Notes: Three words: Jim. Bones. IKEA.
"Put. That. Back," Bones said and really, his patience was just gone. In that moment, he'd finally snapped and was at that place where you either laughed, cried or murdered someone. His eyebrows had drawn together in a scowl so fierce that he wondered how Kirk was even still standing, never mind grinning at him.
"But Bones, I reckon that these would look amazing in your quarters!" Jim said, holding up, of all things, a set of pink fairy lights in the shape of daisies. He wasn't sure if Jim was purposefully trying to get him to lose it, or if the other just had a natural inclination towards complete obtuseness.
"So help me God, Kirk, if you don't stop with this-" he didn't get to finish his sentence because Jim had put it on the trolley with the myriad of other bits of tat that he'd found. There was pasta in the shape of Elks, a lamp that appeared to be wearing an Hawaiian shirt and a lampshade that was in the shape of a Vulcan ear. He honestly didn't know how this had happened because they'd originally come just to get Bones a desk. A functional, normal, bog-standard desk.
"It's fine Bones! They'll all look great when they're in the hou- Oh god look at that!" And Jim was off again, having seen something sparkly around the corner. Bones put his head in his hands, hating the fact that Ikea made you walk through the whole store in order to get to the checkout and they hadn't even made it to the office section yet.
"Bones! This is so cool! It's one of those… what do you call 'em… Er…" Jim was calling from just out of view. Bones didn't even look up from where he was leaning on the trolley.
"If you don't know the name of it, you don't need it," he called back. The Vulcan Ear lampshade was staring at him. It didn't even have eyes and he was still creeped out by the thing.
"Do you need any assistance, sir?" A smiling shop assistant asked. Bones thought that she had no ideahow much assistance he needed right now.
"Bones! They have so much stuff over here! Can I buy a rocking horse? Please?!" Jim's voice carried back and Bones guessed he'd found the children's section.
"There's something you can do for me," Bones decided, abandoning the trolley and turning to the assistant.
Less than five minutes later a message rang over the intercom.
"This is for… um… James Kirk. Doctor McCoy wished you to know he's going to pick you up at the… um… lost children's desk. That is point E on the map. I repeat, James Kirk… Doctor McCoy wished you to know…"