trembling man. "You might be able to pull that pack hierarchy crap on Jackson or Scott, or even your little blonde chew toy, but I will not let you overpower me."

Derek's eyes began to flash and his lips pulled back into a thin pink line, "Don't make me angry, Stiles."

Stiles scoffed, "What are you going to do? Eat me? Tear me limb from limb and feed me to my friends? Do your worst, Hale. You already made sure that I couldn't feel anything. You punted my heart right out of my chest, and there is nothing else," Stiles vision blurred and he hated himself for showing Derek his weakness, "absolutely nothing else that you could do to me that would hurt more than that."

In an instant Derek's eyes returned to their natural hazel. He went to speak, but Stiles went on, steamrolling his apology before he could birth it.

"You say you couldn't handle the power? I tried to save you, I tried to be there for you, to help you. Dammit I would have done anything for you, like I did for Scott. But you pushed me away, told me I wasn't a part of your screwed up little pack."

Derek jumped in, "To protect you! We don't know what it is that is running around out there slaughtering people, but we do know that it does have an interest in you!"

Stiles pushed him, "So to protect me, you leave me alone? That's all kinds of stupid!" Stiles glare returned as his memory kicked in, "And as for protecting me, how about that time when your bitch-in-heat almost put a rock through my face? Where were you awesome powers of protection then, huh?"

They were both quiet for a long time and it was awkward and painful and Stiles would have done anything to be able to dig a hole so deep he'd never stop falling; away from Derek, away from their town, away from werewolves. Or maybe he'd just push Derek in and cover it up.

"I'm sorry." Derek's eyes were fixed on Stiles' and although his words were spoken gently they seemed almost too loud in the uncomfortable space between them. He was sincere, his words were all he had and he knew they wouldn't be enough, but he had nothing else. Nothing else to give the boy before him and that's why Stiles would be better off without him. Stiles deserved someone who could be what he needed, who could keep him safe. Derek wasn't that guy. Derek was a monster. A monster who wanted to mark and claim the teenager—he'd never be safe with Derek when there would always be a beast beneath the surface trying to claw its way out of him and bury itself inside the other.

Neither of them said anything else as the older man turned and stalked off into the dark. Stiles could not be sure of what he was feeling at that moment. He felt numb, out of tune with himself and everything around him. He said a silent prayer that his numbness would last. That it was a testament to just how epically he did not care about any of it: the monsters, the pack, or Derek. His prayer, however, was in vain. There was just too much inside of him to feel it all at once. He was sure that over time he would feel it all; the sadness, the heartbreak, the fear, the worry, the pain, the love for a man who wasn't even a man. It would all barrel through him one at a time, each emotion taking a piece of him with it, till he was all gone.

Till there was nothing left of him.

…

Author's Note: Please leave a review. I would love the feedback. I was going to leave this as a standalone, but I've wanted to write a Teen Wolf fic for a while now, so here it is. Just in time to get going with season 2! Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see out of this story!